FinallyKickinIt
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2015
- Messages
- 8
I'll do my best to keep this short and to the point, but it is my first post so cut me a little slack if I go overboard - I have a lot to share about SWIM.
From 2008 to 2009, somewhere between 12 and 18 months, <I> used oxycontin 80mgs everyday. Toward the tail end, right around the time the feds made them very difficult to obtain, <I> was up to about 800mg a day. The supply dried up and <I> turned to heroin for a very short time(maybe a month) before deciding to kick C/T. SWIM used 4 mgs of xanax a day for the first 5 days, then pure Thomas Recipe from there on out. Acute symptoms stayed with <me> until about 12 days (peaked sometime during <my> xanax coma days 1-5), followed by about 2-3 months of general depression, anxiety, malaise - but <I> was successful -- and for about 5 years (other than a very short lived bout with morphine after a couple shoulder surgeries - which never resulted in any dependence physical or otherwise.)
Now almost a year ago to the day, <I> began a pretty laid back oxycodone habit (2 30mgs, maybe twice a week) because during <my>' time being sober SWIM got SWIMS' life together, earned a degree and got a damn good job right out of the gate (with which came $$$$$$) and the means to score. Now, a year later, <my>' habit has become about 4 bags a day of H, snorted everyday. (<I> has never consumed any drugs in any fashion other than sublingually/orally, nasal insufflation or smoking)
<i> began kicking C/T 3 days ago but has slipped and took a tiny bump offered from a friend (half a bag worth) tonight. <I AM> kicking themselves because in all honesty the symptoms were more inconvenient than unbearable. The anxiety sucks but <I> excels at staying positive so it doesn't lead to full blown depression (except for an occasional 5 minute sob, or getting super emotional talking to a loved one about SWIMS addiction) really just the RLS and the fact that <i> cannot find benzos to knock themselves out through the worst of it is what made SWIM slip tonight.
I should add that <I> smokes somewhere between 1/16 and 1/8 of an oz of marijuana a day - unsure if that has any effect on the process but have generally felt that smoking (even SUPER potent wax dabs) maybe provides 10 minutes of relief - normally could knock SWIM out for a solid couple of hours.
There's the story - here are the questions...
1) Did I just go back to day 1 of withdrawing and...
2) Is it surprising that <my> experience this time around has seemed, so far, to be less of a hellish nightmare? (as opposed to kicking the first time years ago - mostly an oxycontin habit)
And of course, any advice, support, encouragement is greatly appreciated.
I will close just as I opened, offering an apology. If anything about this post is not up to par with BL rules and regs I am truly sorry - like I said, "First time caller, long time listener..." if you follow. Just a man looking for a hand.
---------------------------
"All of the thoughts you have that you aren't yelling, is a story someone needs to hear that you're not telling."
From 2008 to 2009, somewhere between 12 and 18 months, <I> used oxycontin 80mgs everyday. Toward the tail end, right around the time the feds made them very difficult to obtain, <I> was up to about 800mg a day. The supply dried up and <I> turned to heroin for a very short time(maybe a month) before deciding to kick C/T. SWIM used 4 mgs of xanax a day for the first 5 days, then pure Thomas Recipe from there on out. Acute symptoms stayed with <me> until about 12 days (peaked sometime during <my> xanax coma days 1-5), followed by about 2-3 months of general depression, anxiety, malaise - but <I> was successful -- and for about 5 years (other than a very short lived bout with morphine after a couple shoulder surgeries - which never resulted in any dependence physical or otherwise.)
Now almost a year ago to the day, <I> began a pretty laid back oxycodone habit (2 30mgs, maybe twice a week) because during <my>' time being sober SWIM got SWIMS' life together, earned a degree and got a damn good job right out of the gate (with which came $$$$$$) and the means to score. Now, a year later, <my>' habit has become about 4 bags a day of H, snorted everyday. (<I> has never consumed any drugs in any fashion other than sublingually/orally, nasal insufflation or smoking)
<i> began kicking C/T 3 days ago but has slipped and took a tiny bump offered from a friend (half a bag worth) tonight. <I AM> kicking themselves because in all honesty the symptoms were more inconvenient than unbearable. The anxiety sucks but <I> excels at staying positive so it doesn't lead to full blown depression (except for an occasional 5 minute sob, or getting super emotional talking to a loved one about SWIMS addiction) really just the RLS and the fact that <i> cannot find benzos to knock themselves out through the worst of it is what made SWIM slip tonight.
I should add that <I> smokes somewhere between 1/16 and 1/8 of an oz of marijuana a day - unsure if that has any effect on the process but have generally felt that smoking (even SUPER potent wax dabs) maybe provides 10 minutes of relief - normally could knock SWIM out for a solid couple of hours.
There's the story - here are the questions...
1) Did I just go back to day 1 of withdrawing and...
2) Is it surprising that <my> experience this time around has seemed, so far, to be less of a hellish nightmare? (as opposed to kicking the first time years ago - mostly an oxycontin habit)
And of course, any advice, support, encouragement is greatly appreciated.
I will close just as I opened, offering an apology. If anything about this post is not up to par with BL rules and regs I am truly sorry - like I said, "First time caller, long time listener..." if you follow. Just a man looking for a hand.
---------------------------
"All of the thoughts you have that you aren't yelling, is a story someone needs to hear that you're not telling."
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