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I'm so mentally addicted to opiates, what to do?

Perplexity

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
63
Yeah so I'm looking for help. I've been abusing opioids for the last 6-7 months without stopping completely using lots of OP 80s, canadian OC 80s, Roxys and my favorite of all 40mg oxymorphone HCL and I'm DEFINITELY physically addicted to the point of being too much of a loser to go through the withdrawals. But even worse is I'm so obsessed with these drugs. I love absolutely everything about them. I love how they're not toxic to the body's organs, I love the relief from social anxiety, the munchies and the energy I get just to be adventurous and do things with my life. I love how they make me a better programmer (what I do for a living). And no matter what it feels like I'm still going to love them.

But this scares me because I feel like I'll be addicted for life. I don't want to be, but I know how obsessed I am with them and I don't know how to deal with it. Can anyone else relate to this? Any advice? Sorry for cutting this short I'm on an iPad and it's annoying to type on this lol
 
I know the feeling I've been prescribed hydro for years now. Tried to quit but ended up back on them, you haven't been on pills for that long there for I would try you best to quit before you get into deep the longer you are on them the worse the wds are and there harder it is to quit but only you can make this decision. If someone else makes it for you or you are not ready to quit you will just got right back to them best of luck my friend.
 
I'm gonna move this over to The Dark Side where I think you'll find more support. Hang in there, and good luck. You have to find things that replace that love of opiates you have, which is not easy to do and takes a lot of time and effort.
 
I remember that feeling. They WILL turn their back on you. I didn't believe it but low and behold 5 years into my addiction. it takes me 80mg just to stop withdrawal. I'm into my 3rd day clean. Stop now. It may seem like it can't get any worse but it will. I would consider tapering down to about 10-15mg a day and the cold turkey after the taper. Its all fake emotion. I promise you. It leads to a dark road of complete failur and defeat.
 
I can relate to how you're feeling. I was addicted to opiates also. I loved the ritual of taking the tablets everyday, I loved the warm, magical feeling they gave me. I was in love with abusing opiates. A few months in, I realised this was getting out of control. I was lying to doctors just to get my hands on more of the opiate goodies, I was lying to my family, I was letting my children down. I had to get out of this vicious circle. Hard isn't the word, it was hell, the withdrawals were very physically challenging not to mention mentally. But I did it, I got through it. You need a positive focus to stop your habit, you need a goal. I promise you, you have the strength in you to quit, be open and honest with doctors, friends and family. I didn't have any support with my withdrawal but that is what you need most right now. You can do it, and you will feel very proud of yourself when you finally stop. Stay safe sweet!
 
I'm at the point where I really don't need them anymore but my Dr still throws me 120 10mg a month and has given me that and more over a two solid year period. I have gotten to where I take tons the first week and have all this happy energy but the three weeks of rationing the rest where I will have at least in my system is awful. I want to just find the will power to try one day without a pill. It's messing with my mind
 
Yeah so I'm looking for help. I've been abusing opioids for the last 6-7 months without stopping completely using lots of OP 80s, canadian OC 80s, Roxys and my favorite of all 40mg oxymorphone HCL and I'm DEFINITELY physically addicted to the point of being too much of a loser to go through the withdrawals. But even worse is I'm so obsessed with these drugs. I love absolutely everything about them. I love how they're not toxic to the body's organs, I love the relief from social anxiety, the munchies and the energy I get just to be adventurous and do things with my life. I love how they make me a better programmer (what I do for a living). And no matter what it feels like I'm still going to love them.

But this scares me because I feel like I'll be addicted for life. I don't want to be, but I know how obsessed I am with them and I don't know how to deal with it. Can anyone else relate to this? Any advice? Sorry for cutting this short I'm on an iPad and it's annoying to type on this lol

It only gets harder the longer you do them. The longer you use the more the drugs become ingrained in almost every aspect of your life. Any long term user will tell you that it eventually becomes more of a job and it becomes less about getting high and more about preventing yourself from getting sick. You just end up spending money to feel normal and to function normally.

It's surprisingly easy to get into a vicious cycle of working so you have money to buy drugs, doing drugs so that you're not sick and can go to work, and repeat. Unless you're pulling in some serious money you end up working not so you can save money or improve your life, but only to get drugs so that you can keep working.

How are you doing the drugs? Opiates may not be bad for your organs, but sniffing, shooting, or smoking them will all have negative effects on your body. It also decreases your testosterone and effects your brain chemistry. Using daily isn't exactly benign.
 
Ohhhh lorrd. Opiates 80oc was my lifes passion for 6years straight and strong. I use to get whole 90 scripts for half gram of base. Till the well ran dry... I was holding Dope for someone and one day I sniffed a bag. It wasnt the same energetic super charged feeling as the OC but it did its job just in a dirty lil lazy way.... im 3 days off all opiates and mives 1hr and 30 min away f4om the dope. So im trying, you all try with me...its A WAR. A WAR NOM INE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND UNLESS THE BEEN WHERE WE BEEN ANND HABE TO GO WHERE WE NEED TO GET... SOBER
 
Yes I hear u loud and clear and good luck to you on your journey to sobriety!!! OC 80's and Oxy 30's - my delight for three years running. Had the best dealer in the world (now debatable)..he got them from a cancer patient so he said ? I got 'em at kind of like a wholesale street price -<snip> He never let me down and I never went without for 3 years .....and then - "Hey man Mary won't be able to get her scripts filled for a week," yikes I had a 3day supply...so I had to do it - the Methadone clinic...shit man. Have now been going there for 3 1/2 years....started tapering down from 60mg almost a year ago. Went in yesterday and picked up 6 bottles of 4mgs each, a weeks supply. Getting close to the end - my final farewell tour is in progress. Seems that the single digits have been the toughest. As someone once said, "I really never had a drug problem, just a money problem. Will I be glad to get away from the ball and chain of the M-done clinic - you betcha I will. The sad thing is if I had an extra thousand bucks to spend a month I would probably start over again. God damn man those Oxys are something else - sad to say but I really do miss them.
 
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Quit now,you have no idea whats ahead. I remember when oxy got me high... Now it's 5 bags of dope just to feel non suicidal. Goodluck

Peace <3
 
I remember that feeling. They WILL turn their back on you. I didn't believe it but low and behold 5 years into my addiction. it takes me 80mg just to stop withdrawal. I'm into my 3rd day clean. Stop now. It may seem like it can't get any worse but it will. I would consider tapering down to about 10-15mg a day and the cold turkey after the taper. Its all fake emotion. I promise you. It leads to a dark road of complete failur and defeat.

I'm begin my taper tomorrow. I have my little stash of 15 pills for the taper. My dosing the last week or two was only 3-4 a day. Tomorrow I go to one. I'm curious as to how you are doing since your last post
 
Hi Rural,
I wish you good luck and minimal or no withdrawal symptoms as you begin your weaning process off of opiates. I came to Bluelight and would hang out on the monthly getting sober thread so that I could taper off of my oxy's. I would taper but not quit entirely, except of a day here and there, a couple of times I made it to something like 36 or 38 hours. The support I had here was amazing... all positive and encouraging. I would get panicky when I came to the part where I should reduce my dose again. And then, I go t a request for some relatives to move in with me while they are getting a new home built... they have a toddler, and I make extra money by babysitting her. I put my taper on the back burner, as I lift her and put her down, all day long. Also, let's be honest, I would be a B word if I was detoxing with people in my home... I like my space. Anyway, I got very motivated by reading all your posts here and there, and just might start a taper again. It would be great if you kept posting, so I would not feel so alone. Short story: I am prescribed 3 15 mg IR oxy's and 2 ER morphine sulfate, 15 mg per day... That is it... crazy how my mind plays these tricks on me whenever I try to taper. However, today I am in a pretty good space. I would like to taper down to 2 15mg oxy's per day, and only 1 morphine. Morphine allows me to sleep pain free, but does not give me buzz, get me high or anything like that. So, to offer some support to you, I will take only 1 morphine tonight before bed, and will set a goal of taking only 2 oxy's tomorrow.
 
Hi Rural,
I wish you good luck and minimal or no withdrawal symptoms as you begin your weaning process off of opiates. I came to Bluelight and would hang out on the monthly getting sober thread so that I could taper off of my oxy's. I would taper but not quit entirely, except of a day here and there, a couple of times I made it to something like 36 or 38 hours. The support I had here was amazing... all positive and encouraging. I would get panicky when I came to the part where I should reduce my dose again. And then, I go t a request for some relatives to move in with me while they are getting a new home built... they have a toddler, and I make extra money by babysitting her. I put my taper on the back burner, as I lift her and put her down, all day long. Also, let's be honest, I would be a B word if I was detoxing with people in my home... I like my space. Anyway, I got very motivated by reading all your posts here and there, and just might start a taper again. It would be great if you kept posting, so I would not feel so alone. Short story: I am prescribed 3 15 mg IR oxy's and 2 ER morphine sulfate, 15 mg per day... That is it... crazy how my mind plays these tricks on me whenever I try to taper. However, today I am in a pretty good space. I would like to taper down to 2 15mg oxy's per day, and only 1 morphine. Morphine allows me to sleep pain free, but does not give me buzz, get me high or anything like that. So, to offer some support to you, I will take only 1 morphine tonight before bed, and will set a goal of taking only 2 oxy's tomorrow.

I think I'm getting better at navigating this page. I'm on the mobile version so I don't have all the horns and whistles. I will probably put future posts under It's Getting Real. Instead of everywhere lol
 
It only gets harder the longer you do them. The longer you use the more the drugs become ingrained in almost every aspect of your life. Any long term user will tell you that it eventually becomes more of a job and it becomes less about getting high and more about preventing yourself from getting sick. You just end up spending money to feel normal and to function normally.

It's surprisingly easy to get into a vicious cycle of working so you have money to buy drugs, doing drugs so that you're not sick and can go to work, and repeat. Unless you're pulling in some serious money you end up working not so you can save money or improve your life, but only to get drugs so that you can keep working.

How are you doing the drugs? Opiates may not be bad for your organs, but sniffing, shooting, or smoking them will all have negative effects on your body. It also decreases your testosterone and effects your brain chemistry. Using daily isn't exactly benign.

This

Im at 7 years so if you think your mentally addicted it gets worse. Not putting down your situation because ok the struggle. I'd do anything to get back to my 8 month mark and stop bevause now ik im addicted for life
 
That's my exact situation as well I go nuts the first week then realize wtf have I done This month I was prescribed like u 120 10 mg Oxy's and they r already gone a week ago and I don't refill til the 30th so I've been spending 100's of dollars to keep my self feeling normal it sucks In June I went to rehab in pa for 24 days medical withdrawal was the only way I could kick it! When I got home about2 weeks later I found an oxy in a suitcase I was packing and said fuck it and took it now I'm back to the same point as if I had never went to,rehab,my family and friends are completely clueless that I am back I pain mgmt and would be mortified if they found out ,I have huge legitimate pain issues that besides the severe pain I'm in ,the neurontin rehab gVe me worked great for 5 min . I work on my feet all day and need the oxy just to work But of course nobody would get that!! not to mention I went to my primary dr and got prescribed Adderol to boot. I'm just venting here ,but this oxy habit is a very vicious cycle, I'm forced financially to cut down to 1 20 mg oxy a day until I refill I can't win Good luck with your situation !
 
I think this is a timely conversation, and maybe one that's long overdue. As some of you may know, I've been trying to titrate down from up to 500 mg of oxycodone per day. It only takes the equivalent of 90 mg of oxy for about 3-4 days to get off the oxy entirely, with very little physical withdrawal symptoms -- some sweating and a little diarrhea on occasion. Nothing more. I read another post recently from someone who was similarly confused about the lack of w/d hell he had been expecting.

What really bothers me and what I have a very hard time with is the mental blahs. Nothing seems worth doing when I'm off the oxy. Not morphine, not opana, nothing gives me the zest for life that oxy does (also oxy is the only drug that eliminates my pain entirely without putting me out, which may a factor -- it lets me live my life without pain). On the oxy, I live a full life, running, family events, work, etc. Without oxy, it all turns to dust in my mind. I have to force myself to even get in the shower and I am a clean freak -- shower in the morning and another quick scrub down after working out, plus a bath at night. How long does the depression last? Does anyone know? I think I am not going to like the answer. I have no immediate plans to get off oxy entirely - my back isn't ready-- but I"ve been thinking that certainly within the next couple of years I'll want to titrate off entirely. Will I be all morose and depressed for a year afterward? Is there anything I should be doing now to prepare for that likely eventuality?
 
I know that feeling 100%. I started 4 years ago after rotator cuff surgery with 120 325-10 Percocet per month. Now, a knee surgery later, 4 disc herniations later, im prescribed 120 oc 80er (I chew them) and 120 roxicodone 15mg per month. I CANNOT function without them. Even though I don't really get "high" anymore they still make me feel great, and able to do things. I abused for a while and would run out before my 30 day refill, but always had someone who gave me enough to get through. Until the time I ran out and couldn't get any 3 days before my refill. Let me tell you, by day 2 you just want to die. The anxiety, no sleeping, sweats, nasty mouth taste etc. I'll never run out again!!! When I'm finally ready to stop, and you as well, you MUST Taper down. I've never done hard core drugs other than coke a few times so to me, there's nothing that compares to oxy. I'm mad I let myself get to this point and know one day I'll have to feel that withdrawal pain again. It's so powerful that even at 7 months it will be extremely hard for you to stop. Just don't ever get jammed up where you have none even for a day or 2. It's HELL. Good luck to you.
 
That is exactly how I started out and slowly moved to snorting heroin and then on to shooting heroin, and that was 4 years ago. I am now 212 days clean. It was a long hard struggle to get to this point and I am far from being through it. Opiate addiction is worse than any other addiction and you will do terrible things to get your bag. Doing pills was fun, and for the first year or so doing heroin was fun, but that will go away. There is no way to do opiates in moderation. Withdrawal from pills sucks, but it is nothing like withdrawal from shooting heroin. My advise is to deal with the withdraw now and quit. You need to find a way to quit before you advance to heroin, it is way cheaper and a better high but 10 times worse for you. I am on suboxone and it works wonderfully, if you are addicted enough to need it I would definitely suggest it. But the most important part is finding a good support group through meetings and finding something to fill the huge mental gap left by the opiates. I'm over 200 days into sobriety and still struggle everyday with boredom and depression, its the hardest part. But no matter how shitty you will feel it is way better than being a heroin addict all your life. I very strongly advise you to quit now before your addiction advances as far as mine has. message me if you need any extra support. I would love to help and it would also help me.
 
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