Sharapovafistpump
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2009
- Messages
- 672
So it all got just a bit too much. the 20mg - and climbing- etizolam habit was me in that peculiar state that only benzo's seem to imbue. Me thinking i'm fine, everybody else knowing otherwise.
Then the empirical evidence mounted up, 5 damaged cars, 3 lost jobs, benzo rage - was/am lost to it all. Luckily I have a very non-judgemental doctor who prescribed me valium - offered 15mg a day, but (being benzo'd and full of modafinil) said no 12mg is plenty... 12 mg was not plenty. 12mg doesn't touch the sides. He said he would write a repeat on condition that I work with the addictions team. I agreed ad I have. I'e been honest. admitting to topping up my script with 4-8mg of fulbmazepam a day.
I see no point turning up to appointments to lie. I also really want to get of this shit altogether. I can quit things. I quit drinking 3 tears ao, I'm 5 weeks and 5 days of the smokes,
But the benzo's worry me. Firstly this centre runs a VERY tight ship. Most in-patients are there to sweeten the judge up before sentencing. ery few put themselves forward. This doesn't make me any better or worse - just lucky I got this far without police involvement. Which was inevitable unless I took a big swig of wise up.
Few things - I know they are going to try and see whole I cope on 12mg valium a day. At least for the first week, It'll be hellish.
Secondly the facilities and programme - 12 sep basis, compulsory meetings. 12 steps approach never gelled with me - and touch wood - I gave up drinking without it. Then there is the case of the ting room, no tv, no radio, no internet, no phone. Want to go for a shower, have to notify the nurse. want a walk round the grounds, has to be accompanied. 1 hr visiting a night. First week you adjust to the routine - lights out at 11 - up for 7. week 2 expected to 'share' in the group. Plus points - theres a tennis court and putting green. Major plus point if I could come off every drug, everything. It'll be the fist time in 22 years, from smoking hash, to scripts of prozac and temazepam at 14. In a way wouldn't being free of all psychoactive substances be a bit of a drug in itself? There not daft, I've been told I'll still leave with a val script. And theses (NHS) beds are expensive - with no shortage of people wanting them - for one reason or another - I thing the reason I got offered one was because I simply waved the white flag and put all my cards on the table.
Doesn't make it seem any less daunting tho. I'm just wondering if you guys have had similar rehab experiences? What's it like? I mean I've seen the room, but the place has such a clinical atmosphere bathed in fluorescent tube lighting. I want it to work. I'm not going to fight over anything, although I do know vastly more about bezos ad the bezo 'scee' that the woman who specialises in it.
Have a bed booked for the 11th of May, for between 1 to 6 weeks stay. I'm hoping to stabilize during that time. no binging. The doctor said quite plainly I my walk out with a higher dose script than when I went in. She also said I can leave at any time, I've broken no laws. Although the bezo nurse did say that if I left before an offical discharge the would stop my script - To which i said big deal. It's not about scripts, I can get whatever I want. I think this is a tactic used on those withdrawing from opi's.
So if anyone has any advice/experience/cautionary tales please reply. I'm bricking it a bit dropping from 200mg (20mg eitz) to 4mg of diaz 3 times a day. But the one thing I get the biggest buzz out of is travelling. And addictions do't travel easy.
Cheers for your time
Then the empirical evidence mounted up, 5 damaged cars, 3 lost jobs, benzo rage - was/am lost to it all. Luckily I have a very non-judgemental doctor who prescribed me valium - offered 15mg a day, but (being benzo'd and full of modafinil) said no 12mg is plenty... 12 mg was not plenty. 12mg doesn't touch the sides. He said he would write a repeat on condition that I work with the addictions team. I agreed ad I have. I'e been honest. admitting to topping up my script with 4-8mg of fulbmazepam a day.
I see no point turning up to appointments to lie. I also really want to get of this shit altogether. I can quit things. I quit drinking 3 tears ao, I'm 5 weeks and 5 days of the smokes,
But the benzo's worry me. Firstly this centre runs a VERY tight ship. Most in-patients are there to sweeten the judge up before sentencing. ery few put themselves forward. This doesn't make me any better or worse - just lucky I got this far without police involvement. Which was inevitable unless I took a big swig of wise up.
Few things - I know they are going to try and see whole I cope on 12mg valium a day. At least for the first week, It'll be hellish.
Secondly the facilities and programme - 12 sep basis, compulsory meetings. 12 steps approach never gelled with me - and touch wood - I gave up drinking without it. Then there is the case of the ting room, no tv, no radio, no internet, no phone. Want to go for a shower, have to notify the nurse. want a walk round the grounds, has to be accompanied. 1 hr visiting a night. First week you adjust to the routine - lights out at 11 - up for 7. week 2 expected to 'share' in the group. Plus points - theres a tennis court and putting green. Major plus point if I could come off every drug, everything. It'll be the fist time in 22 years, from smoking hash, to scripts of prozac and temazepam at 14. In a way wouldn't being free of all psychoactive substances be a bit of a drug in itself? There not daft, I've been told I'll still leave with a val script. And theses (NHS) beds are expensive - with no shortage of people wanting them - for one reason or another - I thing the reason I got offered one was because I simply waved the white flag and put all my cards on the table.
Doesn't make it seem any less daunting tho. I'm just wondering if you guys have had similar rehab experiences? What's it like? I mean I've seen the room, but the place has such a clinical atmosphere bathed in fluorescent tube lighting. I want it to work. I'm not going to fight over anything, although I do know vastly more about bezos ad the bezo 'scee' that the woman who specialises in it.
Have a bed booked for the 11th of May, for between 1 to 6 weeks stay. I'm hoping to stabilize during that time. no binging. The doctor said quite plainly I my walk out with a higher dose script than when I went in. She also said I can leave at any time, I've broken no laws. Although the bezo nurse did say that if I left before an offical discharge the would stop my script - To which i said big deal. It's not about scripts, I can get whatever I want. I think this is a tactic used on those withdrawing from opi's.
So if anyone has any advice/experience/cautionary tales please reply. I'm bricking it a bit dropping from 200mg (20mg eitz) to 4mg of diaz 3 times a day. But the one thing I get the biggest buzz out of is travelling. And addictions do't travel easy.
Cheers for your time
