Hi Again, mine is a very long story but I'm going to share it and I hope you and whoever read it can bare with me.
Starting from my childhood and teen years there have been so many things as a little girl I shouldn't have gone through and a lot of messed up things happened to me. I'm in my mid 20s now and looking back when I think about those days there are so many things that I wish I could erase from my memory...
I'm not and won't be in touch with most of my family and parents for lots of reasons and we live pretty far away from each other.
So my story started with me getting into 3 bad car wrecks over the course of 2 years which lead me into using opiates on the regular. I never had addiction problem, and my tolerance was very low. 10mg of hydrocodone was enough to make me feel good for a few hours and I never really abused them. After I ran out of my prescriptions, I would buy them off the streets for recreational use and still never took any more than 10 or at the most 15mgs at once and this went on for years.
I have a great job and career and work over 60 hours a week&make decent money which eventually caused me to move to Midwest for a better job opportunity. The first 6 months after I moved, I never thought about opioids honestly but then later on, life just became boring I guess and I needed that escape and a few hours of fuzzy feeling. The thing about where I live is, pain pills are so hard to find off the streets and I had a hard time trying to find somebody that would sell them. People live here are so anti drug type or so I thought. So one day this dude that used to find me pills every once in a while told me about black tar heroin(maybe brown?)and I was like heck no I am not doing that poison(like its so much different than the pain pills, I mean it is in a way you know what's in the opioids whereas you can't say the same for heroin but the high you get is pretty close) Anyways after thinking about the fact that it's so hard to find opiates here, I decided I was going to give it a try. This part might sound disgusting but when I decided to do H, there was nooooo way I was going to use IV because once you decide to do that there's pretty much no turning back and I can't show up at work with marks also smoking H was a no no too for the same reason. I decided to mix it with water inside of a spoon and cut a straw and just snort it that way. I figured it would be the safest. Let me tell you how gross that thing tastes after you snort it and get the taste in your mouth. It tastes like poison. But the feeling... It made me feel like nothing in the world mattered and the high I got from that lasted for hours so I was in love. I never went overboard with it, same way I did with the opiates I always used tiny amounts twice a day and no more than that. I work long hours at work and I would never crave it when I worked even though some days I work as long as 13-15 hours. This went on for months and in my mind I'm thinking I don't have an addiction problem, everything's cool etc etc. You know there's a saying that goes "you don't know what you're doing until you stop doing" or something like that. One day so out of the blue I decided I was done with it and not going to use it anymore. And still at that point I didnot think I had a problem. Anyways 12 hours into not using, I started feeling sick, hot and cold, sweating constantly but also cold, weird feeling in my legs and I did not sleep that night at all. I was still thinking I had the flu and this is not withdrawal because I'm not addicted to nothing. That was until the next morning when I got very sick I had to call in, I realized that I'm having withdrawals and my body got addicted to that poison. Going to dr or getting help was not an option for me because of my job, this cannot be on my record it's just not even an option so I knew I was going to tough it out and have rough few weeks. Physical withdrawals lasted about 2 weeks and it was bad, I had absolutely no sleep, wasn't able to eat, my body constantly aching etc it was not fun. But to me the hardest part was the emotional withdrawals, everything would make me cry I was so depressed for months And would listen to sad songs and cry cry cry.. This lasted about 3 months and it was rough. To anyone, who is reading this, it is possible to quit and to do it on your own(although I don't know about the IV addiction, I personally never tried and would never do so) just decide that you will do it and stick to it. I never went to AA meetings either because like I said because of my job, discretion is important and if anyone from work sees me at one of those meetings, that would effect my career in a negative way. And what really helped me to kick it fast and not to think about that nasty habit anymore was(maybe you should try it Imtrying) working out. I started working out regularly at the gym starting from simple cardio and then later on to weights etc and that changed my whole attitude about life and everything. It gave me natural high that no drug can ever give and it's so amazing. It's the best way to kick a nasty habit, either tobacco or any other drug.
Ok I know this has been a long post but my advice is don't do drugs. I so wish I never did H because I feel like it changed a lot of stuff going on in my brain and the balance. I can't think the same way I used to think anymore, I have memory problems and stuff like that. Feel free to DM me and if you ever need advice or feel lonely, I'm here!
Peace x
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