I really feel like killing myself, I don't know what to do.

[Ringo88]

So as some of you have seen in my other thread, I'm trying to get off benzos. I also am over a month off ssris, after being on them for 6 years. My new doctor started me on remeron, which makes me drowsy as fuck, although I sleep good.

I feel like I won't even be able to function being this drowsy all the time. I'm also worried about the weight gain, since remeron is known to cause it. Ive lost close to 100lbs over the past 2 years, and am back to my highschool weight of 180lbs.

I want to get off of benzos, but I want to have a sex life. Remeron is making me tired as shit, which is adding to my depression. I don't know if i should reinstate ssris, keep trying remeron, or blow my brains out.

I'm very, very scared, and don't know what the fuck to do. I guess I could try low, low dose ssri, and just work hard to get off the Valium. I'm beyond scared. I actually want to kill myself, I never thought I'd feel that way. I think my brain is fucked beyond any means of repair. Any and all advice is appreciated.

I wish I never took a benzodiazepine, and I wish I never took an ssri. I'm fucked.

 

[fukme]

Are you depressed or is the suicidal idealization from benzo withdrawal? I've been on benzos for almost 20 years, it can take years for you to feel "ok" on them... I'll have to read your other thread. I don't know any instant fixes for depression other than opiate use.... Ultram is great for depression

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like your brain and body are screaming for a break. If you are feeling suicidal the Remeron is not working and you need to talk to your doctor about it. What non-drug therapies have you tried for the depression? Right now you have a lot going on with the benzo taper and recent changes from quitting ssri's so any other therapy may seem like it isn't working but stick with it. I know this is going to sound impossible but time is your best friend right now. It takes time for the body to start readjusting and regaining balance. Do everything you can to be healthy--especially diet and exercise as these will really speed up the healing process.

As far as the terror that the suicidal feelings bring up....one thing you can do to put things in perspective is to shift the meaning of these feelings in your own mind. Instead of taking them literally (I want to die) try seeing them as a really strong desire to live free of depression. In other words this feeling is your indicator that the present situation is not sustainable. Use that to motivate yourself to get off valium and to allow your brain to begin to readjust. Benzo withdrawal is hell for anyone going through it. Stay strong with your resolve to get off them.