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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Woke up to a reply from the mother of my boyfriend who had passed away when I was seventeen. She thanked me for still being apart of her life and said that I am priceless. It made me smile and slightly want to cry at the same time. I truly want to fly out to California with my sister and see her again sometime soon. Ugh, now I must get ready for work and try not to get emotional.
 
Very uncomfortable to have to do babysit your superiors so that they don't screw up on their job tasks.
I don't mind helping at all, work is good but when I'm working on a pressing issue at the same time I just know I'll make a mistake somewhere.
I can work with different things but doing it too fast is my recipe to make errors.
 
x_benzo_girl said:
Don't beat yourself up - it happens. Feeling guilty doesn't do anything productive and only makes the situation worse. What are you using? Are you interested in cutting back or getting sober?
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I just got back from a meeting actually, and reached out to family and friends. Got some good advice and working to get my life back!
but I was using a decent amount of heroin daily for the past like 5-6 months
I should clarify, that this was most recent run, not the total amount of time I've been using.
 
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Cleaned the whole house today with a help of a friend staying at my place and found two Ambiens while cleaning the recliner. Popped them instantly without even thinking that I haven't took Ambien for months and haven't intended to take anymore either. This is pretty much a relapse for me and I have to think more how to prevent that kind of accidents in the future. Grrr. I am so angry for myself and I am going to sleep so that I won't get anything out of those in recreational terms.

I thought I could be better than what I seem to be...
 
MrRoot said:
Cleaned the whole house today with a help of a friend staying at my place and found two Ambiens while cleaning the recliner. Popped them instantly without even thinking that I haven't took Ambien for months and haven't intended to take anymore either. This is pretty much a relapse for me and I have to think more how to prevent that kind of accidents in the future. Grrr. I am so angry for myself and I am going to sleep so that I won't get anything out of those in recreational terms.

I thought I could be better than what I seem to be...
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It happens man. Don't beat yourself up about it. I can understand that feeling though, but you can't look at it as a failure. Just pick back up where you left off, and try your best to not do it again! Your only human, and just because your recovering doesn't mean there's some high standard at which to judge yourself by.
 
Thx. This wasn't premeditated or nothing. I just saw them and immediately took them like from muscle memory. Just after swallowing I was like wth I just did.

Not much sleep coming either as there was a sudden drop in outside temperature and we have to warm the house. Luckily I have friend here with me so I don't have to handle the fire but she haven't ever used heat-storing baking oven before so unless I want to die to carbon monoxide poisoning I must be checking that all the ventilators are open and such and close the right ones after wood has started to burn correctly and such. Luckily we do have carbon monoxide alarm here.
 
Today would have been my son's 25th birthday. We always have a carrot cake and this year is no exception. It says on the cake: "Love you and miss you every day". Sometimes this all still feels like I will wake up and it won't be true even though we are now passing the 5 year mark.:(
 
I'm sorry to hear that herbavore.
I hope life has given you some comfort and made your family closer, strong and positive especially in relation to your other son.<3
 
Yep l just got on here to vent and then after reading Herbivore's post realized my problems aren't so bad. Happy Mother's Day to everyone! California is becoming unaffordable, that's all l have to complain about:(
 
Happy Mother's Day herbavore!! You really deserve the best!! <3
 
I am addicted to pst, my husband is supportive but I feel like a shit mom, wife, friend and basically inadequate in every way. I was also a lowerenergy person before pst but on it I have more energy. Dealing with withdrawals. Hate my life and just want a normal life. Miserable, why did I get myself into this nodding off from 2 Xanax finally, thanks god
 
Having a big workload is good and manageable most times but people need to understand that when we work too fast we tend to make mistakes. Not important ones -- thank God. But still you have to go back and correct them. Sometimes really simple things, but if informed without the context those who don't understand the job may think it's serious. Is it really necessary to copy everyone all the time in all emails?! I understand transparency but this does not have anything to do with that. It's bureaucracy.. :\ Anyways .. moving on, carefully and focussed.
 
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Iowa you all listen to some awful radio.. please go feal bad. At least you have an hourly chance to win tractor pull tickets:)
 
^Hey, nsa, if you drive through Spirit Lake (on the MN border), stop and skip a rock or two for me. There's a cabin there at the end of the peninsula that my grandfather built.
 
^ How nice! Really. US has a very nice a beautiful landscape. Some places are breathtaking but when you are in another state this can all change and become another experience. From snowy mountains to deserts.

Of course there are a lot of great countries with great landscapes, in Europe for example you'd easily move through different countries to see some of that.

I haven't travelled this last vacation and I'm now expecting my next vacations more than ever.
 
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