Bomb319
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2011
- Messages
- 583
NOT because of suspected diseases such as HIV and Hepatitis - I'm not even sure if you're ALLOWED to donate blood after something like that, even if your blood has been extensively tested and you are found to be negative (like I was). I was actually thinking of it more along the lines of potentially triggering that needle-fever again. I realize that it's a completely different context, of course. I'm just really scared that if I do go through with it and am allowed, the acts of venous penetration, flagging etc. may remind me on an unconscious (or even conscious) association with my past experiences getting blitzed.
Not having ever used needles since, it's a fairly valid concern, I think...I'm even worried that I could get high while it happens. The human mind is exceedingly powerful, and after years of ceasing IV use and having essentially the same thing done to me after having spent so much time to stop, I can easily imagine some sort of placebo effect occurring there. I always like helping people - don't get me wrong. If I back out, I do NOT want it to be for the wrong reasons. I used to donate all the time until my doctor began prescribing me combos of Oxy (Percocet 2-4 as needed), Dilaudid (20 pills, 4 mg as needed with Percocet. This was NOT prescribed every single month as the Percs were, however) and Valium (10 mg twice daily) - always 100 Percs every month (but on two occasions it was 300) - all this for severe migraines which are highly resistant to other treatments I have tried such as triptans and beta-blockers. After 2-3 years of this prescription, I obviously became highly dependent on it, and kept going to him for refills earlier and earlier.
And so one day, he bluntly and rudely said : "I think you have a problem - go get help". And with that, instantly cut off ALL of my meds. He even went so far as to call my fucking pharmacy right after I left his office, and proceed to cancel all my remaining pills and refills". Even though he knew damn well that I would be sick, he refused to give me Clonidine, even though I basically crawled back to his office 3 days later in such misery, desperate for something to help me. I had never even considered buying off the street until this point. I became such a mess, and learned I COULD purchase on the street shortly after. Long story short, a couple years of this and I completely destroyed my prospective degree in pharmaceutical sciences (I had made it in having had to make several trips of 300 miles for the interview process, and scored in the 89th percentile on the admissions test and higher on the interview. I also now owe literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. That debt got so high because I was in school in Vancouver at the time (Pharmacy) and so had access to a ton of money in student loans. I became so damn sick mentally and physically, lost all my friends (literally all after enough time), my relationship with family, especially my dad went down the drain and all the usual things that can happen to an IV addict. I trues to get on methadone countless times - even dragging my body to the clinic while puking. But I live in Canada and the wait time in Van was over 6 months, plus the clinic physician told me it would cost $600 per month, 300 for the drug and 300 for the witnesses! I couldn't.
Worst of all, I never even cared for drugs at all before this. I had my first opiate at the age of 24, when my doctor began my opiate/benzo cocktail prescriptions. I really suffered BADLY from age 24-30 or so, and had the most serious and crushing problems after IVing from about age 26-30. I've been so low and suicidal many times because of all I had lost and my incredible debt. The only way I can feel better is if I channel that emotion and instead use it to help others, which brings me back to my desire to donate blood. Does anybody know if they usually will accept former addicts as long as they are currently fully clean, or is it a "banned for life" type of scenario? I could never hurt my mom and dad so badly by killing myself, but sometimes it's hard to see the point of going on. I think I'm STILL having a hard time coming to terms with everything I've lost. ALL my friends (including 2 BEST friends), hundreds of thousands of dollars along with my Pharmacy degree and career prospects...it's just unbelievably depressing. However giving blood and otherwise helping the community would go a long was toward helping me. I really hope I'm allowed to do it.
Any advice is very much appreciated - thanks a lot, guys
Not having ever used needles since, it's a fairly valid concern, I think...I'm even worried that I could get high while it happens. The human mind is exceedingly powerful, and after years of ceasing IV use and having essentially the same thing done to me after having spent so much time to stop, I can easily imagine some sort of placebo effect occurring there. I always like helping people - don't get me wrong. If I back out, I do NOT want it to be for the wrong reasons. I used to donate all the time until my doctor began prescribing me combos of Oxy (Percocet 2-4 as needed), Dilaudid (20 pills, 4 mg as needed with Percocet. This was NOT prescribed every single month as the Percs were, however) and Valium (10 mg twice daily) - always 100 Percs every month (but on two occasions it was 300) - all this for severe migraines which are highly resistant to other treatments I have tried such as triptans and beta-blockers. After 2-3 years of this prescription, I obviously became highly dependent on it, and kept going to him for refills earlier and earlier.
And so one day, he bluntly and rudely said : "I think you have a problem - go get help". And with that, instantly cut off ALL of my meds. He even went so far as to call my fucking pharmacy right after I left his office, and proceed to cancel all my remaining pills and refills". Even though he knew damn well that I would be sick, he refused to give me Clonidine, even though I basically crawled back to his office 3 days later in such misery, desperate for something to help me. I had never even considered buying off the street until this point. I became such a mess, and learned I COULD purchase on the street shortly after. Long story short, a couple years of this and I completely destroyed my prospective degree in pharmaceutical sciences (I had made it in having had to make several trips of 300 miles for the interview process, and scored in the 89th percentile on the admissions test and higher on the interview. I also now owe literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. That debt got so high because I was in school in Vancouver at the time (Pharmacy) and so had access to a ton of money in student loans. I became so damn sick mentally and physically, lost all my friends (literally all after enough time), my relationship with family, especially my dad went down the drain and all the usual things that can happen to an IV addict. I trues to get on methadone countless times - even dragging my body to the clinic while puking. But I live in Canada and the wait time in Van was over 6 months, plus the clinic physician told me it would cost $600 per month, 300 for the drug and 300 for the witnesses! I couldn't.
Worst of all, I never even cared for drugs at all before this. I had my first opiate at the age of 24, when my doctor began my opiate/benzo cocktail prescriptions. I really suffered BADLY from age 24-30 or so, and had the most serious and crushing problems after IVing from about age 26-30. I've been so low and suicidal many times because of all I had lost and my incredible debt. The only way I can feel better is if I channel that emotion and instead use it to help others, which brings me back to my desire to donate blood. Does anybody know if they usually will accept former addicts as long as they are currently fully clean, or is it a "banned for life" type of scenario? I could never hurt my mom and dad so badly by killing myself, but sometimes it's hard to see the point of going on. I think I'm STILL having a hard time coming to terms with everything I've lost. ALL my friends (including 2 BEST friends), hundreds of thousands of dollars along with my Pharmacy degree and career prospects...it's just unbelievably depressing. However giving blood and otherwise helping the community would go a long was toward helping me. I really hope I'm allowed to do it.
Any advice is very much appreciated - thanks a lot, guys
