Lost direction, engineering

[Soulgasm]

Good day! I was hoping someone could give me some bit of useful advice here as I have always considered the bl community an efficacious bunch.

To start out with, I have never really known what path I wanted my life to take. I started college back in 2008 with undergraduate mechanical engineering curriculum. I had always been a wiz with a math and science and thought, why not make a good salary off this? I ended up partying my freshman life away and struggling with classes, but holding on. After another year, I became vastly interested in environmental matters and tweaked my major to reflect this but never really found a specialization or career path.

Throughout this whole time, I was still the out of control weekend warrior but held my grades high enough to continue. Anyways, I continue along this path with no real career direction or path taking a wide array of classes until I finally have met the graduation requirements. I graduated with a sub par gpa (~2.7) and no real plans. The lower grades were due to both me being an immature individual with a teetering substance abuse problem and taking a head splitting amount of rigorous coursework in a short period.
I supported myself for a few months with cannabis and bullshit jobs while looking for a real career. Everything was so...specialized. I was smart, had a passion for the environment and alternative energies but no real prospects. At this point, I was involved in a pretty serious accident (I won't go into the details) that left me with numerous broken bones and a traumatic brain injury. Suddenly I didn't feel quite as sharp and engaged as I always had.

Life got shitty and I reacted with a debilitating daily mix of narcotics. Long story short... I recovered, cleaned up, and got myself back out there. I took a job doing outdoor inspection and testing (me/environmental related stuff) and didn't really enjoy it. There was no design or creative work needed. It wasn't really me. This dissatisfaction led me right down the path back to heroin and benzos and eventually detox and quitting my job.

Soo that brings me to now, recovering from my latest relapse, and really looking into going back to school to specialize my career. Trouble is, I have no idea what to do. I feel like I should specialize in doing something that takes advantage of my skills yet is not too daunting. My aforementioned tbi has affected my life in a way I can't describe. I've just felt... Different since then and it's hard for me to keep my mind in the present and away from anxious panicky thoughts about the future. Things have improved, but these problems due still present themselves in my daily life. But I still have the tools I need to live a very rewarding life and apply my engineering principles to a vast array of problems.

Anyways, does anyone have any advice in this situation? I feel as if I have studied the wrong subject and neglected my artistic side yet I also feel engineering was just right for me. I'm torn. I've always enjoyed doing cad design work and was thinking of getting an associates in 3d modeling at a local cc and working for an industrial company doing modeling and maybe some engineering design. Is this feasible? Would getting an associates after my bachelors be moving backward? My school does not have a masters for my exact major only me and other engineering generalizations. And with my low gpa I find going for my masters in engineering a daunting task at best. I could maybe find a similar graduate program and look at all that jazz but I'm just at a loss what to do and where to do it. Should I just continue to seek gainful employment with my bs? I hate these crossroads but really just want a chance to make decent money doing something positive that interests me. Any thoughts? I just feel so lost and am honestly open to anything at the moment

 

[Journyman16]

You mention artistic side - maybe start doing something about that while you work on the rest? Sculpting might fit in with your interests. Not necessarily statues etc. but maybe using mechanical engineering as a basis to create works that give you satisfaction. Sales are not the issue, YOU are, so getting you doing something that brings satisfaction can only help with the rest of your quandary.

The low GPA might not be such an issue if you are correct you got it because over-party/over-commit issues. Keep the workload reasonable and even if you have lost the 'edge' of your intellect you should do well.

Environment interests and engineering shouldn't be too hard a mix. Alternative energy designs, construction of home solar/wind generation etc. Maybe you need some Electrical Engineering to help that along?

How about designing aids for people who have had injuries like yours but may not have been lucky enough to recover? What courses do you think you'd need for that work?

Just some ideas - it is difficult enough to advise people in face-to-face with such small amounts of info; it is unlikely anyone can do more than give suggestions that might trigger a result in you... Rotsa Ruck... :D

 

[thujone]

OP that sucks but you should let your passion speak for you. I've met people who could likely hook you up with engaging jobs in environmental sciences, but I would not have met those people had I not connected with local politics. Environmental issues are a hot topic these days, if you get out to events and get involved in the political aspect there's no doubt you'll start making the right connections.

Sculpting might fit in with your interests.

Sculpting? For someone with impaired spatial awareness? Oh, I see now, sculpting to help retrain spatial awareness hm? That could work

 

[Journyman16]

Sculpting? For someone with impaired spatial awareness? Oh, I see now, sculpting to help retrain spatial awareness hm? That could work

For that reason but also to maybe lift creativity. Edward de Bono pioneered the idea of Lateral Thinking - it occurred to me that perhaps something along the lines of using mechanical cogs and parts might allow some improvement in capability and once creativity gets working it's hard to know just where it might pop up new solutions for him.

 

[TheLoveBandit]

Both responses seem to have a good offering of ideas. Here's what I can suggest based on my experience.

Being without a clear path is no crime, and you don't seem to be beating yourself up for it so keep that positive. Likewise, having a degree does not require that you use it. For the employment aspect, I'd suggest exploring work in areas that interest you - such as doing some basic CAD work for gov't or various environmental or engineering (construction?) firms. It may be a step back from use of a BS, but would give you experience with that type of work to see what you may enjoy from it or not like about it, a bit of real life before you spend more time and money on an Associate's degree or anything else. Secondly, it will give you contacts, more people to either switch to work for, or at a minimum speak with for 20 minutes here or there and explore what life is like in those related fields. Bottom line, going back to school when you still don't know what you want to be or do is a bit of a waste and moves you no closer to your happy life. Try working to get a taste of things in order to clarify your true direction.

Second thought that comes to mind is that Journyman16 hit a solid note with the recommendation to look for artistic outlets. Don't count on your career or job to be the sole method of meeting your needs for feeling fulfilled nor for your creativity. Yeah, the best life is to do something you love and get paid too much for it, but most of us end up working at something we like and maintain things we love outside of the workplace. The opportunity for any therapeutic effect is grand, but even the exercise of it would again help clarify what you like to do and what future you may have ahead.

I would like to stop for a second and commend you for getting clean, not once but twice, and for recognizing when drugs become a crutch that can turn to hindrance in finding yourself and a path forward. And also for not signing on for a career that doesn't feel right. Recognizing yourself, and where you want or don't want to be, is good. Recovering from the climbing incident, even as far as you have, is something not everyone would be capable of, so make sure you take a moment to accept yourself, and give a little praise. Honestly, you don't come across as 'down', just a bit lost, but I would like if you kept in mind that even while you're lost, you're making progress and doing well. And that, to me, tells me that once you pick a direction you will be able to achieve it. It's just a matter of finding that path forward. How do we find where we want to go? We explore our surroundings, find what appeals to us, and expand upon that.

So, the tl;dr version? Don't sweat it too much, you'll be fine. Try some stuff out both with employment and personally, and just explore - yourself, and the world around you. And be patient. You'll find it.

 

[Soulgasm]

Thanks for the great responses everyone! Sorry this thread got a little lost in The montage of my busy life recently. I actually moved across the country and am living with some family now. I know toooo many people at my home base not to relapse hard and I really need some mental clarity now. This move in itself has raised my spirits greatly and the warmer climate is nice .

Anyways, I've made plans to (hopefully!) go to grad school in the fall for a 3d design program that I think will be right up my alley. I'll be looking for gainful employment until that time and meeting new people. Hell, if I find something I like enough down here I might put the grad school on hold. I've even felt some of that childlike curiosity returning to me the past few days and have been finding it much easier to live in the moment.

It's amazing the depressing patterns the human brain can get itself into- especially after a traumatic brain injury. Hopefully I've broken this cycle. I appreciate all of your words; there was a lot of wisdom shared to me already in this thread.

 

[Journyman16]

Things are looking up then... :D

 

[Soulgasm]

Oh yes still indecisive but headed in the right direction I think. Also did a bit of research and found something that has described some symptoms in my life perfectly, visual vertigo syndrome. Gonna go talk to the doc about this soon.

 

[Noodle]

/bump