Ok...So What Now?

[Phil.McKeer]

So, it's been a week since I cut off my H habit. I used a rapid bupe taper and am down to 0.25mg today with no problems and feel like I can jump off at any time (but I have the privilege & luxury of continuing at this level for a couple more days and will take advantage of that). I've literally felt ZERO discomfort this entire time.

Even while I was using H I still lead a relatively healthy lifestyle. I exercised and ate decently well. During my rapid withdrawal, I doubled my exercise (my abs are sore as hell and highly visible), increased my intake of fresh fruits etc., and overall tried to maximize all the healthy stuff.

Today I was planning on going somewhere for a friend's birthday but it got canceled by said friend. Calling around and trying to see what everyone else is doing, it dawned on me at all my friends are married, have kids, responsibilities, etc. Which is partially why I was using H in the first place...it was acting as a surrogate friend, girlfriend, etc all rolled into one big Lotus Eater Machine. Basically, I was using H to fill a void inside me that I couldn't fill by any other means.

Now I'm facing the prospect of sitting around at my house with nothing to do. I suppose I can just go see a movie by myself. Or go to the local dive bar and try to chat up some girl (but my chances of success there are around 10% at best unless I lower my standards which I refuse to do). There's just so many times in one day I can rub one out and so much Netflix I can watch before cabin fever drives me nuts. I need to be outside and I need human company.

Can someone please chime in with what they do when they hit this wall? I'm already exercising, and taking care of all my responsibilities. Everything on my "to do list" was checked off over the previous week as I was withdrawing. Today was supposed to be a fun day with no responsibilities other than hanging out with friends and having fun but that all went to hell. What to do, what to do...

And don't worry, I couldn't get any more H even if I tried. Well, I could, but I'd have to go through two degrees of separation and I have no desire to do so. So don't worry about that.

 

[herbavore]

I don't know where you live but have you ever thought of trying to get out of town and into nature for some hiking? Somehow when I get myself out of the house, especially if I go somewhere with a really nice view, it changes my whole mood. Beyond that have you considered trying to find some kind of volunteer work that would put you in contact with other people that share your interests?

Congratulations on quitting! I think a lot of people struggle with that empty place--whether they ever used drugs to fill it or not. (Have you ever read Gabor Maté's book The Hungry Ghosts? I think you would like it.) I went through a really lonely period when I was young and I set out to spend a year NOT getting in any relationship (romantic) because I wanted to figure out how to be alone in a good way instead of always running from it.

What do you do for work? Is that a place that provides any social satisfaction?

edit: just saw you live on the coast--me too! I'm central coast--lots of good hikes around here.

 

[Phil.McKeer]

Thanks for chiming in...I actually love hiking, but like going to the movies I always think of it as something that needs to be done with at least one other person. A self-limiting belief, I suppose. I've had my eye on volunteering or joining some kind of group for sure...I'll probably head in that direction.

By the way, I LOVE Gabor Maté! You are 100% correct that I'd like him. I actually never read The Hungry Ghosts and will check it out, thanks for that.

I really appreciate your suggestions, herbavore!

 

[herbavore]

I am this weird individual that actually prefers to go to movies alone. I usually don't but that's because one of my good friend's is as much a film lover as I, but still I prefer to go alone. I think it's because I want time to think my own thoughts when the movie ends before someone says "what did you think?" or tells me what they thought etc. Have you ever heard of MeetUp? If you wanted to go with a REALLY big group you might want to join. I was once in a small theatre in my town and before the film started everyone was talking to each other--the whole audience. I finally said "do you all know each other?" and someone said they were a MeetUp hiking group but they decided to do a film the night after a hike.

 

[Phil.McKeer]

I've never even tried hitting the movies alone. Maybe I'll try it just to try something new and stretch out my comfort zone. Part of habitual H use seems to have something to do with maintaining a small bubble of a comfort zone and hiding in it.

I've known about MeetUp for so long and never checked it out. Good suggestion.

 

[szuko000]

Just my random 2 cents having worked at a movie theater for 2 years and attending showings alone very frequently, it quickly became my preferred method. However, it sounds like you are a social person by nature which being on opiates can put in the closet for a bit but as that is who you are you probably would get more from being social with people. I dont know you but it sounds like thats the real issue for you is you lack convocation and what have you. I would advise volunteering as you have mentioned. It is a great way to meet people and even if its just "work" people you still get to communicate.

Honestly I would avoid the bar till you have a friend to go with. Whenever i went to the bar with the intentions of trying to meet people, I never did. I would always drink to much talk to my self and leave. I am not very social and do not require people, other then my g/f at this time, but because i am introverted by design i would drink until i got comfortable enough to laugh at my own observations etc in public... yeah ive been told i cant drink anymore at a bar too.

But that meetup thing sounds great, if i knew about that when i was looking for friends it would have saved me. I am always much better if i am in a group its like the fact focus isnt on me makes it easier to talk and make friends.

 

[bakeryrogercow]

I second most of the suggestions that were made. Meetup groups are great, as well as volunteering. After I sobered up I had no idea what to do with myself. I forced myself into volunteering and now can't imagine a saturday morning without it. Meetup groups don't meet weekly, but there are so many of them if you join enough you can find something to do every week. Movies alone and stuff isn't a long term solution, but if you ever have a craving or just cannot kill a few hours and are starting to get bored (and boredom leads to cravings), a movie, even alone, is the perfect solution. Sometimes the simple act of going outside to get to the theater is enough to kill the craving. I know you're on bupe but at some point you won't be on bupe and you will have to deal with cravings, its a reality of recovery. Dating helps, maybe set up an online profile - then you can screen women to meet your standards lol. Hiking - also a great idea, I do this alone but I have a dog so it doesn't feel alone. Biking, mountain biking, walking. Just go outside and move! Sitting around at home, doing nothing is the worst thing to do. Good luck!

 

[Phil.McKeer]

Thanks guys. Yeah sitting around will definitely be counterproductive. Its amazing how much time is occupied by a full blown habit and you only realize it when it ends and you have the surplus time on your hands. "Not knowing what to do with myself" is always the problem.

I've spent part of the money I'd be using for H for a gym membership, splurged on upgrading my computer, other things to keep me busy.

Any other suggestions from anyone at all would be helpful for not only myself but anyone else reading.

 

[Smiley91]

Good on you. If you're the creative type you could go to the park or somewhere relaxing that you like and write or draw or even busk if u play an instrument or join/start a band. Or if you don't play an instrument you could learn. Or if you enjoy sport you could organise something with friends like 5-a-side football/soccer. Or if you enjoy cooking or gardening you could grow your own veg and create your own recipes and you could always have friends round for a simple night of dinner and a game of poker or the xbox or something like that.

 

[Erikmen]

I second most of the suggestions that were made. Meetup groups are great, as well as volunteering. After I sobered up I had no idea what to do with myself. I forced myself into volunteering and now can't imagine a saturday morning without it. Meetup groups don't meet weekly, but there are so many of them if you join enough you can find something to do every week. Movies alone and stuff isn't a long term solution, but if you ever have a craving or just cannot kill a few hours and are starting to get bored (and boredom leads to cravings), a movie, even alone, is the perfect solution. Sometimes the simple act of going outside to get to the theater is enough to kill the craving. I know you're on bupe but at some point you won't be on bupe and you will have to deal with cravings, its a reality of recovery. Dating helps, maybe set up an online profile - then you can screen women to meet your standards lol. Hiking - also a great idea, I do this alone but I have a dog so it doesn't feel alone. Biking, mountain biking, walking. Just go outside and move! Sitting around at home, doing nothing is the worst thing to do. Good luck!

I believe once you get the energy, the motivation to do some of these suggestions could work.
I'm sorry if I am misinterpreting but sometimes when we quit opiates the lack of motivation can drag you down.
I guess everything is possible when you are willing to do something. Even if it´s bad for you.

Perhaps a good strategy is to keep yourself as busy as you can.
I agree that boredom leads to craving besides you might feel empty, depressed.
Congratulations for getting off Heroin!

 

[Phil.McKeer]

Thanks guys, these are great suggestions. Especially, Smiley, I can't believe I haven't thought of it, but POKER NIGHT (or any "game night" really) is definitely an idea...my friends and I used to always do this but fell out of the habit...I'll try to reinstitute it as a weekly/bi-weekly thing =)

I've got to say, the support here is awesome. Thanks!

 

[Smiley91]

No problem happy to help