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July Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs It's really hot, I want an icecream!

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Going to go to an AA meeting pretty soon, I mainly do NA but I decided that I kinda wanted to expand my horizons. I was really biased against AA for awhile (because I thought it was more "Christian") but I have gotten over that stuff now. Also, in my area there in more clean time in AA then NA by a long shot. In my hometown its about the same, same goes for Chicago but not where I live at the moment.

I need to keep growing, life presents new challenges all the time and I am still dealing with a big one. Year two is so much different from year one. Now it feels like I am really getting into the "deeper" core of my issues.
 
totach said:
Glad to see you are doing so well imtryin soon you can change your handle to Ididit
Thanx for asking how my new job is yesterday was my first day
It's not what I expected but I'm not going to be picky now I'm really happy to have a job let alone a good paying one
It's also on the books so I will loose my health insurance eventually which sux
Anyways I'm coming up on 6 months at the end of the month which is pretty cool
With my new job I prob won't be making a meeting in a while but if I feel I really need one I will go
Wish everyone a great weekend!
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Hey totach-i am so excited for you about your new job. I dont care if its pumping gas or a heart sugeon. Getting a job is HUGE. It isnt easy to get a job and on top of all your other challenges right now, you got a job. I am so proud of you. This is a new beginning. Another new beginning. So many things will happen, not the least of which is getting more self esteem. I know so many people that cant find work-or they can find work, but they cant get hired, for one reason or another. Lack of experience, criminal record, ect. So your new job represents more than just a paycheck. It is hope.
How was your first day, btw? Even if it sucked-get through it like you have with your days off dope. One day at a time. Maybe it will get easier, like staying clean does, over time.
Congratulations, friend
 
Speaking of a job, the other day I spoke to a family friend about an apprenticeship at his company in Downtown Chicago, big money and a whole new set of skills. So excited, such a kick start to my life.

Also, as of 18 minutes ago, day 3. Stay positive my friends.
 
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devilsgospel said:
Congratulations on your streak as well CH, did you make it to your meeting?
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I didn't really care to try going today; too much drama from others in my life.

Things are going well for me though. I'm doing well in life and I'm not using. :)
 
Some uplifting posts on here.
I wish I could get off of the hamster wheel.
Hoping to jump off when the dope runs out tomm.
 
5 days Opiate free from 3.5 years of use. I keep thinking this will be no big deal. I got this..then my body says differently
 
NA in my immediate area has been getting a little stale for me and I don't have time to travel so I have been hitting more AA meetings and dun dun dun I enjoy them. I am not sure why I was so opposed to AA at the start. Its kinda cringyworthy now that I think about it.

I used to be embarrassed by the things I did when using, but now I am more embarrassed by the goofy shit I did and said when I first got clean.

1 year, 2 months and 4 days.

I have a ton of shit going on right now, still. I am in three summer 5 week intensive courses (already finished one) and am going to have to really be focusing on the homework and staying on top of it. It will be worth it in the end.
 
sorry to rant, but christ on a bike, my spirits are at a real low point. for about a week: i don't feel like using and i don't feel like not using. i'm not in any danger of acting on it, but all i think about (when i get sick of weighing pros and cons of getting high) is a bullet in the head. i haven't felt like this in years.

got bad enough a couple days ago that i copped and went on a two-day run. still felt shitty. now i've got three days without drugs (the rebound/WDs are fading) and the basic feeling is the same: just a giant, bland tiredness and cynicism. sick of counting days. sick of telling lies. sick of hollow highs. on a rampage against myself. what the fuck? i'm in my mid-40's and have felt horrible often. but never anything like this.

can anyone else relate to a depression that makes you hate *both* your addiction and your recovery?
 
simco said:
sorry to rant, but christ on a bike, my spirits are at a real low point. for about a week: i don't feel like using and i don't feel like not using. i'm not in any danger of acting on it, but all i think about (when i get sick of weighing pros and cons of getting high) is a bullet in the head. i haven't felt like this in years.

got bad enough a couple days ago that i copped and went on a two-day run. still felt shitty. now i've got three days without drugs (the rebound/WDs are fading) and the basic feeling is the same: just a giant, bland tiredness and cynicism. sick of counting days. sick of telling lies. sick of hollow highs. on a rampage against myself. what the fuck? i'm in my mid-40's and have felt horrible often. but never anything like this.

can anyone else relate to a depression that makes you hate *both* your addiction and your recovery?
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Have you thought about inpatient? It seems like you keep relapsing. Some time away would likely do you very good. If not inpatient then maybe IOP. I'd go get assessed at a treatment center, you sound like you need professional help, accountability and monitoring. You will also be exposed to people in a similar situation.

Also, I am sure you have heard "Could not live with or without drugs".

Do not take offense to this but recovery takes dedication and sometimes that dedication requires massive change. I think your goal of just trying to stop opiates while using other drugs is also making the problem worse. I tried to do shit like that for a good 10+ years and it never worked. I tried and tried to substitute.

Turns out it was just easier to stop everything. If you are like me, you will not even have the ability to figure out how to find some type of joy and peace until you hop off the madness that is using.
 
itchyscratchy said:
Some uplifting posts on here.
I wish I could get off of the hamster wheel.
Hoping to jump off when the dope runs out tomm.
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hey, thanks for posting :)

glad to hear you're thinking about quitting; how long have you been using? is there any advice I can offer?

Louis cypher said:
5 days Opiate free from 3.5 years of use. I keep thinking this will be no big deal. I got this..then my body says differently
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Great job man, keep up the good work!
 
Rio Fantastic said:
So are you totally sober now? No buprenorphine or methadone or any mind altering substances at all?
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I use cannabis extracts, caffeine, and occasionally salvia or alcohol.

This is the 3rd time I've replied to your question as to this matter...
 
I'm attending a NA meeting tonight, and I will share my thoughts later on. Much <3 to everyone
 
The NA meeting was certainly a nice experience. I hope that by sharing I helped others, and I feel that I did. :)
 
Very happy to hear that Captain, making a positive change in the life of another is a wonderful feeling.

To all who posted above, I wish all of you the best of luck getting and/or staying clean. It's a truly rewarding feeling, I promise. Day 3 down, onto day 4. Every day has felt amazing.

Unfortunately I'm going to miss my application and aptitude test for my new job tomorrow due to no car. Next opportunity is in a month ._. More time to study I suppose.

Today I felt a little tempted. I'm back with my amazing woman, but her and her/my friends are very into drugs. I was around weed and Xanax and ugh. Favorite combo. I just kept thinking back to that amazing relaxation.

But of course, no one said this would be an easy task. This is what I need and I'm going to see it through.
 
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