attempting cold turkey, my journal

[SetMeFreey]

This is my first post and I don't know if it belong here or not so mods feel free to move it if necessary . I have been on the needle for over a year now with bouts of sobriety, my most recent lasting a month followed by a hardcore 2 month bigger ending today with serious speedballing. I'm lucky to still be alive. I made this post hopefully for support, as I am at rock bottom and am finally trying to tough out withdrawal. I have some chlordiazepodode clinidium to hopefully help with gastrointestinal issues and a few tramadol to ease muscle aches. I don't know if I have the strength to do this but I'm hoping and praying I do. I'll be updating daily, it's 16 hours since my last shot and aside from yawns and some Rls I'm fine. Hopefully I can find some friends on here who have been through the wringer that can talk me through my darker moments. Just as a side note I was at a 50 dollar a day habit not including if I had more money. Keep me in your prayers.

 

[nowherebutup]

I'll definitely keep you in my prayers! It's a hellish journey, but the other side is filled with a life of love, laughter and purpose, unlike what you're currently doing. I hope you post back and keep in touch, this way it helps you maintain accountability, you have support, and understanding from those that have been there, and people to cheer you on to the finish line of sobriety. Which IMO is well worth all the pains and struggles one must suffer to see the other side. I wish you well and know you can FIGHT THIS and WIN!

 

[SetMeFreey]

I appreciate it immensely and will post back whether it's with good news or bad. I've trolled this forum for months and gotten lots of great advice, I feel now it's my chance to give back in my own way, and hopefully through my story I can help someone else achieve the same goal I'm striving for. I'm already having immense trouble sleeping and I know this isn't close to as bad as it gets. Not sure what I'm going to do when the vomiting and the runs start. Just hope God finds me and I find him through this.

 

[herbavore]

Just remember that the suffering is temporary. Use it to your advantage mentally. It can be a great motivator to go forward rather than back.

 

[xxjadedxx]

I just came through 5 days of hell only to start using very small amounts for last 3 days due to some serious pain issues. I'm a pill user though. It is temporary and just think about it as "it's only 5 days out of my whole life" I also started saying "every second I feel like this is one second I will never feel this way again". Good luck!

 

[SetMeFreey]

It's so weird because I have gotten way sicker than this before, nausea the sweats, vomiting and all that but this is going on 36 hours and the worst part is anxiety and feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin. I can't keep Still to save my life but I don't have the energy to do anything. My poor dogs are staring at me like "why don't we get to play today " I would be so lost without them.

At what point does this start to subside? When do i get sleep

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

U can do this!!!..everyday it will get a little better and id go easy on the tramidol that might extend withdrawal

 

[xxjadedxx]

you can do it, honestly from most recent experience tomorrow you will turn a corner so to speak. take hot showers or baths, just live in there, it helps the RLS so much. I set up camp in my bathtub about 32 hours in and turned prune but it helped so much!! you can do it. you've come too far to go back and go through these last 36 hours again!!!

 

[xxjadedxx]

Sleep will get easier tomorrow, maybe tonight if the RLS doesn't bother you too much more. I promise sleep is coming in the next 10-18 hours as your body won't be able to handle it anymore.

 

[SetMeFreey]

Thank you for the words love, this forum is proving to be good usage for passing time. I downed my last tramadol at 12 in the morning and slept until 6' I just can't wait to have energy back and feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to enjoy my walks with my pups and enjoy the world again... guess I'm finally sick and tired of feeling tired and sick.

Jaded- I hope you find what it is you're looking for in life, Lord knows drugs are not the answer, but a lesson to be learned along the way. Hoping I can get through this and stick to being clean, it's so easy to cave as soon as there is money in my pockets.

 

[xxjadedxx]

Thanks...it's hard to know what were "looking" for in life. I would like life back...to live instead of exist from pill to pill. The money is a big factor in things for most all of us. We make over $7k a month AFTER taxes and are BROKE!!! I mean BROKE! As soon the money starts coming in again i'm sending it right back out to bills and things we need/want to avoid spending on drugs. I think we've got to treat ourselves to something since we just took away something that made us happy for so long....