Hi guys - really fucked up and need some serious help

[Soulgasm]

I think it's permanent. If so, there is nothing you can do. You can't fix retarded.

First of all, ignore this heaping pile of shit.

Next, you have to come to terms and gain some acceptance for your current state of being and know that it is not permanent. Time heals all and with the rapidly advancing medical horizons of our age (you are young), you are surely not doomed to permanent suffering. I can relate to your headspace as I have a substantial amount of brain damage from a while back that threw a giant roadblock in my life and is so sllllllllowwwwwwwww to heal. It's like crawling through mud, mile after mile and starts to seem pointless after awhile. It's really hard to keep living in the present and keep up morale but shit will get better. Also, you are right to stop using drugs. They're only a hindrance in the healing process, unless you're using iboga or other psychedelics in a therapeutic manner. Hang in there brother and you will eventually find your way back to the person you were and the person you want to be. Life is definitely not always fair in the least but the universe tends to unfold as it should.

 

[Beokay]

Yes I agree! Nothing is permanent, don't ever think that. You weren't put on this earth to suffer.

Have you ever thought of alternative medicines?
Sorry if I sound stupid, but trying meditation, or going to see a healer or someone that can give you hope.

Also, they say that every physical ailment is an emotional one, perhaps go see a psychologist (if you haven't already), to talk things out.
You said you spoke to God, that you didn't want to die. You chose to be here, so stay strong.
Maybe reach out to him?
I'm not religious per say, but I do believe Others who aren't with us, help us.

Sending much love and strength and courage. You will be okay. Just keep going
X

 

[brainfogboy]

Thank you to all who replied. It means a lot to be around those who genuinely care. The advice here is the absolute best, because these doctors really haven't a clue.

At this point I firmly believe my nervous system has become overly-sensitized. None of the drugs they Rx me work, and many create even more problems. I basically need a reset of my entire system.

I have put off psychedelics and ibogaine for the longest time, fearing the potential to fuck me up worse. At this point, however, I believe they are the answer. I need relief and am willing to try anything. If what everyone says about these types of drugs is true, then I cannot believe I have waited this long. Fear is a motherfucker.

You're right, I do need alternative medicine. Meditation, yoga, ibogaine, etc. is the route I need to take. Western medicine is disease management. Period. It's a disgrace to human life. I can feel it deep down that this type of healthcare isn't the answer and is not healthy. I've been through it all, I've seen nearly everything, and it's a shame that most people won't wake up to this fact until it's too late. These poisonous drugs are what got me here in the first place, and I am so fucking pissed off.

I'm going to start using therapeutic doses of psychedelics and ibogaine. I'll do my research and do it as safely as possible. If any of you have any sort of guidance on a complete beginner, on what to take, how to take it, etc. please let me know! I can search through threads and read trip reports, but 1 on 1 contact and re-assurance is what I think I need right now.

As to the dosage: quite honestly it's been so long I cannot remember. I do remember it was a combo of Ritalin, Adderall, and coffee. I think these stims are synergistic with each other, and have a compound effect, rather than an additive. Or maybe it's just me, I do not know. All I know is, that before this happened I would regularly do 60mg of Dex and barely feel a thing, and now I can't even so much as drink a cup of coffee. I can't even eat chocolate or drink tea (because of the caffeine content). I've also never had panic attacks in my life, even during the service. Now I feel as if I'm on the verge of one constantly. I could give a shit about panic attacks, it's the digestive, head pressure, blood sugar, blood pressure, etc. issues that are really fucking with me. My mind is strong but my body isn't following suit.

I'll report back with what I've done and how I've done it. Thanks guys.

Tyler

 

[deadendgame]

I wish you well man. Sorry for mentioning about the retarded part. I guess you might have some neuroplasticity. I just reckon that the amphetamines cause some permanent brain damage and that's function you'll never get back.

 

[ABetterWay]

How are you currently doing, love?

Glad you advocated for yourself. You knew something was PHYSICALLY WRONG, and others insisted it was mental. You know you best.

Best of luck, sweetheart.

Peace.