tripnotyzm
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I need help. I fucking hate heroin it has entered my life and is stealing all my money every week without a doubt. please any support will be so fucking helpful
May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety
- Thread starter Captain.Heroin
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xburtonchic
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@tripnotyzm -- just a lil tip on the money issue. like IMMEDIATELY after getting paid... I'm talking before you spend ANY money on heroin... go out and buy whatever you need. food, hygiene items, clothes, games, etc. pay your bills and stuff FIRST. that way you won't be sacrificing the rest of your life for heroin, and you also won't have as much money to spend on it the rest of the week. if it just barely entered your life, chances are you haven't turned to scheming and pulling shady shit in order to get your fix, so if nothing else it will force you to curb your use. and in the worst case scenario... well, I'm wrong, and you continue scheming and doing shady shit like you've been doing and it's business as usual for you until you can pull yourself out of it... but at least your bills will be paid and you'll have food and stuff.
and by the way, if that is the case, might I suggest that you at least try to take all that stuff off the table. like, don't even let it be an option. trust me, it will help you toward recovery so much. in the first two years of my addiction, I used to hustle and scheme and do shady shit too, but one day I was like "dude fuck this. I'm not hurting other people or compromising my morals in order to get well." It gave me a different, much healthier perspective over my addiction as well as a degree of control I never had before. Plus it gives you an excuse to get clean when you run out of money haha. not to mention it takes away that desperate, "oh shit" feeling you get when you start feeling sick... you know the one, where you start running around like a chicken with it's head cut off doing whatever you can to make money and hitting up everyone in your phone book and you actually literally feel like you're going insane. yeah... THAT fucked up feeling. GOD I do not miss that. so grateful I haven't really felt it in it's full capacity of terror in a lil over two years now lol... ew. worst part of the whole heroin addiction experience FOR SURE.
anyway, if this doesn't describe you, then obviously just ignore everything I said and simply be happy that you have a chance to get out now before it gets worse. I was just throwing it out there since it is true for 99% of the heroin addicts I know, including myself once upon a time. and also because adopting that mindset, where I simply wasn't willing to obtain it through any means other than if I a.) already had money that was legitimately mine or b.) through a front that I KNEW I would be able to pay back when I said, was a veryy crucial step in my overall recovery process. that right there is what took me from "hopeless junkie" to "junkie with hope". and that, my friend, made all the difference in the world.
goddamn... thinking about it, it really has been an epic crazy journey. I don't think I could ever regret any part of my addiction though, not even the worst parts. ESPECIALLY the worst parts. each stage of my addiction served it's purpose. I have ideas and worldviews and experiences that I never would have discovered otherwise. where I used to feel that I was worthless and hopeless, I now have way more confidence in what I can handle, strength to get through whatever life wants to throw at me, and the ability to give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks of me. my addiction gave me this belief in myself that I can feel down to my core and is entirely unshakeable. it grounded me. in it's own fucked up way, it made me a better person. as happy as I am to be out of it now, I will always respect the role it played in shaping my life and my character.
I've officially been clean for 6 days now and it's already made a huge difference. I'm already saving money and doing a lot better at work and am just overall happier and the natural glow that heroin takes away is coming back. yaayy :D
and by the way, if that is the case, might I suggest that you at least try to take all that stuff off the table. like, don't even let it be an option. trust me, it will help you toward recovery so much. in the first two years of my addiction, I used to hustle and scheme and do shady shit too, but one day I was like "dude fuck this. I'm not hurting other people or compromising my morals in order to get well." It gave me a different, much healthier perspective over my addiction as well as a degree of control I never had before. Plus it gives you an excuse to get clean when you run out of money haha. not to mention it takes away that desperate, "oh shit" feeling you get when you start feeling sick... you know the one, where you start running around like a chicken with it's head cut off doing whatever you can to make money and hitting up everyone in your phone book and you actually literally feel like you're going insane. yeah... THAT fucked up feeling. GOD I do not miss that. so grateful I haven't really felt it in it's full capacity of terror in a lil over two years now lol... ew. worst part of the whole heroin addiction experience FOR SURE.
anyway, if this doesn't describe you, then obviously just ignore everything I said and simply be happy that you have a chance to get out now before it gets worse. I was just throwing it out there since it is true for 99% of the heroin addicts I know, including myself once upon a time. and also because adopting that mindset, where I simply wasn't willing to obtain it through any means other than if I a.) already had money that was legitimately mine or b.) through a front that I KNEW I would be able to pay back when I said, was a veryy crucial step in my overall recovery process. that right there is what took me from "hopeless junkie" to "junkie with hope". and that, my friend, made all the difference in the world.
goddamn... thinking about it, it really has been an epic crazy journey. I don't think I could ever regret any part of my addiction though, not even the worst parts. ESPECIALLY the worst parts. each stage of my addiction served it's purpose. I have ideas and worldviews and experiences that I never would have discovered otherwise. where I used to feel that I was worthless and hopeless, I now have way more confidence in what I can handle, strength to get through whatever life wants to throw at me, and the ability to give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks of me. my addiction gave me this belief in myself that I can feel down to my core and is entirely unshakeable. it grounded me. in it's own fucked up way, it made me a better person. as happy as I am to be out of it now, I will always respect the role it played in shaping my life and my character.
I've officially been clean for 6 days now and it's already made a huge difference. I'm already saving money and doing a lot better at work and am just overall happier and the natural glow that heroin takes away is coming back. yaayy :D
Captain.Heroin
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Smoky
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Hi,
I lost my whole savings to heroin in the course of 2 years, year before that with oxy. Put it down 9 months ago. How long have you been using, how much and what initiated use?
Some factors like these may help you to decide how you want to move forward and how you can do so that's best for your current needs.
tripnotyzm
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thanks for your responses guys.. good to have somewhere to turn to when i feel like this.
I have been using it for about 5 months now.. I have never IV'd thankfully. Just been smoking it.. definitely less dramatic that way, but definitely still very hard to shake off.
I can't justify my reasons for using.. I have a pretty crazy addictive personality, and over the years i have battled it out with so many different substances.. H has always been a very out of reach drug around here.. It wasn't until around New Years eve when i discovered a work colleague has been using it for a long time.
I should have just said no the first time he offered it to me.. The warning signs have always been locked into my system, but im just too fucking curious - i had to try it
Immediately i started fucking around with it 1 day per week (at work, with my work colleague).. slowly turned into several times a week, then several times a day if possible.. My usage is not too consistent... Here and there whenever i have money.. im not an every day hardcore type of user - but the problem is bad enough for it to be eating away at all of my pay lately.
This drug is very expensive in Australia. I dont think im allowed to discuss actual prices, but it is a ridiculous cost for such a tiny amount. it hasn't taken long, ive exhausted all my savings, ive maxed out a 10k credit card (with the help of other forms of money-guzzling abuse).
Lately i have been trying really hard to forget about it.. Been going to work in the mornings with every intention to avoid scoring. but these intentions seem to just fly out the window as soon as i see my work mate. His face is like a cutting edge trigger to me now. I can be SO convinced that i am going to spend the day clean as a whistle, then my plans completely change as soon as i see him.
I have been using it for about 5 months now.. I have never IV'd thankfully. Just been smoking it.. definitely less dramatic that way, but definitely still very hard to shake off.
I can't justify my reasons for using.. I have a pretty crazy addictive personality, and over the years i have battled it out with so many different substances.. H has always been a very out of reach drug around here.. It wasn't until around New Years eve when i discovered a work colleague has been using it for a long time.
I should have just said no the first time he offered it to me.. The warning signs have always been locked into my system, but im just too fucking curious - i had to try it
Immediately i started fucking around with it 1 day per week (at work, with my work colleague).. slowly turned into several times a week, then several times a day if possible.. My usage is not too consistent... Here and there whenever i have money.. im not an every day hardcore type of user - but the problem is bad enough for it to be eating away at all of my pay lately.
This drug is very expensive in Australia. I dont think im allowed to discuss actual prices, but it is a ridiculous cost for such a tiny amount. it hasn't taken long, ive exhausted all my savings, ive maxed out a 10k credit card (with the help of other forms of money-guzzling abuse).
Lately i have been trying really hard to forget about it.. Been going to work in the mornings with every intention to avoid scoring. but these intentions seem to just fly out the window as soon as i see my work mate. His face is like a cutting edge trigger to me now. I can be SO convinced that i am going to spend the day clean as a whistle, then my plans completely change as soon as i see him.
xburtonchic
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I was wondering if any of you have suggestions for foods I should buy? I'm about to go to the store and this is my list so far:
Lemons (for lemon water)
Vitamin B12
Bee Pollen supplements
5-HTP
Whey Protein
Gatorade
... and please keep in mind that I am not a master chef. simple recipes would be nice lol
I'm leaving in the next hour so I doubt anyone will reply in time but I'm gonna go back this weekend so suggestions are cool anyway :D
Lemons (for lemon water)
Vitamin B12
Bee Pollen supplements
5-HTP
Whey Protein
Gatorade
... and please keep in mind that I am not a master chef. simple recipes would be nice lol
I'm leaving in the next hour so I doubt anyone will reply in time but I'm gonna go back this weekend so suggestions are cool anyway :D
pbuilder
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I was clean from opiates, mainly iv heroin and fentanyl and was 52 days clean until I relapsed for 2 days last week with IV H, and then again yesterday. But I'm trying to not get down on myself and WILL NOT use again today, or in the future any time soon. Just a speed bump.
Captain.Heroin
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7 months, 1 day clean
today I woke up just a tad bit frustrated, but I know I'm going to stay clean and that's a great feeling.
today I woke up just a tad bit frustrated, but I know I'm going to stay clean and that's a great feeling.
Captain.Heroin
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I wouldn't bother with oral B12 supplements (if you can absorb B12 sufficiently orally, then you should focus on eating enough vegetables for the natural source, as well as all the other vitamins and minerals).
I'm finding if I don't have a soup with a combo of vegetables at least 2-3x a week (such as carrots, celery, tomato, onion, potato, rutabaga, garlic, peas, broccoli, etc.) then I don't feel as well.
Definitely get the whey protein and some whole milk so you can drink a large number of calories; it'll really feel a lot better than forcing yourself to eat when you're not feeling solid foods.
Stay strong X
Captain.Heroin
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thanks for your responses guys.. good to have somewhere to turn to when i feel like this.
I have been using it for about 5 months now.. I have never IV'd thankfully. Just been smoking it.. definitely less dramatic that way, but definitely still very hard to shake off.
I can't justify my reasons for using.. I have a pretty crazy addictive personality, and over the years i have battled it out with so many different substances.. H has always been a very out of reach drug around here.. It wasn't until around New Years eve when i discovered a work colleague has been using it for a long time.
I should have just said no the first time he offered it to me.. The warning signs have always been locked into my system, but im just too fucking curious - i had to try it
Immediately i started fucking around with it 1 day per week (at work, with my work colleague).. slowly turned into several times a week, then several times a day if possible.. My usage is not too consistent... Here and there whenever i have money.. im not an every day hardcore type of user - but the problem is bad enough for it to be eating away at all of my pay lately.
This drug is very expensive in Australia. I dont think im allowed to discuss actual prices, but it is a ridiculous cost for such a tiny amount. it hasn't taken long, ive exhausted all my savings, ive maxed out a 10k credit card (with the help of other forms of money-guzzling abuse).
Lately i have been trying really hard to forget about it.. Been going to work in the mornings with every intention to avoid scoring. but these intentions seem to just fly out the window as soon as i see my work mate. His face is like a cutting edge trigger to me now. I can be SO convinced that i am going to spend the day clean as a whistle, then my plans completely change as soon as i see him.
Please follow my advice if you hope to quit using heroin as soon as possible...
1) You need to quit your job. Your co-worker will trigger you, and he's going to continue enabling you if you continue to allow yourself to use/allow yourself to continue to work there. I know having a job is really important, but you can work and end up spending more $ than you're bringing in from that job; but you'll still be able to always continue justifying your use in order to work. When I say "you" I'm not ragging on you trip, it's just that most of us are like this when we're actively using.
In doing this, you have to be able to avoid this person. If you can't, then step 1 will also involve moving away. It is severely unwise to live in an area where the drug you want to give up is prevalent.
2) get on suboxone or methadone, with or without doctor's supervision. You need to get something to satiate the psychological dependency, something that's a lot less reinforcing, so you have some plausible hope of getting clean.
3) you need to reach out to friends or family for support. Without a support network, we are that much closer to relapsing.
xburtonchic
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well I ended up getting about 10x more things than I intended. Lots and lots of good stuff though that will help me when the Sub withdrawals hit. I got:
Lemons (am drinking my now-daily morning lemon water and taking my supplements as I type this)
Bee Pollen, 5-HTP, a multivitamin, and a B-complex gummy vitamin
Whey Protein, Gatorade, and a drink that's a mix of veggies and fruit
A bunch of different soups and crackers
Mangoes, peaches, kiwi, and a coconut plus these little packs of pureed fruits
These lil snack packs with apples, pretzels, carrots, and cheese
and granola cereal and stuff for sandwiches
I'm actually really excited to see how the bee pollen works. I've heard that it's really good to take for recovering addicts and that it can even help with cravings. I'm excited to see how much of a difference drinking the lemon water every morning makes too. Heard that can cut your withdrawal time in half since it's so efficient at flushing your system of toxins and such
We shall seeeee
I'm excited tho!! Got lots of yummy healthy foods :D
Edit: Garlic!! and Apple Cider Vinegar!! ughh that's what I forget to get!! oh well lol
Lemons (am drinking my now-daily morning lemon water and taking my supplements as I type this)
Bee Pollen, 5-HTP, a multivitamin, and a B-complex gummy vitamin
Whey Protein, Gatorade, and a drink that's a mix of veggies and fruit
A bunch of different soups and crackers
Mangoes, peaches, kiwi, and a coconut plus these little packs of pureed fruits
These lil snack packs with apples, pretzels, carrots, and cheese
and granola cereal and stuff for sandwiches
I'm actually really excited to see how the bee pollen works. I've heard that it's really good to take for recovering addicts and that it can even help with cravings. I'm excited to see how much of a difference drinking the lemon water every morning makes too. Heard that can cut your withdrawal time in half since it's so efficient at flushing your system of toxins and such
We shall seeeee
I'm excited tho!! Got lots of yummy healthy foods :D
Edit: Garlic!! and Apple Cider Vinegar!! ughh that's what I forget to get!! oh well lol
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
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All those fruit are going to help.
Natural sugars and vitamins are amazingly helpful.
Natural sugars and vitamins are amazingly helpful.
P0kemama
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I had my monthly PM appt this morning... it sucked. I hate all of this. My current insurance ends in 3 days, and then I have to get crappy insurance. I pay cash to the doctor, but get my meds cheap. Next month... I will have to pay a lot for them. I have a plan to lock up my morphine in my safe deposit box. I don't like it, I don't know why I take it... I guess cuz it helps me sleep and potentiates the oxy. Anyway, no more. I will lock up 1/3 of my oxy's as well. Then, hope I can have a week or two with no babysitting so I can try and get clean. I hate posting here on SL when I am not clean, but I am afraid if I go away, I will just give up.
tripnotyzm
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Xburtonchic - All those flavours are making my mouth water (which is becoming less and less of an occurance). Your advice was helpful, and since logging on this morning i have had a mini obsession with stocking up on positive foods to last me the week. We will see how i go today. Fingers crossed i can hang on to my money long enough to make it to the shops after work!
CH - Thanks for the advice. I agree with a lot of your points.. it all makes so much sense, but its a difficult thought to process when i think about throwing in my job
Today a new role opened up at my work, and i have already applied for it with tremendous enthusiasm. This will land me a higher pay, and it will also drag me away from my current shift, where i will be surrounded by clean men as opposed to my current situation; working with said drug obsessed workers..
Im trying to be strong today. Its getting harder every minute. But i really want to brace myself for the fresh turnover in to June, where i am yet again going to attempt to live on a clean slate.
Ive just finished removing those infectious drug contacts from my phone. I thought that would be a helpful step in preparation for the weeks to come.
I keep seeing my trigger at work today. Its fucking incredibly hard to walk past him without stopping to ask for drugs.. But i need to prove my capabilities to myself.
i can beat this. I can avoid.
CH - Thanks for the advice. I agree with a lot of your points.. it all makes so much sense, but its a difficult thought to process when i think about throwing in my job
Today a new role opened up at my work, and i have already applied for it with tremendous enthusiasm. This will land me a higher pay, and it will also drag me away from my current shift, where i will be surrounded by clean men as opposed to my current situation; working with said drug obsessed workers..
Im trying to be strong today. Its getting harder every minute. But i really want to brace myself for the fresh turnover in to June, where i am yet again going to attempt to live on a clean slate.
Ive just finished removing those infectious drug contacts from my phone. I thought that would be a helpful step in preparation for the weeks to come.
I keep seeing my trigger at work today. Its fucking incredibly hard to walk past him without stopping to ask for drugs.. But i need to prove my capabilities to myself.
i can beat this. I can avoid.
phactor
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- Nov 13, 2002
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Mine too! Next week actually.
Anyways, I am doing okay. Going to go to a meeting very soon, its not the best but it needs support. I guess I get slightly frustrated that I do not get to talk to my GF as much as I'd like to but its temporary. She is meeting with a potential sponsor either Sat or Sun so I have no idea if I get to see her this weekend.
Also, she has decide to return to her primary fellowship AA!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!!
Just kidding
xburtonchic
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tripnotyzm - yay I'm so glad that something I said helped you!! Keep that food motivation going strong, tripno!! I'm tellin ya, you gotta spend the money BEFORE you have a chance to spend it on drugs. I spent close to $200 today while grocery shopping, and while I cringed a little bit when I heard the total (mainly because I spent a good $100 more than I intended to lol), I couldn't help but think that it was $200 less I'd be able to spend on drugs IN the event that I relapse. I feel strong and I don't think I will, but it was a nice realization anyway, and it made me feel great to know that I'M the one in control of where my money goes... no more heroin addiction to pull me in the wrong direction where money is concerned :D
Today I ran out of Sub, so today I start the descent into what will for sure be the worst of the physical stuff. But I've armed myself with all the right foods and supplements and I will be exercising, plus I secured some Xanax today for when the anxiety/restlessness/insomnia gets too much to handle, so I feel prepared. I think my daily morning lemon water cleanse and my new regime of supplements and eating healthy is going to help out A LOT. Maybe not make it less painful, but I feel that it will cut my detox time down by a day or two at the very least.
I am still ROCK SOLID in my resolve to do this. I ain't fucking around this time!! haha
I'm actually really excited right now, I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of something great. In front of me is a beautiful landscape with gorgeous rolling mountains, rainbow colored trees and flowers and plants, happy cute fluffy friendly animals romping around freely, and bright green expansive fields. Behind me is a rocky cliff with a crashing ocean at the bottom infested with bloodthirsty sharks. And for once, I wanna keep stepping out in front of me and working toward the greener pastures. I have no desire to fall back into that brutal ocean and keep crashing against the rocks while my demons eat me alive from the inside out. Something amazing is on the horizon I can feel it. I'm very grateful to be celebrating my milestone of one week today
Today I ran out of Sub, so today I start the descent into what will for sure be the worst of the physical stuff. But I've armed myself with all the right foods and supplements and I will be exercising, plus I secured some Xanax today for when the anxiety/restlessness/insomnia gets too much to handle, so I feel prepared. I think my daily morning lemon water cleanse and my new regime of supplements and eating healthy is going to help out A LOT. Maybe not make it less painful, but I feel that it will cut my detox time down by a day or two at the very least.
I am still ROCK SOLID in my resolve to do this. I ain't fucking around this time!! haha
I'm actually really excited right now, I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of something great. In front of me is a beautiful landscape with gorgeous rolling mountains, rainbow colored trees and flowers and plants, happy cute fluffy friendly animals romping around freely, and bright green expansive fields. Behind me is a rocky cliff with a crashing ocean at the bottom infested with bloodthirsty sharks. And for once, I wanna keep stepping out in front of me and working toward the greener pastures. I have no desire to fall back into that brutal ocean and keep crashing against the rocks while my demons eat me alive from the inside out. Something amazing is on the horizon I can feel it. I'm very grateful to be celebrating my milestone of one week today
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