Aetherius Rimor
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2012
- Messages
- 404
I was a functional user for almost two years. When I say highly successful by the way, I refer to my career (6 figure income, highly skilled job).
I used it therapeutically for my ADD, which is why I always refer to it as desoxyn (prescription name). I've tried every well known substance, and many RCs; and other than ketamine I'd never had issues with any of them. With ketamine, I had to have my friend lock it in a safe and ration it so I wouldn't do it all in one night.
My first gram of desoxyn lasted me 6 months. How? I capsuled it and ate ~30mg (assuming cut ~33%, for 10mg dose). My first mistake was to start smoking it. Eating it and smoking it felt different. Once I knew what smoking it felt like, and due to capsuling being a pain in the ass, I only smoked it afterwards. Initially I would go through about a gram a month smoking it. I'd do one week on, one week off. I was able to resist the urge to use it easily.
I took chelated magnesium to prevent neurotoxicity, valium/xanax to go to sleep when I couldn't at night. I'd also occasionally take queatiapine (seroquel) due to it's ability to kill effects immediately and research showing it reversed neurodegeneration/tolerance in rats. Personal experience with seroquel/desoxyn is it feels like the equivalent of taking nalaxone with opiates. Kills effects and baselines (get very tired and very hungry in 30 minutes). And to ensure I didn't use more than intended without realizing it (or due to rationalizing/justifying) I had a friend ration it just to be safe.
There are three reasons to use a drug. Therapeutically, recreationally and to cope with a problem. My 2nd mistake was to use it both therapeutically and recreationally. This was how I started using a gram a week. I'd have 2 or 3 weeks on, and 1 week off in between. This was after I'd been using for a year.
Earlier this year though, several things culminated into me no longer being able to trust myself with desoxyn.
- Friend started dating a psychopath (legit psychologist confirmed); who started getting everyone in my social circle to distrust each other. (He was not told about our usage, but did figure it out). Had my two best friends convinced I was trying to manipulate/control them, which the psychologist told me was him projecting himself onto me as he took on my role guiding/influencing them (they looked up to me for advice).
- He took her with him to another state; and she was the one who rationed my usage.
- His absuive nature escalated greatly once she was in a place with no friends/family, and all my attempts to show her what he was doing fell on deaf ears since he had convinced her I was paranoid/manipulative/controlling.
- I was diagnosed bi-polar 13 years ago, and bi-polar + shit ton of stress + desoxyn != good time.
=====
This is when I made my 3rd mistake, I started using it to cope with my situation. I stayed up for days on end trying to figure out how to get someone to believe me about him and worrying about her safety.
I started missing work due to anxiety/depression and being strung out. I stopped taking magnesium, valium/xanax and seroquel. Eventually I stopped working completely; and ended up in a partial state of psychosis for a few weeks. While I could still differentiate reality from the suprisingly pleasant delusions, the delusions definitely didn't help me get better. They just became something I indulged in to escape reality, rather than affecting my beliefs about reality.
My friends saw my downward spiral and started to get pretty worried about me. One old friend not involved in the drama finally helped me get into an intensive out patient psychiatric treatment. The following months I continued to use less frequently, but when I did I couldn't control my usage. As long as it was there, I'd keep using it until it was gone.
Since then, my friends realized what the guy was doing and the one that was with him has moved back; I've started getting better. Minor intervention was had (them telling me we all needed to quit, especially me), and I quit starting January 1st.
=====
The point of this post is two-fold. One, to serve as a warning to other functional users. All it takes is a really difficult situation and using it turns into a slippery slope. If you want to maintain functional usage, when these happen; stop using it until the problem is resolved.
Second reason, is a question to those who've also quit. How long did it take you before you could stay awake and function normally again? I've gotten over the depression, the cravings are mild but I'm able to avoid relapsing, but the fatigue and excessive sleep is currently a problem.
Sleeping excessively is currently the only reason I have the desire to use again. Caffeine barely helps. What helped y'all?
I used it therapeutically for my ADD, which is why I always refer to it as desoxyn (prescription name). I've tried every well known substance, and many RCs; and other than ketamine I'd never had issues with any of them. With ketamine, I had to have my friend lock it in a safe and ration it so I wouldn't do it all in one night.
My first gram of desoxyn lasted me 6 months. How? I capsuled it and ate ~30mg (assuming cut ~33%, for 10mg dose). My first mistake was to start smoking it. Eating it and smoking it felt different. Once I knew what smoking it felt like, and due to capsuling being a pain in the ass, I only smoked it afterwards. Initially I would go through about a gram a month smoking it. I'd do one week on, one week off. I was able to resist the urge to use it easily.
I took chelated magnesium to prevent neurotoxicity, valium/xanax to go to sleep when I couldn't at night. I'd also occasionally take queatiapine (seroquel) due to it's ability to kill effects immediately and research showing it reversed neurodegeneration/tolerance in rats. Personal experience with seroquel/desoxyn is it feels like the equivalent of taking nalaxone with opiates. Kills effects and baselines (get very tired and very hungry in 30 minutes). And to ensure I didn't use more than intended without realizing it (or due to rationalizing/justifying) I had a friend ration it just to be safe.
There are three reasons to use a drug. Therapeutically, recreationally and to cope with a problem. My 2nd mistake was to use it both therapeutically and recreationally. This was how I started using a gram a week. I'd have 2 or 3 weeks on, and 1 week off in between. This was after I'd been using for a year.
Earlier this year though, several things culminated into me no longer being able to trust myself with desoxyn.
- Friend started dating a psychopath (legit psychologist confirmed); who started getting everyone in my social circle to distrust each other. (He was not told about our usage, but did figure it out). Had my two best friends convinced I was trying to manipulate/control them, which the psychologist told me was him projecting himself onto me as he took on my role guiding/influencing them (they looked up to me for advice).
- He took her with him to another state; and she was the one who rationed my usage.
- His absuive nature escalated greatly once she was in a place with no friends/family, and all my attempts to show her what he was doing fell on deaf ears since he had convinced her I was paranoid/manipulative/controlling.
- I was diagnosed bi-polar 13 years ago, and bi-polar + shit ton of stress + desoxyn != good time.
=====
This is when I made my 3rd mistake, I started using it to cope with my situation. I stayed up for days on end trying to figure out how to get someone to believe me about him and worrying about her safety.
I started missing work due to anxiety/depression and being strung out. I stopped taking magnesium, valium/xanax and seroquel. Eventually I stopped working completely; and ended up in a partial state of psychosis for a few weeks. While I could still differentiate reality from the suprisingly pleasant delusions, the delusions definitely didn't help me get better. They just became something I indulged in to escape reality, rather than affecting my beliefs about reality.
My friends saw my downward spiral and started to get pretty worried about me. One old friend not involved in the drama finally helped me get into an intensive out patient psychiatric treatment. The following months I continued to use less frequently, but when I did I couldn't control my usage. As long as it was there, I'd keep using it until it was gone.
Since then, my friends realized what the guy was doing and the one that was with him has moved back; I've started getting better. Minor intervention was had (them telling me we all needed to quit, especially me), and I quit starting January 1st.
=====
The point of this post is two-fold. One, to serve as a warning to other functional users. All it takes is a really difficult situation and using it turns into a slippery slope. If you want to maintain functional usage, when these happen; stop using it until the problem is resolved.
Second reason, is a question to those who've also quit. How long did it take you before you could stay awake and function normally again? I've gotten over the depression, the cravings are mild but I'm able to avoid relapsing, but the fatigue and excessive sleep is currently a problem.
Sleeping excessively is currently the only reason I have the desire to use again. Caffeine barely helps. What helped y'all?
