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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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me2point0 said:
No ahaha, it's the one where I get a helmet full of electrodes and they capture the speed in Hz at wich one part of my brain communicates with another.
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Ah the colours bit threw me off since that's often fMRI. Each electrode just measures electrical activity that's coming from the brain in that area. I've actually used it myself it's pretty cool stuff.
 
nightElf said:
I'm on my... 9th month, and for the first time, I feel a little better in general.

The vertigo is almost gone, I don't have episodes anymore. I also don't feel my heartbeat around my body anymore, or have the feeling of tahquicard
I still get the muscle twitching, but it's less than before. My mouse does not jump as much as it used to be.
The brainzaps are also (almost) gone. I'm able to sleep pretty quickly, and I rest well during the night. Last time I took Clonazepan was over a week ago, a single drop to help me sleep.
Anxiety is less, in general. Depression is also less (except when I'm on my period, I feel like shit). Sexual libido is sloooooowly raising, very slowly.

I don't drink alcohol except a glass of wine from time to time, or a vodka with orange juice (5 were the max I had when I went to see Sasha a month ago).

I started swimming, to speed up my recovery and help my back (I spent too much time on the computer).

For the first time in months, I'm actually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel :)
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That's great news! =D

I'm truly happy for you! Keep up the hard work and always remember that you have another family of sorts online that knows you've been severely under the weather, and, can empathize with your situation.

I always find it inspiring in general whenever I come to this thread and read such success stories - even if they are a work in progress.

Swimming in my opinion is an excellent choice for anyone looking to establish an aerobic exercise schedule / routine, because while it's been proven to be effective in helping people lose weight, it's also very low impact on the joints, hence, it's an excellent choice especially if suffering from arthritis and/or other illnesses which affect motility based on impact, but I digress.

Good for you for doing 'something' right (whatever that 'something' may be), and as a result, finding that your 'LTC' symptoms have decreased in severity or faded completely.

Again, keep it up and it's great to be reading about it, good day :)

P.S. - During my 'LTC' illness/symptoms, and afterwards up to present day, I also don't recall having issues with memory as a result. It seems that, like the high from a drug, we also experience illnesses in a unique manner (however small that difference may be).
 
mulholland602 said:
It's so sad to see threads like this...I myself have been in this situation and It left me with a deep hatred for MDMA and a sense of shame and disgust at what I had done to myself....Surely a brief search on a forum like this would be enough to discourage anyone from considering using MDMA the fact there are threads like this one talking of 'Recovery' and 'Support' should be enough this isn't a serious illness this is supposed to be something taken for 'Fun' recreationally it is literally self harm....there is alot of misinformation about MDMA/Ecstasy and sadly it comes from forums like this and not the government....Irresponsible and selfish users talking of the wonders of their favourite drug....Vilifying alcohol which in comparison is benign no matter what you might hear on bluelight.....MDMA is if abused (And arguably even just used) is poison....And it literally makes me sick..
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I have spent more nights crying myself to sleep afraid that I had destroyed my brain in the past year than I can count.

I agree 100%.
 
Hello again guys,

Month 9. My moods are still a little haywire but I contribute this to weaning off of my Clonazepam. The fact that I am able to give up my daily benzo feels like a huge success to me. Derealization is basically gone. Anxiety & depression flare up, but only in 'fits' of a few hours (as opposed to constant). My working memory has come in leaps & bounds. The brain fog leaves with the anxiety.

Take care of yourselves. Stay sober, eat well, sleep well, exercise. You know the drill.

Still experiencing visuals. Visual snow, halos, afterimages, photosensitivity. But they've been lessening, touch wood.

Since I went down I've seen 6 psychiatrists, 1 psychologist, 2 M.D.'s, an optometrist, and an ophthalmologist. Really, only my M.D. and psychologist were of any real help. Your experience may be different.

I am still taking daily sertraline 150mg and buproprion 300mg. 5-10mg melatonin at night for a healthy sleep cycle.

I'm going in for an MRI next, will let you guys know if they find anything. Stay strong.
 
Since this ltc I feel like I react differently to stuff like alcohol, or my adhd medication and caffeine, on the cardiovascular side. I've been wondering, if maybe I go to the dentist or I get hurt and I go to the hospital and they prescripe me something like codeine or morphine, or they give me anasthesia. Does anybody know if i'll react badly? I'm just planning ahead here.
 
me2point0 said:
Since this ltc I feel like I react differently to stuff like alcohol, or my adhd medication and caffeine, on the cardiovascular side. I've been wondering, if maybe I go to the dentist or I get hurt and I go to the hospital and they prescripe me something like codeine or morphine, or they give me anasthesia. Does anybody know if i'll react badly? I'm just planning ahead here.
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I too noticed that, while experiencing 'LTC' symptoms, any drugs which exert a mind altering or intoxicating effect on the user (such as Alcohol, Diphenhydramine, Morphine, etc.) regardless of legality or use as medication clearly affected me differently.

For example, I remember the first night that I got drunk after becoming ill with the aforementioned illness. I remember it so well because it almost felt as if I went from sober straight to the hangover.

In other words, drinking booze would cause me to feel like shit - no more pleasure derived from it at all. It's as if the Alcohol amplified some of the 'LTC' symptoms - particularly the uncomfortable awareness of my heartbeat, but I digress.

On the other hand, Opioid Analgesics such as Codeine, Morphine, Oxycodone, and so forth offered me an enormous amount of relief from my symptoms. I'd like to stress however that, considering this possibly well-intentioned but irrational and ultimately disastrous war on (people who prefer certain) drugs, and the burden it has placed on absolutely anyone looking to obtain any type of agonist which binds to the µ-opioid receptor in order to self-medicate (by way of international treaties, the DEA, drug scheduling, et cetera), I'd stay away from them because of the risk of dependency and possibly also outright addiction.

Re. other drugs - I've had extensive dental work performed while I was sick with 'LTC' symptoms. I was injected with a lot of Lidocaine (freezing), but it never made me feel sicker at all, so you should be good there.

I tried using Marijuana a couple of times while sick, and both times it resulted in massive panic attacks.

Also tried using a small oral dose of Methamphetamine one time while sick, and it also resulted in a panic attack.

Again though, you should be okay with Lidocaine (freezing/local anesthetic), Benzodiazepines, and also Opioids such as Codeine and Morphine. Again, you might find that the Opioids do such a good job at temporarily relieving your 'LTC' symptoms that you'll wanna stay on them indefinitely. And if I was your doctor, I would completely understand considering that I've personally been though it myself. Unfortunately however, 99% of physicians will probably sooner or later show you or I the door in such a case. And even that would be okay I suppose if it wasn't for the issue with severe withdrawal within hours of the last dose if becoming dependent on the Opioid(s) used (it's easier than one might think to become hooked).

Benzodiazepines should also make you feel better (especially the anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, etc.), but again, they can cause a physical dependency to develop and also be habit forming. And again, the fact that all of them are considered controlled substances doesn't help much if you run out and can't get more from a friend under the table, so to speak.

All in all, the worst of them all would have to be Alcohol, believe it or not. I'm not exaggerating when I said that it felt like going straight to the hangover.

Good luck with everything buddy - I'm truly sorry you and so many others have (and/or had) to deal with this shit. The memories stay with me years after I recovered - that's how traumatic the experience was, but at least it now reminds me to be very careful with my health.
 
ro4eva said:
I too noticed that, while experiencing 'LTC' symptoms, any drugs which exert a mind altering or intoxicating effect on the user (such as Alcohol, Diphenhydramine, Morphine, etc.) regardless of legality or use as medication clearly affected me differently.

For example, I remember the first night that I got drunk after becoming ill with the aforementioned illness. I remember it so well because it almost felt as if I went from sober straight to the hangover.

In other words, drinking booze would cause me to feel like shit - no more pleasure derived from it at all. It's as if the Alcohol amplified some of the 'LTC' symptoms - particularly the uncomfortable awareness of my heartbeat, but I digress.

On the other hand, Opioid Analgesics such as Codeine, Morphine, Oxycodone, and so forth offered me an enormous amount of relief from my symptoms. I'd like to stress however that, considering this possibly well-intentioned but irrational and ultimately disastrous war on (people who prefer certain) drugs, and the burden it has placed on absolutely anyone looking to obtain any type of agonist which binds to the µ-opioid receptor in order to self-medicate (by way of international treaties, the DEA, drug scheduling, et cetera), I'd stay away from them because of the risk of dependency and possibly also outright addiction.

Re. other drugs - I've had extensive dental work performed while I was sick with 'LTC' symptoms. I was injected with a lot of Lidocaine (freezing), but it never made me feel sicker at all, so you should be good there.

I tried using Marijuana a couple of times while sick, and both times it resulted in massive panic attacks.

Also tried using a small oral dose of Methamphetamine one time while sick, and it also resulted in a panic attack.

Again though, you should be okay with Lidocaine (freezing/local anesthetic), Benzodiazepines, and also Opioids such as Codeine and Morphine. Again, you might find that the Opioids do such a good job at temporarily relieving your 'LTC' symptoms that you'll wanna stay on them indefinitely. And if I was your doctor, I would completely understand considering that I've personally been though it myself. Unfortunately however, 99% of physicians will probably sooner or later show you or I the door in such a case. And even that would be okay I suppose if it wasn't for the issue with severe withdrawal within hours of the last dose if becoming dependent on the Opioid(s) used (it's easier than one might think to become hooked).

Benzodiazepines should also make you feel better (especially the anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, etc.), but again, they can cause a physical dependency to develop and also be habit forming. And again, the fact that all of them are considered controlled substances doesn't help much if you run out and can't get more from a friend under the table, so to speak.

All in all, the worst of them all would have to be Alcohol, believe it or not. I'm not exaggerating when I said that it felt like going straight to the hangover.

Good luck with everything buddy - I'm truly sorry you and so many others have (and/or had) to deal with this shit. The memories stay with me years after I recovered - that's how traumatic the experience was, but at least it now reminds me to be very careful with my health.
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Thanks alot for answering. I guess I shouldn't be scared if i'm administered anything like that in the future. I guess this is like the time I thook the plane, I asked you guys if taking the plane was alright and you said yes. It all went okai and experienced nothing unusual during the flight! I'm glad to know people who have gone through this are still here helping others. respect!
 
How many of you guys have forms of hppd. Mine got better but its really fucking me up. I dont see patterns or morphing but nightime is unbelievleably bright vision like im on rolling . Im telling you i can deal with everything else but this extra bright vision makes me want to end it. Is hppd permenant.
 
TrulyBlessed87 said:
How many of you guys have forms of hppd. Mine got better but its really fucking me up. I dont see patterns or morphing but nightime is unbelievleably bright vision like im on rolling . Im telling you i can deal with everything else but this extra bright vision makes me want to end it. Is hppd permenant.
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I hate to say it but I do lol. I have a carpet with little stuff sticking out and it wirls when I look at it lol. My sensivity to light is huge, trails, car lights that only fade after 1 minute... all that shit.
 
me2point0 said:
I hate to say it but I do lol. I have a carpet with little stuff sticking out and it wirls when I look at it lol. My sensivity to light is huge, trails, car lights that only fade after 1 minute... all that shit.
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I have this also.. Well I'm guessing it's hppd I have lines everywhere in my vision constantly does anyone know what it could be ? Ive got to the point Ive gave up it's been 6 months now and think I'm getting worse.. The doc doesn't seem to understand and family just think am suffering from depression which I probably am but only because I've been in this state for so long.
 
Those lines will go away . the best thing you can do is exercise. You will end up feeling all types of fucked up but as months pass u will feel better. That was the thing that I most regretted in my beginning of ltc.
 
Those lines will go away? I have them for almost a year now. Bothers the shit out of me sometimes. Especially the stars when i look up to the sky or something bright. They better go away. Bloody hell. But indeed, as trulyblessed says, excercise helps alot. My mood is way better if I exercided like 5 times in the week, than if i dont excercise at all. EXERCISE > LTC
 
TrulyBlessed87 said:
How many of you guys have forms of hppd. Mine got better but its really fucking me up. I dont see patterns or morphing but nightime is unbelievleably bright vision like im on rolling . Im telling you i can deal with everything else but this extra bright vision makes me want to end it. Is hppd permenant.
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Dude if youre going to talk on this forum to end it, please do it, ur demotivating people. Ok bye
 
Does anyone know who could diagnose hppd ? I'm waiting on my neurologist appointment see what they say
 
Diagnosed or not we have to deal with it. And there's no other way to deal with it than just enduring it. Honestly anxiety is the worst of it. I'm always thinking im having a heart attack. It's been like this for 16 months, still no heart attack, but my brain won't learn
 
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