• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

FUCK EVERYTHING. ive been doing so well but 99% sure im going to destroy the fuck out of my life when i get money tomorrow. hating life severely hating myself too.

I totally know the feeling man. When the money is there, so are the drugs usually..... D:
 
Fuck my room mate. I can't wait to get the hell outta here. He has the nerve to walk up to me while im enjoying my morning coffee and say "you forgot to clean this last night?" and points at the smallest little spill on the stove.
He can go fuck himself seriously, i hate living with neat freaks.

I'm a slob, deal with it!! :mad:

yeah I posted twice in a row, I'm just so annoyed though ughhhhh. I gotta get out of here, all he ever does is complain about my living style. If I wasnt so junkie broke I'd be outta here already.
 
I need to make a report for tomorrow. I'd pay for having this done.
 
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Fuuuuck school. I literally do nothing but school. I'm working so hard and I'm still falling behind. It's not fair. I can't wait to graduate and go live my life. I swear to fuck I'm going to follow my dreams once I'm out of here and hopefully they will have nothing to do with what I'm getting my degree in.
 
Working and studying never feels fair my friend. I know this feeling quite well.
Follow your dream but finish school. As you know you'll need it later to get better jobs.

I wish I could go back to school and give my job a break. I wanted to be on one of those sick leave for 6 months.
That's what I keep imagining when I wake up everyday. :\

My energy levels are pretty low and I was hoping that would have passed since I'm sober and we go through moments like that but it's taking too long.
 
I just locked my fucking self out of my room and now I have to wait for my landlady to come unlock my room for me and shes not off work for another hour.
The smallest things stress me out soooo much right now. 8 days off opiates and I wanna punch myself in the face I'm so irritable at everything. Even the kratom isnt helping that aspect. I just wanna use! Goddamn help me. :(
 
thanks, PerfectDisguise. to be honest, while it's nice to put a name on it, it's not really getting it all figured out because most of the medications for tourrette syndrome are not options i'm willing to consider. i'm not 100 percent he's right, as he doesn't explain much to me. i do think it's a result of untreated OCD, which apparently has a connection to tourrettes. we started with clonidine, which i was fine with, but that didn't help. and at my last appointment he prescribed me keppra, which after reading up on i dedided i'm not going to take. he says if that doesn't work that there are a few antipsychotics that we can try like haldol, so i'm pretty much done with him. he's got a blood test he wants me to take, so unless that changes treatment options i don't know what to do. i'd rather take whatever my psych wanted me to take for OCD than keppra or haldol, but i'm not going to take any of them.
Yeah I don't blame you for that. Medications can very quickly become more of a burden than something that helps. Haven't heard of keppra, but in my opinion Haldol seems like a far stretch, although I am no doctor. I'm hooked on 2 meds; clonazepam and mirtazapine. Truthfully the clonazepam does actually help quite a bit, but I think I could do without the mirtazapine. Having to always remember to take it before bed is really annoying. Since I've been on it for almost 2 years now, I can't even sleep without it. Basically if my psychiatrist wants me to try new medications I won't. I'll stick to me two meds plus drinking and smoking lol.
 
I just locked my fucking self out of my room and now I have to wait for my landlady to come unlock my room for me and shes not off work for another hour.
The smallest things stress me out soooo much right now. 8 days off opiates and I wanna punch myself in the face I'm so irritable at everything. Even the kratom isnt helping that aspect. I just wanna use! Goddamn help me. :(

For real though good job with 8 days off.

@erik thanks for the encouragement I know what needs to be done but I feel very tired of jumping through the hoops since I can't tell if school and my dreams will ever match up.
 
I know..:\

Giving myself a second chance to get over this lack of energy.
 
My internet provider can suck a dick.. greedy cheese basterds.. slowing down my streaming to extort more money out of me. Then i call your off shore phone line.. no HughesNet there is no snow on my dish and i have not downloaded windows ten.. its your greedy asses fucking me. :!
 
I just wish things could be better between the of us. But sometimes you simply don't value what I do. Much less my contributions.
You underestimate me quite a bit. And I'm not in a mood of trying to convince you otherwise.
You are just angry and don't know how to manage your feelings right now. Just give me a break please.
I've been a little sick in case you haven't noticed.
 
My internet provider can suck a dick.. greedy cheese basterds.. slowing down my streaming to extort more money out of me. Then i call your off shore phone line.. no HughesNet there is no snow on my dish and i have not downloaded windows ten.. its your greedy asses fucking me. :!

someone seems to have come around to the side of humanity.. keep that shit up and your going to go places.. your now on the winning side,, lol but then again not as this is the hour that you give us the first ones free crack deal. Im hella smart and will eventually end you.
 
I keep having problems to wake up. I can't strength enough how this bothers me. It's makes me moody in the morning.
It still time from me and causes small car accidents. I think I'm not getting rested after sleeping, regardless of how many hours I sleep.

I remember back in Canada when I had girlfriend that used to tell me I needed to take her to school as she had real problems to wake up.

I have never understood how something that simple could be at that time so important and devastating to the point I needed to escort her.
 
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^Do you have sleep apnea? Have you ever been to a sleep clinic where they can observe your sleep patterns?
 
I need to check that. I'm afraid I do have something that interrupts my sleep at night. I'm looking for appointments to investigate this. It's really tiring, totally frustrating.

I see colleagues of mine living in dark cold winters and not feeling this as much as I do. I really hope I can find the reason for this.

Thanks!
 
This company is SOOO beat.. run don't walk away from these guys.

hughes_network_systems_logo.jpg


NSFW:
HannahHughes-FuckYou-TheNobodies.jpg
 
Worried, my grandpa ended up in the emergency room today. He already was scheduled for surgery on monday, but he wasn't breathing well... so he will be still going into surgery on monday, but he has to stay in the hospital until then. However, he has a chance of dying on the operating table :( there is a 50/50 chance of him making it, or not. I don't know what to do because I am a few states away. I also have been avoiding going back home. I made a life for me elsewhere, but I am feeling guilty because my grandparents are failing health wise. I hate knowing that I might not even get a chance to say goodbye. I've been thinking about dropping everything and going back home for a little bit, but I don't know at this point. My mom looks so broken right now and I really hopes she gets to go back before something happens :(
 
I'm sorry to hear that xstayfadedx. In my age these doctor's visits are happening with my parents and in-laws.
Hope everything turns out fine. <3
 
My work's hierarchy clearly shows that I'm getting old. Gaining more and tending to get sick leaves sooner than the others.

I'm expensive but experienced employee and I wonder if I'll need to keep working as if I had 20 years old, right when I started to maintain my job in the long term. I didn't slow down, not for a bit but as a consequence I'm collecting few health issues like stress related conditions and tiredness.

I had thought that with age I'd feel more comfortable working in an environment where I would be really good on what I do, but these kids deal with computers like I used to work with scientific calculators.

How does it feel to have 45+ years in an environment where only young and detached people get along?
With no need to higher salaries, no kids..
 
Fucking fuuuuuuck. A few months ago I quit a 2-year long H habit of 1-2g's a day (vaporized) at home with a rapid subutex taper. Good on me, right? Got to straightening out my life. The entire time I was on dope I was also saving up money (yeah, paradoxical, right? Let's just say I'm really good at poker).

I use my savings to buy a nice Audi A3. Fast as fuck, perfect everything, got a great deal ($6500 for an Audi A3 with 90k miles on it) and was living the high life (without the high part, as far as H goes). But like the dumbfuck I am, I got liability only, because in my 16 years of driving I've never gotten into a single at-fault accident.

Three months later, guess what? I rear end someone because I was looking at my phone and not the road. Stupid. My Audi crumpled like a can and the best I could get out of it was sell it to junkers for $1k.

My roommate wanted to sell her car badly and it was perfect timing, so I offered to buy it from her. The deal went through literally today. On my way back from making the purchase (before I've bought insurance, of course), some douchebag decides he's going to veer from the left turn lane into the straight lane right into where I am with his big Sequoia SUV. My options were: a, let him slam into me, my car will likely flip, and I'll get very injured or b, veer to the right as hard as possible to avoid the collision. I slammed into the curb going 30+ miles an hour and it completely wrecked my front axle.

My dad has cancer and kidney failure requiring dialysis, my parents are getting old and I'm at that age where I'm supposed to be able to help them, but now I'm broke as fuck because even if the insurance company of the at-fault party plays ball and doesn't try anything shady, the best I can expect is they pay me the value of the car and ship it off (so they can repair it and resell it, losing nothing and actually making money off of it).

I understand crashing the Audi was my fault. But why did this need to happen? On my drive back from having bought the new car??? C'mon man. I always tell myself I'm lucky to be where I am, things could be worse, etc. But I've never been in a worse place than I am now.

I have almost no money, I have to pay the IRS next month (I'm self employed), and on top of that I have to pay for a car rental which MAYBE I'll be able to recoup from dickwad driver's insurance company (and if not you can bet I'll take them to small claims). I went from the blissful surge of cracking an H addiction and driving a beautiful, fast luxury sports car, to being broke, carless and in the deepest pit I've ever been in my entire life.

What the fuck, Cosmos? Why are you doing this to me? I'm a kind person to everyone, I never fuck anyone over, I keep my word on all my deals, I go out of my way to help my friends and strangers, and yet I get this.

I can't help my parents like most respectable 31 year old people do, I can't even help myself. And I'm not some stupid fuck either. I don't deserve to be in this place :(

Edit: I always try to tell myself when things like this happen that "it could be worse - you could be stuck in Syria somewhere, or Somalia, or be a paraplegic, etc. But it's not working right now. I have the fear that as bad as things are, they are likely to get worse really soon with the luck I seem to be having lately.
 
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