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May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

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^^^^
awesome work, CH! very inspiring to those of us still counting in days.
 
today is 15 days heroin-free for me. even managed not to smoke weed tonight. for now i'm trying to stick to the plan of: no opiates and try to work in a day without any drugs now and the, hopefully more and more.

had a good talk with a couple NA folks on the phone.

i don't know if anyone else has this, but ever since i started trying to quit (and after the WDs stopped), i've been so *fucking* tired. maybe depressed. well, definitely depressed. god, though, all i want to do is sleep. that and think about smack.
 
yeah I'm around the same day today would be day 16 with a slip up on day 13 but it was such a minute amount of a low level opiate and kept it to just that one time that one day that i don't feel any difference in my recovery or state of mind that I'm deciding not to count it lol but i feel physically fine but just have quite a bit of lethargy and lack of motivation still. on days that i have off like today i go for an hour walk or so and then feel like i do nothing all day, at least after work i have a reason to be tired and feel better about myself after. i used to live for days off when i was using bc it meant i could use dope all day. now i look forward to the days i work all day bc it goes by faster. another day down
 
simco said:
day 11 clean from heroin.

t-minus 1 hour till my NA meeting. this is the end of my third week of daily meetings. trying for the whole 90 in 90 thing.

happy may, everyone! let's keep up the momentum.
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What's 90 in 90? (I'm new here)
 
90 in 90 is something newcomers to NA (narcotics anonymous) hear a lot. it means attending 90 meetings in 90 days. sometimes you'll also hear 30 in 30--same basic idea but shorter.

as best as i can understand it (keep in mind that i'm a drug-addled NA noob), experience shows that people in early stages of recovery tend to do better if they attend meetings very regularly. and while i'm pretty ambivalent about a lot of NA stuff, this one makes sense to me. without feeling like i have to go, even if i don't feel like it, shooting for 90/90 gives me some motivation. without that, i think i'd already be slacking.
 
sweetjaaaane said:
yeah I'm around the same day today would be day 16 with a slip up on day 13 but it was such a minute amount of a low level opiate and kept it to just that one time that one day that i don't feel any difference in my recovery or state of mind that I'm deciding not to count it lol but i feel physically fine but just have quite a bit of lethargy and lack of motivation still. on days that i have off like today i go for an hour walk or so and then feel like i do nothing all day, at least after work i have a reason to be tired and feel better about myself after. i used to live for days off when i was using bc it meant i could use dope all day. now i look forward to the days i work all day bc it goes by faster. another day down
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i totally get that. i work days and my wife works a few night a week. i used to love her nights at work cuz it meant i could get high as fuck. now it means climbing the walls, craving.
 
Congrats simco im happy to see you are on the right track again
Im also trying to not smoke weed evreyday
The first month i got clean i didnt really smoke but once or twice
But latley ive bin smoking evrey other night i dont want my body to get used to smoking before bed then it will be hard for me to sleep without it
Glad to also see some newcomers in this thread i have a feeling may will be a great month for all of us ;)
 
@totach: you totally rule. i'm seriously impressed with what you've built up.

i'm also glad to see some new folks on this thread. april's thread had good energy, and i think we can keep it up.

to those of you who were posting last month but got sidetracked, and those of you thinking about jumping in, we never get tired of people coming back. that's ALWAYS a good thing.
 
Pants is still sober. 15 months on the 14th. OOOOOh how I wish Benzo w/d's would let up... I've improved so much but it's still such a hassle that I still can't work.. I have a really good feeling that it's right around the corner though. Cold turkey from H and Valium is possible people!! keep up the good work! the only reason I haven't checked in much the past few months is cause I'm starting to put my life back together. You all have more respect from me than anyone I've ever known!

GMSP

EDIT: 100th post btw. Glad I was able to post it here!
 
Another day sober.

5 days total.

Chugged half bottle of NyQuil to sleep. Slept from 1130-2am. Leaving for work now at 550am. sucks. Legs still hurting

The worst part of it all was my dreams. I came across an old acquaintance with hydros even though hydros would be my last resort. OPIATES are all I think about I crave so hard my heart is gonna burst sometimes, it doesn't matter how busy I am.

Deep seeded in my heart I know im using friday and it's very sad unless I get a little better as days improve.

I was so shot from work yesterday I got home and laid in bed staring at ceiling listening to music enraged from 4pm to 1130 pm

The 2nd worst part is im more mad now then when my mom died. Sad but true. Maybe cuz I know she's not coming back but opiates are always 1 mile from my house

Ugh have a good one everyone
 
even after a couple weeks i still have dope dreams, dreams of copping and wake up before i can do em or i buy em and they're super small or beat or whatever. they're super graphic so waking up from them can be super stressful but i try not to think about it. for me the worst is waking up at the crack of dawn every morning when i have till 3:30 before i have to work. being conscious for that long just makes it so i have so much more time to fill up which is a biiitch
 
Lost track of how long I have been clean from opiates and benzos (which is how I like it!). Think it's coming up on a month though, feeling really good!
 
nygiants1313 said:
Another day sober.

5 days total.

Chugged half bottle of NyQuil to sleep. Slept from 1130-2am. Leaving for work now at 550am. sucks. Legs still hurting

The worst part of it all was my dreams. I came across an old acquaintance with hydros even though hydros would be my last resort. OPIATES are all I think about I crave so hard my heart is gonna burst sometimes, it doesn't matter how busy I am.

Deep seeded in my heart I know im using friday and it's very sad unless I get a little better as days improve.

I was so shot from work yesterday I got home and laid in bed staring at ceiling listening to music enraged from 4pm to 1130 pm

The 2nd worst part is im more mad now then when my mom died. Sad but true. Maybe cuz I know she's not coming back but opiates are always 1 mile from my house

Ugh have a good one everyone
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4 days
Again twins.... I was sooo fuckin mad yesterday at work. I jus don't understand how I'm gonna get through work everyday wo drugs. I'm also mad that i can't jus enjoy opiates wo them destroying shit lol. It really is like losing a lover or a best friend. My heart aches in this process but at the same time, I know it needs to be done bc I wanna live my life another way

My legs were hurting SOOOOOO bad yesterday by the end of my work shift ... And I dont fuckin get it.... I was taking gapapentin 600mg like one every hour. I musta had about 8 yesterday. It was like the more gaba I took the worse my legs got! I'll have to see how I do today. Feel like shit but my legs arwnt bad yet tho
 
love88 said:
4 days
Again twins.... I was sooo fuckin mad yesterday at work. I jus don't understand how I'm gonna get through work everyday wo drugs. I'm also mad that i can't jus enjoy opiates wo them destroying shit lol. It really is like losing a lover or a best friend. My heart aches in this process but at the same time, I know it needs to be done bc I wanna live my life another way

My legs were hurting SOOOOOO bad yesterday by the end of my work shift ... And I dont fuckin get it.... I was taking gapapentin 600mg like one every hour. I musta had about 8 yesterday. It was like the more gaba I took the worse my legs got! I'll have to see how I do today. Feel like shit but my legs arwnt bad yet tho
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Lol but you made it through. Look how far you have came?it'll be alright in the end and if not we can always go back but we need to see what sober life is like. 28 is young. I turn 26 in September and if you look at addiction as a disease you can't stress about "being to old for this shit it's not cool anymore" type thing YA know. Is your bf a user? If not does he expect you to quit easily? Or how is the support you have in general? Family know?

I've never lost a lover but I can agree with the best friend thing.

I was gonna make a thread for people who had to quit opiates at some point forca little but have also had a serious relationship or marriage or w.e end, and see which was harder lol
 
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i havent used heroin, meth, cocaine, or opiates since december 26 2014!!! woohoo!!

on the other hand, i woke up angry today. i havent had a using dream in a while and i had one last night and it really fucked me up. coupled with the fact that my friends from highschool are back on heroin again after they saw our other friend overdose and die right in front of their eyes. i hope they will be alright! i am angry at the fact that they are using and i am not, but that is such a lie! it should be the other way around, i should be proud of where i am!

i went to the gym and worked out really hard today though, i know how to work through my feelings today though, and i have been in this situation hundreds of times before so i know i will be able to work through my anger and stay sober!


good news is i am going to the shaky knees music fest (ATL) on friday!! wohooo!! and i finished all my finals yesterday and made all A's in school!! :)

<3 yall
 
^^^You are truly an inspiration to many. From a random stranger----im truly proud and im sure everyone in your life is as well. Those dreams can be a bitch and my friend ODd in front of me too. Just made me wanna use more. I hope your friends get straight and your accomplishment is astonishing, not many make it out as im sure you know, so you can achieve anything in life now :))Keep at it, id write more but im walking in to my court ordered drug counseling crap to talk to someone whose only counseled and never lived it. Wot do they know?!?! Shiiit!

Take care
 
I am getting back on track with my taper...I was so thrown off by hearing that eventually I will only get morphine prescribed and the oxy's will be gone. I thought... f#@k it, I might as well enjoy them while I have them b/c the morphine is horrible, but thanks, Totach,your supportive post has helped me find my motivation again. I will have to taper anyway, b/c I took a couple extra on Sat - Mon, so will be short at least 4 or 5 days. I guess I like to be in control... it was fine last month when I was in charge of my taper, but hearing that eventually I will be on high doses of morphine and no oxy just pissed me off. I also did hours and hours of work on my yard, so was in a lot of pain and used that to justify my use. Today, I took my oxy's only as prescribed. By Friday, I want to resume my taper.
 
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