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July Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs It's really hot, I want an icecream!

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^^^
@CfZrx, yes. since quitting H i spend about half the time feeling completely apathetic and the other half being super moody. i guess it's not quite half and half, bc every now and then i catch myself feeling like me again, too.

btw, i like the "location" listed under your avatar. hilarious.
I go from feeling awesome and very spiritual, lots of cardio, to angry, depressive and non- functioning. I guess I'm bi-polar 2, but I feel like if I could control the external events better, then I could avoid the down swings. I realize I may be wrong and I am more powerless than I care to be.
 
I go from feeling awesome and very spiritual, lots of cardio, to angry, depressive and non- functioning. I guess I'm bi-polar 2, but I feel like if I could control the external events better, then I could avoid the down swings. I realize I may be wrong and I am more powerless than I care to be.

I quit methadone 4 months ago and I still have horrible days. I believe it´s part of the package. Hopefully we´ll go back to normal someday.
 
^ yes, i guess learning to deal with those days is what separates the chronic relapser from the proud holder of clean time? :) I can honesly say that at least nowadays I can see a relapse coming from about a month away.
 
^ interesting point about being able to see the relapses coming. i feel that way too. never heard anyone else say it.

i'm psyched because right now i don't see one on the horizon, which is pretty much a first for me. so then the question is: next time one comes on the radar, what are you gonna do, sim? i think i've finally got some tools on hand to deal. hope so.
 
KidsPls, my drug of choice was also MDMA. It caused my brain to get real dysfunctional after I abused the drug. I quit it, and missed it for a long time, many months, and then I relapsed (on LSD, twice). But now I am 10 weeks clean from those psychedelic/empathogen drugs and I don't miss them at all because now I have things that are way better in my life, a beautiful girlfriend, a nice garden, a good job, an archery hobby, a great car that I take care of. I probably wouldn't have these things in my life if I were still obsessed with rolling and tripping. So I don't miss rolling at all, in fact I'm extremely grateful that I don't do it anymore and I will never do it again. I have too many other great things in my life that I don't want to lose to an MDMA addiction. I am also 2 weeks clean from weed, which I will also never do again cuz my girl doesn't want me to, and I am glad to oblige her. Good luck to everyone trying to stay clean! It's the best way to be, for me anyways.
 
Yup, I'd rather stay clean then use at this point. It fucking sucked being an active addict, I hated myself. It was terrible.

"I fucking hate drugs. I really do," - Trey Anastasio
 
GUYS HELP ME.
i dont know if this is a part of my withdrawals but i dont like what i feel. just stumbled upon a song on youtube, then came to my realization it was the song that made me lost yet fun a few months ago. BUT I HATE IT. i dont hate the song but i hate the fact that it made me so lost when i think about it i feel ashamed of myself. i danced stupidly and also there was one sober person in the room might be he was judging us for rolling so hard.. this plays in my mind. hope i can throw this memory away! urgh i just hate this feeling. i hate to think that the sober person hated what he saw eventhough he was one of our friends. only addicts understand addicts i might say.

i really forgot the name of the song but i just stumbled upon it and now it plays in my head. when it plays in my head i recall what we have done!

is this my personal problem or only the journey of my recovery? HELP :(
 
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GUYS HELP ME.
i dont know if this is a part of my withdrawals but i dont like what i feel. just stumbled upon a song on youtube, then came to my realization it was the song that made me lost yet fun a few months ago. BUT I HATE IT. i dont hate the song but i hate the fact that it made me so lost when i think about it i feel ashamed of myself. i danced stupidly and also there was one sober person in the room might be he was judging us for rolling so hard.. this plays in my mind. hope i can throw this memory away! urgh i just hate this feeling. i hate to think that the sober person hated what he saw eventhough he was one of our friends. only addicts understand addicts i might say.

i really forgot the name of the song but i just stumbled upon it and now it plays in my head. when it plays in my head i recall what we have done!

is this my personal problem or only the journey of my recovery? HELP :(

No, its common to be ashamed, guilty or embarrassed over what we did in the past. My best advice is to stay clean so you have more things you can be proud of. Then it becomes easier to say "yes, I used to do that, but now I am doing this."
 
Phactor is right. I used to act really foolish when I was rolling and tripping, and especially in the aftermath of binges. The first time I tripped, I walked down the middle of the street with my eyes closed and almost got ran over by a car. Those psychedelics and empathogen drugs just messed with my brain so heavily. But as the inventor of the light bulb said, "I've never failed, I only found 1000 ways that didn't work." For me I don't think of my drug usage as failure, just as something I tried that didn't work, and I learned from my mistakes and I won't repeat them. But it took me awhile to learn that what I was doing was wrong, I was in active addiction for a few years off and on. That's addiction, you don't realize how bad it is until you reach that bottom, and say enough is enough, and even then you might still have trouble getting free from the addiction. But once you know you're finally free from it, like I believe I am now, it's a feeling of serenity and peace and love for the new and better life that you have as a clean person. That's how it was for me anyways
 
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That's addiction, you don't realize how bad it is until you reach that bottom, and say enough is enough, and even then you might still have trouble getting free from the addiction. But once you know you're finally free from it, like I believe I am now, it's a feeling of serenity and peace and love for the new and better life that you have as a clean person. That's how it was for me anyways

it becomes easier to say "yes, I used to do that, but now I am doing this."

You guys are great :) I feel good vibes when I read this posts. I just hope that one day this 'darkness' will find its light. Honestly it's painful. And sometimes I just cant take it anymore I feel like crying. But I am proud that I am clean for about a month and three weeks.

FYI, just made a decision to stop doing drugs forever. Except for weed. It's the only natural way that carries my sobriety away.
 
8 months and 8 days.

Nice man, i remember reading your posts back in the day. Gives me some hope that people actually want to get sober.
Seems like a lot of BL'ers are using heavily and are happy and content with it... at least online.

I almost had a year , but relapsed a few months ago. Was able to control my meth and heroin usage to weekends for a few months, but got laid off work and then picked up daily usage. I am hopping back on the sober train though, i had some good times when i was clean.
 
KidsPls, I can relate to what you are going through, my drug addiction took me to some dark and lonely points in my life. Like one time I was tied down to a mental hospital bed in a room by myself. The drugs really messed with my brain, but I was so addicted to the highs that even after terrible experiences like that I still went back out and used again. But then I finally took a look at what my life was becoming and imagined a better life without the need to use drugs to get high. I imagined one day feeling better than drugs made me feel, feeling love and passion and pride, all of which I now feel now that I've made the same decision that you've made to quit drugs forever and I'm 10 weeks clean from those drugs and doing the best I've ever done in life, with a loving girlfriend and so much more in my life that makes me feel way better than I ever did from rolling or tripping. I wish you good luck with your sobriety and I hope it takes you to new heights in your life as my sobriety has. PLUR!
 
Made it through the holiday weekend.

I did have a moment of weakness. I was walking through a supermarket and saw a bag of what looked like poppy seeds and I suddenly found myself in autopilot mode. It ended up not being poppy seeds and it took me a few minutes to return to my right state of mind. It made me feel really weak and shitty for a while after though like I can't trust myself. If I can't even make it through a damn supermarket how am I going to say no when presented the opportunity to use 'real' drugs? I guess it's just too early in sobriety for me to put myself in a risky situation.

Day 28... feel like I'm in that movie.. 28 days later..
 
^ pinpoint, i'm totally on the same wavelength. i made it through the weekend without using dope. but things got super sketchy... an old friend/connect resurfaced and my brain went right out the window. i made some bad decisions during those couple days. but thank god, when the heroin came out, i bolted. ugh, though. i feel shitty just having gotten that close.
 
Nice man, i remember reading your posts back in the day. Gives me some hope that people actually want to get sober.
Seems like a lot of BL'ers are using heavily and are happy and content with it... at least online.

I almost had a year , but relapsed a few months ago. Was able to control my meth and heroin usage to weekends for a few months, but got laid off work and then picked up daily usage. I am hopping back on the sober train though, i had some good times when i was clean.

People may seem like they are happy being addicted to drugs.

They are not.

They are in denial about how bad the obsession, withdrawals, and side effects are.

It's a part of delusional happiness.

I now prefer to be unhappy, even suicidally depressed, over temporary synthetic expensive happiness.
 
^I find a frozen pizza helps the suicidal depression immensely :)
 
I now prefer to be unhappy, even suicidally depressed, over temporary synthetic expensive happiness.
I like how you put that captain cuz in reality while in active addiction is the only time in my life where I didn't care to live anymore
I hope to never forget the feeling of seeing homeless people I'm the street and thinking to myself they are better off then me as long as they are not addicts
I feel like things are finally starting to fall in place after 5 months and I hope to never forget where I just came from
I needed to read something like that captain so thanx for that
 
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