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Here we go again. Day 1 off heroin

B

beezkneez

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 5, 2013
Messages
43
Location
B-more
I messed up. Big time. Had the opportunity last year to go to Vegas for a month to clean up. And I did. 2 weeks after being home I was doing pills and next thing you know I'm sticking needles in my arm. I hate not being in control. I want to quit and I want my life back. Thing is - I hate my life. I have no friends really. My home life with roommates is falling apart. I got laid off my job of 8 years and now I'm delivering pizzas. How humbling. My problem is what the hell am I suppose to do clean? I hate being sober. I don't like myself, im shy, people don't talk to me for some reason. I'm that dork in the corner everywhere I go. But I refuse to be a junkie anymore. I'm sick of hustling. I live in fn baltimore so drugs and temptations are everywhere. I have to do it though.

It's funny, I read an article recently about addiction. They did a rat study and the rats were in their little cages and became addicted to the cocaine. They had no stimulation, no friends they were alone in the cage with nothing but a bottle full of cocaine and water in the other. So this guy decides to build a "rat city" full of toys and friends and tunnels and all the things rats like plus other rats. They were offered cocaine and water in the other. The same addicted rats had a twinge of withdrawal but did not continue with the cocaine. They were happy now. They had friends and interactions and all the things they love - they didn't need or want the cocaine anymore. So basically addiction isn't necessarily a chemical dependence. It's filling a void. Rats and humans need that bond with others to satisfy their basic needs. When they don't have that they use ::insert any addiction of choice::: to fill that void. THAT is what I'm missing. Connection, love, bonding with others. I need to get out of this "cage" and find my own rat city. Maybe this time I will be successful now that I've identified the problem. I need love and adventure. I need people to love and help.

Wish me luck as I kick this shit, again. I think I'll go to some meetings, meet new people and move away from Maryland. This place is my cage and I need to be set free. Thanks for reading. Today I haven't used, I sit here painting, playing with my dog and will fix a nice dinner. Can't believe I have to start all over.
 
Good luck! I'm on day 3, almost day 4 of a very nasty oxy habit. Junkie for over a decade. I have that same feeling... Here we go again with this shit. The only thing I ever been good at is getting high. The depression without drugs is crushing. Physical wd's, mental bullshit.

That's really interesting about those rats. I think if I was a rat in that cage, I would be the only one with a coke habit lol. Idk. Getting clean only gets harder. Each time I give in no matter how much clean time I get under me, my habit comes back full-force and a thousand times worse. My life is shit. I can't even make a genuine connection with people anymore. My family has given up on me. Friends are tired of being lied to and used.

Unfortunately I cannot offer you any solution or relief. I can only offer empathy. I sincerely hope these next few days goes by quickly for you.
 
I really hope we both quit this shit for good and find our happiness, wherever that is. Good luck on your progress, your pretty much past the worst of it. RLS is a bitch tho. Still can't find something to get rid of it, besides drugs. It's madness! But you know what, at least we are trying. If you ever want to chat, hit me up! I don't have many friends and I'm finding it hard to occupy my time without drugs. What the hell do people do sober??? The struggle is real!
 
Hey beez.. neurontin or lyrica can work wonders for RLS. If you only use them or a week or two there is little or no chance of an issue orming with them.

medications for acute opiate detox
NSFW:

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE< >here<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol
Senokot S is a stool softener and laxative. If you do not want the laxative you can go for strait stool softenerDioctyl sodium sulfosuccinate.

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal



Keep going beez:)
 
I feel ya on ur struggle...I have been on n off my pharmies for the better part of prob 10 years now n I was talking with my gf about it n I think my addiction boils down to my boredom with my life!!! I'm not like some ppl who are down n out bc for the most part I can afford my very expensive habit bc I work very hard, but when I think of the eternal boredom that it seems like of sober life it keeps me running in the other direction!! How do sober ppl put up with the boring n mundane part of life that never let's my addicted brain wanna b like them...bored n convincing my self that I'm fine with the same shit happening day in n day out n I'm happy with knowing that this is how my life will b like for the next 50 years!!! Man how do sober ppl do it??? Bc I would love to have that brain that is ok with it!!!
 
Today is my day 1 off heroin as well. Me and my husband both have outrageous habits. I'm coming up on 24 hrs right about now actually. We've tried countless times to quit so who knows maybe this will be the one. The problem is (well one of many problems) while we're detoxing we become super distant and fight really bad. And I get crazy depressed, as I'm sure y'all all understand. The amount of times I've failed makes me want to go to rehab, but my family is totally in the dark about our habits, and I don't want to crush them. So any support no matter how small is always appreciated. And good luck to you all, I hope you make it!! :)
 
My9RidesShotgun said:
Today is my day 1 off heroin as well. Me and my husband both have outrageous habits. I'm coming up on 24 hrs right about now actually. We've tried countless times to quit so who knows maybe this will be the one. The problem is (well one of many problems) while we're detoxing we become super distant and fight really bad. And I get crazy depressed, as I'm sure y'all all understand. The amount of times I've failed makes me want to go to rehab, but my family is totally in the dark about our habits, and I don't want to crush them. So any support no matter how small is always appreciated. And good luck to you all, I hope you make it!! :)
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Im back using every day after being relatively clean for 4 months. What drove me back was the boredom and I have also quit paxil 20mg after taking it for 10 years. That has brought on horrible withdrawals that make me want to kill myself every second of everyday(paxil withdrawals are tougher mentally than H withdrawal IMO), id never been so suicidal. I have used heroin to suppress these suicidal urges but money runs out next week and I will have to go CT.

I am absolutely shitting it. Ill have to deal with both paxil and heroin withdrawal. I honestly dont know how im going to pull through this. Im 30 in May, I just hope ill be able to last till then and be drug free. Its going to be a rough few months but the way I see it, if I stay clean till then ill hopefully be over the worst of the withdrawals and be in a better place mentally. Its going to be a tough road and I really dont know if im strong enough, I feel like im going insane but after reading pages and pages on the web, my symtoms are pretty normal for ppl getting off paxil after using it for so long.

How doctors are allowed to prescribe this anti depressant to so many ppl is beyond me. At least with heroin you know its trouble before you ever use it. Big pharma make me fucking sick, ive got a good mind to sue GLAXOSMITHKLINE...fucking drug dealers in suits is all they are!
 
Ugh. Just posted a huge response and it somehow got deleted. Damn! Anyway, here's the rat study if anyone is interested. I found it to be a good read, and absolutely what I'm missing. Human bonds, love, connection. I wish all of you the BEST on your journey to recovery. I messed up again but tomorrow is a new day. I picked up my 1 day tag at an NA meeting tonight. I reached out and introduced myself as well. A girl gave me her number and I got a few hugs. No one really reached out to me, which I always find to be a problem. I don't know why people won't talk to me :( I'm a pretty shy person so that's a struggle I'm trying to overcome. I need to save my life. I have to. I hope you all have a good day and kick ass on quitting this shit once and for all!!! Much love!!

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6506936
 
Wanted to see how everyone is doing today? I'm back to square one but trying again tomorrow. I have to! I have an interview I hope I rock so I have something to occupy my time. Sobriety + boredom = fml what am I gonna do
 
Im in day 5? Worst seems gone. I found DXM helped a lot with restlessness (I was taking 300mg periodically through out a couple days). During day I was more ok with RLS, but at night I was tripping to music (rupaul dance music got me through it too) but the RLS was worse so I was still squirming around the room. I had pre-existing RLS which is why I turned to opioids, so the RLS WD was the bane of my existence. I'd recommend the dxm if you are cool with those recreational doses, and its not physically dependent.

Stay strong
 
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Ok, here I go again. Have you ever heard of mucuna pruriens? it seems to me you are a good candidate for them to work on you. Those feeling of worthlessness you have are very much related to low dopamine levels. The main function of mucuna pruriens (aka velvet beans) is precisely to increase dopamine levels.
Once dopamine levels are right, we tend to feel more confident and more comfortable in our skin. we feel more grounded, with a sense of purpose and increase enthusiasm and motivation.

I have been recommending this supplement to several people who is fighting with addiction. I'm not trying to say this is the single best supplement out there. It is just that it worked so well on me and others, that i feel more people could benefit from it.

If you check the available medical literature, you'll see that it works as i stated for most people. Not only that, it is becoming the most recommended treatment against restless legs syndrome, which plague every withdrawing ex-addict.

I think taking celastrus paniculatus wouldn't hurt either, as it has the potential to increase dreams and improve sleep, and i feel it combines well with mucuna

I believe mucuna can be well tolerated with some medications, but not others, you have to check the contraindications carefully in case it could have bad interaction with one of your regular medications.

A good website to get lots of information regarding these supplements: http://www.examiner.com/article/mucuna-pruriens-why-this-herb-can-supercharge-your-life

you say the main trigger for you is boredoom (pun intended).... have you tried cannabis? if you smoke as little as you can, maybe one puff or two of a pure cannabis cigarette (not tobacco, as nicotine is addictive and can create havoc in your brain chemistry) only when you really feel bored and are in danger of relapsing. It is important to use as less crutches as possible, as, even if they help in the short-temr, ultimately you'll get stronger only by what you do to yourself, thus is, exercise, diet, good social life and restful sleep.

also, it is very important to learn new skills. How to play an instrument is probably one of the best options. Another options with the potential to lift depression and increase self-confidence are learning a new language, learning a dance style, learning how to program code or create websites, learning and practising a new sport, learning how to build something, learning gardening and putting it into practise, learning a new game, like for example, my favourite one "go", a Chinese board game, very easy to learn, but can get extremely complex if you keep practising it, etc etc. It is fundamental to create meaning into your life... without meaning, we find solace only in drugs, and that's not what you want now.
 
Honestly I'm goin a week strong for oxy habit n got my hands on some gabapentin n it seems like a miracle drug bc I got absolutely no withdrawal symptoms n mayb this could help some of u...I know that I have detoxed many times n went through hell n taking that was a godsend bc I was dreading it sooo much n was pleasantly surprised...hope this helps ya
 
Yeah the restless legs are the worst hands down...I gotta get this lyrica everyones talking about..2mg of Xanax helps a lot just cuz it knocks you the fuck out but that's what breaks me every time, the RLS, im trying again this time around...got some Xanax, and some buds...just gonna smoke like a maniac, hopefully by the 4th day ill just crash out..take a lot of baths, and work out a little.

Does anyone feel that the longer you use, the harder it is to kick? I mean even with breaks I feel like after year 5 + of using its just gonna be hell no matter what. I barely use and I still feel some pretty bad W/D only after like a 3 day run..
 
Trixy983 said:
Honestly I'm goin a week strong for oxy habit n got my hands on some gabapentin n it seems like a miracle drug bc I got absolutely no withdrawal symptoms n mayb this could help some of u...I know that I have detoxed many times n went through hell n taking that was a godsend bc I was dreading it sooo much n was pleasantly surprised...hope this helps ya
Click to expand...

Is Gabapentin a street thing or you gotta get it from a doc?? I hear clonidine really helps, I was curious if other medicines that lower blood pressure help with the RLS too.
 
108 days here and most days have been pretty good. The last week has been rough as shit tho. Constantly wanting to use. The only thing that's probably saved me is I deleted all contacts and changed my number. Also got rid of Facebook. Could I have gotten a hold of anyone I woulda probably relapsed. I just try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason.

I would probably be dead if I lived in Bmore. Most of the H around here comes from there but of course tripled in price. If I woulda had my own bmore connect I'd be in trouble lol. (I'm in Va. Awesome recovery town tho btw)
 
Trixy983 said:
Honestly I'm goin a week strong for oxy habit n got my hands on some gabapentin n it seems like a miracle drug bc I got absolutely no withdrawal symptoms n mayb this could help some of u...I know that I have detoxed many times n went through hell n taking that was a godsend bc I was dreading it sooo much n was pleasantly surprised...hope this helps ya
Click to expand...

Gabapentin absolutely works! I'm on day six from a real long time on 24 mgs of sub a day . Before that I had a nearly decade long heroin habit. I have just about noo symptoms at all! Gaba actually makes me a little over tired. Lol I would suggest it for any opiods withdrawal. It works. Just remember to stop taking it after the physicals are over with because it is addictive and can give you withdrawals as well.
 
Idk yo I mean I wonder how people even survive the work week to just go out on the weekends and get fucked up. For the small amounts of time that I was clean from my DOC, (opiates) I would drink a lot, and I fucki get hate alcohol and hangovers and what it does to you. And that's when do realized I'll never be 100% sober. And I'm at peace with that lol. We all die one day, whatever.
 
Professer said:
Im in day 5? Worst seems gone. I found DXM helped a lot with restlessness (I was taking 300mg periodically through out a couple days). During day I was more ok with RLS, but at night I was tripping to music (rupaul dance music got me through it too) but the RLS was worse so I was still squirming around the room. I had pre-existing RLS which is why I turned to opioids, so the RLS WD was the bane of my existence. I'd recommend the dxm if you are cool with those recreational doses, and its not physically dependent.

Stay strong
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Professer, I totally agree about the RLS WD's, those drive me out of my mind, dxm works huh? I wonder if you can get those as pills instead of drinking robitussin all day long LOL
 
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