LSD - Inexperienced - Traumatizing, friend turns evil.

[Eyefordetail]

I apologize in advance for speling and .grammar

-novice acid user, 5 trips total
-21 yrs
-heavy drug use with everything from cannibis to alch, scripts, shrooms, ect. (minus crack and meth) between ages 15-18

This is a description of my third trip of summer 14...
First and second trips of the year went for the most part well.
My "friend" who we will refer to as "Adam" is my roommate and was what i considered to be my best friend, his profession requires him to be away for months at a time. he and i have grown very close over the years and have been through a lot. Friend 2, who we will call "Gill" is also a very close friend, me and adam and gill have been good friends all through school and have always stuck together. adam and gill are the ones i have been sharing my trips with this summer. Adam says he is coming home from work after a month or so with 10 hits of acid, and we plan to to trip when he gets home, only to find out when he gets home that it isnt actually acid but he says its lsa or 2ci or something and he assures us we will trip because he saw some other people take it. so a few days later is the day we planned on taking 2 tabs each, about 11pm he seemed uneasy and said "maybe we shouldnt do this" but i was eager and i convinced him that him and gill and i will have a great time, so we take our tabs and they taste very bitter so i assume it was laced with something else, adam kept making jokes about how we are going to die because he isnt sure about what kind of drug it was for sure wich kind of made me uneasy...

we migrate upstairs where the rest of our roommates and some friends are playing videogames, we all start ripping the bong. as i come up more and more i feel more uncomfortable and confused, and i find myself observing everyone and feeling very awkward, while gill is sitting in a chair saying "whats happening" over and over again and adam is playing videogames being the center of attention and making everyone laugh, at some point during this social interaction i notice the vibe getting really wierd and i keep looking at adam and when i look away i can feel him looking at me, and i keep getting up for water and i feel as if everyone is making fun of me but im not sure, eventually me adam and gill and random other friend jacob get up and go outside for a smoke, where adam procedes to say something that i cant remember but it even made jacob uncomfortable who is just stoned. it was something along the lines of how everyone worships him and how he is such a piece of shit. there was dead silence and i looked at him and i said "dude i fucking love you" and all four of us went in for a group hug and i was the first to pull away and adam had an attitude like aaaaw i knew that wouldnt last too long, he then proceeded to say something about higher vibrations manipulating the lower ones, jacob became uncomfortable and packed up his backpack and decided to leave, he and i smoked a cig just me and him and i asked him what the fuck was going on and he said "isnt it better on this side" and his hair changed colors and the grass turned neon green and got really long and flowed in the wind and i was overcome with a sense of ease and all the visuals and the comfort left with him slowly as he walked to his car.

ok here is where things get wierd, now im peaking.
i went inside and went into the basement where gill and adam where tripping, i slowly started catching on how they where mocking my every move and the fact that i wasnt saying anything, this felt horrible as these two are supposed to be my best friends. adam suggested that he wanted to smoke some weed and when i went for my grinder, he clapped his hands once and said "see? thats how easy it is" this was unlike them, especially gill. i had a strong feeling gill was being controlled. time felt as if it had stopped and i had this sense of impending doom as if my soul was being destroyed, unlike anything i have ever felt on any drug ever. i started thinking adam was god and that gill was his brainwashed minion and that i died and this was the eternal hell i had to live in as punishment for all my sins. (i have quite the past) i started asking "why cant i talk" and "am i dead?" all while continued to be mocked and ridiculed. things get kind of blurry from here but i vividly remember thinking that i thought i had killed everyone and adam asked me if i could see the red and blue lights and him and gill kept making jokes about blood. i started going up and down the stairs in confusion of reality, i went upstairs to watch the few people still awake play videogames but i thought they where mocking me too. i came down stairs and i saw blood all over adams tattoos (which was actually there he had just gotten fresh tatoos) and he was ripping the plastic wrap off of them saying "welcome to hell" and "im gunna fucking rape you" at this i paniced and decided i had to do SOMETHING. there was blood all over the walls. i went up to my room (on the 3rd floor) and went to the main floor walked past the two roomies still up playing videogames and went out front only to find adam chillin on the stoop like he KNEW i was going to leave...

i looked at him and said "i cant go back in there" he said something fucked up that i cant remember, then i said "why are you such a big part of this?" and i cant remember his response, i walked out the front gate and he followed me and was asking where i was going, all maintaining his cocky god complex attitude, skipping along side me. i decided to lie and say the gas station and that i changed my mind and when we went back to the house i snuck out the back and ran for my life, i wandered around for hours, lost. all the city blocks and houses looked the same, sometimes walking up and down the same block 10 or 20 times because both sides looked identical, the sky was black and grey that night with lightning and clouds but no rain. adam tried to call me and i threw my phone because i was scared he could find me. i thought the house i lived in was a privilege in this hell and the fact that i left meant i couldnt go back or find it. i thought i was going to have to walk around until the world rotted away and ceased to exist and i would float in space for eterinity and join all the others that have met this same fate. eventually i get back in my head after hours of begging for my life back and realize that gil and adam where probably worried sick about me and i go back home this was about 3-4 hours later, apperently adam had been crying and calling hospitals and wandering around looking for me thinking that i had died. we re-dosed a 1/2 hit and finished the strip off and i was really quiet the rest of the morning.

4th trip was a few weeks later when i started to feel better and adam wanted to trip again, i was hesitant but him and gill are my best friends i fgured it might fix me.
nope.
it was fine for a few hours we where all having fun but then i started getting anxious and i coulndt tell if they where mocking me or not although it felt as if they where, because they kept laughing for no reason it was only one hit of real acid this time. i was laying on the couch as the anxiety started and adam said "___ is like i dont like the way this stuff (acid) makes me feel" and i said why the fuck would you say that? he replies with "im in and out." he also asked me if i ever feel like i am always being watched, and if me and gill have ever played with a ouji board...
him and gill make funny parody rap songs that they kept on listening to that i also have convinced myself are all about mocking me, even though logically. that would be such a waste of time, unless the universe is actually a huge joke on me anyways.

i have never felt the same since, i felt like i was still dead for about 2 months
i am sober now, every time i smoke weed i get flash backs and it feels like everyone is talking in code mocking me.
i often feel as if all musical lyrics ever written are mocking me.
i quit drinking because it just makes me quiet now.
i had extreme social anxiety, depression and depersonalization following trip number 3
now that i am sober i feel much better. i exersise and have hobbies and passions to keep my mind off the delusions. although sometimes they get the best of me.
Thanks for reading
Namaste.

Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_inexperienced
exptype_negative
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
exptype_disaster
roacode_sublingual

 

[Edaw'Naflagn]

Sounds like you had a few "fun" dirty blotter trips. These arnt good you probably took something you shouldn't have but now you know you shouldn't have taken that shit you should have gotten a drug testing kit far before your life turned into a mess. Those kits save people and for me I don't need one because my life is already ruined due to assholes who ran their mouths and fucked everything over for me and them if they count the many times I gave them free... Well... Everything. So me and you are similar but not the same. I now use/abuse large sums of opiates, and barbs. Oddly I don't abuse my script of benzo's idk why but I feel no need for takin more than needed but I do use way more oipates now than every and have started injecting morphine, OxyCodone, etc... Life is much better/easy on me once I take a large dose of any opiate. The barbs I favor are phenobarbital (due to it making hydrocodone into hydromorphone much quicker in my liver), numbutial, etc... So to you I think you're stuck here like me sadly enough. Just remember, next time, get a drug kit please.

 

[Edaw'Naflagn]

Also I know you're sober but remember benzo's reverse the same physic problems I have and they sound very alike to mine when you explain how you normally feel. See I feel like everyone is out to get me, I sleep with a gun under my pillow at all times and sadly hate most everyone I see, due to the fact that I feel like they want me dead and gone. I can't watch TV at all it feels like it's mocking me, & the radio I can't listen to either. It's like I'm on an endless acid trip that won't end but I've gotten use to it, by taking benzo's, cannabis, barbs, & opiates. (Yep I sound like a super douche but I never wanted to be who I am I was forced into being this person I barley know anymore.)

 

[Eyefordetail]

Edaw, thanks for reading
i tried taking downers to help, but it started blending the days together and i did not feel in control.
i pray that you are able to find yourself again because this experience was only 3 months ago and i have been soul searching daily and trying to learn how to meditate and practice lucid dreaming and i am far from the dark place i was a couple of months ago. i am not completely healed but i do have faith that we can escape this evil.
feel free to pm me if you want to talk m8

 

[iDab420]

Sounds like you had an anxiety attack. I had a trip that felt like everyone was looking at me and making jokes about me talking shit and stuff. It lasted till my trip had ended. After my trip I was thinking about it and realised the whole time they were talking shit about me. I just had an anxiety attack and tripping had made it way more intense and felt like everyone was out to get me. After accepting it was all in my mind, ive never had an anxiety attack since then and have enjoyed tripping more than ever.

 

[Eyefordetail]

Sounds like you had an anxiety attack. I had a trip that felt like everyone was looking at me and making jokes about me talking shit and stuff. It lasted till my trip had ended. After my trip I was thinking about it and realised the whole time they were talking shit about me. I just had an anxiety attack and tripping had made it way more intense and felt like everyone was out to get me. After accepting it was all in my mind, ive never had an anxiety attack since then and have enjoyed tripping more than ever.

you realized they where or weren't talking shit?

 

[iDab420]

you realized they where or weren't talking shit?

They weren't the whole time. It was all in my head. And it took me to realise it was in my head for it to stop.

 

[Edaw'Naflagn]

Thanks man that makes me feel better. It's always nice to talk with someone who I can relate to and I think you'd like it as well due to the fact I've dealt with this condtion (not due to drugs) since 14 and I'm in my 20's now so it's been really hard .

 

[Keif' Richards]

This is painful to read. I feel your pain OP. Psychedelics were never my thing. I've tripped on shrooms and acid maybe a dozen times in my life and I just found out that they weren't for me. I too would become extremely anxious when the come up came. I'm extremely anxious on a regular basis anyway, I just compartmentalize it so completely that I usually breeze through everything like work and friends.

I've experienced the same paranoia and feelings of impending doom on a couple of trips. It's a cliche at this point but "set and setting" is extremely important. A couple of times I was tripping with roommates who I didn't really like or appreciate, but you sometimes convince yourself that people are your buddies when your in otherwise isolating circumstances (new town, new job, net apartment etc.).

You just need to remind yourself that it is the drugs you took that have made you into such a wreck. I'm sure that some of your negative emotions are founded and based in reality, but it is not normal or okay to live in a constant, sustained anxiety attack. It sounds like you've made progress. I'm pulling for you and hope that you continue to get out of your slump. Good luck and try to keep it positive.

 

[Eyefordetail]

Thank you for reading! I realize that I suffer from dr/dp and that's it is not too uncommon among trippers, I am dealing with it day to day and it's is truly an unfair way of thinking that has been relinquished from deep in my brain but I think I might start treating it as a positive insight to life, so what if reality is a huge joke and I am the punchline? thinking about it, it would actually be pretty fucking funny, wouldn't it?

 

[Edaw'Naflagn]

I agree totally man, I thought the same thing the other night laying in bed trying to think but of course the intruding thoughts kept interrupting my sleep and making me over think almost every thing even the little things that in true reality aren't true at all I just feel like my brain isn't in control of believing that for some reason like I deep down know it's not true but for some reason I just can't accept the truth about it at all. If you need to talk man I'm here, & reading this made me almsot cry in anger/happiness (I know odd combo of emotions to have but you'll understand soon.) because I finally found someone with the same mental problems I have every single day 'n' night, but got so mad because even though you may have messed your self up I can't accept the fact that this should happen to anyone espically someone with the intelligence like yours + the compassion you have for others like myself. If I had one wish and only one I would totally use it to destroy all mental illnesses due to the fact that it's so depilating & causes PTSD for some including myself & you seem to have some common signs of PTSD but in a totally different way but very similar to mine. See I had it hard at the age of 4 due to my mother accidentally dropping the iron from an iron board on my head, & due to my age my head was very soft so I suffer from this feeling of pure insanity/stress & pure pain that gave me a mini stroke at the age of 13 due to me trying to kill myself with a combo of pills I stole and just couldn't deal with the all the pain in general at such a young age and what felt like 80 years to me at the time; now I feel like I'm 112 or extremely old. I have also had about 12 really hard things happen starting at age 4 like I said to age 18 that scared me for life giving me PTSD causing major drug abuse to prevent the physical pain/emontial pain/the mental pain as well as in for example: everyone hates me and wants me to die a slow a horrible death for no reason even though I'm that type of person that'll give you all I mean I'll even give my pants to my boxers lol just to have that feeling that I'm not evil even though I've never done anything evil in my life I feel like im as evil as hitler and if I don't take my benzo's/opiates I actually feel like I'm a reincarnation of hitler him self or satan I hate my life & even get my home broken into/get bullied for my disorders by others even though I'm much wiser/more of an intellect in comparison to the fucking assholes who used me and stabbed me in the back due to me being easy to abuse because I feel as though I deserve it and that they deserve everything even if they ruin my life or for example: breaking into my house, abusing my only friend which is my dog and then proceeding to try to "rob" me even though the kids who did it weren't pros at all lol and got shot twice but ran away after dropping all my valuables. True story not an example but I hope you understand what I'm saying I force my self inside at all times so I don't hurt myself or others due to me thinking everyone's out to get me due to many concussions/broken bones that I never got looked at due to family being dysfunctional/money problems me and my family has always had, & to top it off I just was told I have the heart of a 65 year old man at the age of 20 I eat healthy, walk in different empty areas where no one is, and try to work out when I feel right physically. I was told I have 40 years left of this hell even if I take bayer asprin and work out/eat right like I do which sadly made me happy because I don't belong here on this earth. I should have never been conceived, my mother should have closed her legs during labor to suffocate me. I just want someone to try to break into my house again but with a loaded gun so they can just kill me & take what they please I want heaven, but this nightmare isn't ever going to end trust me I tried to kill myself with a large dose of pills you shouldn't mix at 13 like I said and for some reason it didn't kill me like it should have and left me with a mini stroke at a very young age. My left side of my face/eye is slightly shunken in while my eye is squinty and I can't open it well and it's a tad bit lazy but not at all seen by most unless you stare at me every day which most don't when I'm around people, or at least I hope. That's why I ware sun glasses even when it's night so you don't see my fucked up ugly eye and try to cover my disfigured face with a scarf or something that doesn't make me look like a bad person or someone up to no good; it's disfigured due to an accident that happened at the age of 12 when I was at the beach with my mom and friend and old dog, & I was so small and light that he slammed into my side popping my leg/hip out of place for life and causing my back to be fucked up for life until I get it checked out but I doubt it since it's been years since it happened and due to my mother saying I'll take you one day even though I never did get it looked at, & it didn't just fuck up my back, but my upper spine and hip/leg but broke my jaw as well and fractured the right side of my jaw as well and never got it checked out other than when I got a dental X-ray which wasn't for that so they barley saw the trama and denounced it as some simply problem that barbs can fix even though I can't even get a barbs legally for it . I'm in hell every day and getting use to it at such a young age I sound like a bitch and I know, I'm sorry I have no one I trust to talk to other than myself which is sometimes the best person to talk too sadly I hope I get better and my life improves and the people that hurt me and my family will suffer the same pain I experience every day 'n' night I try so hard to look at things better but I truly can't help it I'm like stuck in the past and time doesn't exist to me because I'm in a time warp due to my flash backs of all the fucked up shit I can't talk about other than the robbery . I want death and actually tried at least 100 times if you count the overdoesges I didn't mean to do other than a few and even had a 7.62mm rifle loaded under my chin and cocked it back and pulled it and it didn't go off I tried hanging my self but that just fucked up my upper spine more and wind pipe . I tried do many times and maybe that's a sign to signify I'm suppose to be here for good or this is my punishment I feel like it's my punishment and I'm forced to live until I die of natural causes in 35+ years hopefully . I so badly want to be normal but I know that won't ever be...

 

[Samulson]

Having had some experience with this type of paranoid delusion, I can tell you that it is indeed all in your head. When you get into a stressful or perceived as stressful situation while experiencing the effects of a psychedelic. The amplifying properties of the drug on your senses and your interpretation of them, can create situations where you feel threatened. Sometimes into a full on flight or fight urgency, that when it becomes fueled by adrenalin can be very difficult to control or understand. Your amplified senses will then be attempting to prepare you for the perceived danger, which can lead to paranoia about everyone and everything around you.

The only way that you can overcome this mental trauma is to prove to your -own satisfaction- that your friends are not actually out to get you, that the universe is not mocking you, and generally put to rest all of the delusions that formed when you went into that state. How you do this, is something only you will be able to figure out.

Regaining your balance and center after such an incident is not easy, but it can be done. I suggest meditation as a beginning.

Peace be with you.

 

[Mindsubstance]

Hey Eyefordetail. I have been in your shoes. You have no idea that chills I felt in my body when I was reading your thread. It was like you were describing in details what I went through exactly 2 years ago. However mine was also visual backlashes of a bad acid trip. It was a living nightmare. I am 23 now, hold a stable job, went back to college and my mind is what you can call "sane" now. However, let's rewind to two years ago. Back then I was also an avid marijuana smoker(used to smoked on the daily at least 3 times a day around 5-6 grams), went to school and also held a job. Then I was introduced to acid. Acid to me was a sweet/sour memory. I tried drank, weed and acid, so me poppers and some stuff that I think was not even weed. One night however I got acid (which now I know it was not) from a different dealer. I know now that it could've been RC's or LSA or some laced blotter. Unfortunately for me, I did not give a darn nickel at that time. I was highly confident, saw my self as a strong minded individual and never had freak outs while trippin'. Maybe some bad trips but never with a psychological backlash. This night was different. 2 hrs in the trip, my friends left the apt where I was staying at to get more booze and weed and cocaine(Note: opiates and narcotics was never my thing except for purple drank). I was left tripping in a high dose of acid or whatever the heck I took that night taking care of my passed out drunk friend behind closed walls. Definitely a No-No. That is where you start getting into your subconscious thoughts. I started to get a sharp pain in my brain like it was about to explode. Then, I was feeling like my soul was being crushed or being taken away from me. So I decided to put on some Deadmau5 and I zone out for certain period of time. Just tripping with the music and experience what you would call synesthesia in a higher sense. Then all the images were distorted. "Ok", I told myself, "I am back to normal". Well, I fooled myself to believe that. I then started to expereinced a panic attack in the apartment. called my buddies and they told me they were on their way with the good stuff. I did not tell them I was freaking out, but I was loosing control of my thoughts. I felt myself dissolved in a state of nothingness. I forgot my name, my date of birth, and it felt like time had stopped. Dude I started hearing this evil laugh that came out of nowhere. It was crazy freaky. I knew I was on the onset of a bad trip. My head started to ache even more, and I cant describe what I felt. I was nothing, and yet I was everything. It unlocked and brought back all my darkest memories. I could say I step into this spiritual realm type of trip. Then my friends came back and I attempted to act normal. trying to ignore all delusions and paranoia. But I felt Odd. I felt like I was not myself, rather like I was several people (Scary I know) sounds like multpiple personality disorder. The night went on and I forgot about what I've experienced. I came down to a beautiful sun rise over the mountains. I feel bliss. Howver after that night my life became a living nightmare. I would suffer sleep paralysis, I would be seeing the most horrible creatures you could ever imagine in my dreams. I would start to hear voices, and became paranoid about everything. I Started to think that my coworkers were ought to get me fired or cause me harm. I was getting panic attacks, delusions in my head, felt like my soul was hollow. My friends also started talking a lot about the occult. I mean it was a dark place buddy. It was like I was having a permanent bad acid trip and there was no way of escaping it. I felt like demons or people were persecuting me. In my logical mind I knew that either a) I was suffering a substance-induced psychosis with serious HHPD or b) a case of paranoid schizophrenia was offset by the substance I induced, taken the fact that my minor is on Psychology. OR C) ego death or ego loss. Either way I was screwed in the head. But Somehow bro, I knew that there was more to it than just psychology. more than just the therapy or drugs to take to make this madness "go away". Whatever I was going through It was of Spiritual background. Everywhere I went I would suffer from delusions, voices, and high levels of anxiety near a panic attack. Btw,I was in no way a spiritual person. I was what you consider a modern day atheist. I reject the notion of a God. However every time I would hear about God or anything related to Christianity my anxiety sparked up even more. Until One day, in my room, I swear I got on my knees next to my bed, ANd I said "God if you really exist, please make this madness go away because if you don't, living like this is hell on earth and I much rather die". Then I just felt like this thing that came over me. This mental peace that no drug or therapy ever game me came upon me., and no it was not a delusion. Trust me. You need FAITH. I'm telling you God is real. And the Spirit world is real. Jesus saved me. And yes it sounds crazy and maybe you will laugh at whatever I am saying. But my mind was broken. And It was put back to pieces. The visions that I would have in my sleep started to fade away. I got into church. And Not in religious manner, but I a way of devotion and pure love because he healed my my brain,my mind, most importanly my soul. God is real dude and so is the devil. I had to fast and pray with faith to make the madness go away and even ourchased a Bible. and it was not easy. it was not an overnight thing. It gets worse before it gets better.It was literally a Warfare. But there is no trial in your life that is set upon you that you cannot overcome. You have nothing to lose and A LIFE TO gain. Just pray in your room to God or have a Pastor or a real minister pray for you. (a legit pastor not the money hungry ones you see in TV or in some churches) . And most importantly ask for forgiveness. that is the only way to get delivered. for every wrong you have ever done even prior/after your psychedelic experience. NOW fast-forward, I till this day no longer feel That Overwhelming anxiety, despair of impending doom, hear voices or see things, and all delusions and ALL Obsessive Compulsive thought patterns were gone. I feel like myself again. The real me. You need to stay away form the ganja bro. No drugs, exercise to flush out any toxins, be around people that truly care about you, and stay away from the friends that you know they are all about psychedelics and drugs. You are the captain of your ship and You decide the choice that you need to make to change your life around. This is not the end. This is just the beginning to a new way of life. You will never be the same bro. That is a fact. I do see things in different perspective. I am more open minded now. I guess you can say I grew up and overcame that mental hell and took the negative energy into positive. I pray that you find your way and your faith. And just like you, I would never wish this hell to anybody, not even my worst enemy. You will be in my prayers.
Blessings.
Excuse the typos and bad grammar. I was at work when I wrote this and no time to proofread.

 

[maybeimschizo]

I realize that I'm totally reviving a dead thread but... I'm sorry I have to post in hopes that maybe some others share this experience.

My first acid trip was a lot like this. In fact, almost identical. I thought I had died, everything my friends said seemed to be apart of some huge joke aimed at me; mocking me about my own thoughts and my "death". According to my friends during the worst of it I was just rambling and/or yelling at my friends to shut up and being viciously mad. At one point I just gave up on talking to people entirely and started listening to my own music. It felt like even the music was mocking me. When everyone went to sleep, I stayed up all night because I didn't trust anyone. The paranoia continued all the way until I got taken home that morning. It took me a day to stop second guessing if I was actually alive or not. I was feeling completely back to normal the next day.

What someone said about this being caused by an anxiety attack is probably true, I didn't trust at least two of the people I tripped with, compound this with the fact that at the peak of it all I took two massive bong rips (weed frequently causes me to become socially anxious).

My biggest fear is that I have some sort of underlying schizophrenic disorder, and that trip was a lapse in sanity that I was lucky to get out of. I haven't used any psychedelics since.

Once again, sorry for the thread necro, but I've been trying to find anyone with a similar experience for months now and this was incredibly insightful/helpful.

 

[Xorkoth]

It sounds like you are experiencing low-level psychosis on your trips, manifesting as irrational paranoia. I hope you understand your friend Adam isn't evil, you say he was crying and calling hospitals when he couldn't find you, it sounds to me like you have a friend who cares about you. When trips turn negative, it can seem like things are true that aren't. The paranoia you were feeling was your own subconscious painting its feelings onto everyone else. Basically, it was all in your head. You had a bad trip, that's it. It's not real, and it doesn't need to affect you afterwards.

Psychedelics aren't for everyone. If they're causing you this type of mental effects, I would be very wary of taking them in the future, especially since you say you haven't felt the same since. I would stop using all drugs (including marijuana which can greatly exacerbate things like this) and try to focus on things in life that make you feel good, and get centered again. If you don't find yourself getting better after some time has passed, you should seek medical attention because what you describe is certainly a manifestation of paranoid psychosis. Even through your own words, I can tell that your friend Adam was not out to get you or mocking you. It sounds like you have some good friends and it would be a shame to hurt or lose them because you believe they are evil.

 

[pofacedhoe]

I apologize in advance for speling and .grammar

-novice acid user, 5 trips total
-21 yrs
-heavy drug use with everything from cannibis to alch, scripts, shrooms, ect. (minus crack and meth) between ages 15-18

This is a description of my third trip of summer 14...
First and second trips of the year went for the most part well.
My "friend" who we will refer to as "Adam" is my roommate and was what i considered to be my best friend, his profession requires him to be away for months at a time. he and i have grown very close over the years and have been through a lot. Friend 2, who we will call "Gill" is also a very close friend, me and adam and gill have been good friends all through school and have always stuck together. adam and gill are the ones i have been sharing my trips with this summer. Adam says he is coming home from work after a month or so with 10 hits of acid, and we plan to to trip when he gets home, only to find out when he gets home that it isnt actually acid but he says its lsa or 2ci or something and he assures us we will trip because he saw some other people take it. so a few days later is the day we planned on taking 2 tabs each, about 11pm he seemed uneasy and said "maybe we shouldnt do this" but i was eager and i convinced him that him and gill and i will have a great time, so we take our tabs and they taste very bitter so i assume it was laced with something else, adam kept making jokes about how we are going to die because he isnt sure about what kind of drug it was for sure wich kind of made me uneasy...

we migrate upstairs where the rest of our roommates and some friends are playing videogames, we all start ripping the bong. as i come up more and more i feel more uncomfortable and confused, and i find myself observing everyone and feeling very awkward, while gill is sitting in a chair saying "whats happening" over and over again and adam is playing videogames being the center of attention and making everyone laugh, at some point during this social interaction i notice the vibe getting really wierd and i keep looking at adam and when i look away i can feel him looking at me, and i keep getting up for water and i feel as if everyone is making fun of me but im not sure, eventually me adam and gill and random other friend jacob get up and go outside for a smoke, where adam procedes to say something that i cant remember but it even made jacob uncomfortable who is just stoned. it was something along the lines of how everyone worships him and how he is such a piece of shit. there was dead silence and i looked at him and i said "dude i fucking love you" and all four of us went in for a group hug and i was the first to pull away and adam had an attitude like aaaaw i knew that wouldnt last too long, he then proceeded to say something about higher vibrations manipulating the lower ones, jacob became uncomfortable and packed up his backpack and decided to leave, he and i smoked a cig just me and him and i asked him what the fuck was going on and he said "isnt it better on this side" and his hair changed colors and the grass turned neon green and got really long and flowed in the wind and i was overcome with a sense of ease and all the visuals and the comfort left with him slowly as he walked to his car.

ok here is where things get wierd, now im peaking.
i went inside and went into the basement where gill and adam where tripping, i slowly started catching on how they where mocking my every move and the fact that i wasnt saying anything, this felt horrible as these two are supposed to be my best friends. adam suggested that he wanted to smoke some weed and when i went for my grinder, he clapped his hands once and said "see? thats how easy it is" this was unlike them, especially gill. i had a strong feeling gill was being controlled. time felt as if it had stopped and i had this sense of impending doom as if my soul was being destroyed, unlike anything i have ever felt on any drug ever. i started thinking adam was god and that gill was his brainwashed minion and that i died and this was the eternal hell i had to live in as punishment for all my sins. (i have quite the past) i started asking "why cant i talk" and "am i dead?" all while continued to be mocked and ridiculed. things get kind of blurry from here but i vividly remember thinking that i thought i had killed everyone and adam asked me if i could see the red and blue lights and him and gill kept making jokes about blood. i started going up and down the stairs in confusion of reality, i went upstairs to watch the few people still awake play videogames but i thought they where mocking me too. i came down stairs and i saw blood all over adams tattoos (which was actually there he had just gotten fresh tatoos) and he was ripping the plastic wrap off of them saying "welcome to hell" and "im gunna fucking rape you" at this i paniced and decided i had to do SOMETHING. there was blood all over the walls. i went up to my room (on the 3rd floor) and went to the main floor walked past the two roomies still up playing videogames and went out front only to find adam chillin on the stoop like he KNEW i was going to leave...

i looked at him and said "i cant go back in there" he said something fucked up that i cant remember, then i said "why are you such a big part of this?" and i cant remember his response, i walked out the front gate and he followed me and was asking where i was going, all maintaining his cocky god complex attitude, skipping along side me. i decided to lie and say the gas station and that i changed my mind and when we went back to the house i snuck out the back and ran for my life, i wandered around for hours, lost. all the city blocks and houses looked the same, sometimes walking up and down the same block 10 or 20 times because both sides looked identical, the sky was black and grey that night with lightning and clouds but no rain. adam tried to call me and i threw my phone because i was scared he could find me. i thought the house i lived in was a privilege in this hell and the fact that i left meant i couldnt go back or find it. i thought i was going to have to walk around until the world rotted away and ceased to exist and i would float in space for eterinity and join all the others that have met this same fate. eventually i get back in my head after hours of begging for my life back and realize that gil and adam where probably worried sick about me and i go back home this was about 3-4 hours later, apperently adam had been crying and calling hospitals and wandering around looking for me thinking that i had died. we re-dosed a 1/2 hit and finished the strip off and i was really quiet the rest of the morning.

4th trip was a few weeks later when i started to feel better and adam wanted to trip again, i was hesitant but him and gill are my best friends i fgured it might fix me.
nope.
it was fine for a few hours we where all having fun but then i started getting anxious and i coulndt tell if they where mocking me or not although it felt as if they where, because they kept laughing for no reason it was only one hit of real acid this time. i was laying on the couch as the anxiety started and adam said "___ is like i dont like the way this stuff (acid) makes me feel" and i said why the fuck would you say that? he replies with "im in and out." he also asked me if i ever feel like i am always being watched, and if me and gill have ever played with a ouji board...
him and gill make funny parody rap songs that they kept on listening to that i also have convinced myself are all about mocking me, even though logically. that would be such a waste of time, unless the universe is actually a huge joke on me anyways.

i have never felt the same since, i felt like i was still dead for about 2 months
i am sober now, every time i smoke weed i get flash backs and it feels like everyone is talking in code mocking me.
i often feel as if all musical lyrics ever written are mocking me.
i quit drinking because it just makes me quiet now.
i had extreme social anxiety, depression and depersonalization following trip number 3
now that i am sober i feel much better. i exersise and have hobbies and passions to keep my mind off the delusions. although sometimes they get the best of me.
Thanks for reading
Namaste.

OP

you have depression.

maybe dont trip but also dont mix weed and tripping- all my worst trips had that mix, surefire way for it to go west

 

[14YearsOfFlux]

Speaks volumes about the importance of your surroundings and the people involved when tripping. I've been there man. And I always ended up having the minor revelation that the underlying cause to a bad trip was my headspace and sense of self at the time of dropping. I've been on both sides of the Spektrum and every time I've experienced something similar to your trip, it boiled down to three things for me: Location, company, state of mind at time of ingestion.

Seems Obvious and simple but it's so easy to overlook.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I always say never drop acid unless you know yourself. TRULY know yourself. Any minor insecurity will be manifested 10 fold otherwise. Sounds like you may have had some preconceived notions about your buddies that were exponentially enhanced by the trip.

No better way to find out who your true friends are then to eat a ten strip with them!

 

[Amberino94]

This past Friday night, early Saturday morning. Myself and 3 others tripped on lsd. Myself and 2 others have much experience. Our other friend, this was her first time. Everything started out fine. She said everything was amazing and beautiful. The way it should be. Then she abruptly turned her head to the side, and that's where it went bad. She started saying things like "I did it again". She looked at us pointed out all of our names including her own, she said were all here, and I said yes, and you're okay, then she said "were all here and I just killed us all." She also said there was blood everywhere. She was basically in a trance and a loop. Her comments were repeated over and over. She grabbed a sharp pencil and tested it's sharpness with her thumb. We then removed all sharp objects from reach. I had to take her boyfriend to the hallway right outside her studio apartment because he was freaking out and making her worse. A few mins later she urinated all over herself and the bed. She started ripping her clothes off and when my boyfriend ran to the hallway for us, all of 5 feet, he heard bottles and things falling from the desk in front of her 13 story window. He sprinted back in and he saw her hand going down. He look out the window and saw her falling. He saw her hit the ground. She jumped. She JUMPED 13 STORIES TO HER DEATH BECAUSE OF LSD!! BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE HAD SAW!!! I had been such an advocate for psychedelics and now I have a friend who is dead because of this. Myself and the other two had used the same tabs a week prior, and it was magical. 9 times out of 10, it's awesome and beautiful, that 10th time can be disaster, horror, terror, and ultimately death.

 

[Xorkoth]

Oh man, that's horrible, I'm sorry.

 

[laughnow_crylater]

I can very much relate. I'm an IV meth user and this shit happens to me every time I get high. It's my psychosis and the only way to get away from it is to stop doing the drug that I love so much. It's real as real can be. I wanted to tell you this because in my experience and many others I know, if you are prone to having psychosis issues, I would definitely not ever get into doing meth. I have trouble even on some weed and it's always the same shit, thinking anybody I'm around is against me. I'm so sick of it and trying hard to stay sober. You are definitely not alone in that psychosis crap. It can even get life threatening.