Wow, just read through this thread and its so inspiring seeing everyone going through what is such a difficult battle, mentally and/or physically. Really wishing everyone who's posted here the best of luck, you're all taking a step in the right direction, just remember to keep taking those steps one day at a time
also to anyone who's going through shit right now just remember that its overcoming these moments in life that make us stronger people, and you have it in you to get through this.
Bit of background, I've been (ab)using Etizolam and other benzodiazepines (diazepam, clonazolam, many other RC benzos) since February 2014, with Etiz making up about 95% of my Benzo use overall. About 15/16 months in total. Was taking roughly 7-8mg s day and it was.getting to the stage where I was just feeling 'normal' off that and not even catching a buzz off them anymore. 1-2mg did sweet f all! Today will be Day 19 of not using Etizolam or any other drugs. It makes me so, SO happy to type that sentence out as since I started using the little blue devils early last year, I've never managed to go more than a week without instinctively opening up my baggie to pop a few. I didn't realise how difficult the cravings would be man, taking a pellet just felt as natural as opening your mouth for dinner or a drink, just felt perfectly natural. If you deny yourself food/water for too long it sends messages to your brain asking "why haven't you taken this thing yet, I feel deprived and like shit!" - it felt the same with etizolam, I couldn't even keep a few pills spare around for emergencies because id just end up eating it straight away without meaning to, without even thinking.
But today its almost like my brain has re-wired itself a bit - I'm managing to go for a bit of time without cravings or any irrational thoughts popping into my head. That's another thing that makes me smile
its nice to think about other more important things rather than be obsessing about a drug all the time. I couldn't think about anything else but the mental suffering and cravings I was going through for the first ten days - holy helll they went by slowly. I'm still im quite a severe stage of withdrawing but at least I can think a bit more rationally now which makes me feel healthier in my mind.
Although I haven't gone through H withdrawal, the fact that people are saying they can't handle the boredom of dealing with.sobriety I completely empathise with. Ever since I first discovered drugs I've used them partly for a buzz but also partly to self-medicate and partly as something to do when I was bored and nothing else was good enough to cure the boredom. These 19 days have been difficult but necessary as I've been very self-analytical about myself, who I really am when I'm sober, what's next for me in life, and what do I want for the future. I've realised if I work hard and fight my demons, it will only make me stronger with a chance for a happy and successful future. I know I can do it, I just know I can
and if someone like me, who has struggled with a very addictive personality alongside anxiety and depression can do it, I know anyone reading this can.
Thankyou to whoever read this all the way through!!
yall
