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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

EADD Heroin discussion v.21 -- Big shout out to kkattastic :)

BecomingJulie said:
Well, I've learned something. Better to finish off your stash in one big blow-out than try to eke it out for ages with just a toot in the morning and one at night.

Having just a little always makes me want a little more. Actually getting satisfyingly wrecked, on the other hand, leaves me mostly OK once the sleep is taken care of (diazepam or diclazepam helps; I'm not too keen on the latter, but if it's all there is, it's better than nothing). Anyway, I don't think I'm feeling any withdrawals now.

Must be something to do with the mindset of "eking it out" that makes me psychologically more likely to notice withdrawal from a few poxy crumbs a day than from a decent sesh. True about Set and Setting, anyway.
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This is very true. I believe its the length of time you have gear in your system that makes all the difference, rather than the amount taken at any one time. However, this falls down if you go and score again after your big session, as the amount then becomes part of the equation as well...
 
Ah, but I also know I'll be scoring again in just ..... 61 hours' time. Then going to have to sit on my hands for another 24 or so hours until Jess arrives, but it'll be worth it. Doesn't even sound like the best part of 4 days when you put it like that, either .....
 
I once formulated the following equation which I called 'the 3 day rule' for using heroin without suffering significant physical withdrawals:

x = 3n + 3

Where 'x' = number of days to leave it alone and 'n' = number of consecutive days of use - this is based on an average of 3 days to clear from your system, then another 3 days where the physical withdrawals are at their worst.

E.g. if you use for one day, then take 6 days off. If you use on 2 consecutive days, take 9 days off etc. Of course, this doesn't take into account psychological withdrawals and was purely meant for chippers to try and avoid dependence. However, I never tested it as I was totally dependent at the time....
 
That will certainly work for most people.

I find that it gets out of my system pretty quickly, but there is definitely something about a three-day break .....

Also, maybe I already went through most of the physical WD while on minimal consumption. And the psychological WD isn't so bad because I'm not thinking "Must make this last ....."
 
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I used to do 12 hour shifts at work.I have a policy that I will never smoke gear at my workplace...it's just asking for trouble.So,I think,if I can go 12 hours without using,then it's not that bad.I mean,by the time I got home I was more than ready for it and always the first thing that I did.sometimes I would work even longer shifts~up to 16hrs if I was heading for a few days off.As long as I knew I had it there to use when I got home,I could hold out and didn't even start to rattle...well,maybe a little,but it was doable.
It's like with the 'waiting for the dealer' issues we have been discussing.If they tell you they will be there in 2 hours,that's fine;I will just fill that time with stuff to pass the time.But if he does the '10 mins man' thing and takes 2 hours and all you been doing is sitting there waiting,it drives you crazy.
They either don't get that,or they do it on purpose either to test your loyalty,assess availability from other dealers,or just cos they want to treat you like shit then have you hand all your money to them.So glad to not be doing that anymore.makes you feel like a junkie piece of shit.rattling about waiting for a guy who might not even show up.grrrrr!Still makes me angry even though i haven't scored for months
 
kkattastic said:
I used to do 12 hour shifts at work.I have a policy that I will never smoke gear at my workplace...it's just asking for trouble.So,I think,if I can go 12 hours without using,then it's not that bad.I mean,by the time I got home I was more than ready for it and always the first thing that I did.sometimes I would work even longer shifts~up to 16hrs if I was heading for a few days off.As long as I knew I had it there to use when I got home,I could hold out and didn't even start to rattle...well,maybe a little,but it was doable.
It's like with the 'waiting for the dealer' issues we have been discussing.If they tell you they will be there in 2 hours,that's fine;I will just fill that time with stuff to pass the time.But if he does the '10 mins man' thing and takes 2 hours and all you been doing is sitting there waiting,it drives you crazy.
They either don't get that,or they do it on purpose either to test your loyalty,assess availability from other dealers,or just cos they want to treat you like shit then have you hand all your money to them.So glad to not be doing that anymore.makes you feel like a junkie piece of shit.rattling about waiting for a guy who might not even show up.grrrrr!Still makes me angry even though i haven't scored for months
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QFT!! Another thing that really annoyed me other than the dealers was the other junkies you'd meet whilst waiting... 'Have you got a spare ciggy?', 'Have you got a spare quid? i'm a bit short', 'Have you got any credit on your phone? Can you just call him again, I'm rattling my tits off here'.... Clearly you're not 'rattling your tits off' otherwise you wouldn't be standing there laughing and joking with your other lazy scrounging scumbag buddy's would you you cunt!

God, I don't miss this aspect of my life one little bit.
 
I know what ya saying mate, I try stay clear of mixing to much with other junkies for the reason you say.

On sunday I said fuck it I was coming of it, had my smoke on sunday. Woke up on monday and had an 8mg a sub, then got a strip of diazies had them so monday was a canter without gear, tuesday I take another sub I don't feel any rattle just in a cunt of a mood pissed off, today I woke up still in a cunt of a mood never took a sub just because I was pissed, so 11 o'clock came, an old mate phoned said he was doing bags again, I said know what fuckit bring me on down so he did. Fat bag thinking he's trying to get me back on side, if the bags are always like that he has a chance. So smoked that and felt how you should, happy content not in a stinker, was only a tenner bag even that made me happy enough to live life. Why can't I feel normal without gear?!! Tomorrow I don't know what I'll do, back to the subs or back to the gear.
 
Don't beat yerself up mate. You had another bag, so what. Guilt over your addiction is probably more destructive than the addiction itself. Just don't give up giving up! :)
 
kkattastic said:
I have a policy that I will never smoke gear at my workplace...it's just asking for trouble.
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How bad is it that I have actually gone to the trouble of devising a cunning plan for just such an eventuality? If, absit omen, I should ever be in need of a quick lunchtime pick-me-up, I know exactly where I could stash it within walking distance of Work.
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Guilt over your addiction is probably more destructive than the addiction itself.
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Quoted for Truth.
 
I think guilt over ones addiction is self perpetuating as it leads to using thus continuing the addiction and then more guilt.

The key I think is to have a plan, a definite firm plan (not some wishy washy want to stop so might take the odd sub or diaz kind of plan). Then when you have a firm goal and a plan just take it a day at a time. If you fuck up one day then just jump straight back to the plan tomorrow and try to work out why you fucked up so you don't do it again.

I know that's something of an oversimplification but it worked for me. I went from 180mg of methadone to 100mg in 8 weeks then stopped dead. That's after being prescribed mega doses of opiates for 20 years. I'm just saying that as an example cos it is doable. You just need, like I say, a goal, a plan and the will to see it through for a better life ahead.

You've got your subs, plan your doses in advance so your not just taking them whenever and if you slip up then just keep going. You can do it if you really want mate.
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Don't beat yerself up mate. You had another bag, so what. Guilt over your addiction is probably more destructive than the addiction itself. Just don't give up giving up! :)
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never a truer word said its the buy remorse that gets me end up hating yourself for it and thats more soul destroying than the drugs
 
I smoke at work sometimes in the disabled bogs - not often but if i have time on my hands or just feel like a pick me down. Re your equation Fubar - when i was chipping even one sesh would leave me with the long sleep the next day and no sleep the day after , not awful of course but an effect.

Right now Im trying to work out weather to ascore today - its possible as all my bosses are out and i have a few quid and the gear is the best there is evne b4 the drought - but its a 40m drive and ive been on the phy tabs for 4 days now and am trying to taper down to 10mg from 60mg at 5mg a day....what would you do????
 
Fucking solid trying to give up. Even with no WD I just to function properly. Today I just got a tenner bag, old mate phoned the other day an these tenner bags are massive. So getting these just now, as I am trying to quit. But at least av cunt back from a g a day. The TB kit is actually quite decent, few lines and I was defo picked up that's for sure and the size for a tenner is bang on, one thing though can be a pain in the arse for time, not majorly but like yesterday he was an hour, today an hour and a bit. He did say he was busy else where didn't bullshit but am used to my G man here in about 20 minutes tops constant, awk well least my intake is down
 
Oh!It's so easy to say I would just take my phy and get my head into work.
But that's a lie.I would score.cos once it's in my head and forming a plan,i know I will cave and it will happen
 
Gear never leaves my thoughts. Its literally the first thing that's in my head. And if I don't use, even if I don't feel WD I am in a stinker of a mood generally just hate life and everyone. But a toot sorts all that then am sound with every cunt moves mountains for ya, but not if I don't have gear first. I know you've been off it so I am asking does it ever stop? Do you ever stop thinking smack as soon as you open your eyes? I can't see an end to it, I can't help but do it every fucking morning.
 
YES!! It can and does happen. I only ever think about gear now when reading BL, and it brings back so many bad associations that I don't even get cravings anymore. Methadone was a little more difficult, but I can even dismiss that now. So hang in there mate, it might take years - hell, even fuckin decades tbh - but it CAN be done.
 
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I really do hope so. I already have good things in life, I am not end an total down and out junkies. I do still have things but I seem determined to destroy it. I have a lovely woman. Who has stood by me by habit, and trys and understands the best she can. Fuck even when she thinks am skinto and gonna be on the rattle, she will leave 30quid in the morning before she goes to work in the morning, or leaves me her savins account and tell me she has put 30 quid in to do "something" fucking makes me sick to be honest. I always give her it back, and I treat here when I doing ok myself with what I am getting upto but it shouldn't be like that at all. My bird doesn't deserve a man like that. I also have a lovely house thanks to her again. I paid for most of the things in it, but I mean how well she keeps it clean, that's with having a job too. She works, I smoke gear and get up to no good, she is a straight peg, and I am a bit of lad. Doesn't deserve to be in this life. Why I can't stop smack for my soul mate is insane, maybe heroin is my soul mate?

I salute you mate on your progress, I hope one day I am able to say the same as you, "smack isn't my first morning thought''
 
I know what you mean - I have a good woman as well and have put her through so much shit over the last 24 years - hell, I even dragged her down into addiction - but she's much stronger than me and got off it relatively quickly and gave me the strength I needed to do the same. . Don't lose your woman over gear man. Good luck...
 
Both you, and your good lady are succees story. When my bird found out, she was asking me why was I doing it and why couldn't I stop etc, she turns round and says gave me some I want to try it and see for myself, disgustingly for a spilt second I thought about it, but I quickly told her too fuck right off, thank fuck I did, I couldn't cope with her be on it with me this life I lead just isn't her she wouldn't be my girl. When I meet her I was trying to get away from street gangs in glasgow. Meet her, she was pefect set up home away from glasgow, life was brilliant. Ended up moving back to glasgow got into drugs again and here we are, desprately trying to fight away smack demons.
 
My 1st wife found out about my habit by coming home with a bunch of mates after a rave where i had left early to find me pin in arm drool down chin..pretty much od'd - fuck that was terrible, stuck with me for a couple of years but we never got back what we lost - trust.
 
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