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Depression WHILE rolling

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zLKidda

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Joined
Jun 29, 2015
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I have struggled with depression for a long time. Normally i will drop a tab and or a pill and get off my tits and forget all my worries for a while and hope for the best with a comedown.
But the past 4 times i have taken ecstasy or ecstasy and LSD at the same time on the come up i feel like i should do on a come up (happy, free, social etc). But after a while (30 mins) I am still high as fuck, gurning my tits off. But not happy, no feelings of wanting to run wild or have fun. I will withdraw from everything around me and sit on my own and feel physical fine but emotionally not, people have seen me pulling my hair out and bashing my head on walls just due to how i feel/dont feel on the drug. Trying to describe this feeling so others know how it feels is like trying to cut a tree with a sponge it ist going to happen for a long time.
I feel nothing, like a robot. This the best description i can think off. The same feelings i had just before going to hospital for depression.
After the drugs have worn off i feel shit like everyone else on a comedown but SOoooo much better than when i was on them.

Sadly i am not willing to take ecstasy again and risk feeling like this without something i can try to stop i.

Why is this happening, how can i stop it happening?

I hope someone can help, no matter how shit i felt i could always look forward to rolling at the weekend :/ ecstasy signifies my youth and i don't want to lose it.

Although i can always turn to
 
In my opinion (I'm not a doctor), you should not consume MDMA if you have history of depression. The drug only releases what you have in your brain, and gives you nothing new (think of it as a dam, that is opened when you take the drug). If you have a low flow of water, opening the dam will only make your water reserve to disappear, because the little you have on your brain will be released.

If you are currently taking anti depressants, you should NOT consume MDMA while you are using them. You should stop using anti depressants at least 1 month prior to the roll, and if you have used anti depressants for a long time (over 6 months) your receptors are going to be numbed and your roll will probably be low.

Sorry, you got bad cards in this life to be taking MDMA. Your brain chemistry is not ready to use MDMA.
 
maybe it is the combination? if that has only happened to you when you took the mdma with lsd that might be the cause. mdma typically puts you in a happy bubble and lsd can mercilessly strip away any kind of self-deception that makes you feel better about your situation. if you take both at the same time the longer comeup for lsd would fit the timeline you describe.

but anyway, i agree with nightelf that taking mdma when you're already struggling with depression is not the best idea.
 
Why would you combine a happy drug wish a drug knowed to bring terrorific thoughs adding the fact of depression? Just stick to mdma and the serotonine flood. Just my opinion!
 
cheers nightELF :) Guess i will stick to LSD. i have taken LSD 2-5 times a month for the past 2 years and never had a bad trip (well i have had bad times but not bad trips)so guess i got a good card their to even it out :)
@Black it happens if i have taken mdma on it own or with something else ,LSD heightens the despair feeling though. I have always loved LSD and mdma, my fondest most euphoric memories are candy flipping with friends and a bottle of tequila :)
 
Hi zLKidda, welcome to bluelight :D I agree that taking MDMA while struggling with depression is not the best idea. It's only a short-term band-aid that will drop you lower afterwards than you were before. I understand the need to be able to escape for a bit, but if done too often it always leads to trouble

Aside from that you should make sure of a few things before you conclude that you experience depression while rolling. First thing is making sure it's actually MDMA you're taking, since all kinds of chemicals could cause you to feel like that. So if you aren't already, test your drugs. Once you've done that, your dose is the next thing you should make sure you get right. If you underdose, because for instance your drugs are impurer than you thought, you could end up feeling kind of depressed and anxious for a few hours. More so if you already struggle with depression to begin with. I don't mean go wild and take a huge dose by this, but perhaps try a different source, which may have purer product. Again only after testing of course. If you've made sure you actually have MDMA and your dose is right, tolerance could also be a factor, which can produce a similar feeling to underdosing. You should try to keep a minimum of a month, preferably three, between your rolls. That's only a rule of thumb, it varies between people, but MDMA can build tolerance pretty quickly. And finally it's possible that you need to first make sure you're in a bit of a better place mentally before you try again. MDMA's effects are very much dependant on your mindset, probably more so than you would imagine

Finally, anti-depressants can also cause something like this. Have you recently switched medication or did you start treatment recently? Should you be prescribed anti-depressants or similar medication in the future, always make sure to research possible interactions in case you want to take drugs. MDMA + an MAOI anti-depressant for instance is a very dangerous combination. MDMA + an SSRI will mute MDMA's effects and can cause a speedy, anxious and perhaps depressed experience
 
Yeah that will be it, i have switched fromfluoxetine since being omitted i checked at that was fine with mdma but now i am on a much higher dosage of tranylcypromine. Done a bit of research and the two DONT mix. So i guess i am not going to be rolling anymore, mental health comes before fun, ironically this ist fun :(
 
Woah, tranylcypromine is an MAOI, be very careful. If you want to know why, read this, it's an example of what can happen. MDMA + an MAOI can potentially be fatal, seriously. I would stop using MDMA completely, don't try it again while you are on that medication and for a while after. What's weird is that if you combine MDMA and an MAOI, it should in theory amplify your roll, until it spins out of control like in the example above. In your case it seems to have muted your roll. How long were you on the fluoxetine if I may ask? Fluoxetine, while not really dangerous to combine with MDMA, will mute your roll a lot, depending on dose sometimes completely. It does this for a while after discontinuation if you've been on it for an extended time and/or were on a high dose

Interesting that tranylcypromine is a substituted phenethylamine, MDMA is as well
 
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I agree with chipyasu, do MDMA by itself. When I began rolling, I had not yet done any real psychedelics. I read about all the "flipping" you could do, and then I tripped a couple times. I thought if you combined the crazy mental creations of psychedelics with the feel-good of MDMA, you'd be in the awesomest carnival of the mind! WRONG! I was very disappointed / frustrated when I found out that the psychedelics often kept me too much in my mind, too mentally sharp, to give into the MDMA "foggy" joy. MDMA is sort of like getting hit in the head with a "happy brick." Think pan-galactic gargle blaster. You are happy, but a moron, temporarily. Psychedelics often sharpen certain aspects of your mental faculty, so that can be a conflict and can snap you out of your roll, or keep you from fully rolling.

Now, this is not every time. I had a couple nice candyflips, but each time I realized I'd have preferred just rolling. The hippy-flips were even worse, shrooms really kept me too "in my head" to enjoy the roll. I had one really strong flip, but it was so strong that the night was a blur of sensation, and I basically cannot recall more than a few seconds. My memory is scattered when I roll anyway, but the last thing I want is to remember even less. So I'm not a fan of flipping at all.

It also limits your "extended fun time." For example, if I have lsd, shrooms and mdma, you could trip from 9am all day long, and then as you come down, start rolling and have a good roll... Now you're having a 14 hour party instead of 8 hours. Or do the LSD the night before (like if you are at a multi-day event) and roll the next night. The day after a roll, I personally like shrooms as a mellow trippy "buffer" high, but YMMV.

~psychoblast~
 
how much of a break do you leave inbetween xtc use? If its under 3 months you are doing it wrong and its normal that ur brain gets fucked up after a while of mdma abuse.
 
BlueBull said:
Hi zLKidda, welcome to bluelight :D I agree that taking MDMA while struggling with depression is not the best idea. It's only a short-term band-aid that will drop you lower afterwards than you were before. I understand the need to be able to escape for a bit, but if done too often it always leads to trouble

Aside from that you should make sure of a few things before you conclude that you experience depression while rolling. First thing is making sure it's actually MDMA you're taking, since all kinds of chemicals could cause you to feel like that. So if you aren't already, test your drugs. Once you've done that, your dose is the next thing you should make sure you get right. If you underdose, because for instance your drugs are impurer than you thought, you could end up feeling kind of depressed and anxious for a few hours. More so if you already struggle with depression to begin with. I don't mean go wild and take a huge dose by this, but perhaps try a different source, which may have purer product. Again only after testing of course. If you've made sure you actually have MDMA and your dose is right, tolerance could also be a factor, which can produce a similar feeling to underdosing. You should try to keep a minimum of a month, preferably three, between your rolls. That's only a rule of thumb, it varies between people, but MDMA can build tolerance pretty quickly. And finally it's possible that you need to first make sure you're in a bit of a better place mentally before you try again. MDMA's effects are very much dependant on your mindset, probably more so than you would imagine

Finally, anti-depressants can also cause something like this. Have you recently switched medication or did you start treatment recently? Should you be prescribed anti-depressants or similar medication in the future, always make sure to research possible interactions in case you want to take drugs. MDMA + anMAOI anti-depressant for instance is a very dangerous combination. MDMA + an SSRI will mute MDMA's effects and can cause a speedy, anxious and perhaps depressed experience
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Pretty much my experience. Although the stuff I used was almost certainly not pure MDMA. I would always feel good initially but would become increasingly paranoid and anxious. On my 2nd last trip I randomly started puking. Right after doing a line and again right after taking a sip of beer. Didn't even feel it coming. Also had weird issues with my legs and hands becoming numb. I will say though that the times I did it with 1-2 people I didn't as anxious as when I was around 5-6 people who I didn't know too well.
 
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