where do i go from here the doctors wont help and in he end this will mostly kills me

[foolsgold]

remember some of the deals were bogof

this is the consumption in the last 3 months
19th Mar bar this one ive consumed this in the date
1 x MMB-CHMINACA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x MMB-CHMINACA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x 3F-Phenmetrazine
(Quantity: 1g
1 x IPPD
(Quantity: 1g -
1 x Etizolaol

(Quantity: 50x 2mg Pellets -18th Mar 2015
13th Mar 2015
1 x Etizolam
(Quantity: 10x 1mg Pellets -
1 x Etizolam
(Quantity: 10x 1mg Pellets -

13th Mar 2015
1 x Etizolam
(Quantity: 50x 2mg Pellets
27th Feb 2015
1 x DVD Case Packaging
1 x AB PINACA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x AB PINACA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x Nifoxipam
(Quantity: 50x 2mg Pellets -
20th Feb 2015
1 x BK-2C-B pellet
(BK-2-CB: 250mg
1 x BK-2C-B
(BK-2-CB: 250mg
1 x 3F-Phenmetrazine
(Quantity: 1g
1 x IPPD
(Quantity: 1g -
29th Jan 2015
1 x MPA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x AB-PINACA
(Quantity: 1g £15)
1 x AB-PINACA
(Quantity: 1g £15)
21st Jan 2015
x DVD Case Packaging
1 x THJ-018
(Quantity: 2g
1 x THJ-018
(Quantity: 2g
1 x MMB-CHMINACA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x MMB-CHMINACA
24.12,14
1 x MPA
(Quantity: 2g
1 x DVD Case Packaging
1 x Diphenidine
(Quantity: 1g
1 x THJ-018
(Quantity: 2g
1 x THJ-018
(Quantity: 2g
6th Jun 2013
1 x 3,4-CTMP
(Quantity: 250mg and thats just one company their are another at least 4 or my list
plue 15 grams of mxe/mxm and proscaline and escaline also tried

now do not tell me that i have a problem i know tha

i did have had a genuine 16 day break at the very begin of the year because of no computer and before you start calling me dicksizer this is genuinely a plea for help ive almost snuffed it from for over 22years a insane poly drug habit which started long before the rc chemicals seizures while sleeping at least 5 times in the last 12 months ive been hospitalized around 7 or 8 times for od and seizure which ive been extremely luck

also because of a fuck up i made last year well its not a fuck up as its was fucking set up ive been living in a horror movie of flashbacks to my child abuse the facts that ive have been raped and believe me you can laugh call me lie or what you like but i got gang raped because a tosser call bose and ibbos raped the lass i was i love with

so just to rub a few people noses in this is a reality i genuinely got raped a 5 almost 6 years then again at 10 because i was so lonely and i need love that had been denied me for so long i even tried repulse me with an act an am capable of an incapable part of me just to be held

il ask you truthful question when did the last person hold your hand hug kiss or any time of fiscal body contact ? me ive not being able to stand to be touched after the things that have happened

please understand i am scared i can't cope no and really need help if i am going make it any longer

cant seem to get proper drug counseling because of the dam stupid catchment area

i know a lot of you think that that i am sympathy glitriping troll and its far from it

why would want to lie about that kind of stuff and get myself done again

 

[nygiants1313]

What

 

[_DankOpiAmp_]

Get back on your anti-psychs so you stop having delusions about taking impossible amounts of drugs? That would be my advice.

 

[foolsgold]

right i am not going to try and justice this to any of you this is a rough idea of my 2 week drug habit a year i,e, the consumption over said time i don't care if you believe or not because i will just on to my vendor and the will more than back me ive got 22 year £200 plus a week drugs habit working that i pay for myself plus i always buy in between £60-£200 to get my free gifts
as for getting back on the med doctors wont give me shit bar a beta blockers which works but it at 40mg of etzis

now like ive said no offence but this is just the tip of the consumption montaine of drugs i good though not to mention i am more than drinking 20 pints and and 10 double jds walking out of a pub Band going scoring and oz of speed and a bottle of scotch just for something to do

sorry like ive said but some of you have no idea what some of or habits are like for good sake ive got a meth head style stim habits i am hooked on mxe for the amazing effects that it can do for you ive had a smack habit i found nothing boring and crack habit i love

simple i asking now because i need help so if you could give me hand it would be mental

and yet it because of the amount benzo that i consume it must be a fantasy

well to the doubt tossers sod you ive no need to lie i am begging for some kind of help before i lose charlie jack or my own life

 

[Mysterie]

what makes you feel love and warmth inside of you? do you have a dog or cat that you can log unconditionally? do you know someone that you wish the best for?

can you focus that warmth towards yourself and wish yourself to find happiness? the people/animals that you love want the best for you as well

i think a good place to start is honestly wanting the best for yourself, and then working from there. e.g. what does your mind and body benefit from, what makes them happy long term ?

poly drug use at that rate will eventually turn nasty and the wake up call will often be waking up in hospital with a dr telling you overdosed and almost died. iv been there, i hope you can find something else to hold onto that isn't a drug high. really i wish you the best.

 

[foolsgold]

thank you mysterie not sure why this came out last night but i need to face up to the facts that medical help i am getting is beyond draconian unmain and barbaric forms punishment as far as i concerned they give me £250 SICK NOTE right and what have i got a £200 roughly drug habit how fucking stupid is that why don't get me the meds i need and save the taxpayer in stupid bullshit like this

rights for family yes i have one the do n0t give a fuck about not bothered with m in nearly 20 years suffered child abuse at the hands of many members and i mean real abuse sexual mental and physical

ive lost loved ones/friends to suicides and drugs before most of the members mums and dad were using

i am snapping and i can't and wont beholden for what happens sorry but i am dying here no for cancer or out like that but i am dying here people and dont knw longer were to turn

can we maybe talk in pm at some point please not to night because i am going neck another 30 mg and fuck it

 

[foolsgold]

i get the feeling that my health is not that important in here any more every time i ask for help i get some kind soul but the rest of the time i just get fucked off like screw you foolsgold

 

[Mysterie]

of course pm me whenever

 

[jammin83]

Jeez man! That's a lot of drugs. Quite the poly-drug habit. I am not even familiar with all of that stuff so I am having a little trouble decoding what you are trying to come off of. What are the main drugs you are concerned about? I'm sure some of those won't have too much withdrawal. You got to be careful mixing all of that stuff. They barely know how some of that stuff works on its own, much less in combination.

It sounds like your best option might be to get medical help and detox. It probably isn't safe for you to do it on your own at this point. Benzos are one of the most dangerous things to come off of as you probably know. Be smart and be safe about this. You really don't want to do it on your own.

PM if you need something. I've kicked a number of substances so maybe I can be of help to you. Good luck man!

 

[nowherebutup]

People do care, I'm sorry you feel that they don't. You'd be amazed at what type of help you can find on forums. I was unable to decipher your list, but I wanted to wish you well and hope you're able to get better. YOU deserve it!

 

[nygiants1313]

i get the feeling that my health is not that important in here any more every time i ask for help i get some kind soul but the rest of the time i just get fucked off like screw you foolsgold

Sorry i only speak english. If i was well versed in your language id reply in a better manner.

My bad hope you get the much needed help you deserve.