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Horrible PTSD since bad LSD trip..Please save me from this hell.

kev2015

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Jul 26, 2015
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My name is Kevin, I'm a 20 year old college student with a normal life and job. I was at a music festival in Tennesse called Bonnaroo last month for 4 days. I drove there all the way from Rhode Island. I was there from Thursday through Sunday. On Saturday, my friend and I decided to take LSD for the first time, and my life has never been as bad it could be since then.

Over the span of the days that I was there I was on adderall everyday, as well as a little bit of cocaine use. Very little drinking and very little cannabis use. Smoked a million cigs. When I took the LSD on Saturday night (5pm) I had popped an adderall hours prior to that. I was very confident that my night was going to be amazing! I was in an excellent mood surronded by great people. The only time I had used hallucinogenics prior to that day was about 2 grams of mushrooms about a year ago and I had a great time doing that, lots of laughs.

Well the trip was cool for 10 minutes then it took a turn. I was freaking out because I was tripping so hard, and ended up in the emergency medical tent with a IV being pumped into me. It was the worst 12 hours of my entire life, I was stuck in a constant loop thinking that I would never come out of this a normal person and I had gone mentally insane. I couldn't sit still for 12 hours straight. I finally went to sleep at 5 in the morning. I woke up the next day after the worst night of my life, and I felt great. We were all laughing about the situation and I was saying how I would never touch that shit again. No big deal.

Once I got back home on Tuesday I took a nap for 3 hours. I woke up having a horrendous panic attack as if I was reliving the bad trip all over again. I was going crazy and I thought the LSD had put a permanent affect on my brain. I made it through the night with the help of my mom calming me down. The next day I still felt the same way when I woke up so I went to the hospital. They gave me some type of "anxiety" medicine called hydroxzone or something of that nature. The following day I woke up and I was determinded that the only way to shake this was to jump back into my normal life. I went back to the gym, cleaned the fuck out of my house and went straight to my friends house to get my mind off things. We spent the day going to the mall, running errands, doing anything to keep my mind off it. I was on the pills, they helped but made me feel like a zombie so I stopped using them after 2 days. I made up an excuse to get me out of work till Saturday so I could have the week to try and regain my mind.

I went back to work Saturday feeling very nervous and weary but I made it through the day. By Monday I felt somewhat like myself again. This week was a good week. I went back to doing what I normally did and felt liberated from the bad experience. I was going out, hanging out with my friends, even went on a date and had a great time.

2 weeks I went out to get drinks with a buddy. I was pretty intoxicated and we smoked a ton of weed after. We were with someone who frequently used adderall and sometimes laces blunts with adderall without saying anything (shitty person, I secretly hate him). I got home that night around 1AM and as soon as I layed in bed and shut my eyes I had horrible spins and began having another traumatic panic attack that last 6 hours of me going crazy inside of my room. The next day I felt so depressed and anxious that I was living a vicious cycle of sometimes being normal for a week or 2, but then reverting back to that awful feeling of constant anxiousness from these panic attacks. I let a week pass by and throughout the whole week I felt absolutely helpless and depressed. I started drinking tea, meditating, doing anything I could to take my mind off it but it barely worked. One night I was drinking some tea before bed hoping to wake up feeling better, but instead I woke up 15 minutes later having yet ANOTHER vicious panic attack with my heart beating out my chest as a million miles a minute. I thought I was going to die from a heartattack that night. WHY DOES THIS CONTINUE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!

After that I went to the hospital yet again and told them what was going on. I was so depressed and anxious and at an all time low in my life. I was such a confident, happy person who loved life and now I have turned into the complete opposite being. I didn't want to be alive if I had to live my life like this anymore. They prescribed me Prozac and an anxiety medicine called alprazolam. The medication helps somewhat.. it is now day 4 of me taking Prozac and the alprazolam. I feel somewhat better when my mind is taken away from how I feel. But every morning I still wake up extremely early with my heart beating fast, extremely anxious for no reason. I usually wake up at least once in the middle night for 15 minutes having a panic attack. I have to force myself to eat. Everytime I'm alone I get lost in my thoughts and think about death and my fear of dying. Before the Prozac I wanted to take my life simply so I could get death over with.

Please someone give me hope. I've conjured enough strength to write this post today. I don't want to jump back and forth from feeling good one week to feeling at my absolute worst the next week. What can I do to fix this? Is there anyone out there who has a similar experience and made it out feeling okay in the end? I just want to be me again. God save me.
 
I know what you're going through. I had a similar experience to you, totally freaked me out. Turned from being confident and a reasonably happy person to a nervous wreck, pretty much over night. Have lost friends because of my disassociation since.

My advice is to lay off the weed. Sounds like you're obviously not going to touch lsd again, but cut out the weed too. Excercise, eat well, detox, but keep.up social interaction with your friends (just don't get high!) - obvious stuff but can help. Try not to obsess too much about it (I know that's difficult).
 
I know what you're going through. I had a similar experience to you, totally freaked me out. Turned from being confident and a reasonably happy person to a nervous wreck, pretty much over night. Have lost friends because of my disassociation since.

My advice is to lay off the weed. Sounds like you're obviously not going to touch lsd again, but cut out the weed too. Excercise, eat well, detox, but keep.up social interaction with your friends (just don't get high!) - obvious stuff but can help. Try not to obsess too much about it (I know that's difficult).

How did you turn out? And how long did it take
 
Hey Kev, hope all is well (in the nicest possible way that is considered events which have unfolded for you).

It seems like you've had a bad trip. And from what you've mentioned in your original post, its no wonder you are feeling like this. That must of been a horrible ordeal for you. My best wishes for your recovery.

Have hope, your brain is a wonderful thing and it will recover but only over time and you can't rush the process. Some people recover faster than others, some not so fast. It may be that you have underline anxiety issues that have been triggered from such events and HPPD is not out of the question either. Google what HPPD is to find out more. You've experienced trauma through the events that unfolded and so, you must go easy on any substance from now on including cannabis, alcohol, mushrooms, LSD.. You get the message. Stay away from everything until you start to feel better.

Exercise is fantastic for psychological recovery so make sure to work out, go swimming, running, soccer, baseball or whatever it is you do and if you don't, start. Keep your social life going, that is the most important aspect. Keep seeing your friends, tell your close ones everything and over time you'll develop more understanding and resilience to the events which unfolded.

Keep reminding yourself that you will get better, having faith is the most important thing here also. Eat healthy, keep your mind preoccupied and even try cognitive psychology tests to keep your cognitive function optimally ticking away. Tests that test your memory, spacial awareness, anticipation, logic etc.

The truth is, you probably threw yourself in at the deep end. It's obvious you took a large dose of LSD in order to feel the effects you felt. At mild doses like <100ug, it would of been considerably harder to get into the state you did. So I'm presuming you took way more than you should for your first time, was probably already intoxicated and had other substances coursing through you and the LSD was the cherry on top. Bye bye your gone, sorta thing.

You have to be more careful Kev. That blotter could of had a lot of acid laid on it. If you took 2 400ug tabs, that's 800ug. Ive been taken acid for quite a while now, definetly more experienced than you and I've never taken more than 400ug at a time and my trips were HEAVY AMAZING even at 400ug!! So ask questions next time if there is a next time. What is the dose? Where is the acid from? Is it clean? Do you trust the person giving it you? Have you taken other drugs? If you have, should you really be mixing a strong psychedelic with said drugs?

Be more responsible.LSD isn't something you take on a whim. It's a serious thing. And that's why people get hurt and run to the media scoulding LSD and other substances, because they never educated themselves before taking it and hurt themselves or others in the process.

Time is what you need now. To recover. Stay away from everything. Drink plenty of water to flush out any toxins. Exercise well. Eat healthy. Keep working, studying, seeing your friends and your family. Keep your mind occupied. Get a new hobby. Save some money up for a new car or for a holiday/vacation. Set goals.

It's all about your mental strength from this point on, you seem like an intelligent guy so just think about yourself now. Look after yourself and take it easy dude.

AFL
 
How did you turn out? And how long did it take

Well it hasnt turned out well for me. I withdrew from the social group that the experience happend with, which has made me depressed and very anxious. Also now addicted to benzos (not good at all). Happend 3 years ago.

Again, my advice is to keep your social interaction with your friends, don't withdraw like I did. excercise, eat well, lay off weed and other pychoactives. If you drink keep it moderate. Try not to overthink things.
 
Hey
I am 20 yrs old at uni too. I am having the same experience. I accidentally took LSD on a band camp in January 2015 and ever since have not been the same. While having the bad trip, I was completely NOT in control of what I was thinking or physically doing. I found myself running on the spot, hallucinating it was day time (when it was actually night time at the time), seeing zebras chase me, rainbows the lot., I would cry and laugh hysterically at the same time. It was so disturbing. I also felt extreme fear, paranoia, and felt like I wasn't even in reality, I had to physically hold onto my friends in 'the real world' otherwise I would have drifted off into another dimension. I was convulsing and couldn't keep still, my whole body was tingling and I felt extremely claustrophobic in my own mind and I couldn't escape myself. Time went by painfully slowly. Every minute became worse and I thought I was going to die for a good 11 hours. I kept chugging down water because my mouth was dry, I felt paranoid that I was dehydrating and would die from that, when I started to drink water then I thought I was drowning. It was horrible. I thought I was never going to return to my old/normal self ever again, I felt like I was in a never ending hell loop. I asked the people to take me to the hospital and they said no. I couldn't call anyone because the camp site had no reception and the nearest town was half and hour away. I didn't think I was going to go home alive. When I did finally, I was extremely jumpy and easily agitated for a good three days, I was waking up with panic attacks (like in the trip), hyperventilating, fearful - for no reason. It DID fade, but not fully go. I still experience panic attacks every so often (something I never had before going on the camp trip), I have feelings of claustrophobia again, I think I am going crazy and I also feel at times like my position in reality is somehow twisting into some other reality, it is extremely scary and I feel like I will never ever fully heal.I have completely avoided the people I met on the camp. I don't know what to do, I think I will have to go see someone like a psychologist. I cant do this anymore. I also think about death all the time now, not because I really want to die (I love my life) but I think it is some kind of way by brain is still processing the way I felt and what I was thinking while I was tripping out. Today in class, suddenly I became extremely hyper aware of my surroundings, every sound was amplified (people writing, breathing, scratching their head, distant foot steps) and suddenly this overwhelming wave of fear washed over me and I felt an urgency to leave/bolt from the tutorial room. It was then that I realised I was having a silent panic attack. So, before I did anything stupid, I just put my head down, thought to myself, 'there is no danger, it is okay, it will pass' - I kept saying this to myself and took a few deep breaths - and I was fine a few minutes later. I am really trying hard to be able to identify when these things happen to me and then try and mentally talk myself out of it, rationalise the situation etc. I'm still going to see someone though, I've been embarrassed about the way I have been feeling for months now but I think the more you are in denial (which is also me) or the more you try and hide away your worries, the worse they will become.Talking to someone professional regularly (maybe once a week?) will be good because they can give you advice on how to deal with this stuff. I think we will both be OKAY soon enough provided that we get the right help and try and make an effort to not let it consume us. Definitely talk to your parent/s, friends, lecturers, write about your worries in a journal, get it all out as much as possible. Do things that allow you to relax and de-stress too, for me that is running, hugging my dog, watching a good movie or going to the aquarium.

I really do think there is hope, I havn't lost any, neither should you, we will be good, we just need to make an effort to take care of ourselves. :D
PS. Just stay away from any recreational drugs. They are illegal for a reason!
 
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ALSO, don't be too harsh on yourself. What happened to you is an extremely scary thing and there are consequences. Remember that you are human and this is a common response that many people have. Try not to scare yourself into thinking that your alone in this reaction, it is not only untrue (hello - I am feeling the same thing :p) , but it will worsen the way you feel. For me, I try and tell myself that what I experienced in the trip was not real life, it was my bad reaction to a drug that I didn't even want or expect. Logically stepping through it all might help, don't get caught up in all the bad memories. The more you get caught up in the bad memories, the more it'll become a mental habit to do so, I know it seems impossible but you can use strategies to make it better, you just need some additional mental strength and support from others. You WILL be good, I promise.
 
I think that your worst enemies right now are weed and any kind of stimulants (adderall) and that being on the stimulants in the first place while consuming the acid probably worsened the experience you had. Your brain will heal and one of the best things you can do is to simply and rationally confront any thoughts you may be having that you have done some kind of permanent damage. When you feel the anxiety comes up, focus on slowing your breathing. Focus everything for just a few minutes on your breath itself. Sometimes it helps to count as you inhale and count again as you exhale. It can really help to stop the panicky thought loops.
 
^ Indeed! Imho, that sums up everything you can do now. You´ll be fine.

I also agree with mgee about not being harsh on yourself. Our self esteem may be our best friend or otherwise.

Remember to breath. Focus on your body, start from your toes and try to find a peaceful place in your mind. That will pass.
 
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Hey man, greetings from Israel :)
So first of all im sorry for you having that bad experience and hope you will get better, which I can assure will happen.
So let me tell you something, you had a bad trip, and the aftermath feeling and thoughts of that bad trip are normal (talking from self point of view and experiece) and common. Let me simplify it to you, lets say you took a ride on your bycicle, suddenly you fell down and broke your leg, which is a bad and a hurting event, and you will probably be afraid to take a ride again on bycicles, cause of that traumatic event, and as for the leg it will need to recover and take time to heal. What im saying is see this case as your case in 2 prespectives.
1. You are traumetised from the fall and wont ride bycicles again, which will eventually fade cause prior to that fall you loved to ride them and it was a hobby, same as your current mental state, you are hurt and traumetised, but you will recover, just like the bycicle trauma recovery.
2. See your experience as the broken leg, its hurt and broken and needs time to recover, which it will, just as you evantually will.
time is the best cure, for everything, just as a kid you were afraid of monsters under your bad, but as you grew up you learned to take control of that fear, which in the end vanished and didnt make any impact at you as time passed. Im just 19 and had a bad trip which scared me, it happend 1 year ago, i had and still having lingering mental issues which i learned to live with and i truely believe as time passes i will heal to 100%. Life is too short to suffer my friend, eventually we all die, its nature, dont try to change the nature and thing about suiciding... Death is so final while life is full of possibillities, take that phrase to your life.
Update about your recovery proccess, and i tell you once again, you are perfectly fine, even though you dont feel like it, know that you are, believe that you are, finaly you will be. Peace and love :)
 
one of my real good mates suffers from ptsd from a freak lsd trip he had about 7 years ago..
fucking sucked watching him suffer over the years and struggle to get recognised by professionals who would usually just write him off as some crazy person.
its serious shit, but after extensive efforts to get help from various doctors, he's now living a pretty happy life given the fact that he maintains his personal responsibilities, such as self control when it comes to substance use/abuse. Drugs seem to trigger a lot of issues in these types of scenarios.
best of luck.
 
I know LSD hell trips, really well. I have some advice, which others might view as bad advice, but it's what made me better, and it was advice that someone else gave me.

Do LSD again.

Here is the logic. LSD causes high levels of neuroplasticity, which is a fancy term for... your brain's associations become nice and flexible, and open to suggestion. When you were on LSD, you had a hell experience inserted into your brain's flexible state, then you came down and time went on, and all those bad experiences became part of your associative complex. Now you're reliving them over and over.

If you do LSD again, it opens up the neuroplasticity, but this time I have a few suggestions:
1) Don't mix with any other drugs. A bit of weed might be okay, but seriously, ditch the other stuff.
2) Create a supportive, foolproof environment with lots of fun and entertainment. Do whatever you can to make it positive, according to your values. Read positive trip reports, plan your day to be effortless and fun beforehand, get excited for awesomeness. (Seriously, LSD can be an epically amazing psychedelic.)
3) If you do it with other people, make sure they aren't people who will get fucked up or freak you out mid-trip.

In other words you need to have good psychological containment about it.

Yeah you could do another psychedelic instead, like mushrooms... but nothing will have the same broad spectrum effect that LSD does.

I had a trip from hell that made me almost unable to function for 3 months, and only partially functional at 6 months. At 1 year I was okay, but there were still deep seated issues. I was self-medicating with other means but the only thing that ultimately reset the whole shit show was doing LSD again and overriding the old, shitty experience with a new, happy, funny, amazing one. Any psychological harm LSD can do, it can also undo, in the right context. That's why it's being investigated as a therapy drug. But don't fuck with it. If you achieve that really good trip, then leave it at that. Let your neurons settle and move on with your life.
 
The prozac is going to fuck you up worse than the LSD in my experience/ opinion. Antidepressants can really fuck you up and permanently increase your baseline anxiety, at least in my experience. I'm no doctor, and certainly not yours, but I would discontinue the prozac and let your brain figure this out by itself. You will reach homeostasis again and you will become habituated to your anxiety, and it won't bother you anymore. Trust me on this. Exercise intensely, eat right, good sleep hygiene... etc. White knuckle it through without ANY drugs, maybe the occasional (ie 1 benzo a week) drug.... but besides that, dry out man- you WILL heal.

And I do agree with the above poster... after a period of drying out- go back and meet LSD again- at a lower dose, and get over your fear.

I know my advice is controversial, but it's mine, and I stick with it.
 
Hi Kevin! It seems we had an extremely similar experience. Mine happened over a year ago and the good news is, you are going to be okay!! I was afraid to talk to anyone about how I was feeling afterwards, mostly because it was indescribable so I had to figure it out on my own. My trip was great for the first half then the last few hours were a nightmares the next day I woke up fine and then 2 weeks later out of no where I couldn't sleep at night because I was freaking out and convinced myself I was insane for months to come. I was also (and now finally am again) a confident, happy, outgoing girl and for awhile thought I lost myself and had the same thoughts you do. I was always positive but for awhile thought there was nothing positive in life for me to focus on. The number one thing that helped me was to help other people in need, in any way that could be for you. Now, to help yourself getting on a normal sleep track could be one of the biggest impacts. I know you said you wake up with panic attacks, have you ever tried melatonin before bed? I promise you things will get better. If you want to talk further please feel free to message me. I wasn't a religious person until after my bad trip and focusing on God afterwards truly saved me. Everything is going to be ok <3 :) ps. Don't listen to that person up there lol, fuck lsd
 
Hi Kevin. Nasty man! Getting caught in a loop is terrible/terrifying. I have what I would think is a good knowledge of psychedelics and it can happen accidently if not careful. Once taking Al-lad and MXE I started looping to the point where every thing was a pin point sharpness, (can't really describe it) but thought my brain was going to split and I would go insane it was frightening but thankfully I managed to talk myself out of it.

Thankfully, and this is the good news for you the bad trip/loop wont cause insanity, what you are experiencing is a Post-Traumatic Stress. There is good advice here - avoid all substances. I found after that particular incident that smoking cannabis brought me to a psychedelic head space with a dark undertone that it had never done before, (I have seen cannabis grouped as a psychedelic and never understood why until then). I spent the next few weeks smoking and healing myself but it wasn't pleasant - thankfully I managed to integrate the experience which I believe you need to do. It is through understanding what occurred and what it means to you that you can heal better from this - I believe.

I had an experience on Salvia where I 'knew' I was dying. As a father I can tell you the thought of being found dead and subsequently missing my kids life was so real and terrifying. I managed to let go and accept I was 'dying' and was very relieved when I came round. I avoided all substances until I could integrate the experience, (which took months) however have not touched Salvia since, (2 yeas ago).

Be good to yourself. Know that you will recover. Avoid all substances if you can for the time being, when you have made sense and are viewing the bad trip as a lesson learned then start to bring substances back in slowly and carefully. Remember the holy trinity of drug use - Drug, set and setting! All three need to be right for the experience to be good, an anxious state is not one to do any drugs in, (avoid alcohol like the plague as I know a lot of people who ended up addicted to it in order to try and 'cure' anxiety. Don't cut yourself off from people, talk about what happened in order to understand it and accept that there was a fuck up of an incident but its over, you are safe now and will be safe. As bdomihizayka says: "Exercise intensely, eat right, good sleep hygiene... etc." This will help the process along greatly. Make sure and focus on the good things in life and when you think of the bad trip look only to see what you can learn from it, do not dwell on it, then move forward.

Best of luck.
 
So you took LSD for the firs time after taking adderall, cocaine, and nicotine all weekend---now you're on benzos and SSRI;s...big mistake but good luck
 
I had a similar experience just over 3 months ago. Went to a 4 day music festival & did LSD the third day after doing a bunch of drugs the previous days. Had the most terrifying experience of my life. All I could think was that I was going to lose my mind. Thankfully they had a sanctuary with people to talk to, which kept me a little grounded but still those 12 hours were fucking terrifying. The first few months afterwards were horrible. Possibly the worst few months of my entire life. Any little motion out of the corner of my eye (such as a fly or notification light on my phone) would immediately trigger an anxiety attack. Symptoms definitely aligned with PTSD. It was worst when I was at work & I would worry that I could have a flashback at any moment or that I might lose my marbles. The HPPD definitely didn't help either.

That was just a few months ago. But now, going on my 4th month since that acid trip & I feel 95% back to normal. Actually in some ways I feel much better than I did before. It kind of forced me to do more of the things that I love doing to try & distract myself from feeling that way. About two months ago, I was at my worst point. That's when I started meditating & everything has been improving since then. I would definitely recommend meditation to anyone & everyone. It's a great way to train your brain to be aware of the present moment instead of ruminating (something that people with anxiety or depression do almost every waking moment of their life). Headspace is a good app to get started with meditation. Also, stay away from drugs for a good while. I think Foreigner might be on to something there but I think you should give yourself enough time to let your brain's chemical balance to return to normal before going on another journey, should you choose to do so.

For anyone going through this same kind of thing, I definitely sympathize with you, I know it really isn't easy. But nothing that time wont fix. Best of luck!
 
read about my insanely long trip report from when i tripped for the first time last october. i couldnt sleep for 3 days after my trip and continued to not be able to sleep well for the next month and a half. would wake up having panic attacks as well. basically the best thing you can do is make some changes. you might be pissed at first wondering if this trip will have long lasting effects on you, well the answer is yes it will. but the more you delve into it and think about why it happened, the more control you gain of your mind. im a master of my mind now. before i tripped, i had no idea such terrifying places exist in the unconscious mind. also, getting off these types of websites for a while/reading too much into it and thinking you're going crazy when you cant find many good answers. the answers are within and nowhere else. your trip was subjective to you and you wont be able to describe it to anybody, so nobody can really relate. mine was the most terrifying thing of my life, but here i am a year little doing fantastic and ive actually overcome my depression that i used to have before i tripped. these types of bad experiences are meant to happen sometimes, and changes are needed to be made. adderall will bring flashbacks to you and cannabis may as well. stay away for a long while and after a few months, experiment with cannabis again in low doses.
 
and stay OFF the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. bad road to take
 
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