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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

every day is still a struggle, even the good days, and I am beginning to lose hope that I'll return to normal, but I'm not giving that hope up easily
 
nothing left inside again today just woke up feeling ill all paranoid and past caring about anything again fucked off because if i hadnt eaten my etzi like i have maybe i could of just necked the lot and fucked it all off
 
Sick of people thinking I'm gay. I don't know what the fuck it is. I'll admit that I have been burned really badly in the past with women and I'm not thirsty enough to fuck every drunk bitch in the bar, and comfortable enough to laugh in their drunk faces. I have just been there already. I know what its like to really love someone and I don't want to have any emotional attachment to someone I don't want any part of. Is there something fucked up with the fact that I have standards? I was at the bar with my buddy and this bitch was drunk as hell, and my buddy lies like mad and she was buying his shit from the get go. I figured if she is buying his bullshit than I'm 100% good on that. He wanted to get with her so I was more than cool. Next thing she's dropping her drinks and all over every guys that women I'm into wouldn't even talk to. So then she is like "So you want to go and hang out with my friend?", at this point she is on my buddy and the bouncer at once, they're fighting for attention. I don't play that shit either, did that 10 years ago, sorry whore. I knew she was playing games and I wanted no part of it. I was like "nah I gotta get up tomorrow". She was like "why, what do you have to do?". I was like "wake up and not feel like shit", then loud as hell she says "are you gay?" to the point that my buddy and all these other people drop their conversation. Now I'm more than comfortable with my sexuality, but that shits annoying as fuck. This happens on the reg, because I want no part of these drunk whores they feel insecure and want to put it back on me. Well it gets fucking old after a while. To be honest I have no desire to find women at the bar. I like to drink but since I got my shit together I like to control myself. Well for some reason she just pissed me the fuck off. What am I supposed to do in situations like that? Honestly I wanted to be like "yeah, big cocksucker over here", but not everyone would get that shit and it's just fucking awkward. Like what am I supposed to fucking do? I also do not mean bitch and whore in a general sense, these bitches are bitches and whores. I love women but hate the ones who get off on competition and starting shit just cuz I'm not on them. It makes me have problems with gay people because if there was no gay dudes I wouldn't be having to even think this shit. I feel like I'm getting a complex because of this shit and I really am better than this. I feel like I'm too nice and clean cut. I take pride in my appearance, I know I look good as I have had immaculate women go on about it. I honestly think that is a problem for these bitches. Oh well that's my vent.
 
^ I think if someone said that to me (and if I were a guy) I would say, "Well, I've never been gay, but after talking to you for two minutes, it's looking more and more appealing."=D

or....."There are so many reasons not to want to drink with you but being gay or not is not one of them."
 
Thanks herbavore ;)

I could have fun with it but if people don't get that I'm joking it just makes it worse. I guess after this happening countless times I really care what strangers or my friends think, which at my age is getting pretty retarded.

I am getting a complex because I'm having thought loops of what exactly is it that I keep getting asked this? At first I was all cool, thinking it was not me, it was them. But after a bunch of times it is just so irritating. I apologize for my post sounding hateful, but I was really pissed, and kinda hurt. If it was just this once I would have laughed it off but it happens allot and I don't get what the hell I'm doing that makes people think I'm fucking gay. Maybe I'll huff some paint and shave some IQ points off and get a bunch of horrible tattoos and start dressing like a white thug.

I hate even writing about this but I'm at my whits end about this.
 
Ugh hate it when people automatically assume that I'm thick, stupid n know nothing. And then begin to preach at me on a subject I'm knowledgable on. Because Evey has got to be thick n know nothing. I wish people would stop jumping to conclusions n get some facts. I would not have a BSc Degree in Psychology n a postqual in Weight Management if i was stupid n thick but that's the way I'm treated by some n some fed up with constantly having to defend myself.

Evey
 
I hate my job. I am making more money then I have ever made ( not saying much) and am within walking distance of the cafe I work at. My job title is "Assistant Kitchen Manager". The Kitchen Manager I work under is younger then me, makes salary, and is a complete and utter fool. He is 24 years old but you would think he was fifteen. He showed me how to do all of the orders and management paper work which I thought was cool at first because I was learning new things and gaining good experience. Little did I know he was only teaching me so that he could push all of his responsibilities as the manager onto me.

Not only that but I am also still expected to do my AKM duties while this guy sits on his ass all day looking at funny YouTube videos and snap chatting. We used to be friends but it's hard for me now. I am losing more respect for him every single day but so is everyone else that has to work with him. I can't stand managers who abuse their power by manipulating others. Not to mention this guy is just a terrible person in general showing over the last six months terrible character traits I failed to recognize prior to his promotion.

I need a new career!!!
 
^Who is above the manager? If you have a decent relationship there I would ask for someone to put a pair of eyes on how the kitchen is being run. I've managed restaurants before and I know owners can be either very involved, somewhat involved or not involved at all. It also depends on whether or not speaking up will make your situation worse or better. While you can't ever really know, at least you usually have some idea of how you will be received. Good luck.
 
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Sorry tp hear that Captain, you're not alone. x

I've been trying to sleep for hours but these horrible memories and thoughts won't get out of my head. I want peace of mind so badly, not having to relive dark dark times in my head. God damn, I'm living in my own made hell and can't get out of it.
 
Hey, Kace. Glad to 'see' you here!<3

@both CH and kace; find a way to get out in nature today and tell yourself that you are giving yourself a rest from your mind and you are just going out to remember what it feels like to be a child in nature--outside of your own thoughts, completely absorbed in observation of the greater world around you; just being, not doing (thinking). Nature is the best healer there is. Even if all that is available is a small park, go lean against a tree and look up.
 
Man I've been so stressed out lately....

On top of me quitting opiates, and being in mad debt, my lease is up at the end of June and my roomies are planing on leaving, so I have to leave too. The stressful part is, that I have no money to move out and I won't be able to save enough by the time June 30th comes. So I could move back in with my mum until I am stable BUT she has a German Shepherd and two cats. Then i have my two cats, one of which is pregnant and probably going to have her kittens right around the time I have to move out.... So I don't know what to do with my babies.. My one roomie said that when she gets her apartment she can watch them until I'm back on my feet. But I plan on keeping one of the kittens. So I dunno how she would feel about having three cats.. And my new job is just awful, I'm so behind on bills and the hours arent even full 8hr days, and not a guaranteed 5 days a week. I barely make enough cash to live, nevermind move into my own place.... Ive been job hunting like crazy in hopes to find something fulltime that pays more than 11.75/hr.

I really hope I can find a place for my cats, it hurts my heart to think I'll have to leave them :( I'm a cat lady, they are my babies!

*sigh* Just breathe, life is a wave, and we are the ocean.

~Verri
 
Herb- you too! How have you been? Thank you for your advice. :) Also- your post on another thread about Buddhism has inspired me to explore it more, I've started reading up on their philosophies, reading the "Anxious Buddhist" online which is really interesting. Thank you as I was feeling so hopeless before.

I ended up going out for a walk which really helped me put things in perspective. I figure, I need to stop dwelling on the past, move on and help others. I have so much energy and I need to channel it into something good, so I've been researching and applying for volunteer jobs, such as working with the homeless, mentoring at a probation office, reading to kids. I've also signed up to join St Johns Ambulance, they fully train you with first aid and you can work events.

Papa- .
That sounds so stressful, it would be horrible to give your cats up. Hopefully you can find a place to house them or give them to relatives or friends?
With your housing situation- the same thing happened to me. Has the landlord already found new tenants? If not, is there no chance you could extend your lease, and find other housemates to fill the rooms? Also, mine gave me an extension and instead of moving out in June the next year I stayed till September, just before the new people moved in. Maybe you could come to some arrangement?
Also, I'm not sure where you are from, if you're from the UK I strongly suggest going to your council, tell them you are about to be made homeless and have no where to go, and they can help move you into accommodation. I was put into a shared house, others are put into hostels. It's not the best of places, but the rent was extremely cheap and gave me time to move into somewhere proper. Good luck x
 
kace said:
Papa- .
That sounds so stressful, it would be horrible to give your cats up. Hopefully you can find a place to house them or give them to relatives or friends?
With your housing situation- the same thing happened to me. Has the landlord already found new tenants? If not, is there no chance you could extend your lease, and find other housemates to fill the rooms? Also, mine gave me an extension and instead of moving out in June the next year I stayed till September, just before the new people moved in. Maybe you could come to some arrangement?
Also, I'm not sure where you are from, if you're from the UK I strongly suggest going to your council, tell them you are about to be made homeless and have no where to go, and they can help move you into accommodation. I was put into a shared house, others are put into hostels. It's not the best of places, but the rent was extremely cheap and gave me time to move into somewhere proper. Good luck x
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I am from Canada. But the thing is, I live in a house with two of my closest friends. I'm not comfortable living here with anyone else. If I'm going to have a change, it's going to be a change of environment too. My one friend is really awesome and an animal lover, I'm sure she could take my cats while I save money at my mums til I cann move out. It's just stressful crossing my mind all day and I have no way to numb it cause I'm quitting fucking opiates.... I've been doing a lot of benzos this past two weeks though. I can't replace one addiction for another..

~Verri
 
My damn car got towed yesterday. I got a new job and decided to "celebrate" and go have a few drinks with a friend that always parks in a lot for a bar that we never drink at and never got towed, so we go there, I drink too much, go back to the car and its gone. So what started out as an awesome day ended by walking all over creation to pay up to get my car back.
 
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