When the junkies you love hanging out with most are also moochers!

[CrowetheCat]

I have a soft spot for my fellow junkies. Some of them are super fun to hang around and party with. Unfortunately, when push comes to shove, a portion of them try to overstay their welcome, borrow lots of money, or even steal from me. I remember at my last apartment, so many people tried to live there rent-free. I couldn't have it; I work for a living, I can't have my landlord seeing a bunch of people living in my apartment, and many of them stole from stores frequently. So naturally, they got pretty pissed when I had to kick them out after a week or so.

I kind of wish that some people would just respect boundaries. Maybe I am just too soft. I love hanging out with using friends, but once you have your own place, it's like everyone wants it without having to work for it like I did. I try to help however I can, but I can't just let them live there! One of my family friends made that mistake. He let a few of his junkie friends with an affinity for robbing houses live with him. Next thing he knew, they got caught and dimed on him saying he was the one who did it. His house got searched, and now he's going to prison.

Have you guys experienced using friends who make a habit of using you? Man. I mean, it makes for some awkward friendships. I know some people don't think there's such a thing as a "functioning addict," but I consider myself to be just that. I've basically stopped hanging out with most addicts excepting family and my boyfriend. I keep the other relationships distant and focused only on the business aspect of the lifestyle. Otherwise I get people calling me at 3 AM wanting to stop by, people getting into loud and vicious fights in my kitchen, etc.

I mean, man, addicts can be a violent bunch. I try to show them love with food and a few hours of hanging out. Next thing I know I am roped into a month-long fest of "when will they leave?"

 

[adrenalinerushes]

imo, you gotta be stronger in terms of setting your boundaries. i can see how that would be tough in your situation. don't let people mistake your kindness for weakness, i'm sure you've heard that before. it's so true though.

 

[fizzymk]

I remember having similar problems with a girlfriend I started living with back when I was 17 yrs old, I started dating this girl, and we both hung out with the same group of friends, (about 15 people altogether), she and her mom lived in her moms house at the time, her mom turned out to be really cool, she invited me to rent a room there since I was dating her daughter, plus she traveled alot for her job, so we had the house to ourselves alot of times, it was great, until we started having all our friends over just about every night to party, got to the point where we had 8-10 people 'spending the night' each night, crashing on the living room floor, the bathroom, etc!

We were into pot, acid, shrooms, drinking back then, we had some fucking crazy ass parties there too, but got the point where some of our friends started inviting other people we didnt know that well over to party every day, then cars in nearby houses started getting broken into, car stereos, subwoofers, etc stolen. Eventually we had to shut it all down, and set some basic rules...all the parties happened over the summer, but once fall came around, things settled down.

It sounds like fun having a place of your own, but when it comes to serious partying, its hard to keep under control, other people want to start staying there to keep the party going all the time...we lost some friends when we set the rules, but we could not have kept going the way it was.

 

[SirTophamHat]

You gotta set clear rules like no strangers spending that night, or only x people over at once

I used to have friends who would make big deals out of small stuff, or would ask for favors but wouldn't ever be able to return them.

I don't have many friends any more (only kept one friend from college and he's my main PIC now) but the ones I do have are the best ones I could ask for.

Honestly man I'd rather have 3 loyal to the grave bros than 30 friends

 

[Smoky]

The drugs will come before the friendship… sometimes even if you were friends before they were using… It's not your responsibility to help. It's just a matter of time, ime. One night equals 2 then a week and so on. Next a key
Friends don't take advantage of friends, and respect other's boundaries.
I also wouldn't have other junkies stay in my home. It actually might be considered enabling, not helping.
You seem to have a big heart, perhaps help those who want to help themselves.
Millions of people need a place to stay
I've been there, I know… been on both sides. I'm an x heroin addict
I had a gun to my head once from letting dealers or other users into my home to sleep on the floor.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

It's important to not let people walk over you, but hospitality is a virtue that I put a lot of value on at the same time. That's also a two way street, though...whenever I'm a guest in someone's home I never bring heat unto them or fuck them over in some way, and people who bring the police to your doorstep are fucking assholes who deserve to have some sensed smacked into them (I know from experience).

 

[CrowetheCat]

Yeah. When I tried setting boundaries/finally kicked them out, they tried treating me like I was a crazy bitch for not letting them stay forever. I'm like "dude... seriously...?"

Every single one of them.

 

[neurotic]

Honestly man I'd rather have 3 loyal to the grave bros than 30 friends

word

and i get what you mean OP, it feels like some times people mistake generosity and kindness for naiveté or stupidity... really grinds my gears

 

[Screaming_Skull]

When I was usin, no way in HELL I would share my shit. Sorry, but pills cost a buncha money, and I was really the only junky in my group of friends, had one person, but wasnt really mooching, we helped each other out...I needed the shit to get through the day, opiates are not like weed, need them to function. I suppose if I had enough, and the person was really sick, I would help them out.

 

[The Doc.]

How long have you been using for? In my experience 75 percent of functional heroin addicts end up just like those "friends" you speak of. The only reason I stayed functional for so many years was because I sold heroin and cocaine and had opiates prescribed to me. Not saying no one can remain functional but it only gets worse over time and being a dealer was something that obviously could've landed me In prison for a long time which of course would have made me no longer a functional member of society. Now I just stick to my scripts so I'm able to continue working full time, going to school along with supporting me and helping my sick mother with no problem. But if I kept using heroin I most likely would've ended up like all my other friends worthless junkie scum.

Keep these idiots out of your home and try to remember there's no such thing as friends in the drug world. I always say theres No such thing as unconditional love, only unconditional need. This is true in a lot of aspects of life in my opinion but This is especially true in the drug world, even more so if its a boyfriend and girlfriend using together. Watch your back and don't stress over the junkies you know it'll only cause you heartache in the end.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

Oh, shit dude, I didn't read your post I just thought you were complaining about them wantin your pills/dope all the time....Stop what you are doing NOW. Do not take pity on these people, The Doc is right THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FRIENDS IN THE DRUG WORLD(maybe in some rare occurances,but I use the word rare) if there real deep in, then they will turn on you in a heartbeat and get you into some SHIT. Do not let these people stay in your house, you will be dragged down to their level, no longer be working because A. They got you into some shit, repeat, they will get you into some shit. Maybe find a couple buds who help you out, but still don't let them stay in your house, unless you REALLY trust them and they have a job...what do you expect letting a buncha druggies into your house? Of course your stuff is gonna come up missing, of course there our going to be fights in the middle of the night...no offense but you sound young and like you are just getting into this(I could be wrong) but don't let them stay, they are taking advantage of you, it is what addicts do ya know? We kinda use each other and we know we do, they have what I want, I have what they want(drugs). Your home is a place to come to after work and enjoy your drugs in peace, not to find the food you bought gone, fights breaking out(that could end up really bad, as in someone being killed) and people stealing your shit. Get everyone out now.

 

[Leegrow]

Umm what junkies aren't mooches??

don't let people mistake your kindness for weakness, i'm sure you've heard that before. it's so true though.

So true, this is the best advice for any 'people pleasers.' I've spent a good part of my life relearning basic social skills I missed growing up (my parents are huge people pleasers and I've had to learn from them to become a stronger person myself, not let people take advantage of you/look at you as kind so he as to be weak). It's not easy but it's good to learn from your mistakes and try not to be too hard on yourself.

Haha I'm a bit high and just went on a bit of a tangent there, but my point is to not let people take advantage of you by establishing yourself as a strong, willful, independent individual. BUT being strong does not mean being a dick. And being strong does not mean having a huge ego.

Much love @op

 

[Screaming_Skull]

LOL,Leegrow that is true, even when off shit the mooch part hasn't left me I don't think....there are responsbile junkies but I guese it's in our blood too mooch? Or maybe I was just born a moocher.

 

[Leegrow]

LOL,Leegrow that is true, even when off shit the mooch part hasn't left me I don't think....there are responsbile junkies but I guese it's in our blood too mooch? Or maybe I was just born a moocher.

IDK about you but I learned to mooch over my lifetime. It's only a matter of time until you become one yourself, if you're hanging out with people who are constantly begging. "Lemme get a cigarette man!" "Ay yo can I hit that [weed]?" "Ayyy my boy, ay you got a dollar bro?"

Happens to everyone you're not alone @op. Even mooches get mooched on, it's a cycle

Oh yea @Screaming_Skull I got banned from Opiophile until I turn 18 lol.

 

[itsonlyme123]

I have a soft spot for my fellow junkies. Some of them are super fun to hang around and party with. Unfortunately, when push comes to shove, a portion of them try to overstay their welcome, borrow lots of money, or even steal from me. I remember at my last apartment, so many people tried to live there rent-free. I couldn't have it; I work for a living, I can't have my landlord seeing a bunch of people living in my apartment, and many of them stole from stores frequently. So naturally, they got pretty pissed when I had to kick them out after a week or so.

I kind of wish that some people would just respect boundaries. Maybe I am just too soft. I love hanging out with using friends, but once you have your own place, it's like everyone wants it without having to work for it like I did. I try to help however I can, but I can't just let them live there! One of my family friends made that mistake. He let a few of his junkie friends with an affinity for robbing houses live with him. Next thing he knew, they got caught and dimed on him saying he was the one who did it. His house got searched, and now he's going to prison.

Have you guys experienced using friends who make a habit of using you? Man. I mean, it makes for some awkward friendships. I know some people don't think there's such a thing as a "functioning addict," but I consider myself to be just that. I've basically stopped hanging out with most addicts excepting family and my boyfriend. I keep the other relationships distant and focused only on the business aspect of the lifestyle. Otherwise I get people calling me at 3 AM wanting to stop by, people getting into loud and vicious fights in my kitchen, etc.

I mean, man, addicts can be a violent bunch. I try to show them love with food and a few hours of hanging out. Next thing I know I am roped into a month-long fest of "when will they leave?"

You need to get out of being a soft touch because ime it ends up being the soft touch who is the bad one when you won't let "mates" in at 2 am. The story never gets told as they have done it to you umpteen times before, neighbours complained about being woke up by them shouting at your window etc. instead it's get told as you wouldn't help out a mate in a bind.

 

[The Doc.]

LOL,Leegrow that is true, even when off shit the mooch part hasn't left me I don't think....there are responsbile junkies but I guese it's in our blood too mooch? Or maybe I was just born a moocher.

Its human nature to want to look out for ourselves. Its also human nature to try to find the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort.

Like I said there's no such thing as unconditional love. Only unconditional need.

 

[CrowetheCat]

How long have you been using for? In my experience 75 percent of functional heroin addicts end up just like those "friends" you speak of.

I have been using for about a year now. The reason it started so much drama was that my meth-using boyfriend (I do H, he does meth) was the one who would let them in and make me look like the bad guy for having to kick them out. Now that my lease is up and I'm looking for a new place, I'm ditching the boyfriend because, even though he's promised me a million times, I know he'll let more crazies hang with us. I've tried to drill into him "keep it a business relationship." Just doesn't work. So I told him, no, we can't live together anymore.

I now no longer plan to let any of them know where I live except for my closer friends/family.

 

[Felonious Monk]

I now no longer plan to let any of them know where I live except for my closer friends/family.

That is an excellent idea.

TophamHat and Doc. had good responses, so I won't get long-winded, but I do want to reiterate what they said. These people are not really your "friends." They would likely steal from you if given the chance and rat you out if push came to shove. If they're really your friends, they'll be fine meeting in some neutral location, not commandeering your apartment indefinitely.

I've seen it with various groups of people that don't "fit in" in a normal public social setting (for whatever drug or whatever reason). If a space is opened to them, they will make it theirs 24/7, with no respect to anyone or anything.

 

[LilikoiMoon]

My cast of moochers include the 50 yr old cuz who still lives with mom, has a fat cute dog he wants you to ride around, if you give him a ride. His drama is fights with his mom/talk about his dog dragging her butt.

He's gonna pay you back every month, hand to god he is, but he never does.

Oh the others are characters, too. Mooching any way they can ... smokes, a few $ , meds, etc.
You never get paid back, ever.

Their company is fun, though, so free entertainment kinda makes up for mooching.

 

[Smoky]

Ohhh, the moochers. It's tough. I live with 2 roommates and 1 is deep in it right now. It's a healthy practice setting boundaries.
Not easy though, especially with a friendship history