idk fuck you heroin

[ducednig]

so ive been battling a heroin addiction for 3 yrs, and managed to withdrawal completely off and im finally completely sober.
but ive ruined both times ive tried going to college, couldn't even hold the same job for more than 3 months due to my attempts at getting clean multiple times while employed. (its not even being on heroin that fucks things up, its the times you try to come off of it that just ruins everything youre trying to accomplish..)
and now at 22 still living under my parents roof, i am finally fucking clean.
i get mad cravings still here and there but i have no income... so its whatever, i wont be scoring any as of now.
but my mindset is so fucked up and i cant change it...
its like i know if i go out and get employed ima hop right back on to my addiction. i just know it (yall know what im talking about...)
my parents hate the idea of me working a low wage job whether it be full time or part time, and they just can't stand to see me live with them anymore so they gave me a 4 week notice and told me to either get outta here or pay rent.
As much as i know im capable of living on my own or pay rent i know im gonna relapse hard and its gonna last for a while and im scared as shit for that.
idk what to do, im still depressed from paws but its residual and its going away as i can tell, but im so fuckin lost....
ive thought of suicide but that just seems stupid as fuck since id rather be on heroin than suicide durrr.
shud i enlist for the army? (serious question)...

 

[snazzy_sn]

Secure a support system, bite the bullet and start working.
That'd be my advice, although the way you describe your addiction maybe the army would be the best option (army probably is never the best option)

Although to be completely honest I've never given much thought to what things would be like in that situation (despite having been in similar ones) I wonder...

 

[Jabberwocky]

get on suboxone or methadone; pretty simple, man. its not easy to just KICK and give up, so dont bother since you have a lot to lose and having a hard time.

have you tried either before? I prefer suboxone since its take home and makes me feel better anyway but others prefer methadone.

 

[snazzy_sn]

get on suboxone or methadone; pretty simple, man. its not easy to just KICK and give up, so dont bother since you have a lot to lose and having a hard time.

have you tried either before? I prefer suboxone since its take home and makes me feel better anyway but others prefer methadone.

Yeah do that. That actually makes sense. Drr.

 

[ducednig]

yeah ive thought of suboxone, def not doing methadone.
the only reason im asking if i shud just enlist in the army is because im determined that i can stay off opiates for good if i can have something force me to change habits all together, ex. joining active duty so id have no other option but to stay on a base and work and have routine drug testing.
and just the thought of me being in my sober state is so valuable to me at the moment right now because of what i fuckin just went thru and i dont want to be stupid and just fall right back into the hole i dug.. yall know what i mean lol.
damn i dernoo what to do...

i just know myself too well to a point where i WANT to STAY clean and desire to do so (exactly why i just got clean).
but i know how my brain works when i see money in my bank in this exact moment..
man.. see this is exactly what im talking about, i quit cold turkey with the plan of joining the military anyhow but im over here trying to
find reasons and excuses not to enlist and see if i can lie to myself into thinking itll be alright to just find a job and risk relapse.
damn

 

[T. Calderone]

You didn't say what sort of work experience you have. So I'm not sure what your parents expect you to do. Fast food jobs are fairly easy to come by and it would be a start to help you get on your feet. You could arrange to give your parents xx amount of money per paycheck. That would show them that you're making an effort. I'm going to move this to the Darkside. Let us know how you're doing.

 

[Jabberwocky]

dude, I am 32 and have been on opiates since 19; that was back in 99/00 when 80's were around; for the last 7 years I've been shooting heroin DAILY! I've had my periods of CLEAN TIME but it was always methadone or suboxone; its not easy. been clean the pats 3 months on suboxone after coming off a 3 years run of dope; shooting roughly 1-2 grams a day. its not easy, man. I feel for yah!

if you want to stay clean, then toughen the fuck up and make it happen! you are still young and have plenty of time ahead of you. sure, you can join the army but thats if its something you want to do; you mentioned college, so I figured you wanted to graduated, or at least TRY to graduate, ya know!? small dosage of bupe (suboxone) will surly help you thought rough times and put you back on track.

 

[ducednig]

the craziest thing is, theyre kicking me out not because of my addiction but because im not pursuing my education in Music/Worship Pastoral and Ministry for God like they want me to and because they dont want to see me working a worldly job.. (im a Jesus freak with a God given talent with music but i just feel its not my time yet to formally attend a theology college)
they dont even think im struggling from my heroin addiction ever since this crazy incident that happened (id tell you guys but it was a supernatural event so idk how you guys would react to such story lol)(but it was very real lol). so im at the most confused state ive ever been in. like every time i picture what id be doin when im 30, its just like a blank thought, probably dead.
i didnt wanna bring God talk into this (yall kno how it is) but that is a huge part of my life so not gonna sugar coat it.
my dads a pastor so i understand his seriousness for spirituality but damn who knew heroin woulda made me turn down an acceptance to Berklee college of music
im the dumbest person on earth or perhaps the laziest when it comes to achieving a feel good state / euphoria, but Damn.
i dont even know what kinds of replies to expect from yall but id rather share some of my life transparency with you guys then have nobody know my true situation at all

 

[Jabberwocky]

lets not talk God and dope in the same topic, ha.

 

[P0kemama]

Have you attended any 12 step groups? They have a strong spiritual component that you probably would be able to relate to, and you would have f2f support around the decisions you are needing to make. Plus, you would have people who understand your addiction issues.

 

[chase_in_56ace]

Have you attended any 12 step groups? They have a strong spiritual component that you probably would be able to relate to, and you would have f2f support around the decisions you are needing to make. Plus, you would have people who understand your addiction issues.

It sounds like this is your best bet. Find a 12 step group that is either less cult-ish or more like a cult, depending on what you enjoy to be a part of. The entire program is built on one addict helping another and a personal relationship with a higher power. That's great that you have a connection with God - spirituality can certainly help replace the innate desire to get high. I'm also a musician and I advise you to immerse yourself heavily in your music. Follow your roots and your passions. Don't ignore your blessings, and everytime you fuck up, try again.

That's the key, really, just like anything in life. You don't fail until you've stopped trying.

 

[pete1891]

Methadone has worked for me. I hope you did not join the military. What do you think it would be like after you have murdered people? I know I would definitely need dope to help me deal with that. Also your paycheck would be stolen from people who did not support your choices. The government is never a solution, and always a problem. I hope everything worked out for you. What did you end up doing?