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should my daughter visit her mom while she is in jail?

A

astr591

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Jan 26, 2015
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8
my wife will soon be entering county jail for six months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail


also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.
 
Reality is best. I'd say let her go if she wants. It's not like they are going to send her in with the inmates. and it could be a good thing for her to see the reality of what happens for such things.

You may also want to sit with your kids and talk things through - the way you write it, it sounds like your wife did this with no involvement or even knowledge by you. If so there's seems a disconnect somewhere here. Your kids might even wonder how come you didn't protect her or something similar.

Family honesty needed I think. Find out what they know, what they think and what they assume and get it all in the open.

(you may already have done this - I'm only going by the feel of your post)
 
It will be a long 6 months in prison if she isn't allowed to talk to any one.

I honestly can't see any good reason why your daughter shouldn't go see her. Are you afraid she might mix with criminals? Like her own mother?
 
I totally think your wife needs to cosy up to her race and get a protector or your daughter wont have to worry about it cause she gonna get turned out or shanked. Unless its a country club then just suggest she beats the biggest person there with a tray at her first lunch and then wears her pocket out and takes 20pts off all the action in her dorm
 
I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?
 
Has your daughter expressed interest in visiting? I don't see any harm in this. It would be harder for a small child when it's time to leave and say good-bye. At 15, she's old enough to understand her mom committed a crime and is now locked up for it.

Hopefully, your daughter won't think it's "cool". Glad your wife seems to be holding up well too. :)
 
Is there a good benefit in visiting over just phone calls?


Also, I just wonder if it will be an unpleasant experience. Since she will see her mom in a uniform and in custody and other inmates and the whole environment
 
One Thousand Words said:
It will be a long 6 months in prison if she isn't allowed to talk to any one.

I honestly can't see any good reason why your daughter shouldn't go see her. Are you afraid she might mix with criminals? Like her own mother?
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this

jails bad enough on its own but fuck man let her see the kid else she might go nuts
 
If it were me I would let my daughter see her if she wants to. It is not likely that she'll see it as "cool". Explain how they run things...with most kids fear of losing freedom can be a big deterrent. My dad was in jail/state a lot when I was growing up. The visits to county were a lot better and more comfortable than the ones to state. It actually scared me. Not in a "I'm terrified way" but a "no way am I ever letting this happen to me". If I were in your wife's position I would want to see my daughter. It gives hope and strength to the person on the inside. My dad hated to see me and my siblings leave, but I think had he not seen us it would've driven him mad. He lived for the visits. Everyone lives for the visits.


Do what you think is right and be there for your daughter as a guide. Both of you need the support right now. Hard situation to be in. Best of luck to you and your family.
 
I would visit her regularly. Exposing a 15 year old to jail could be a good thing. Put some money on her books as well.

Phone calls will likely be like five dollars a minute:\
 
Let her make the choice to visit or not. If she seems unsure, then open the door to discussion and suggest a visit for starters. I indeed would have her visit if she is willing.

Keeping children protected from reality doesn't help them in my experience…

Best of luck moving forward… I'm sorry you are in this place. Hang in there! :)
 
managed to talk to one of the main guards that works at that jail. She said that since my daughter is a teenagers it is perfectly fine to take her. She also said use it as a learning experience (what does that mean do you think), ask your wife to be honest about what happened, and to simply present it as a punishment for wrong doing. Is this a good idea?
 
I have one more thing I must ask about before I decide to take her. My daughter will no doubt want to ask her mom questions about what it is like for her. Is that a good idea? Out of curiosity what questions would you ask to an inmate in jail? Should that or certain parts be avoided in conversation?
 
I would ask : Are you happy here ? How are you spending your time ? How are you being treated ? What do you eat ? Are you being abused ?
 
astr591 said:
I have one more thing I must ask about before I decide to take her. My daughter will no doubt want to ask her mom questions about what it is like for her. Is that a good idea? Out of curiosity what questions would you ask to an inmate in jail? Should that or certain parts be avoided in conversation?
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Fuck man ask whatever you want. It's a nice escape for the inmate. Trust me i know. Plus moms will probably doing alot of talking.
 
Journyman16's advice is the most mature, I would say. It will be a learning experience for the daughter in terms of the reality of life.

I think it will be advantageous for her if you could discuss with her what could possibly happen when she goes inside the jail and how she can handle certain things that might bother her.
 
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