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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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aplumgirl said:
I made it up to 24 posts from 9 in one hour. I'm so sorry I don't know how to contact you without timing out.

I added you as a friend, thinking that might allow me access but alas, no help. I'm using mobile version so that might hamper my attempts.

I'm thinking if you and your situation. I'll post to you later when I am allowed.
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In theory you shouldn't get that error contacting a mod - though please don't think I am doubting what you say. I too frequently use the mobile version and have to have a link to the desktop version so I can go in private mode and moderate when need be, the mobile version has a lot of discrepancies by its much easier to read on the phone so I use it. I can send you the desktop link if you need it, though if you stay logged in I advise that you use the desktop version in private mode, otherwise you'll be stuck in it until you clear your cache and the desktop version is difficult to read on phones, though it's great on tablets.
 
Moreaux said:
In theory you shouldn't get that error contacting a mod - though please don't think I am doubting what you say. I too frequently use the mobile version and have to have a link to the desktop version so I can go in private mode and moderate when need be, the mobile version has a lot of discrepancies by its much easier to read on the phone so I use it. I can send you the desktop link if you need it, though if you stay logged in I advise that you use the desktop version in private mode, otherwise you'll be stuck in it until you clear your cache and the desktop version is difficult to read on phones, though it's great on tablets.
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Thanks Moreaux, I do have a thread on my page giving me access to the full site.

I use mobile as well it's much easier to read.

When I go to my messages I see a PM and reply but even CH's messages gave me the same error. I try to compose a new PM and get the same message.

The problem might be with me, I'm new to BL and PMs. The only answer is to get to BL status.

I am extremely bummed that I've had to delete most if my PMs to stay within the 5 limit. Is there a way to restore these when I get to BL status?

I don't want to resort to posting in the shrine as that is just simple minded, although I did post in two shrine posts that really moved me.

I guess I'm still a noob!
 
I hope you feel better CH. I have always felt a bit out place and often quite anxious when I sobered up more than a year ago. I don't know if that's your case but I hope you find the tools and the support to go through this difficult phase. You had inspire a lot of people in here. Your history has made a lot of people follow your steps. It remember it influenced me about 2 years ago. Perhaps that brings you some peace of mind and motivation to keep going.
 
Erikmen said:
I hope you feel better CH. I have always felt a bit out place and often quite anxious when I sobered up more than a year ago. I don't know if that's your case but I hope you find the tools and the support to go through this difficult phase. You had inspire a lot of people in here. Your history has made a lot of people follow your steps. It remember it influenced me about 2 years ago. Perhaps that brings you some peace of mind and motivation to keep going.
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Thanks man.

Just really stressful life stuff, a lot of shit, and one thing broke the camel's back. I'll live though.
 
aplumgirl said:
Does vaping help any?

I'm in a pretty crappy mood as well. I am being so mean. It's almost like being in WD! Maybe it's hormones!
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I believe some of us have a hard time adapting to being sober. I can now understand more than ever what it means when people say when like it's easier to quit than to remain sober. And one of the reasons that happens is that because some can't just get it right again, I mean not as social, moody, depressed. Angry at times.

I feel sometimes that I have become a mild Bipolar as good and bad moments come and go so frequently despite of all my efforts to have a pretty healthy and normal life.
 
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Moreaux said:
How have you been doing aplumgirl?
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Up and down.

I've been thinking a bit about going off the pain meds I'm on and that's caused a pit of panic. I've started the gabapentin again to help with sleep. That's worked out OK.

Not suicidal these days, but not great either.

Thanks for asking. How have you been?
 
aplumgirl said:
Up and down.

I've been thinking a bit about going off the pain meds I'm on and that's caused a pit of panic. I've started the gabapentin again to help with sleep. That's worked out OK.

Not suicidal these days, but not great either.

Thanks for asking. How have you been?
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That's great newS! Not suicidal is a huge step forward. It's sounds strange to say but that is pretty significant. Before I got sober I considered it a good day if I wasn't suicidal - I was always so low, uncomfortable, and depressed that it really was an accomplishment just to make it through another day.

I'm having a good Saturday. I'm making keto chocolate chips cookies for the first time with almond flour. I have severe GI issues and haven't been able to eat much, let alone any treats so I'm hoping that these are good and don't cause me problems.

There is no huge rush to immediately quit the pain pills, so take your time to get in the right frame of mind to do it. There are some really knowledgeable people in the Sober Living forum who can give you some good tips and tricks for getting through withdrawal and how to cope with PAWS. We are here if you need us!
 
aplumgirl said:
Up and down.

I've been thinking a bit about going off the pain meds I'm on and that's caused a pit of panic. I've started the gabapentin again to help with sleep. That's worked out OK.

Not suicidal these days, but not great either.

Thanks for asking. How have you been?
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How do you find gabapentin versus pregabalin for sleep or anxiety if you have had a chance to compare. I always wondered but never thought much. I tend to like gabapntin more, which makes no sense to me. Pregabalin can be useful. Too many meds, one thing to treat a side effect of another, is always troubling though. That was the bucket I ended up getting into. Lots of bad advice and too little courage to say no. I should be so lucky :\

FUCKING AWESOME about your perspective changing. That shitty place is, well, shitty. And not in any good like oh okay I'm being vulnerable with someone safe kind of way, like lonely shitty kind of way. Iono this makes any sense. It probably does to someone. Self-doubt is a pita. That and jones'n, even if I'm kinda happy about the fact I'm only jones'n as opposed to actually going in.
 
Hi...been reading this site for years...and now I'm posting. I used and abused, injected n snorted n every other possible way if getting high since I was 11. I am 40. I got married 2yrs ago and my wife ended up in prison. Idk even where I'm going with this because really I just feel like poisoning myself to end my misery. Ive been on prescription subs for 6 yrs...in the past year I've moved 11 times and seemed to keep my doctor on point. Well I fucked up on accident by moving again and because I'm on disability they changed my insurance and I didn't know because I fucken move so much...well... yesterday after not seeming to get my script from my last Dr...I bought done. I have just broken my 6yrs of clean opiate time...let me just say that thus Dr also add writing for my anxiety, bipolar and antidepressants so not only am I expecting wd's but I'm severally suicidal without my mental meds...I feel completely alone. Ive already taken some done with no high effects... which I expected just don't want withdrawals. ..and now I'm scared its just gonna go down hill...ik no one can help...
 
Hey b._rainbows! So sorry to hear you are feeling alone. That is very sad and all we want is to make the pain go away. You are going through some very tough changes now. Try to prioritize your needs.

How many tablets of methadone are you taking now? Focus on what you can do to avoid withdrawals right now. Being fearful is a horrible feeling as we always picture the worst scenarios so don't over think these issues you can't change. Try to calm down, and remember that this is temporary, it's a phase and it will pass. Make a list of what you need to do in order to have put your mind at ease.

I have also been on methadone and I can relate to these thoughts. All you need to do is find a routine that you can adapt, and even if that takes time I suggest that you organize your thoughts towards what you need, and how you can get there. If things get any worse go to an ER, seek for medical help. Keep in touch, with us. And don't think about all the negative things you are passing through but how well you can be. These things have a way to settle. You need to be patient right now, I know it's very difficult but you need to try. Life is tough but as the saying goes, you don't get more than what you can carry. You'll be okay and grow stronger after this is behind you. Read some of the posts we have here. That could give you some perspective. Good luck and take care!! <3
 
toothpastedog said:
How do you find gabapentin versus pregabalin for sleep or anxiety if you have had a chance to compare. I always wondered but never thought much. I tend to like gabapntin more, which makes no sense to me. Pregabalin can be useful. Too many meds, one thing to treat a side effect of another, is always troubling though. That was the bucket I ended up getting into. Lots of bad advice and too little courage to say no. I should be so lucky :\

FUCKING AWESOME about your perspective changing. That shitty place is, well, shitty. And not in any good like oh okay I'm being vulnerable with someone safe kind of way, like lonely shitty kind of way. Iono this makes any sense. It probably does to someone. Self-doubt is a pita. That and jones'n, even if I'm kinda happy about the fact I'm only jones'n as opposed to actually going in.
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I've never taken pregabalin. I take neurontin for nerve impingement pain and it doesn't work. It does help me sleep, that is, until I build up a tolerance and it builds up way too fast. I've read that pregabalin helps more with pain and for that reason, I'd take that if I could.

I agree about our choices. If I'd known 2 months ago starting oxycontin wouldn't help pain as much as I had hope, I'd have stuck with the morphine. Now I'm on a horrifically addicting drug with not nearly as much benefit as I'd hoped for. I'm pretty sure it's too late to go back to morphine without some terrible withdrawals. So I'm stuck.

Yes, the dark pit of suicidal thoughts are shitty! I'm a baseline serious person normally so I slip into depression easily. It's hard sometimes to feel that break from just depressed to badly depressed until I start to think suicidally. By then I just feel so dumb for letting that happen that I don't say anything. I gotta learn to do better with that.

I totally agree jonsing is much preferable to actual WD. Way bad idea WD is! When I get ready to quit opiates for pain, I'm certainly never going cold turkey again! Once was enough for my lifetime, that was the worst 3 months of my life!
 
_bleeding_rainbows said:
Hi...been reading this site for years...and now I'm posting. I used and abused, injected n snorted n every other possible way if getting high since I was 11. I am 40. I got married 2yrs ago and my wife ended up in prison. Idk even where I'm going with this because really I just feel like poisoning myself to end my misery. Ive been on prescription subs for 6 yrs...in the past year I've moved 11 times and seemed to keep my doctor on point. Well I fucked up on accident by moving again and because I'm on disability they changed my insurance and I didn't know because I fucken move so much...well... yesterday after not seeming to get my script from my last Dr...I bought done. I have just broken my 6yrs of clean opiate time...let me just say that thus Dr also add writing for my anxiety, bipolar and antidepressants so not only am I expecting wd's but I'm severally suicidal without my mental meds...I feel completely alone. Ive already taken some done with no high effects... which I expected just don't want withdrawals. ..and now I'm scared its just gonna go down hill...ik no one can help...
Click to expand...

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Personal problems are hard add WDs on top of that and it can feel overwhelming at times. While I know being clean is extremely important, think of the methadone only as maintenance until you get your insurance issues worked out. You can get back on sub's to help after using the methadone.

I relate to the anxiety and bipolar issues as I have both. It's not an easy task but go one hour at a time just telling yourself, this is only temporary. I feel quacky but sometimes "self talk" really can stop your obsessing negative thinking. Just keep at it! You have made it thus far, you can make it past this too.

My new mantra is becoming "life is not easy, but death is permanent," It's true.
 
aplumgirl said:
My new mantra is becoming "life is not easy, but death is permanent," It's true.
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I like it. I also find solace in meditating on the mantra "may I be peaceful," or the like, for like an hour a week. It does wonderful. But when I'm musing, yes, logically I like you're too. Find meaning anywhere you can - it is EVERYwhere, and beyond.
 
toothpastedog said:
I like it. I also find solace in meditating on the mantra "may I be peaceful," or the like, for like an hour a week. It does wonderful. But when I'm musing, yes, logically I like you're too. Find meaning anywhere you can - it is EVERYwhere, and beyond.
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You sound very mystic toothpaste. Meditation is something I've never really tried.
 
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