just say know
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2015
- Messages
- 427
Somwhere in the US... a trip began... this is the story of..... Yesterday's LSA Trip.
Enjoy...
[SUMMARY] - descriptions for the experience: mystical, introspective, beautiful, warm, fairly trippy, filled with internal dialogue, posative, tearful, family oriented, sexual, mildly visual, happy.
-descriptions for the Activities involved: excersize (hiking mostly), appreciation for nature, masturbation, talking on the phone, smiling, lucid thoughts, creative thoughts and conceptualization, relaxation.
-Description of set: FILDI ("F it lets do it!"), hoping for introspection, hoping for visuals, directing communication of expectations and intentions directly to myself or to "LSA" itself, could be better physically conditioned (been neglecting excersize and been eating slightly more unhealthy food including fast food and junk food; although not to a serious degree and not as bad as previous phases of health), fairly emotionally stable, not as mentally stimulated on a regular basis as i would prefer, and generally overall my Set which includes emotional, mental, and physical health, intentions and expectations, plan, and DOC's were all fairly synergistic for a good trip.
-Description of setting: this trip was taken in the confines of the middle of nowhere that is my home. i am familiar with the setting and had a planned route to take for the hike. i got to see some beautiful parts of familiar area's in the mindset influenced by LSA. i was able to thoroughly enjoy this setting due to the familiarity of having hiked through the path there and back many times over. i eventually returned home and began to come down for the most part. during this part of the setting i spent time with my dad and talked to one of my sisters on the phone. eventually i lulled into a blissful slumber ending the trip.
-Drugs Involved: LSA (6 hbw seeds), alchohol (one large glass of white wine, almost a whole bottle), and a bowl of cannabis resin smoked in a bong.
The Experience:
i had not planned to trip yesterday but i decided since there was alcohol, cannabis resin, and LSA at my finger tips i would combine the three. i supplemented with a multi-vitamin with lutein and lycopene, a B Vitamin, and two 5 Htp Capsules. i crushed 6 Hbw seeds and encapsulated them. after swallowing the four supplemental pills and one Hbw Capsule i sat on the couch sipping whine that had two table spoons of apple cider vinegar added for flavor and an increase in metabolism. i rather enjoy wine and managed to enjoy it. before hand i ate a fairly healthy breakfast that included freshly sliced fruit in plain-jane store bought greek yogurt and i think i also ate a kewi. not sure but basically i know i ate yogurt and fruit (blueberries, possibly strawberries, and black berries).
so after the wine i decided i should smoke some of the cannabis resin i had cleaned from the pipes. i loaded a bit of the sweet, delicious, carcinogenic tar into the bong and smoked it until no more smoke could be produced. so far i'm pretty sure it's been about 20-30 minutes into it. by the time i began smoking (which i did so outside sitting on a lawnchair rather than on the couch) i noticed some visual weirdness. basically i couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the LSA; probably both. it felt kind of more like the visual perception i achieve with alcohol for the most part but by now the LSA might have slightly begun probably due somewhat to the alcohol helping to extract it.
after smoking i decided it was time for the hike. i didn't bring any water bottles because i knew there would be a bathhouse and a water pump there for me if i needed a shower, some water, or to use the bathroom.
so i begin the walk up my road which is a steep road that often winds me and my sister upon initially hiking it. but as i walked with my dog who was my companion for the trip i looked around at the tree's and plants on both sides of the road and i guess by now i probably had some visuals to a degree: mostly perceptual changes/weirdness in the way my perception focused itself and color/texture enhancement. i soon got to a specific spot and i began directly communicating to LSA and/or myself (i figured either the LSA itself would hear my thoughts or at the least my subconscious would). in paraphrase i basically said "LSA, feel free to show me what you want me to see. feel free to make this what it is; good trip, bad trip, mystical trip, boring trip - whatever. i hope you give me a generallly good trip and i hope i learn from this experience and am able to integrate it."
i was also proud that i actually was going to stick to my plan of a "hiking trip". sometimes when i'd plan to hike on a trip i'd get distracted and end up deciding to go home ten minutes into the hike; which end results in a mediocre trip. finally i was doing it the right way; with nature, excersize, and a generally good mindset.
So i'm not sure how this trip became what it was but i will say it was nice to have a lesson retaught to me - to lean back, to love myself, to be myself, to think creatively and abstractly feely unchained from psychological and social barriers; entactogenesis essentially.
i even remember somewhere within the trip thinking about the concept of a lesson learned while tripping being retaught and elaborated upon. i wondered about this for a bit; kind thought about the times i learned a lesson and didn't know how to describe it to myself let alone others and how sometimes i'd get that same lesson in another trip and begin to better describe such a learning experience to myself and to others.
so yeah - dogs and other pets also make good trip sitters because they probably don't mind you being so weird and playful around them and they probably don't mind you codling and petting them to death. personally i didn't interact with my dog as much; mostly we walked together. i still wanted however to give people ideas :twisted:
it was kinda interesting because i began to purposely create narrative in context to different things. i decided i would be more confident about remembering the trip and narrative within the trip to articulate it to my fellows on the interwebs and this to a degree helped recall; apparently part of recall may or may not have to do with confidence. i think it does somewhat.
i remember hearing a squirrel (or something) jump off somewhere and my dog bolted towards it but stopped (which surprised me because he usually runs after something no matter what; be it deer or squirrel. especially deer lol). but yeah, i attribute this part as the first few minutes i was certainly tripping. i still had a while to go. by now i had a certain gait with my step. i was able to consistently walk in a sort of rhythm i guess.
as i walked and walked some more i decided to go down the scenic route to my destination: a secluded park area for picnics and camping yet seemingly rarely used. i wish i could recall the narrative of my mind as i delved into idea's for video games, responses to other people saying things in my imagination (like talking to yourself in your own head except usually with people you've already had actual conversations with. it's a bit like editing the conversation; basically i scenario other ways i could have said such and such thing to such and such individual. sometimes it isn't based off a conversation that has happened but rather one i hope will happen or think could happen one day. this isn't always based off of reason in regards to debate, arguing, and fighting; sometimes i think i just prepare for these things just in case they do happen but usually the scenario's can be both interesting from an intellectual perspective but also ludicrous and unlikely to happen)
as the trip intensified so did the dilation of color, texture, movement, sound, light source, and mood. i remember getting to a hill where i'd have a blast running down it at full speed. i did so but upon reaching the bottom of the hill i didn't get as spectacular of a sensation as i expected; still pretty enjoyable. i should also mention that most of the roads i was walking on had alot of ups and downs; some of which were slight and others were apparent and in the case of "the big hill" really apparent. also the road was either grass n dirt, gravel (most of it was gravel) or the occasional beat up blacktop.
i remember at some point in the hike i looked up at the tree's and was like "woah..." because 1) i never realized how big the tree's were and 2) the leaves themselves were pretty cool to look at while tripping. i remember it was at this point i just stopped out of nowhere to enjoy a moment. i remember that was when i realized i was feeling euphoria. the walk kind of distracted me from the euphoria but i wouldn't say the walk was unpleasant but rather that it actually made the euphoria more intense when it was noticed due to being comfortable with the sensation of walking constantly and suddenly stopping where all of a sudden the euphoria buzzes through my body in a more profound manner.
well i went down "the big hill" which was this monster of a hill. it this gravel road that lead very very steeply through to the park area i wanted to visit. as i got to the park area i first went to the bathhouse and drunk some water from the well-tap and went to the restroom. after that i went to sit on the picnic bench. i think i was peaking or beginning to peak. i enjoyed laying down on the bench.
(Warning: sexual content below. i talk about it maturely but if hearing about masturbation isn't your forte and grosses you out i would skip this next paragraph! although it's not that graphic to be honest; not when you compare it to other things on the internet. regardless i figured i'd give the reader a heads up
)
eventually i developed sexual urges. so i started masterbating while keeping an ear out for any cars that would pass me bay; i didn't want to be caught doing this in public. but i was fairly confident that i would get away with a little pleasure. unfortunately LSA causes me to become fairly flacid and it was hard to releave myself. but to be honest i feel like masturbating or having sex in nature makes the sexual experience more interesting and it makes it feel more like a healthy behavior. it might be because of the open environment and sunshine; i don't know. eventually i decided to go into the bathroom to finish the business because i wanted to get more into it privatly. the bathroom was entirely made out of concrete and wasn't neccesarily as good an environment for tripping in than the picnic area was. i realize now it would have been more enjoyable had i just went down to the stream where no one driving by could see me because honestly that concrete building wasn't the best place to spend thrity minutes of my peak; especially through masturbation. but during masturbation some interesting things seemed to happen. i don't know how to describe them but it was beyond regular masturbatory experiences but rather trancended into a mystical masturbatory experience. it almost felt as though my spirit was being extracted out of myself through this act of pleasing myself. it kind of felt like my spirit was coming out of my head (the upper one resting on my neck with a brain in it) and i don't want to put too much detail into it but it felt good basically. it felt different from anal masturbation. i love anal masturbation but it's hard to do to yourself because it hurts your wrists when all you have to use is your fingers. regardless anal masturbation is usually the best part of masturbation in my experience but this time masturbation with my penis was the more enjoyable activity. both activities were pleasurable and fairly different from usual encounters. sexuality and psychedelics is actually a topic i'm interested in and i like to hear people's opinions on it. hope this didn't gross anyone out! i tried my best to be as least graphic as i can in order to keep this mature. either way talking honestly about it still does make me slightly uncomfortable even though i know there's nothing wrong with this act.
ANYWAYS! after i finished i decided it was time to head home. the hike up "the big hill" was harsh and it took me a while and a couple of breaks to finish the trek. i won't elaborate too much into the hike back home but by now i was still tripping pretty well; mostly i was ready to get home and enjoy time with my dad.
when i got home i think i might have made a little tea to drink but i'm not sure. i layed down on the couch in a really good mood. for a while the trip was really really good. i was simply in a really good mood and the mood was consistent. i was happy. eventually as my dad layed next to me i remember thinking about some things that upset me. i remember one of the things that made me go into tears was reflecting on how i had this idea of interacting with my family as being unimportant if it wasn't something i wanted to do or was interested in. i remember saying to myself "how could i have that attitude?... THAT attitude. the attitude that my dad doesn't matter to me. how dare i?" and i sat there on the couch crying. my dad was watching TV and didn't really notice. he saw my dog and said "giz-a-mo mo" which was a nickname for him. i wiped my eyes and he looked at me. he didn't particularly notice the tears but a part of me throughout crying and afterwards really wanted to burst into sobs loudly and show him how i feel. but i knew he wouldn't understand. he wouldn't see my tears as a way to examine and understand the emotions i was going through and the shame i beared for having become distant from my family.
so i went into my room and i cried like a man. i let my tears show my cheek's whose the boss and i cried for only a few minutes. after that i knew i had to say something to my dad and began thinking of what i should say. i wanted to open up to him and start a conversation. it was hard to think of something to say but eventually i decided to tell him a thank you.
i sat down on the couch and was a little afraid to talk to my dad. but i decided that i wouldn't miss this opperuntity. i said "hey dad can i talk with you for a bit; preferably without the TV on." and he didn't understand why i wanted to TV off but agree'd to it without any problems. now i tried my best to articulate what i wanted to say to him and thankfully i said what i wanted to say albeit phrased a little awkwardly.
i told him that i remembered a moment when he had written me a note about his thoughts. it was when i had first moved in with him and i told him that i remembered in the note he said he had cried because he had his son back. he talked in that note about his lonliness and depression and suicidalness and how it meant so much to him that i was in a part of his life again. he didn't exactly remember the note but i assured him that it had happened. i said thank you for reading that note to me and he said "was that it?" mostly because this talk was incredibly random and seemingly out of nowhere. and i said "well it's that you opened up to me. i'm glad that you did that and i like it when we talk more" after that we seemed to talk alot more than usual as we watched television together. usually watching TV creeps me out while tripping but for some reason watching the news with him wasn't so bad. however the creepy fricken music from some stupid soap oprah really started to put me on edge but thankfully my dad changed it after about ten seconds.
well eventually i decided i'd call my sister. i ended up calling but got the voicemail. but then she called back and we talked for a while; about thirty minutes i think. i was basically on the gentle come down phase at this point. my sis was on a road trip with her best friend/mother figure and they were basically driving to get some good cannabis. after a while of talking she asked if dad was up and i said yeah and handed the phone to him. i really enjoyed just listening and watching him talk to his daughter and the joy it brought to him. it was an appreciation of the beauty within that scene that gave me a more than just tripping smile.
the gentle come-down phase IME is the best part of the LSA tripping phases to socialize, write, draw, play music, or generally use tools to integrate. it's the best phase for self reflection, delving into creative thought and narrative, and generally it's my favorite part of the experience. you all can keep your crummy peaks and euphoria! lol
well eventually i just went to bed. i had some really really interesting lucid dreams. i can only remember a few parts of the dream but i remember the most interesting part was when i was in what was supposed to be my first house. the house walls and roof were all entirely made out of grass and reminded me somewhat of minecraft but without the blocky graphics but rather organic graphics. i remember a few specific parts: trying to call my dad because i thought someone would break into the house because it was made out of glass and they could see me and everything in it and i remember crawling on the floor and exploring the house in crawl form and finding this gigantic amanita muscaria mushroom inside my house; i think it was actually a stuffed "toy" if you could call it that. i ended up touching it but realized there was an alternate version of my dog that was aggressively growling at me and basically telling me to back off his mushroom; he might have been foaming at the mouth- not sure. the dog was also ontop of the mushroom as if he was the king of the castle EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY DREAM AND MY HOUSE! i decided to be a jerk-face and grab some of the mushroom to eat all just to aggrevate him :twisted: (though i look back at it as mean and insensitive. sure the dog was being aggressive but it also didn't seem to want to specifically attack me unless provoked. which i tried provoking it and it proved to me whose the bigger organism by not mauling my face off; mostly i just think it wanted it's mushroom left alone lol. i also tried growling at him but probably made a weird noise in my sleep which i then heard my real dog whelp in his sleep (presumedly). i kinda wonder if maybe we were sharing a dream? i'm not sure. but i remember the normal version of my dog was right next to me in the dream. also i'm not sure if the angry dog was my dog or another version of him or a random stray dog ontop a giant amanita muscaria mushroom barking at me in my glass house; all i know was it was a trippy and somewhat scary in a surprising sense dream sign.
the house was kinda creepy in some ways because it was night time and the house was made out of glass. also i remember a part of the dream where i was just outside looking up at the stars and i actually closed my eyes in the dream because i was so afraid the universe would suck me in. i remember seeing a shooting star and being in awe of all the wonder of these dream stars. i wish i would have been more lucid as to being unafraid to do anything in a dream; specifically to simply gaze up at the night sky. weird and spectacular things always happen when i look up at the night sky in my dreams :grin:
anyways. the next day (today currently) i felt like my attitude had changed. i felt more okay and at peace with things. my anxiety is virtually gone. and i feel like i can really enjoy the little things alot more. i'm really glad you all took the time to read this. thank you my fellow tripsters and tripperet's! but like all good things this report must come to an end.
so to all of you i bid though adieu
Love, Humility, Politeness, Respect, Passion, Forgiveness, Memory, Perception, Mood, Happiness, Introspection, Reflection, Freedom, Hospitality, and Humanity -- Your's truely: JSK
Enjoy...
[SUMMARY] - descriptions for the experience: mystical, introspective, beautiful, warm, fairly trippy, filled with internal dialogue, posative, tearful, family oriented, sexual, mildly visual, happy.
-descriptions for the Activities involved: excersize (hiking mostly), appreciation for nature, masturbation, talking on the phone, smiling, lucid thoughts, creative thoughts and conceptualization, relaxation.
-Description of set: FILDI ("F it lets do it!"), hoping for introspection, hoping for visuals, directing communication of expectations and intentions directly to myself or to "LSA" itself, could be better physically conditioned (been neglecting excersize and been eating slightly more unhealthy food including fast food and junk food; although not to a serious degree and not as bad as previous phases of health), fairly emotionally stable, not as mentally stimulated on a regular basis as i would prefer, and generally overall my Set which includes emotional, mental, and physical health, intentions and expectations, plan, and DOC's were all fairly synergistic for a good trip.
-Description of setting: this trip was taken in the confines of the middle of nowhere that is my home. i am familiar with the setting and had a planned route to take for the hike. i got to see some beautiful parts of familiar area's in the mindset influenced by LSA. i was able to thoroughly enjoy this setting due to the familiarity of having hiked through the path there and back many times over. i eventually returned home and began to come down for the most part. during this part of the setting i spent time with my dad and talked to one of my sisters on the phone. eventually i lulled into a blissful slumber ending the trip.
-Drugs Involved: LSA (6 hbw seeds), alchohol (one large glass of white wine, almost a whole bottle), and a bowl of cannabis resin smoked in a bong.
The Experience:
i had not planned to trip yesterday but i decided since there was alcohol, cannabis resin, and LSA at my finger tips i would combine the three. i supplemented with a multi-vitamin with lutein and lycopene, a B Vitamin, and two 5 Htp Capsules. i crushed 6 Hbw seeds and encapsulated them. after swallowing the four supplemental pills and one Hbw Capsule i sat on the couch sipping whine that had two table spoons of apple cider vinegar added for flavor and an increase in metabolism. i rather enjoy wine and managed to enjoy it. before hand i ate a fairly healthy breakfast that included freshly sliced fruit in plain-jane store bought greek yogurt and i think i also ate a kewi. not sure but basically i know i ate yogurt and fruit (blueberries, possibly strawberries, and black berries).
so after the wine i decided i should smoke some of the cannabis resin i had cleaned from the pipes. i loaded a bit of the sweet, delicious, carcinogenic tar into the bong and smoked it until no more smoke could be produced. so far i'm pretty sure it's been about 20-30 minutes into it. by the time i began smoking (which i did so outside sitting on a lawnchair rather than on the couch) i noticed some visual weirdness. basically i couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the LSA; probably both. it felt kind of more like the visual perception i achieve with alcohol for the most part but by now the LSA might have slightly begun probably due somewhat to the alcohol helping to extract it.
after smoking i decided it was time for the hike. i didn't bring any water bottles because i knew there would be a bathhouse and a water pump there for me if i needed a shower, some water, or to use the bathroom.
so i begin the walk up my road which is a steep road that often winds me and my sister upon initially hiking it. but as i walked with my dog who was my companion for the trip i looked around at the tree's and plants on both sides of the road and i guess by now i probably had some visuals to a degree: mostly perceptual changes/weirdness in the way my perception focused itself and color/texture enhancement. i soon got to a specific spot and i began directly communicating to LSA and/or myself (i figured either the LSA itself would hear my thoughts or at the least my subconscious would). in paraphrase i basically said "LSA, feel free to show me what you want me to see. feel free to make this what it is; good trip, bad trip, mystical trip, boring trip - whatever. i hope you give me a generallly good trip and i hope i learn from this experience and am able to integrate it."
i was also proud that i actually was going to stick to my plan of a "hiking trip". sometimes when i'd plan to hike on a trip i'd get distracted and end up deciding to go home ten minutes into the hike; which end results in a mediocre trip. finally i was doing it the right way; with nature, excersize, and a generally good mindset.
So i'm not sure how this trip became what it was but i will say it was nice to have a lesson retaught to me - to lean back, to love myself, to be myself, to think creatively and abstractly feely unchained from psychological and social barriers; entactogenesis essentially.
i even remember somewhere within the trip thinking about the concept of a lesson learned while tripping being retaught and elaborated upon. i wondered about this for a bit; kind thought about the times i learned a lesson and didn't know how to describe it to myself let alone others and how sometimes i'd get that same lesson in another trip and begin to better describe such a learning experience to myself and to others.
so yeah - dogs and other pets also make good trip sitters because they probably don't mind you being so weird and playful around them and they probably don't mind you codling and petting them to death. personally i didn't interact with my dog as much; mostly we walked together. i still wanted however to give people ideas :twisted:
it was kinda interesting because i began to purposely create narrative in context to different things. i decided i would be more confident about remembering the trip and narrative within the trip to articulate it to my fellows on the interwebs and this to a degree helped recall; apparently part of recall may or may not have to do with confidence. i think it does somewhat.
i remember hearing a squirrel (or something) jump off somewhere and my dog bolted towards it but stopped (which surprised me because he usually runs after something no matter what; be it deer or squirrel. especially deer lol). but yeah, i attribute this part as the first few minutes i was certainly tripping. i still had a while to go. by now i had a certain gait with my step. i was able to consistently walk in a sort of rhythm i guess.
as i walked and walked some more i decided to go down the scenic route to my destination: a secluded park area for picnics and camping yet seemingly rarely used. i wish i could recall the narrative of my mind as i delved into idea's for video games, responses to other people saying things in my imagination (like talking to yourself in your own head except usually with people you've already had actual conversations with. it's a bit like editing the conversation; basically i scenario other ways i could have said such and such thing to such and such individual. sometimes it isn't based off a conversation that has happened but rather one i hope will happen or think could happen one day. this isn't always based off of reason in regards to debate, arguing, and fighting; sometimes i think i just prepare for these things just in case they do happen but usually the scenario's can be both interesting from an intellectual perspective but also ludicrous and unlikely to happen)
as the trip intensified so did the dilation of color, texture, movement, sound, light source, and mood. i remember getting to a hill where i'd have a blast running down it at full speed. i did so but upon reaching the bottom of the hill i didn't get as spectacular of a sensation as i expected; still pretty enjoyable. i should also mention that most of the roads i was walking on had alot of ups and downs; some of which were slight and others were apparent and in the case of "the big hill" really apparent. also the road was either grass n dirt, gravel (most of it was gravel) or the occasional beat up blacktop.
i remember at some point in the hike i looked up at the tree's and was like "woah..." because 1) i never realized how big the tree's were and 2) the leaves themselves were pretty cool to look at while tripping. i remember it was at this point i just stopped out of nowhere to enjoy a moment. i remember that was when i realized i was feeling euphoria. the walk kind of distracted me from the euphoria but i wouldn't say the walk was unpleasant but rather that it actually made the euphoria more intense when it was noticed due to being comfortable with the sensation of walking constantly and suddenly stopping where all of a sudden the euphoria buzzes through my body in a more profound manner.
well i went down "the big hill" which was this monster of a hill. it this gravel road that lead very very steeply through to the park area i wanted to visit. as i got to the park area i first went to the bathhouse and drunk some water from the well-tap and went to the restroom. after that i went to sit on the picnic bench. i think i was peaking or beginning to peak. i enjoyed laying down on the bench.
(Warning: sexual content below. i talk about it maturely but if hearing about masturbation isn't your forte and grosses you out i would skip this next paragraph! although it's not that graphic to be honest; not when you compare it to other things on the internet. regardless i figured i'd give the reader a heads up
)eventually i developed sexual urges. so i started masterbating while keeping an ear out for any cars that would pass me bay; i didn't want to be caught doing this in public. but i was fairly confident that i would get away with a little pleasure. unfortunately LSA causes me to become fairly flacid and it was hard to releave myself. but to be honest i feel like masturbating or having sex in nature makes the sexual experience more interesting and it makes it feel more like a healthy behavior. it might be because of the open environment and sunshine; i don't know. eventually i decided to go into the bathroom to finish the business because i wanted to get more into it privatly. the bathroom was entirely made out of concrete and wasn't neccesarily as good an environment for tripping in than the picnic area was. i realize now it would have been more enjoyable had i just went down to the stream where no one driving by could see me because honestly that concrete building wasn't the best place to spend thrity minutes of my peak; especially through masturbation. but during masturbation some interesting things seemed to happen. i don't know how to describe them but it was beyond regular masturbatory experiences but rather trancended into a mystical masturbatory experience. it almost felt as though my spirit was being extracted out of myself through this act of pleasing myself. it kind of felt like my spirit was coming out of my head (the upper one resting on my neck with a brain in it) and i don't want to put too much detail into it but it felt good basically. it felt different from anal masturbation. i love anal masturbation but it's hard to do to yourself because it hurts your wrists when all you have to use is your fingers. regardless anal masturbation is usually the best part of masturbation in my experience but this time masturbation with my penis was the more enjoyable activity. both activities were pleasurable and fairly different from usual encounters. sexuality and psychedelics is actually a topic i'm interested in and i like to hear people's opinions on it. hope this didn't gross anyone out! i tried my best to be as least graphic as i can in order to keep this mature. either way talking honestly about it still does make me slightly uncomfortable even though i know there's nothing wrong with this act.
ANYWAYS! after i finished i decided it was time to head home. the hike up "the big hill" was harsh and it took me a while and a couple of breaks to finish the trek. i won't elaborate too much into the hike back home but by now i was still tripping pretty well; mostly i was ready to get home and enjoy time with my dad.
when i got home i think i might have made a little tea to drink but i'm not sure. i layed down on the couch in a really good mood. for a while the trip was really really good. i was simply in a really good mood and the mood was consistent. i was happy. eventually as my dad layed next to me i remember thinking about some things that upset me. i remember one of the things that made me go into tears was reflecting on how i had this idea of interacting with my family as being unimportant if it wasn't something i wanted to do or was interested in. i remember saying to myself "how could i have that attitude?... THAT attitude. the attitude that my dad doesn't matter to me. how dare i?" and i sat there on the couch crying. my dad was watching TV and didn't really notice. he saw my dog and said "giz-a-mo mo" which was a nickname for him. i wiped my eyes and he looked at me. he didn't particularly notice the tears but a part of me throughout crying and afterwards really wanted to burst into sobs loudly and show him how i feel. but i knew he wouldn't understand. he wouldn't see my tears as a way to examine and understand the emotions i was going through and the shame i beared for having become distant from my family.
so i went into my room and i cried like a man. i let my tears show my cheek's whose the boss and i cried for only a few minutes. after that i knew i had to say something to my dad and began thinking of what i should say. i wanted to open up to him and start a conversation. it was hard to think of something to say but eventually i decided to tell him a thank you.
i sat down on the couch and was a little afraid to talk to my dad. but i decided that i wouldn't miss this opperuntity. i said "hey dad can i talk with you for a bit; preferably without the TV on." and he didn't understand why i wanted to TV off but agree'd to it without any problems. now i tried my best to articulate what i wanted to say to him and thankfully i said what i wanted to say albeit phrased a little awkwardly.
i told him that i remembered a moment when he had written me a note about his thoughts. it was when i had first moved in with him and i told him that i remembered in the note he said he had cried because he had his son back. he talked in that note about his lonliness and depression and suicidalness and how it meant so much to him that i was in a part of his life again. he didn't exactly remember the note but i assured him that it had happened. i said thank you for reading that note to me and he said "was that it?" mostly because this talk was incredibly random and seemingly out of nowhere. and i said "well it's that you opened up to me. i'm glad that you did that and i like it when we talk more" after that we seemed to talk alot more than usual as we watched television together. usually watching TV creeps me out while tripping but for some reason watching the news with him wasn't so bad. however the creepy fricken music from some stupid soap oprah really started to put me on edge but thankfully my dad changed it after about ten seconds.
well eventually i decided i'd call my sister. i ended up calling but got the voicemail. but then she called back and we talked for a while; about thirty minutes i think. i was basically on the gentle come down phase at this point. my sis was on a road trip with her best friend/mother figure and they were basically driving to get some good cannabis. after a while of talking she asked if dad was up and i said yeah and handed the phone to him. i really enjoyed just listening and watching him talk to his daughter and the joy it brought to him. it was an appreciation of the beauty within that scene that gave me a more than just tripping smile.
the gentle come-down phase IME is the best part of the LSA tripping phases to socialize, write, draw, play music, or generally use tools to integrate. it's the best phase for self reflection, delving into creative thought and narrative, and generally it's my favorite part of the experience. you all can keep your crummy peaks and euphoria! lol
well eventually i just went to bed. i had some really really interesting lucid dreams. i can only remember a few parts of the dream but i remember the most interesting part was when i was in what was supposed to be my first house. the house walls and roof were all entirely made out of grass and reminded me somewhat of minecraft but without the blocky graphics but rather organic graphics. i remember a few specific parts: trying to call my dad because i thought someone would break into the house because it was made out of glass and they could see me and everything in it and i remember crawling on the floor and exploring the house in crawl form and finding this gigantic amanita muscaria mushroom inside my house; i think it was actually a stuffed "toy" if you could call it that. i ended up touching it but realized there was an alternate version of my dog that was aggressively growling at me and basically telling me to back off his mushroom; he might have been foaming at the mouth- not sure. the dog was also ontop of the mushroom as if he was the king of the castle EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY DREAM AND MY HOUSE! i decided to be a jerk-face and grab some of the mushroom to eat all just to aggrevate him :twisted: (though i look back at it as mean and insensitive. sure the dog was being aggressive but it also didn't seem to want to specifically attack me unless provoked. which i tried provoking it and it proved to me whose the bigger organism by not mauling my face off; mostly i just think it wanted it's mushroom left alone lol. i also tried growling at him but probably made a weird noise in my sleep which i then heard my real dog whelp in his sleep (presumedly). i kinda wonder if maybe we were sharing a dream? i'm not sure. but i remember the normal version of my dog was right next to me in the dream. also i'm not sure if the angry dog was my dog or another version of him or a random stray dog ontop a giant amanita muscaria mushroom barking at me in my glass house; all i know was it was a trippy and somewhat scary in a surprising sense dream sign.
the house was kinda creepy in some ways because it was night time and the house was made out of glass. also i remember a part of the dream where i was just outside looking up at the stars and i actually closed my eyes in the dream because i was so afraid the universe would suck me in. i remember seeing a shooting star and being in awe of all the wonder of these dream stars. i wish i would have been more lucid as to being unafraid to do anything in a dream; specifically to simply gaze up at the night sky. weird and spectacular things always happen when i look up at the night sky in my dreams :grin:
anyways. the next day (today currently) i felt like my attitude had changed. i felt more okay and at peace with things. my anxiety is virtually gone. and i feel like i can really enjoy the little things alot more.
i'm really glad you all took the time to read this. thank you my fellow tripsters and tripperet's! but like all good things this report must come to an end.so to all of you i bid though adieu
Love, Humility, Politeness, Respect, Passion, Forgiveness, Memory, Perception, Mood, Happiness, Introspection, Reflection, Freedom, Hospitality, and Humanity -- Your's truely: JSK
Something about that molecule is just so special, I don't know what it is but I love it. I'd bet that other lysergamides like AL-LAD could be wonderful for this purpose too, but I haven't tried them personally to say for sure.