Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0

[Captain.Heroin]

Just cracked a tallboy. Havent drank in quite awhile. I hate alcohol, yet I love it. I can stay away, aslong as I'm on other drugs. But once I quit everything but weed(love it, but its never enough)I find myself buying some beer. I have to hide it from my fiance(whom Ive been with for 6 years) as she lost tolerance for me drinking long ago. Been fighting the cravings for awhile, but now I gave in. Stupid yeah, but the buzz feels so good. Being an addict/alcy sucks!!!!!

Have you tried analyzing why you were having cravings for so long? Have you thought about going to a meeting?

 

[MDpatient]

Checking in because it's only appropriate. I never really used to be into alcohol, but rather other drugs of all kinds. I have an extensive family history of both alcohol and other drug problems. So as if it were predetermined I wound up with a bear of heroin habit, and the onto suboxone for nearly 3 years. Tapered down, and as anyone who's familiar with it will know well, the last few mgs are the hardest. I jumped from 0.5mg to nothing, and from then, to sleep, it was something like 2mg ativan, 100mg vistaril, and a fifth of hard liqour just to get to sleep at night. I got accustomed to that, and then, sure enough, on to being pretty strung out on alcohol. Usually it's about a "pint" of hard liquor q.h.s. every night sometimes as much as a fifth or more, in the upper ranges i really feel it the next morning but otherwise it's just about maintaining a baseline. If I have a large amount available, i.e. a "handle" (1.75 L), I wind up in real trouble because without really knowing it I'll readily drink until I pass out which is about a liter or a little more, so I try to buy it in smaller increments. ALso I try to make it a point not to drink on the job but sometimes, especially when I was on a real tear the night before, I need a few nips during the day, but nothing enough to impair me, really again it's about a baseline. On my days off I day drink pretty much as soon as I coherently wake up. After an especially riproaring night, I get tremors. I sleep fitfully without booze and that's with klonipin and ambien already in the picture. I've tried to taper off alcohol to the point where it's only a few beers a night but always I wind up back up around 300-500mL of hard liquor a night. This isn't good for my liver or my all around physicality, I know, it's enough to effect my lab work. Physically honestly I feel more shit than when I was doing heroin daily. It's a hard thing especially since booze is so socially acceptable and ubiquitous, even if I feel embarrassed going to the liquor store buying copious amounts of booze so often. So yeah, I'm a clinical goddamn alcoholic, I don't really know what to do about it ... I haven't been without some kind of drug habit for damn near 20 years. I'm not posting here really looking for advice, I mean, I know all the options. AA isn't really my thing, not because of the religion part, I am actually a religious guy more than people would think, but it's the powerlessness thing, I don't think I'm powerless, I think I'm making bad decisions, even if that makes me an asshole, and probably haven't had enough bad consequences to convince myself that those decisions are bad and that I'm an asshole. It's hard to say. Maybe I was better off on heroin, or more likely, bupe, I know for sure I was more functional. I'm actually considering going back on the latter. I dunno. But yeah, I have a problem, and if you want to go with the twelve, I guess saying that's the first. I wanna check in on this thread regardless because I recognize that where I'm at is not sustainable and where I'm going is a very dark place. So hello and God bless to all of you who are going through or have gone through similar.

I got sober via the AA for about 3 years, met a really awful crowd of AAers a year and a couple of months ago which put me the fuck off them. Try baclofen, works wonders, start low, then go higher and higher till you hit that switch where it takes away the cravings and brings on indifference. There's plenty of bac literature on the web, no tolerance, super low side effect profile just be mindful of not going to fast up with the pills, or, especially this the latter too quickly tapering off because it can bring about alcohol like hallucinations and shit. God bless.

 

[MDpatient]

Have you tried analyzing why you were having cravings for so long? Have you thought about going to a meeting?

What's there to analyse? It's a chemical imbalance taking over. I don't mean to burn AA for anyone here because I did get help first time around, but really it's a fucking baseless protocol the 12 steps that is that some fucking drunk pulled out of his ass some decades ago, which serves as the basis for groups of people who do help each other facing the same wretched problem. As for success rates they are abysmally low.

 

[RDP89]

Have you tried analyzing why you were having cravings for so long? Have you thought about going to a meeting?

As far as the cravings, Ive pretty much just accepted that it's just the way I am. As for 12 step meetings, I don't beleive in a lot of their ways, so no, I don't really even think of that as an option anymore. I know I probably need help and support, but pretty much accept those as luxuries I cant afford. Tbh, if it wasn't for my kids I probably wouldn't even have the motivation to try and hold it together. Ive been doing good for the most part, but I'm worried/scared of what the future holds if I dont get some kind of a handle on drug/alc. cravings.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

What's there to analyse? It's a chemical imbalance taking over.

There's a lot to analyze. Alcoholism, and other addictions, are much more than just a chemical imbalance. There's a lot of facets to many people's addictions which are not entirely pharmacological.

I don't mean to burn AA for anyone here because I did get help first time around, but really it's a fucking baseless protocol the 12 steps that is that some fucking drunk pulled out of his ass some decades ago, which serves as the basis for groups of people who do help each other facing the same wretched problem. As for success rates they are abysmally low.

I'm not pushing 12 step programs on anyone. There are non-12 step meetings as well.

I think we often write off the importance of face-to-face social interaction. I think we also often need to talk to other people in recovery to get a better handle on where we are with our recovery, and how far we can take it. I don't think anyone here should go to 1 meeting if they don't want to, but it's a tool out there, and like any tool, you can use it or leave it in the tool box.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

As far as the cravings, Ive pretty much just accepted that it's just the way I am. As for 12 step meetings, I don't beleive in a lot of their ways, so no, I don't really even think of that as an option anymore. I know I probably need help and support, but pretty much accept those as luxuries I cant afford. Tbh, if it wasn't for my kids I probably wouldn't even have the motivation to try and hold it together. Ive been doing good for the most part, but I'm worried/scared of what the future holds if I dont get some kind of a handle on drug/alc. cravings.

There is likely something that's leading you to drink, or to crave drinking or using drugs. What's missing from your life? You mention having kids. Do you have a partner/significant other? Do you have hobbies, do you exercise? Do you work, or go to school? Is there anything that you feel is missing from your life?

 

[Jabberwocky]

You should try the SMART program. Have heard lot's of good things bout it. It's not like AA, it's just more bout you setting your own goals etc. Think they do meet up groups once or twice a week.

The other option is to look into Naltrexone. It's a medication that makes alcohol less enjoyable and pretty much forces you to quit.

 

[phactor]

"You should try the SMART program. Have heard lot's of good things bout it. It's not like AA, it's just more bout you setting your own goals etc"


I used to say that I didn't believe in a lot of AA, but then I realized that what I thought was very wrong. AA is very much about setting goals, I am achieving goals right now both with work and with a move to a new place that I have wanted for 10 years. I wouldn't have done it without AA/NA.

I really urge people to go into 12 step meetings with an open mind. Every recovery is very unique and the same is for every 12 step program. Don't get caught up on the "God" stuff either... nobody is going to try to convert you.

But with me, I was so defeated that I didn't even give a shit if I had to be converted. I just wanted to stop drinking and I could not do it no matter how hard I tried.

 

[tremours]

Lately ive been staying sober more often than not but i refuse to commit to sobriety, sometimes i wish i could make up my mind

 

[phactor]

Lately ive been staying sober more often than not but i refuse to commit to sobriety, sometimes i wish i could make up my mind

Why is that?

I remember talking with you when I first started to get clean. I can tell you that my life is great now! There is still plenty of shitty times, but overall things go well for me.

 

[tremours]

Why is that?

I remember talking with you when I first started to get clean. I can tell you that my life is great now! There is still plenty of shitty times, but overall things go well for me.

I think it's cause i can stop but i really dont want to, sober life has never been satisfactory

 

[SmokingAces]

Been drinking a few beers (1-6 btls) every night for over a week now. I know it's not good but I've cut down to pretty much no drugs but weed, I did do 180mg MD last week but there is unlikely to be any more powder or synthetics for a while. Is drinking 1.5-7 units a night really that bad for you?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Lately ive been staying sober more often than not but i refuse to commit to sobriety, sometimes i wish i could make up my mind

You're already making progress glitter, especially if you really are spending more time sober than not.

Don't worry about not being fully committed to sobriety yet, you'll get there

Just take it one day at a time.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Is drinking 1.5-7 units a night really that bad for you?

Yes, I believe so.

I think it's one thing if you want to have one night a month, or one night a year (most people like drinking on January 1st)...but when you're doing it every day, you really need to take a step back and re-evaluate what's going on in your life.

Why do you feel the need to drink every day? Are you bored, depressed, etc?

 

[RDP89]

There is likely something that's leading you to drink, or to crave drinking or using drugs. What's missing from your life? You mention having kids. Do you have a partner/significant other? Do you have hobbies, do you exercise? Do you work, or go to school? Is there anything that you feel is missing from your life?

It honestly seems no matter how good/well balanced my life gets or how long I've been clean/sober(I hate seperating these two as alcohols a drug as we know, but it seems you must in this world), I still crave psychoactives. Ive been drinking/using excessively on and off since 15( now 26), been to inpatient three times, first one at 17. I still think drugs have a rightful place in my life, just need to be the right ones and in the right amounts.....lol I know thats addictive tthinking, but yeah. As far as my life, I cant even start going into the shit without it being a novel. Ive never been clean off of everything for longer than 6p days so I dont think my brain chemistry has ever got back to normal completely. Also, I think I self medicate alot of psychological issues.

 

[Flower of Life]

It honestly seems no matter how good/well balanced my life gets or how long I've been clean/sober(I hate seperating these two as alcohols a drug as we know, but it seems you must in this world), I still crave psychoactives. Ive been drinking/using excessively on and off since 15( now 26), been to inpatient three times, first one at 17. I still think drugs have a rightful place in my life, just need to be the right ones and in the right amounts.....lol I know thats addictive tthinking, but yeah. As far as my life, I cant even start going into the shit without it being a novel. Ive never been clean off of everything for longer than 6p days so I dont think my brain chemistry has ever got back to normal completely. Also, I think I self medicate alot of psychological issues.

RDP

I can relate very much.

Meditation, nutrition, lifestyle tweaks, and fitness helped me stay clean for 5 years.

Guess what happened when I stopped meditating? RELAPSE. Meditation can and will change your brain in as little as 8 weeks



But I must never forget about my problem, meditation and fitness can provide the endorphins and brain chemistry equilibrium I crave, but I must also be conscious I am an addict and stay connected to my recovery such as posting here hehe, the 12 steps ain't my cup of tea.

 

[Flower of Life]

I HAVE A PROBLEM. Glad to be a new member here. May we benefit each other.

 

[SKL]

Guys, I have to have elective surgery in the near future, hernia repair, it can be put off for a time but then it runs the risk of getting strangulated with is very dangerous. I am a medical professional so I understand the risks involved with this and the risks involved with surgery having an alcohol problem which is what's kind of scaring me at this point. I will of course inform my anesthesiologist about it so they can adjust their doses as needed, this is absolutely necessary, and if I have to stay over in the hospital I will very likely need Librium/Ativan/Valium whatever to manage abstinence from alcohol. Also it will probably affect unfortunately what kind of pain management I can get postoperatively although the postop recovery period is pretty short from this procedure. So I know all this, but I'm curious if any of you all have been through this kind of thing and could share a personal perspective.

 

[SmokingAces]

That's shit news SLK. How much booze are you on per day?

Are there many ex-users of hard drugs in here that have managed to retire from abusing the hard drugs and go back to drinking (socially)?

 

[Flower of Life]

Guys, I have to have elective surgery in the near future, hernia repair, it can be put off for a time but then it runs the risk of getting strangulated with is very dangerous. I am a medical professional so I understand the risks involved with this and the risks involved with surgery having an alcohol problem which is what's kind of scaring me at this point. I will of course inform my anesthesiologist about it so they can adjust their doses as needed, this is absolutely necessary, and if I have to stay over in the hospital I will very likely need Librium/Ativan/Valium whatever to manage abstinence from alcohol. Also it will probably affect unfortunately what kind of pain management I can get postoperatively although the postop recovery period is pretty short from this procedure. So I know all this, but I'm curious if any of you all have been through this kind of thing and could share a personal perspective.

A couple years ago I went to a special hernia facility in Canada called Shouldice, world reknowned granted I had to pay out of pocket as I am from the States.

I specifically went there not only because they are one of the world's leading hernia repair places but also because they do not anesthetize you to loss of consciousness, you stay awake granted under a heavy dose of sedative. I had concerns about being put under and no surgeon where I lived would operate without anesthetizing a patient 'to sleep'.

Can you be more specific as to what your concern is about anesthesia and how it relates to your alcohol use?

Whatever happens I wish you the best.