MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

[EnlightenedOne1]

Lot's of hypochondriacs and too many "google symptom" riders in this thread. THINGS WILL GET BETTER DUE TO THESE FACTORS:

1. Clean diet with 3-4 liters of alkalinized water daily
2. Daily Exercise both resistance training and intense cardiovascular sessions.
3. TIME

I ABUSED MDMA/MDA/MDE for 12 years and I'll be a full year clean from MDMA on NYE. Make sure to stay busy and stop reading horror stories from this thread. There's just no way someone can take 3 pills in a lifetime and think they have Parkinsons when i know people (including myself) who have eaten THOUSANDS of dosages in amounts exceeding 20 pills a binge and are somewhat and/or fully recovered.

Stay strong and if you feel like you've done damage then NEVER take EX again.

 

[daiki]

Here gives me opportunity to express and to share. Thank you so much, BlueBull ; )

This is the third version of the MDMA recovery thread. It serves the purpose of bringing together people who suffer from adverse effects after MDMA use to share stories and support each other

Previous thread here

I'll quote the last few posts of the previous thread to make replying to them a bit easier:

 

[samsan]

I had a horrifying trip on LSD and MDMA, I did it it stupidly and took too much, anyway after this I never wanted to take any drugs again and stopped for more than three years, until i went to berlin for vacation and decided to take MDMA, again I was never any expert before much less now so i got a bag of what I thought was a personal dose of MDMA crystals (before I had only taken the capsules) and anyway, I again very stupidly, ate the whole thing and I don't know if the bag was too much but it was very intense and I had massive panic attack and completely blacked out for over an hour (I was not unconscious but just lost all memory of this hour and my friend said my eyes were rolling back, I was sweating cold and speaking nonsense with great difficulty, and very visibly disturbed and horrified) afterwards and regained full awareness and started feeling all the goodness but still way too intense for my liking; anyway could I have overdosed or am I just completely traumatized from my previous experience and have triggered uncontrollable paranoia? BTW, the bag cost 40 euros inside the club, and it came in a little plastic container thingy, not really a bag. I am not interested in using regularly as I only like it for very special occasions which very rarely present themselves, but it would be nice to know if once in a while that i want to take it I will not have this terrible reaction.

 

[Celticwar17]

I, like many, had an extremely bad experience using MDMA.... and the story is finally over, it took me 3-4 months to fully recover. I'll tell you my symptoms and timeline, so maybe it can help encourage those who have had similar experience as me.

I had only taken MDMA Twice before, and both years apart. I went to Tomorroworld this past fall and my friend had MDMA I decided to try, my previous experiences with the drug was 100% positive, though I assume they were relatively low dose. I have no idea how much I had, but I know it wasn't ridiculous, because I had no more than what my friends had and they were perfectly fine.... but the difference was maybe their bodies were more used to it..

I took a small aamount and waited 30 mins and didn't get any feeling from it... so I went back and took another small amount.
I started to feel it, the normal good feeling I remember... It started getting intense, which I was okay with, I still felt light and fun, I was pretty relaxed.

All of the sudden, my eye just started to grow wide, and I heard a buzzing in my ear, and everything was as if I could perceive everything at once, my mind was in overdrive... it was overwhelming, and I didn't think this was normal... I tried to wait it out a bit, but I was REALLY ampt up... I checked my pulse, I wasn't able to count it, but seriously it was going so fast... listening to BPMs on youtube I estimate it it was around 180-200 bpm. It felt like someone injected 5 monster energy drinks in me at once... I had complete control over my body, and my mind was completely aware...I escaped the crowd and it eventually died down after 20 minutes... the scariest moments of my life, I didn't overreact, but man I was in total agony and terror on the inside, I felt like I was dying.

The rest of the night and the next 2 days I was 100% fine.

I woke up on the third day after with my heart racing... for no reason whatsoever. I checked my pulse and it was in the 160s... I just had no control over my heartrate at all, I am someone who really prides themselves on being able to control myself, mind over matter... BUT I JUST COULDNT get my body to listen to me, no matter how many deep breaths or distractions, my body was in total panic mode. After 45 minutes of not improving I went to the hospital... At the hospital I was shaking violently with heart palpitations... after about an hour there They got fluids in me and I eventually returned to normal... the doctor could find nothing wrong. He released me and said it was dehydration.

Walking out of the hospital and into a car, my heartrate started to spike again...I just road it out until I eventually just got to my bed....
The week was one of the worst weeks of my life... I would have these panic attacks about once an hour for at least 5 days straight. My brain wasn't working or feeling right, I felt like a ghost outside my body just puppeting my body instead of being in it, I could not focus on a computer screen very well, I would often get stuck in repetitive thoughts...I started thinking to myself that if this is how life is going to be from now on, I don't think I can make it...Finally after the first week I started seeing signs of improvement..
In the second week I started only getting the panic attacks about 3-4 times a day, but my brain still felt foggy, the whole back of my head felt like it was missing...At this point I felt this was manageable, but I recognized I really messed myself up and my life is going to be really hard, but I can do it...It progressively after week three got slowly better...
1.5 months...I had no more panic attacks outright...instead I would still get panic attacks if I raised my heart rate above 100-110 BPM... I love playing tennis...and I tried, multiple times... I had to cancel a match because my body broke down in a panic attack not even two games in the match. My heartrate was just too high, and for no reason whatsoever...I wasn't even moving and it was in the 140s.

4 months later... I can say I made a 100% full recovery... and it really has taken me this long. It really feels hopeless when the symptoms are sticking around for months...
To those whom have had an similar orworse experience than me, I sincerely hope you pull through... I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Knowing that I made a full recovery after 4 months can hopefully give a little hope.

 

[Londonscouser]

It just shows some people's brains recover faster than others...

1 thing is for sure, the younger you are, the faster the recovery rate

 

[szuko000]

Does anyone notice a higher frequency of MDMA abuse then before? I find myself telling people i never thought i would that they can not take molly every weekend as something to do for fun. I am always met with resistance or people not taking it seriously and telling me that "they do a lot of drugs so they know" and i am 28 and i am talking about people my age. The other problem being they are not in the raving scene so maybe they dont know about long term comedowns but these people arent listening to me and sadly one of them is my fiances brother who is 27. I just never thought i would be telling the same people who told me "rolling will make you gay" in high school that they can not roll all the time or they will have bad negative effects.

Is it because its the new "pop drug" and people are just under educated on the subject and as they come from a background of coke in high school, oxys post high school, and discovered molly late in life they think i am just being overly concerned? I just dont get it its not something to take lightly and there was a time where i never had to worry about others hurting themselves with it because they thought it was gay lol

 

[Badroll7]

Has anyone who's taken ssri or any medication as a result of an ltc been help with their physical symptoms as well. For example: will it help with blurry vision, head pressure, etc or does it particularly only help with the anxiety aspect of the comedown. Please let me know.

 

[Nambo]

Has anyone who's taken ssri or any medication as a result of an ltc been help with their physical symptoms as well. For example: will it help with blurry vision, head pressure, etc or does it particularly only help with the anxiety aspect of the comedown. Please let me know.

In my experience the SSRI has not helped with any of the physical symptoms. It is supposed to help with the depression but I don't believe this has helped in any way either.

 

[Londonscouser]

Has anyone who's taken ssri or any medication as a result of an ltc been help with their physical symptoms as well. For example: will it help with blurry vision, head pressure, etc or does it particularly only help with the anxiety aspect of the comedown. Please let me know.

I've read through all the LTC threads, and SSRI administration is basically hit or miss
Some people state it helped them fully recover, whereas others say it made it worse

Personally i think antidepressants should be used as a last resort, unless you are unable to function

 

[nnzo]

THe whole left side of my body is broken

 

[Budal202]

Question: Let's consider there was brain damage in the neuro-receptors of serotonin. If we use SSRI as Lexapro, the inhibition of serotonin would prevent neural plasticity from happening?

Sorry for bad english

 

[ro4eva]

Question: Let's consider there was brain damage in the neuro-receptors of serotonin. If we use SSRI as Lexapro, the inhibition of serotonin would prevent neural plasticity from happening?

Sorry for bad english

Unfortunately I do not have any objective medical evidence to back up my anecdotal experience, but regardless, based on the ~8 months I spent on an SSRI (Zoloft - 100mg OD), and considering the huge improvement in my LTC Symptoms to the point where the majority of them (IIRC 16 out of 20) had completely ceased to affect me, I'd argue that the effect(s) on neuroplasticity (if any) was anything other than inhibitory. Actually, I'd have to propose that the aforementioned phenomenon was somehow either encouraged, supported, or maintained (or "all of the above").

At the same time however, it should be duly noted that we all respond differently to drugs in general, and as such, I cannot guarantee that the very same, seemingly miraculous improvement of the vast majority of my chronic, debilitating symptoms (which I do not ever wish to experience again) shall be completely repeated in other patients.

I noticed someone else stating that SSRIs would be best left as a last resort, and I completely agree with that sentiment. Because for any potential benefits they may provide in the long term to the poor souls on this sub-forum who are understandably desperate for something/anything to help them get back to feeling "normal" (whatever their definition of "normal" may feel like), the SSRI family of drugs carry with them some of the nastiest side effects I've ever had to deal with in the short term. And there's also some long term effects as well such as erectile dysfunction, or so I've been told (I lucked out).

In other words, when I first started dosing myself on Zoloft, I had to deal with weeks of feeling even more sick due to the combination of LTC Symptoms + side effects before my body finally became used to the drug. And it was so freakin' bad; so severe that if it wasn't for the fact that I was contemplating suicide as 'Option B,' I would have stopped taking the drug after a couple of days.

That's not meant to discourage anyone from giving it a go, but rather a warning that you'll most likely have to endure about 3 weeks of hell in order for any potential benefits to possibly start manifesting themselves. Just take it one day at a time, and be sure to not have to deal with work/school/errands, because chances are you'll feel a level of sickness which may be unbearable if someone's depending on you full time.

 

[Budal202]

@ro4eva Good to know, friend. I'm already facing some of the nasties sympthons a person could experience, so there is not much to lose haha. It all started with the insomnia 3 months ago, along with ansiety, taquicardia, heart pulsations, low level of paranoia, blurred vision, erectile disfunction, low libido and premature ejaculation even with viagra (i'm so fucked up that i'm laughing about it right now hahaha), and i still have a girlfriend but can't have real sex anymore. I think about breaking up all the time cuz the pressure is killing me and making things worse. If I could just fix the insomnia and sex drive problems my positive thinking would increase 99% and everything else would get better. I read a lot of yours posts, read the entire thread during the weekend and absorved a lot of good stuff. I started to work out 5 times a week along with cardio exercise. Taking 0.25 of xanax before sleeping (it's not helping too much tho, cuz the problem isisn't really falling asleep, but sleeping the whole night). Tomorrow the melatonim i ordered will arive, i really hope it helps.

Have you ever had any problem with sleeping?

Thanks for helping!

 

[ro4eva]

@ro4eva Good to know, friend. I'm already facing some of the nasties sympthons a person could experience, so there is not much to lose haha. It all started with the insomnia 3 months ago, along with ansiety, taquicardia, heart pulsations, low level of paranoia, blurred vision, erectile disfunction, low libido and premature ejaculation even with viagra (i'm so fucked up that i'm laughing about it right now hahaha), and i still have a girlfriend but can't have real sex anymore. I think about breaking up all the time cuz the pressure is killing me and making things worse. If I could just fix the insomnia and sex drive problems my positive thinking would increase 99% and everything else would get better. I read a lot of yours posts, read the entire thread during the weekend and absorved a lot of good stuff. I started to work out 5 times a week along with cardio exercise. Taking 0.25 of xanax before sleeping (it's not helping too much tho, cuz the problem isisn't really falling asleep, but sleeping the whole night). Tomorrow the melatonim i ordered will arive, i really hope it helps.

That's great that you had a chance to read through all the posts. I hope I was helpful in some way, shape or form, but I digress.

0.25mg of Alprazolam (Xanax) doesn't seem to be helping much with sleep, huh? Have you attempted to take 1 and 1/2 (0.375mg) or double the dosage at all? Perhaps you're not stabilized yet on a proper amount?

Have you ever had any problem with sleeping?

LOL - unfortunately, one of my LTC Symptoms' enduring legacy was the horrendous difficulty with trying to establish a routine sleep-wake cycle, as if my circadian rhythm was skipping beats, so to speak.

Yeah, difficulty with sleep - both falling asleep and staying asleep for at least a solid 5-6 hours - was almost constantly affecting me.

There was this unique headache which would usually hit me after going 24+ hours without being able to sleep - this was after the 'giggle factor' phase (where a lack of rest typically resulted in finding everything to be hilarious for no good reason). Anyways, to this day I have no idea how to rationalize what came with it: my LTC Symptoms inexplicably felt as if they were gone, only to rear its ugly head after I managed to fall asleep. Even now after ~8 years since I recovered, I'm still incredibly dumbfounded about it, and I doubt I"ll ever truly understand why my symptoms seemingly would disperse after having gone without sleep for more than a day. Can't even begin to explain it, but there ya have it. Odd, no?

Thanks for helping!

Thanks for reading my rambling rants, LOL

I talk too much; I admit it, I have a big mouth and that's that.

All in all, I wish you nothing but the best; and may your body, mind and soul mend completely and swiftly dear sir.

Until next time, I bid you a good day, and hang in there, you're doing great! And don't let anyone tell you differently (because chances are they have no idea what you've been through). Cheers mon ami!

 

[skeeto222]

THe whole left side of my body is broken

Can you expound upon this?

This is one of the symptoms I've had as well. It feels like the left side of my body is "weaker" or just not as there as the right side of my body is. I feel more energy and vitality in my right side than in my left side.

Very intrigued that you mentioned this as well because it's not something I've heard from a lot of other people.

 

[giovanni557]

Thanks Jesús Crist you are my savior Guys is something related to the neck there was a case about a teen using molly mdma ) but the pressure we feel on the head and feeling something moving because are the nerves that are irritated but is something on the (( neck or spine )) but not sure

 

[me2point0]

I don't see many of the people posting here that were there when i first posted in this thread almost two years ago. I hope everyone is doing well and will report back with good news. Hope is the only thread that keeps me going.

 

[ShroomySatori]

All I can say is this THE most miserable drug I've ever used in my life, by far the most damaging, and a sneaky, insidious drug at that. How could one night ever be worth the damage that it does. Every time I take it (which is very rare and sporadic now) I completely regret it after. I am mentally unstable for weeks or even months. I never noticed it before, but it was always there. I immediately regret using it afterwards and feel dirty. The days after are horrific. The actual high is retarded and fake. I will be so open and social with people I don't know but it's bullshit. It's not me. I will never, for the life of me understand how this filth is popular. It seems all everyone wants these days is molly. Clearly people don't understand the importance of normal serotonin levels. Not to mention it's hardly, if ever, actually 'molly' - being arguably the most notoriously misrepresented substance known to man. Are people that uncomfortable with themselves in social situations these days, that this bullshit is what's popular? What ever happened to intelligence? Respecting the brain cells? I, for one, don't need to be frying my brain with this bullshit.

Anyone who actually thinks for a second that this filth doesn't cause brain damage is seriously mistaken. It is the definition of brain damage. Any amount of it harms you and the more you use it, the more that damage becomes apparent. Usually by the time you notice what's going on, it's too late and the damage is done.

I don't think that I've 'lost the magic' because when I use it (always a mistake) I still get really high. I think I've just become aware, after using it over many years, just how stupid, damaging, and not even fun the high is. Well I mean it's good but it's SO not worth it.

Anyone who's feeling the damage, just make sure to never, ever use it again. Because your judgement can fail at any moment, unexpectedly, and you'll drop. That's what happened to me a couple times this year. I randomly took the shit and I regret it SO much even using it just twice this year. To think I used to use it more frequently than that, sometimes even weekly. Ew. Gross. Poor brain. To think that people are using this stuff on a regular basis, carelessly. Poor souls. Anyone who is caught up in this garbage is truly a poor, misguided soul. Dumbest, shallowest drug ever.

 

[Budal202]

@ShroomySatori

I agree. I feel so sorry for not noticing the beauty perfect miracle that our brain is, how i could improve and upgrade it, how much knowledge i could learn and spread, explore and see, enjoy and share. It's all different now, nothing will ever be the same, the only thing left is to get use to it.

 

[Budal202]

I'm starting to develop a theory (though it is complicated because of the difficulty of concentration and attention that makes me constantly lose the train of thought) that many of the LTC’s symptoms reported here by myself and others MDMA abusers, especially those that are considered anxiety symptoms, may be related to sexual dysfunction, as many professional psychologists believe that the root of psychological problems is sexual.

So basically what happened to me was: 28 untested MDMA pills December/2014 to August/2015. After taking six pills in one night, I had a panic attack and severe depression for 2 weeks, believing that i caused permanent damage to my brain. The months went by and I felt relatively better, but I developed chronic insomnia, generalized anxiety, and live with constant symptoms such as tremors, pulsation in the head, throbbing, shaking, decentralized vision, difficulty concentrating and a horrible memory.

But the biggest problem is sexual dysfunction.

It affects my deepest thoughts and feelings, affects my soul, makes me feel like I will never be man and never be able to live normally again.
What I noticed was that after my ecstasy abuse, my sex drive has decreased A LOT . Before all of this, when watching a porn video for example, or seeing a naked girl, I would instantly have an erection. Now this doesn’t happen anymore, visual stimuli don’t affect my erection.

It is different to the stimulation of touch; When I'm playing with a girl, kissing her, it starts to get up, but not strong enough most of the time, and i have premature ejaculation. As if my body was tired and wanted to finish it soon. When this happens it is impossible to have a second "erection".

I also realized that when I think a lot about these sexual problems (which I’ve been doing), all the other symptoms get worse: insomnia, anxiety, depression, head pulsation and tachycardia (even concentration, memory, vision, and the sexual dysfunction itself).

I know several people who have abused a lot more of MDMA and don’t have any sexual problems. Many here claim to have sexual problems as a symptom of LTC, but when it comes to men, sexuality is the basis of self-confidence. I bet that if most of us here who are going through LTC’s were not experiencing problems with libido, having sex regularly, feeling orgasms normally, would give much less attention for other symptoms caused/exacerbated by a LTC, don’t you agree? I know I would.

A sexually active alpha man is full of confidence, that confidence releases dopamine and other substances that makes everything easier.
I believe that if we focus on the improvement of sexual dysfunction, other symptoms will eventually go away, but how? I read several posts about supplementation and medication and would like to discuss with you guys.

For those who managed to improve or cure sexual dysfunction after a LTC, what did you do? What medications or supplements did you take? What tests did you do?

What could be causing this desire decrease? Read some posts talking about Piracetam, does it help? And testosterone?
FBC told us that his sexual function is at 100% but didn’t explained what helped him with that.

Ecstasy could actually cause permanent problems with erection from visual stimulation? What part of the brain is involved in this and how can we treat it?
I really think that the problems are not hormonal but in the brain.

Let us share all knowledge about it.

Now I'm taking Xanax 0.5mg to sleep, along with melatonin. Omega 4, glutamine. Planning to buy ashwagandha, Pregnenolone, magnesium and B, B12 vitamins. Tought about 5-HTP but i don't wanna fuck the libido more than it is now. I have all the symptoms of low serotonin (which could not mean low serotonin itself, but damage to the receivers / transmitters), the single symptom that does not fit is low libido and erectile dysfunction, which, in the case of low serotonin, libido should be increased. i'm not depressed, only with Anxiety disorder.

I don't mind spending my entire salary on anything that helps the little man to start working again

Thanks guys! I wish you all peace, love and a quick and full recovery