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Mental Health Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v.2

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dellad said:
@Yeshuah you have everyone checking for the little pig! Sadly the only curious part of today.
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LOOOL... yeah that's sad. My day didn't start that good. I woke up with neck pain, because I haven't been relaxed for soo long.
 
Emersonny said:
So, I'm going on a cruise starting December first. Kind of sucks that I'm going while still in the throes of invega sustenna withdrawals. My mom is a flight attendant and had some special plane tickets she needed to use before the end of the year. I live in the US. I'll be flying into Milan, Italy, and then taking a train from Milan to Genoa. If anyone wants to meet near Milan or Genoa I can try to see if I can make that work, or if someone wants to meet in one of the other cities I'm stopping in. I don't really know my way around Europe, so I don't know how realistic this is. I think it would be fun to meet some of you and see someone who has the same mental constriction that I do. We could get coffee or something. I'll try to come to you if I can. @Empty1128 is Italian, right? Also, Milan is maybe kind of near @Yeshuah in Switzerland? @Zack365 if you went to Marseille...? Here is what my itinerary looks like: Genoa, Italy Civitavecchia, Italy Palermo, Italy Barcelona, Spain Marseille, France Genoa, Italy PM me if you want to talk about details :) I like all of you
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Wow, I couldn't travel while being like this.. Yeah, I live in Switzerland. Have you remembered that? :O It doesn't look like you make a stop in Switzerland. I live near the capital (Berne) If you want to see someone with the same mental construction, a psych ward could be a possibility LOL :D
 
@Yeshuah I saw on your profile that you live in Switzerland. I think it would be fun to meet you. Maybe I can get my mom to have us leave out of Bern, or maybe we could take a train between Bern and Milan. My mom loves Switzerland, so maybe I could talk her into making a stop there. I don't know how she feels about meeting people from the internet though. I'll have to talk to her about it. Haha, right. The psych ward is first on my list, I just forgot to mention it.
 
Day 81. Feeling depressed today. I had a couple of good days where I was reading from a math textbook and not worrying about the fact that my capacity for problem solving and abstract thought is greatly diminished. I switch off between reading a lot/just being grateful that I can read and moping around because it's not the same since I remember and comprehend so little. Sometimes I get enjoyment from going through the motions of activities, and sometimes I don't. Today I'm super tired and I don't feel like doing much of anything. The last 20 days or so went by pretty quickly as compared with last month. Not sure what improvements I've had since it's difficult to remember how I used to feel. I had a window a little less than a month ago, and I'm hoping for another one soon. I started feeling like I at least "get" and enjoy comedy again. I laughed out loud while watching a TV show by myself today. Every once in a while, I feel a new emotion for a minute. I've stopped feeling so much like I'm in a mental straitjacket, and I've started to feel more as though I'm in a very small room and feel more comfortable working within my limitations. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to feel relatively content in my comfort zone rather than struggling to try and do things how I used to. Some people say to just relax and veg out, and some people say to try and push yourself. I figure I'm more in the veging out phase. I tried to do some aerobic exercise the past few days, but not very much.

@Josh, do you feel like the cerebrolysin had any lasting beneficial effects, or was it only helpful while you were using it? I've been thinking I might want to try using two courses of it when I go back to school next Fall.
 
@Ebersonny Yeah, it feels kinda weird to me to meet someone who's going through it and there's a fear inside of me because I don't want to identify myself with this whole journey. But I think I wouldn't say no to meet you. There's also a sadness in this because I actually find you very interesting and it makes me sad that we can't meet like we are normally. Everything you're doing is just right, don't worry about pushing yourself because it doesn't change much. I did it and it actually made it worse. But nutrition is a thing you should definitely look into. And please please be carefull with other drugs. Always remember that the body will have more difficulties with the part you're trying to stimulate because it's being done artificially. The body then forgets even more how to do it naturally. Just trust your body. It will heal. Things will not return by forcing it. Your body has its own time frame. And I say that because I care about you.
 
Thanks, @Yeshuah. I'll try to keep your advice in mind. I'm in a good mood now! :D My mom liked the idea of staying in Bern for one night and visiting you. It sounds like maybe we'll be there from the afternoon of the 29th through the 30th of November. I am really excited!! There's no pressure to be anything, just come as you are. I wish we could meet when we're feeling like ourselves too. Maybe we could stay in touch and I could go to Switzerland again some other time. I think we have a lot more in common than being injected with the same antipsychotics. That's kind of you to think I'm interesting. That's especially nice to hear right now. I think you're very interesting too, and very kind. I have a lot of questions to ask you even though I'm having trouble conversing. I am bad at speaking in general, but especially after being injected. But I kind of thought it would be nice to have a conversation where I'm not trying to be normal and feeling guilty that I'm not. I understand that you are not usually the way that you are now, and I will not be judging you. We can just meet as friends who accept and believe in each other. I'll keep you updated on what is going on. It sounds like my mom wants to go to Bern. She said not to "promise anything" though.
 
I have to to say I think @yeshuah and @ emersonny meet up I'm excited for both of u I wish I could meet someone on this poison. Cuz no one else can relate. Good luck u two
 
There is a girl in my college who got injected on the poison as well. Which tells me lots of people receive the shots worldwide.
Surprisingly, she is one of those who have little side effects and good therapeutic effects.
Nevertheless, she wants to come off of it because she can't stay very focused during classes.
 
@invegauser : thanks for the kind words. I appreciate you being with us. I see improvements almost on a weekly basis. I'll just stop being frustrated and wait until the very end of this experience.

@Emersonny: I wish I could go to Marseille. Unfortunately I live near Paris, since I am a college student I can't really afford the whole trip to Marseille.

To the room :
Day 176

I am honnestly satisfied with all the improvements seen lately. That is so weird to come to the understandong that I forgot how I was before and I just rediscover parts of who I was that I didn't expect to see again. I'll stop giving myself a timeframe, I'll take recovery as it comes and not comparing myself to the record breakers.
 
@zack365: your welcome. glad to hear of the improvements. one day at a time is all you can do even when things seem weird, self discovery can be that way. you might've found you learned more about yourself or what your made of than you thought was possible. keep up the good work.

i'm glad you brought that up. i never condone for or against drugs and psych meds. invega/xeplion is one of the worst psych meds to suffer from if you are unfortunate to. through out my whole trial i have mostly abstained from mentioning those who do not suffer like we do but now that i'm healed and i have more clarity i would like to relate some info i have gathered for a very long time.

from many other peoples first hand experience i've talked to: even those who do not suffer from invega/xeplion are more heavily impaired in the few side effects they experience as compared to other psych meds. sure they are more active, can still hold down a job or go to school, get out and do things, etc. but quiet a few of them experience a heavier side effect but don't suffer like we all have. ability to focus, motivation, thinking and emotions are complications they run into as well just not as much as we all do. we suffer to more of a degree than they do and typically in more ways.

i speak from my own personal experience on this as well: this was the first (and only ever) psych med injection that i have taken. the invega pills took me out of the game more than any other psych med i have taken and the number of them have been upwards to above 15 different ones. some of those have been a real doozy, but nothing like what i experienced while taking the invega pill.

all of the above (plus all posts in both threads) do attest to why invega is by far one of the most potent ones out there. you all now have just about all the evidence needed to support why what your going through is so hard. if you ever in doubt because someone else doesn't believe you, please hold onto what you know is true from this trial alone and also the one thing that is most important to you in this world. it will help you endure, protect what matters most and most of all... let you know you are not making this up whether your on this cause of mental illness, drug induced psychosis or whatever other reason. we are all different and we can never really fully put ourselves in someone elses shoes and know what their life is like; but now each and every person who has suffered from invega/xeplion can know for certain that this is real and have something that is an absolute in this life to gain perspective from.

the reason i say i have respect for anyone on the poison, that in my recovery post i mentioned it has been an honor going through this with everyone i did and that i don't connect with people in life very often is because these are all signs that this really is happening. not just for me, but for everyone here as well. use this info to ground yourself and make your recovery real and possible. support one another because we have a connection whether face to face (meeting any of you would've been good when i was suffering) or over the net, it is a real connection most people do not get the advantage of in their lifetime; it usually passes them by or they waste it. i wish everyone would have gotten an absolute from a more positive experience on a personal level. i wish everyone could've connected on a better experience as well. but i am thankful with each batch of those who needed to heal from the poison that they had met each other here and were able to do the impossible together like real people do. it lays the tracks for doing the same thing with something positive for tomorrow in your lives. this is part of putting in your dues, this is what most people take advantage of. and when that better moment comes in the future, you all will have more than earned it.

a silver lining to the darkest of clouds.
 
Thanksgiving is upon us in the states and with severe depression setting in for many of us I just want to remind myself in writing and others to keep on recovery and be extra kind to yourself during this recovery process. It is a long process yet even longer is the repercussions this is tolled on myself for the rest of my life thinking I am worthless. Eventually we need to work on long term mental illness rejection. That is to reject that we have a problem we cannot deal with. I am only about 7 weeks into withdrawal and can’t emphasis enough how true prior survivor words on this point means. It is suicidal equilibrium at the moment. Adding Thanksgiving just makes it worse but I know I am not alone. There are countless others within the umbrella of mental health who are alone with deep seated thoughts of suicide. While suicide is not the best solution seeking help is. I know I am not near close to this but if anyone is contemplating on it please reach out to local social programs to assist on recovery. My thoughts and prayer to all those in this deprived state of pain and agony. It has been terrible the last few days and cycle of recovery is a wild rollercoaster ride but I do keep in mind the words of advice from the forerunner that I will eventually recover out of this hell.
 
@Emersonny Wow, that would be in only a few days. Didn't expect it to be so fast. omg omg omg, that makes me so nervous... Alright keep me up to date. We have to make some pictures. I'm excited but at the same time nervous and shy and everything. I think meeting your mother is even more nerve-wrecking, because she's "normal"... Does she know that I have been injected too and where we know each other from?
 
@dellad: well said. thank you.

@Yeshuah: easy there tiger. sometimes it's a triggering event to meet up, sometimes it's not. keeping your identity safe on the net is most important and will help reduce stress. how about if the topic of how you guys came to meet each other stays generalized. you both were noticing similar difficulties from the injection, found support through one another after looking online for answers and decided to give meeting up a try to compare notes face to face. an experiment of sorts.

i don't think it has been done in this thread before so that's another first, please let us know how it goes (minus the personal details of course).

seeing people as normal isn't really a healthy way of viewing yourself or other people. i know i kinda poke fun by using the word "normies" but that's how i try to deflect myself from having the word normal be a standard in my life that is not conducive. there is no real standard to normal and only adds to the stigma as well as increases difficulties for yourself in your own trial and dealing with a mental illness. how about if you get the opportunity to meet her you introduce yourself and go from there. just take her for the person she is, i'm sure she will do the same to you. she sounds like good people and she is Emersonny's mom, she didn't do half bad of a job with Emersonny so she can't be all that bad... right? you and Emersonny should have a good time meeting up and i hope your looking forward to it as such.

to the room: holidays are stressful for anyone, lil more so for those with a mental illness, even more so while suffering from invega. i know, i'm connected deeply to the energy that surrounds us all and am too sensitive to the holiday stress that people are feeling. it's kinda over whelming even now that i'm healed and when my symptom isn't kicking in. as always focusing on your healing process comes first. when it comes to holiday stress and/or mental illness, managing it the best you can will help reduce anxiety and also aid the healing process. try looking to the brighter side and being thankful for the opportunities you have. nothing is more important than celebrating the good times of the holidays; it makes it totally worth it plus aids in the healing process. i know it's not easy while going through what you all are but enjoy the good times the best you can. pretty simple right?! (progress, not perfection)

how about we list things that help us calm ourselves, focus us back in the here and now or ground us to help us during the rough and bumpy parts?

distracting myself with t.v. works sometimes. when that doesn't i go for a walk. something personal i like to do is just go outside, stand there and take in my environment. the physical world will always exist with or without people in it, it doesn't know what holidays are. it brings me an inner calm to be in touch with the reality of the world around us and a good distraction when i get pulled into the hustle and bustle that gets everyone else worked up this time of year.
 
@Yeshuah I'm glad you're excited. Sorry that you're feeling nervous. I told my mom that I knew you from the internet and you got the same injections I did, and that you probably wouldn't be feeling well. I think she just finds it fun to have a reason to go to Switzerland. It gives more purpose to the adventure. I think she'll find you interesting because you're Swiss, and you probably speak 3 or more languages fluently or almost fluently. She would probably be entertained by anything you told her about Switzerland. She thought we should bring you a gift from the United States. My mom is a pretty simple person, not overly clever in any way, and she is pretty nice. I think my mom likes anyone who seems like they like her. So if you're less outgoing, she would probably like you if you are polite. She's the only person who has treated me exactly the same after the injections. She expressed her sympathy that you and I and people all over the world were suffering because of invega sustenna. She has also seen a lot of people become bedridden due to illness and doesn't ever try to deny those people's struggles as far as I am aware.

I wonder if we could all meet for dinner one night, and if then you and I could meet for breakfast and coffee by ourselves the next morning. Would that be too much for you? I kind of want to meet up without my mom once, but I don't want her to feel excluded.

@invegauser It's always nice to see your posts. They give us some relevant literature to read. It's like healed people are celebrities to me. I think I brought up the word 'normal.' I guess I usually use normal as an insult because I liked my uniqueness before getting diagnosed and injected. It does weigh on me more now that I know the penalty for what I just thought were a few quirks. I guess normal and weird can seem pretty black-or-white once you've been subjected to a psychotic disorder diagnosis. It can be very easy to fall into black and white thinking traps after having certain experiences. A year ago I was considered autistic and definitely not psychotic, then I was diagnosed with delusional disorder which is a diagnosis for people who have delusions but are able to function and seem like they're not psychotic, and because of the side effects of invega sustenna, I am now considered schizophrenic because my delusions turned everything I do into a psychosis symptom. Ugh. It's depressing when I put it that way.

Some things I do to calm myself are meditate and do something which takes skill but is still within my range of capabilities.
 
@Emersonny Hahaha!! I can totally relate to the fact that healed people feel like celebrities. I got in touch with some people on facebook after having seen their videos on youtube and it really felt like I was talking to a celebrity. :D LOL Yeah, I would love to see you without your mom once, we could be more personal and talk about stuff that we wouldn't talk about in front of your mom. That's very very nice of her to think of bringing me a gift! Alright thanks for describing your mom a bit, makes things easier. I never was like that, I loved to meet new people. I used to talk to strangers a lot. Yeah I know what you guys mean with the normal thing, I never liked that word "normal" because it's a box with definitions and limits. But right now I am even more limited than the definition of normal, that's why "normal" feels like freeing right now. Emersonny don't listen to those labels. They're all bullshit.
 
'Gone through a series of motions that have opened new doors. The integration process has been swift. Soon I'll be at the point I was at prior to the longest hospitalization I have have ever been through. Hard to believe integration has been moving along so smoothly... when you consider the fact.
 
@iridescentblack What do you mean by integration? Integration of what? Can you be more specifically? I am really interested in hearing more. Is that a good thing? How would you describe yourself? How do you see the world? How is your life like?
 
@Yeshuah: knowing all the withdrawal effects you still have, it is brave of you to go out of your comfort zone and meet Emersonny.

To the room
Day 177

Feeling "almost" normal today.
The main remaining symptoms:
Lack of motivation
Weak strength
Few anger problems

The rest is so residual I don't really notice it, at least not today.
 
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