M
Mogget
Guest
It's been a loooong time since I've sought any advice like this & I'm in a dark place momentarily, so please forgive me if this gets a little rambly or odd.
Quick fill in.. I used to be a heroin addict, nothing else, just the gear. Iv user for about 8-10yrs. At around 20yrs old I went on methadone, but, like a lot of addicts, used it as "the back up". Anyway, long story cut v short, I got my shit very much together vis a vie the mental addiction, why I took drugs yada yada.. I've done a LOT of hard work and yes, I'd say with a big fat cliche, I know myself extremely well & am well adjusted now. So why am I here crying out In the dark? Lol
I
finally settled on methadone as a way of gaining stability & dealing with the emotional/mental issues of using to feel differently etc. I've been on it for about 10yrs (Jesus, just writing these numbers in front of my face sux, what a fking waste,anyway..) over the years I chipped away at it bit by bit while reaching into life and learning how to be "me". I would go down for a bit, then stop & steady & repeat. I got down to a low maintenance dose (about 10ml) from 160ml (which, looking back was insane!!) & things were steady in that department.
Anyway, just over a yr ago I had a brain haemorrhage & the pain of that is something beyond anything I can explain.. I was in hospital for a month and had brain surgery to fix the aneurism. Again, short story, I'm super lucky to be alive, likely to make a full recovery (looking at a minimum of 2yrs here.. I'm 1yr and 1month in) & all in all, things have been hard but going in the right direction. When I came out of hospital, because of the opiate tolerance they had to whack me right up there on some hefty mojo.. I was given fentanyl plus lyrica plus my methadone was cranked back up to 30ml. I quickly got rid of the fentanyl and lyrica (the lyrica in particular scared me) but have been left with neurological "jip" that causes awful neck, shoulder and upper back & arm pain. The mysteries of the brain & central nervous system are such, that even the neurosurgeon just said "brain traumas are tricky beasts, it's hard to discern the knock on effect it can have, we're happy you're walking and talking ok".
So, this left me on my own path of learning, researching, discovery etc.. My way of dealing with the worst was to do what I dubbed the 3-4day kickass.. This involved 3 or 4 nights of 2 x 30mg dihydrocodein plus approx 15mg diazepam..this was usually enough to push some kind of 'reset' and then I could go 8-10 days or more before needing to do it again.
Back in oct, I started acupuncture & private physio and by nov things were so much better. All thru the end of nov, dec & jan I didn't even need a paracetamol.. I was learning to meditate & I felt a wonderful centre of 'health' coming to me. I want so much now to be pain free & not on pharmaceuticals and to begin to take back the life I long for and was wasting before!!
A few weeks ago I decided it was time to try a venture out into the world (since the haemorrhage I've not been able to travel, so everything's had to be walking or cycle distance!) but I recently discovered I can drive without the weird lightening like nerve oddity that happens when I'm a passenger (no idea what this is & it was an Xmas discovery that it doesn't happen if I'm behind the wheel, which has apparently occurred before with stroke victims.. Maybe it's like how you can't tickle yourself? Because you're in control? Anyway, I digress..there have been a lot of mysteries like this sort of thing to figure out). Anyway, this venture out went pear shaped & triggered the muscle spasm neck/shoulder issue.
So, I calmly put onto action the reset plan, only it didn't reset & still hurt on day 4.. Then I got the flu, or a nasty bug.. Long/short, I took the dihydrocodeine for too many days and it topped up my opiate levels (from the now 25ml methadone dose I take daily, since I want to get that back down).
I'm finding myself with the tail end (I hope) of a bug & having those old awful withdrawal pains & torments.. I mean, I've been a mess. I'm soooooo tired, I'm crying all the time, I feel deeply deeply sad.
Even though my rational mind can say, this will pass, you know what happened & whats going on.. The thing is, it's a reminder of the crap that's to come still at some point, which I've been doing a very good, if long, job of not allowing to be a terror ordeal!
What's my actual question after pouring out my poison into the void?! Lol
Ok, so, I'm on 25ml methadone & have been for ages. I get pain that I'm still trying to figure out 1) whats actually causing it and deal with it and 2) how to manage it while its there. The lyrica scared the shit out of me.. I was on it for a good few months, gained masses of weight, felt optimistic (induced) but like I'd been shot with an elephant tranq dart! Ultimately, I suspect strongly that it contributed to the muscular skeletal problems plus other stuff.. I don't trust it & there are DEFINATELY withdrawals from coming off it after a while.. Also, I don't like anything that's messing & altering neural pathways & chemical receptors in the brain & body, I've done enough of that bollox & am trying to restore my poor broken body & stop throwing crap at it that it has to deal with.. For some people, I know it's a miracle & allows them to live but if you're not in that category of 'rest of your life pain' from some sort of terrible injury or ailment, then please be cautious with this stuff..
That said, I noticed something. It was a total doddle getting off fentanyl.. I mean like, zero withdrawal or issues & I think it was the lyrica that made that particular journey easy.
I wouldn't want to take lyrica for any longer than a week or so, but has anyone experienced using it TEMPORARILY & for short bursts to help get off opiates or methadone? And if so, at what point could you stop the lyrica & deal with the rest without that nightmare of full on wd?
It doesn't sound that dark now I've written it out, but it has been.. I've been like an old cripple in a young (ish) body. It's just the tedium of WAITING & trying to sort out all the weird issues that crop up & yearning to crack on with life and health & be well! It's been very isolating & weird & tiring & hard work (I feel like I should be able to get some sort of honorary qualification in general health, neurology, mental health etc!! I mean seriously, you have to figure all this stuff out yourself because if you go to most drs with these problems, you're just put on pharmaceuticals or referred to a councillor or physio that knows less than you do by now!) my point is, I've got good at research, and that can be tiring.. But it has to be done. Ok, rant over!
Quick fill in.. I used to be a heroin addict, nothing else, just the gear. Iv user for about 8-10yrs. At around 20yrs old I went on methadone, but, like a lot of addicts, used it as "the back up". Anyway, long story cut v short, I got my shit very much together vis a vie the mental addiction, why I took drugs yada yada.. I've done a LOT of hard work and yes, I'd say with a big fat cliche, I know myself extremely well & am well adjusted now. So why am I here crying out In the dark? Lol
I
finally settled on methadone as a way of gaining stability & dealing with the emotional/mental issues of using to feel differently etc. I've been on it for about 10yrs (Jesus, just writing these numbers in front of my face sux, what a fking waste,anyway..) over the years I chipped away at it bit by bit while reaching into life and learning how to be "me". I would go down for a bit, then stop & steady & repeat. I got down to a low maintenance dose (about 10ml) from 160ml (which, looking back was insane!!) & things were steady in that department.
Anyway, just over a yr ago I had a brain haemorrhage & the pain of that is something beyond anything I can explain.. I was in hospital for a month and had brain surgery to fix the aneurism. Again, short story, I'm super lucky to be alive, likely to make a full recovery (looking at a minimum of 2yrs here.. I'm 1yr and 1month in) & all in all, things have been hard but going in the right direction. When I came out of hospital, because of the opiate tolerance they had to whack me right up there on some hefty mojo.. I was given fentanyl plus lyrica plus my methadone was cranked back up to 30ml. I quickly got rid of the fentanyl and lyrica (the lyrica in particular scared me) but have been left with neurological "jip" that causes awful neck, shoulder and upper back & arm pain. The mysteries of the brain & central nervous system are such, that even the neurosurgeon just said "brain traumas are tricky beasts, it's hard to discern the knock on effect it can have, we're happy you're walking and talking ok".
So, this left me on my own path of learning, researching, discovery etc.. My way of dealing with the worst was to do what I dubbed the 3-4day kickass.. This involved 3 or 4 nights of 2 x 30mg dihydrocodein plus approx 15mg diazepam..this was usually enough to push some kind of 'reset' and then I could go 8-10 days or more before needing to do it again.
Back in oct, I started acupuncture & private physio and by nov things were so much better. All thru the end of nov, dec & jan I didn't even need a paracetamol.. I was learning to meditate & I felt a wonderful centre of 'health' coming to me. I want so much now to be pain free & not on pharmaceuticals and to begin to take back the life I long for and was wasting before!!
A few weeks ago I decided it was time to try a venture out into the world (since the haemorrhage I've not been able to travel, so everything's had to be walking or cycle distance!) but I recently discovered I can drive without the weird lightening like nerve oddity that happens when I'm a passenger (no idea what this is & it was an Xmas discovery that it doesn't happen if I'm behind the wheel, which has apparently occurred before with stroke victims.. Maybe it's like how you can't tickle yourself? Because you're in control? Anyway, I digress..there have been a lot of mysteries like this sort of thing to figure out). Anyway, this venture out went pear shaped & triggered the muscle spasm neck/shoulder issue.
So, I calmly put onto action the reset plan, only it didn't reset & still hurt on day 4.. Then I got the flu, or a nasty bug.. Long/short, I took the dihydrocodeine for too many days and it topped up my opiate levels (from the now 25ml methadone dose I take daily, since I want to get that back down).
I'm finding myself with the tail end (I hope) of a bug & having those old awful withdrawal pains & torments.. I mean, I've been a mess. I'm soooooo tired, I'm crying all the time, I feel deeply deeply sad.
Even though my rational mind can say, this will pass, you know what happened & whats going on.. The thing is, it's a reminder of the crap that's to come still at some point, which I've been doing a very good, if long, job of not allowing to be a terror ordeal!
What's my actual question after pouring out my poison into the void?! Lol
Ok, so, I'm on 25ml methadone & have been for ages. I get pain that I'm still trying to figure out 1) whats actually causing it and deal with it and 2) how to manage it while its there. The lyrica scared the shit out of me.. I was on it for a good few months, gained masses of weight, felt optimistic (induced) but like I'd been shot with an elephant tranq dart! Ultimately, I suspect strongly that it contributed to the muscular skeletal problems plus other stuff.. I don't trust it & there are DEFINATELY withdrawals from coming off it after a while.. Also, I don't like anything that's messing & altering neural pathways & chemical receptors in the brain & body, I've done enough of that bollox & am trying to restore my poor broken body & stop throwing crap at it that it has to deal with.. For some people, I know it's a miracle & allows them to live but if you're not in that category of 'rest of your life pain' from some sort of terrible injury or ailment, then please be cautious with this stuff..
That said, I noticed something. It was a total doddle getting off fentanyl.. I mean like, zero withdrawal or issues & I think it was the lyrica that made that particular journey easy.
I wouldn't want to take lyrica for any longer than a week or so, but has anyone experienced using it TEMPORARILY & for short bursts to help get off opiates or methadone? And if so, at what point could you stop the lyrica & deal with the rest without that nightmare of full on wd?
It doesn't sound that dark now I've written it out, but it has been.. I've been like an old cripple in a young (ish) body. It's just the tedium of WAITING & trying to sort out all the weird issues that crop up & yearning to crack on with life and health & be well! It's been very isolating & weird & tiring & hard work (I feel like I should be able to get some sort of honorary qualification in general health, neurology, mental health etc!! I mean seriously, you have to figure all this stuff out yourself because if you go to most drs with these problems, you're just put on pharmaceuticals or referred to a councillor or physio that knows less than you do by now!) my point is, I've got good at research, and that can be tiring.. But it has to be done. Ok, rant over!
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