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May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

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love88 said:
Omg ur jus like me... 3 or so days clean then I relapse... But keep trying is gonna stick one day. I had a weird feeling come over me yesterday and I feel like maybe this time is the TIME. I'm at 2 days w cash in my pockets. Hopefull I'll catch this wind and try for a week..2 weeks... A month. Good luck!!
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Haha trust ne I know exactly where your coming from. I think after stringing along clean days than using for a day or 2 just Gives off a weird feeling ya know? Little high for a few hours but the high is meh almost for nothing that eventually it's not even worth it. Im glad you are having those days of posittive feelings in that you'll push through for good soon. That's usually the starting point and then having cash is usually the down fall part lol, and the cycle continues. I hope you stay away from the shit! If you will i will :))
 
I'm doing pretty well here as of this May. I went to a wedding recently where people were drinking a lot of alcohol and I didn't want to drink any, and I just drank water instead.
 
My very bad Alcoholic Uncle was just found dead, he started drinking again (he had severe organ damage) and they just totally failed. Addiction kills daily.
 
phactor said:
My very bad Alcoholic Uncle was just found dead, he started drinking again (he had severe organ damage) and they just totally failed. Addiction kills daily.
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Im sorry you are going through this. My condolences go out to you. It's never to late to break the family cycle. I wish you the best
 
phactor said:
My very bad Alcoholic Uncle was just found dead, he started drinking again (he had severe organ damage) and they just totally failed. Addiction kills daily.
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Phactor: My prayers go out to you and your family at this difficult time... you are right, it is a sad reminder that our disease kills. I need to be reminded my addiction is a matter of life or death, because I am very good at minimizing the effects of my using.
 
totach said:
Olypen that's great you didn't do any hard drugs in April
That's the biggest problem I have with na or aa I wish I was able to say I still drink or smoke when I feel like it and it does not interfere with my life at all
I would even be down to trip mushrooms or take ibogaine again if the situation arose
As long as what I do does not make my life unmanageable I'm cool with it
I will have 3 months of no opiates or Benzo on Tuesday and I'm proud of that
I really feel I'm done with this shit this time around I did it all on my own
I'm sure all the programs I've bin to in the past gave me some tools to help me do it on my own so I have no regrets about going to them even tho I didn't stay sober long
Only you know if you can handle drinking or smoking once you give up your DOC
I wish you the best in your journey you are doing great so far!
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Hey Totach:
Congrats on just about 3 months without opiates or benzos!!!! I have read your posts and I know how hard you worked to get this clean time. I had just joined BL and your post about your week-end struggle back then was so inspiring...I hope I have 3 months off oxy's someday... hell, like I posted yesterday, I would be happy with 2 or 3 days.
 
Another day

Idk how people live life after opiates. I can't fucking fathom it. If I had 90 days in a kush rehab in Hawaii sure maybe it can happen. But Back to work on day 4-5 miserable as fuck no sleep come on man that's not it.
 
Aww man I hear ya^^^^. I'm day 3 and I have work today n my mood is whatever now. Earlier when I woke up I wanted to use soooo bad. I went to church at then a Na meeting and it's gone but now my mood is jus fuck. I have work soon and I don't feel like it. I pray the pink cloud comes! But I'm determined to make church and a meeting tomorrow n be at 4 days which I've never done!!!! I've never made it to 4 or 5 days....
 
for me knowing i have work when i feel super shitty sucks but at the same time working/ once I'm actually there, I'm usually glad i am because it keeps me busy for a good chunk of time and gives me a reason to be tired and sense of accomplishment like you did something productive which for me is important during w/d bc i get so bored and boredom usually leads me to copping
 
love88 said:
Aww man I hear ya^^^^. I'm day 3 and I have work today n my mood is whatever now. Earlier when I woke up I wanted to use soooo bad. I went to church at then a Na meeting and it's gone but now my mood is jus fuck. I have work soon and I don't feel like it. I pray the pink cloud comes! But I'm determined to make church and a meeting tomorrow n be at 4 days which I've never done!!!! I've never made it to 4 or 5 days....
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I feel your feels hardcore lol. If I can do it you can do it. The mood swings are part of the game just gotta handle em!! 4 days will be huge but just make it through today right now!! That's all that matters cuZ we both have a problem around this exact time. Now that work is half way over things are looking better. Congrats on doing your meetings and church it's not easy. Keep going!!
 
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sweetjaaaane said:
for me knowing i have work when i feel super shitty sucks but at the same time working/ once I'm actually there, I'm usually glad i am because it keeps me busy for a good chunk of time and gives me a reason to be tired and sense of accomplishment like you did something productive which for me is important during w/d bc i get so bored and boredom usually leads me to copping
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Yes the boredam is a killer. Im always home early at 4pm from work with many hours left and time stands still. Going for long ass walks on the beach or in the neighborhood or playing tennis or basketball or fishing or kicking it with my brothers is the only way to keep occupied and many times it's barley enough. They are 21 and 19 always wanting to drink and i hate that people get to have their drug but I don't get to feel good???? Wot in the fucking fuck is that bullshit lol. Shit makes me rage and when pay day comes friday i will most likely fail at almost 10 days for the first time in years. It's all I think about. The warmth, the euphoria. Talking bout it makes my stomach churn. Lost the love of my life :(

Knowing you'll never ever feel that good again is tough to swallow
 
thats why i never say ill never do it again. i always say maybe next week, not this week and usually it works. even after using one day after about two weeks i bounced back and had no urge to coninue bc i realized that the longer i go without touching them, the better it will feel when i finally do use and the stronger ill feel to only let it be that once. I'm telling myself once a month which i was actually able to stick too for about four months before winter came and my seasonal depression which lead me to cave way more than once a month, but its starting to get beauteous again here in nj so i truly believe i can stick to that again like last summer/ early fall
 
sometimes you gotta adapt your abstaining plan to whatever works for you. if once a month can let you be productive in life, avoid withdrawals, give you something to look forward to, help you save money, and stave off depression than go for it. were all different
 
Thanx poke it was not easy but definitely doable I came very close to relapsing during those 21 days a few times
If I still had the contacts I erased I might have copped so deleting those numbers is huge
Staying busy is also something that helped me a lot that stupid job I quit a couple weeks ago was just what I needed to help me pass time and not get high
I'm really rooting for you how you doing with the taper?
You can pm me if you ever need something
Stay strong ;)
 
nygiants1313 said:
Yes the boredam is a killer. Im always home early at 4pm from work with many hours left and time stands still. Going for long ass walks on the beach or in the neighborhood or playing tennis or basketball or fishing or kicking it with my brothers is the only way to keep occupied and many times it's barley enough. They are 21 and 19 always wanting to drink and i hate that people get to have their drug but I don't get to feel good???? Wot in the fucking fuck is that bullshit lol. Shit makes me rage and when pay day comes friday i will most likely fail at almost 10 days for the first time in years. It's all I think about. The warmth, the euphoria. Talking bout it makes my stomach churn. Lost the love of my life :(

Knowing you'll never ever feel that good again is tough to swallow
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Ur literally explaining me... Yea when Friday comes... Friday... I absolutly fail. Like today is sooo hard. I'm at work now n my client is due in an hour and I'm jus fuckin dreading it. It's like "if I was high, I'd be fine n not even worry bout this shit". But I have to stop this thinkin n damn it's only my 3rd day. Fuucckkkkk. Uhggg I jus have NO motivation
 
Yes Jane that is no doubt a good way of looking at things. Once you start thinking to far in the future and the "never again" stuff you wanna say fuck it. But you are so right-not today. Just not today ugh lol.
 
love88 said:
Ur literally explaining me... Yea when Friday comes... Friday... I absolutly fail. Like today is sooo hard. I'm at work now n my client is due in an hour and I'm jus fuckin dreading it. It's like "if I was high, I'd be fine n not even worry bout this shit". But I have to stop this thinkin n damn it's only my 3rd day. Fuucckkkkk. Uhggg I jus have NO motivation
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Lol BUT, you are almost there so no worries. It's always a battle within. You want a good life and nice things, a good future but Also want the drugs. Sorry can't have it both ways. It's one or the other, and unless you are that filthy rich 1 % that have no money worries and can do whatever whenever it just ain't gonna happen. Even some of those 1% end up dead or broke. It's no doubt hard to accept but which do you choose?? Get through the torture now for a better llife or be tortureed your entire life!!
 
nygiants1313 said:
Lol BUT, you are almost there so no worries. It's always a battle within. You want a good life and nice things, a good future but Also want the drugs. Sorry can't have it both ways. It's one or the other, and unless you are that filthy rich 1 % that have no money worries and can do whatever whenever it just ain't gonna happen. Even some of those 1% end up dead or broke. It's no doubt hard to accept but which do you choose?? Get through the torture now for a better llife or be tortureed your entire life!!
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No I know ... It's jus hard. Sometimes, even at work I'll have a semi decent additude even though I know I'm not gonna do drugs. But today I'm jus mad depressed. And most of all some of my WDs are popping out through the Gabapentin!!! Not sure if I took enough but I'm sweating n goosebumps and My lower back in mad pain, stomach issues.... I would take some lope like 30mgs but I'm fuckin stuck at work until I'm done n can run to cvs. Man I'm really fighting. I guess it's a good thing that it's sorra dry around.

But yea. I want a good life. I love my bf and I don't want to be trash thrown out.... No one wants to deal w a 28yr old junky... Shits jus old n not cool anymore....

I don't meant to offend anyone
 
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