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August Getting/Staying Sober/Clean Thread v. Peace and Love

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chrisinabox said:
Not really saying 12 step is bad, I just don't see why it is forced down everyone who is trying to quit, at least for the first time's throat, like it's the ONLY way to go. I think it is possible to people to still use drugs, recreationally, just not their PROBLEM drugs, be it opioids, or meth, or coke, or whatever, as long as they stay away from those, and similar ones to those, I think they'd be fine. With me, weed and alcohol have never been a problem ever, that's why I think, and hope, after I abstain from my opies and benzos, I can still do those on occasion, bc I think I will go crazy if I can't do anything at all, ever.
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Both NA and AA themselves state they are not the only path to recovery in literature. I am assuming you have been in treatment? Most treatment in the US nowadays allows you to attend SMART recovery or other type of support groups. Its just that we know some type of support group helps big time. If they are forcing attendance at 12 step meetings only, then its not a good program. Don't get me wrong, everyone in treatment should check out some 12 step groups, but then be offered alternatives if it is not for them.

As for figuring out if its possible for one to use some drugs without going back to the problem drugs or developing new addictions thats up to you to figure out. Most people, find they cannot, but I am sure some can. I spent a good 10 years trying to figure out how to use successfully and it turns out I simply cannot because I am an addict (and I am okay with that today). I don't really want to use anymore anyways.

Sounds like you are really in for it, best of luck too you. After you get off maybe you could try taking a few months off from all substances? Just let yourself recalibrate. I remember those days of fearing withdrawal, planning for it, going through it saying "never will I get out of control like this again" and then next thing you know, I am back there. I am sure some of my old posts will reflect this. One of the major reasons I am not willing to even try "just smoking" is because I don't want to get caught up in that mess again.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
This is actually a quote from The count of Monte Cristo.

I am feeling better some times but not all the time.

I believe I suffer from severe depression

I think my mind will never be fully healthy

But I am OK with that. I am still happier off drugs.

It is nice not having to constantly inject myself anymore. It's nice to let the obsession die.
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Man, maybe I should have known that? Having read that novel...

I had an injecting dream for the first time in years today. (I'm home sick, and slept for about 12 hours straight...) It's been so long, that I don't think I remember it like I used to, and that's ok. Like you said, the obsession is dead. Very nice.
 
I understand why people do not want to use cannabis or alcohol or whatever when they're clean, because they believe it will cause them to want to use or use their problem drugs. Thing is, for me, this has never been the case. In fact, smoking cannabis makes me want to use say opioids even less. Alcohol too. At most, I might get depressed day after alcohol use.

But also, I've been able to do another thing I doubt most people have been able to do. Say you quit heroin via Suboxone and are doing good, could you be around heroin, or watch people shooting up/using said drug, and not only not care about using, but not use at all??? I've been able to do this for many years now, I have no idea why, I assume it is just because the suboxone is doing it's job well enough, plus when I think about using any other opioids again, it freaks me out, the whole cycle, and withdrawal and such.

No, the support groups I've been to were regular 12 step ones, they did not mention SMART but I have read about those. I agree once sober it would help to talk about stuff with other people in same situations, and meet recently sober friends/peers. I just think quitting everyone all at once is too much of a shock to the system, and never doing anything, ever, is too much. Because regular people certainly don't do nothing. They have beers now and then, smoke now and then, whatever. Just stay away from drugs that are similar to problem drugs, or drugs that might make you want to use, and I don't forsee a problem, unless all drugs make you want to do this, for some crazy reason.
 
No opana in 6 days now. I've got enough sub to last me through Friday then in jumping off. I still smoke a little bit of flower and a couple dabs per day and it helps.
 
chrisinabox said:
I understand why people do not want to use cannabis or alcohol or whatever when they're clean, because they believe it will cause them to want to use or use their problem drugs. Thing is, for me, this has never been the case. In fact, smoking cannabis makes me want to use say opioids even less. Alcohol too. At most, I might get depressed day after alcohol use.

But also, I've been able to do another thing I doubt most people have been able to do. Say you quit heroin via Suboxone and are doing good, could you be around heroin, or watch people shooting up/using said drug, and not only not care about using, but not use at all??? I've been able to do this for many years now, I have no idea why, I assume it is just because the suboxone is doing it's job well enough, plus when I think about using any other opioids again, it freaks me out, the whole cycle, and withdrawal and such.

No, the support groups I've been to were regular 12 step ones, they did not mention SMART but I have read about those. I agree once sober it would help to talk about stuff with other people in same situations, and meet recently sober friends/peers. I just think quitting everyone all at once is too much of a shock to the system, and never doing anything, ever, is too much. Because regular people certainly don't do nothing. They have beers now and then, smoke now and then, whatever. Just stay away from drugs that are similar to problem drugs, or drugs that might make you want to use, and I don't forsee a problem, unless all drugs make you want to do this, for some crazy reason.
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I sometimes wonder if weeds would really qualify for being sober :) I guess it has to do with the 12 steps and all. I prefer not to risk. And alcohol would definitely make me crave.
But that's me.
I too agree that quitting everything at the same time may be harsh for some of us but that's the only way I ever managed to succeed. So far, at least.

I do drink coffee A LOT and although I'm not a cigarette smoker I confess I find it hard to quit nicotine.
 
I'm at the final stretch for my benzo taper. From May through August I dropped from 2mg/day to .25mg/day and on Monday I took my last .25mg dose. (I do have more, it's not that I've run out but I really just want to be free of this monkey on my back) I haven't dosed yesterday or today at all. I feel okay so I think this is it. Since I can't really effectively cut a a 1mg pill past cutting it into quarters I did want to create an oral suspension of .125mgs for my last dose but I can't really figure out what I can use for that and winging this last jump seems to be working out. So I guess this is it.

Today is day 2 of complete sobriety from benzos after a 3 year long addiction. :)
 
Congrats Captain, back when I used to post you were far from sober. But then again, so was I. Amazing to see how far we've come.in a few years.
 
Day 3 off benzos is far more difficult than just lowering a dose -_-.. This is definitely a test of mental endurance for sure. I am sure everything will start to even out after Day 7 so if I get through today I just have 4 more to go.

If anyone has any past history or tips for this last bit I am certainly open to it..
 
stardust.hero said:
Day 3 off benzos is far more difficult than just lowering a dose -_-.. This is definitely a test of mental endurance for sure. I am sure everything will start to even out after Day 7 so if I get through today I just have 4 more to go.

If anyone has any past history or tips for this last bit I am certainly open to it..
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I've never been on or quit benzos so I can't speak directly to it, but you have the right attitude in general: just get through today. Beating the acute opiate withdrawal was the hardest thing I've ever done but I did it by focusing on one day at a time. Just get through the current day and the next one will get better, I would say. Here I am at 24 days clean and feel, for the most part, great and better each day.

One day at a time. You can do it <3

We're all slaves to this game, but this time, we win!
 
Dil4 said:
I've never been on or quit benzos so I can't speak directly to it, but you have the right attitude in general: just get through today. Beating the acute opiate withdrawal was the hardest thing I've ever done but I did it by focusing on one day at a time. Just get through the current day and the next one will get better, I would say. Here I am at 24 days clean and feel, for the most part, great and better each day.

One day at a time. You can do it <3

We're all slaves to this game, but this time, we win!
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Thank you for the reply :) and super congrats on 24 days. That is such serious dedication I really applaud your endurance. <3

Benzos are such a mindfuck and a half it really doesn't help that you have that looming fear of having a seizure when you lower your dose and now dropping off the last dose to nothing is a super mindfuck. I guess if I haven't had a seizure and it's now day 3 I should be starting to enter into the clear.

One day at a time Dil <3 we will win this time!
 
Wow, sd.h -- you really have done so well! I don't want to unbalance your dedication, so just keep doing what you've been doing -- it's working! Much love!
 
gl and goodjob to everyone....i haven't used much of anything all summer (never really went to far down the pill road but had enough problems with them in the last couple years) .

now i am day 3 off of weed. appetite is slowly coming back today and sleep isn't terrible. i know it's nothing in comparison to other types of wd's. but replacing weed can be very tricky ime. (i just called for some but no one picked up and i'm not going to travel to get any )

i always get into this situation but rarely make it very far. i was glad and not glad when no one picked up the phone. been running like twice a day to keep busy. i'm also and have been tired of weed for awhile as well but after a couple days break, smoking again can be pretty fun.

oh well just checkin in. it's been a pretty (boring ) but progressive summer in terms of cutting stuff out of my life.
 
chrisinabox said:
I understand why people do not want to use cannabis or alcohol or whatever when they're clean, because they believe it will cause them to want to use or use their problem drugs. Thing is, for me, this has never been the case. In fact, smoking cannabis makes me want to use say opioids even less. Alcohol too. At most, I might get depressed day after alcohol use.

But also, I've been able to do another thing I doubt most people have been able to do. Say you quit heroin via Suboxone and are doing good, could you be around heroin, or watch people shooting up/using said drug, and not only not care about using, but not use at all??? I've been able to do this for many years now, I have no idea why, I assume it is just because the suboxone is doing it's job well enough, plus when I think about using any other opioids again, it freaks me out, the whole cycle, and withdrawal and such.

No, the support groups I've been to were regular 12 step ones, they did not mention SMART but I have read about those. I agree once sober it would help to talk about stuff with other people in same situations, and meet recently sober friends/peers. I just think quitting everyone all at once is too much of a shock to the system, and never doing anything, ever, is too much. Because regular people certainly don't do nothing. They have beers now and then, smoke now and then, whatever. Just stay away from drugs that are similar to problem drugs, or drugs that might make you want to use, and I don't forsee a problem, unless all drugs make you want to do this, for some crazy reason.
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Hey man, whatever works. If you can make that work for you then more power too you.



Anyways, I had an extremely powerful experience last night. A latino man came in to our meeting desperately seeking help for his wife (along with his young daughter). Eventually he convinced his wife to show up right as we were all leaving. She was extremely despondent. Once she told use that she had been off of xanax for 4 days we all urged her husband to take her to the ER. She cried and decided she would go.

She kept asking "Why are you being so nice to me?" "Why do you want to help me?".... man, I can remember that feeling of worthlessness. Never again do I want to go back there. Hopefully everything went okay for her and her family.

I got an interview for a new social work position in the city, so I am very ready for that. I am very ready to leave the Suburbs and get into the city. It doesn't pay a ton, but its enough for me to live on. Part of me also hopes that the girl I was in/am in a relationship with (the one who is currently in sober living) will be able to start to see me again (we have talked a little, I told her to just let me know when she was ready) but I try hard to not let expectations get in the way. I have to just keep accepting the situation as it is.

Speaking of, I need to go to a meeting. I have been hitting up a ton this week.

A great thing about not using is I can afford a nicer place then I would have been able too. Such a gift.
 
Just A Guy said:
Wow, sd.h -- you really have done so well! I don't want to unbalance your dedication, so just keep doing what you've been doing -- it's working! Much love!
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Thanks JAG <3 meh winging it is not fun but I made it to Day 4.. I really don't know when I'll start to feel better but I'm hoping it's somewhere around day 7 -_-. Blargh I hate mornings the most.

Keep it up everyone <3 <3 <3
 
No alcohol for a month, no opioids for 3 months. Alcohol is my primary problem drug, but last spring I didn't drink and instead I had few-day binges on opioids (codeine, poppy seed tea, anything I could get my hands on) and my performance at work was not that good during those binges. Fortunately I didn't use often enough to develop a physical dependency. Last month I relapsed on alcohol and drank so much that my immune system collapsed due to excessive alcohol and I got a life-threatening bacterial infection that was treated in hospital for two weeks. I hope my sobriety lasts this time.
 
Captain! I hadn't heard from you lately so I was worried. I hope you're doing well man and I'm proud of you. You can do this.
 
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