Anyone else have 2 faced parents

[watermellon]

I'm not very good at expressing myself over the computer so bare with me

Ok here's the deal. Im 21 years old, live at home with my parents and younger bro. Recovering heroin addict and on low dose of bupe. I've been getting my shit together since getting on subs, went back to school to get my cdl (starting job after new years), made amends with the ppl i fucked over while i was strung out. you get the picture. My parents were the ones that suggested i get on subs to clean my act up. Since i don't have a job they are the ones paying for it, I am VERY grateful for that BUT Now here's the fucked up part.

They hold it over my head for everything. How fucked up is that? Its all a power play on their part. Just about every day i hear something along the lines of "blank blank blank......were the ones paying for your subs" holding it over my head to try and make me feel bad. Then they'll say something like we just want you to get better and will do everything we can. I have bipolar depression as it is. What their doing is basically like bullying. as if i don't already have enough of my own problems i get this to deal with on top of it. Heres another example. Take my birthday for example (i usually dont even ask for anything) But they just HAVE to say your subs are your presents, which im happy for but its just the way they say it, like there resentful of me.

Can anyone relate? like how fucked is it that im trying to better myself and i get nothing but shit from them and feel degraded on how im costing them soooo much money when it was their idea in the 1st place to get me on subs.

I could see if i did nothing around the house and sat on my ass all day but i do literally everything i can to help my parents. Got all the fire wood for the year, split it and stacked it, mow the grass all summer and other yard work, clean the house while their at work. But in their eyes in there exact words "you don't do anything around the house" really, fucking really. All summer the only thing my bro did was weed eat the yard 2 times all summer and both times my mom asked him to do it he fucking gave her hell about it. Couldn't even mow the lawn once, and yet according to them im the one that does nothing around here. He can sit on his ass all day smoke weed and sell weed out of my parents house and he can do no wrong.

I'm inches from telling them to eat a fucking bullet. I cant wait till the 1st of the year when i start my new job. Anyone else have to deal with dr jeckyl mr hyde type parents

end of rant

EDIT its mostly my mom who says this shit. I really don't know why she does it other than so she can feel like she has power over me. like oh if i don't get your meds you'll go dopesick. What a sick fuck.

Im moving my ass out as soon as i can afford a down payment on an appt. I'd still like to have a relationship with her but not right now shes dead as far as im concerned

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

They're paying out loads of money for your drug treatment whilst you're living in their house, suck it up man.

Sure it sounds a bit funny they would feel the need to bang on about it and it would probably wind me up too, but all the time you're in that situation they're entitled to say what the fuck they like really. Sure, the situation sounds a bit unfair in relation to your brother, but you're 21....their house their rules and all that, you can leave any time.

Maybe sit down and explain how you feel? Explain that the constant reminders are getting you down and that you really appreciate the help you are receiving but it's starting to get to you and you're feeling a negative impact on your recovery process. Maybe it will help them think again about what they are saying and consider that it's counter-productive? Communication is the key.

 

[watermellon]

Yea but it was their idea to get on subs. i could see if it was my idea but its not. I told them hundreds of times i will pay them back, which i still plan on doing. And its not alot of money either with ins it comes out to less than 100 a month. Talking to them is like a brick wall (mainly my mom) always has always will be. It's not just me Most of my moms family wont even talk to talk to her. She has sisters that she hasn't spoke to in over 20 years. she has her own problems that she refuses to work on while im trying to work on mine.

Its not just the sub issue she been like this my whole life, control freak, thats why most of her family hasn't talked to her in years

Either way its not a way to treat your son who already has bi polar depression and whos working on getting back to normal

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Well that's a seperate issue then really.

When it comes down to it, their house their rules, if you don't like it fuck off somewhere else. Personally I would hope that my parents would be more understanding but you might just have to face up to the fact that your parents simply aren't going to be like that, sometimes you have to accept people for who they are.

 

[watermellon]

yea i realize that you cant change people. sure sucks that its the woman who gave birth to me. Too god damned stubborn to listen to anyone. Maybe she'll change her ways but i doubt it seeing she hasn't in 20 years. I'm pretty sure my dads gonna split after my bro graduates this year.

 

[engineercchad]

I read this and I can't help but to notice: yea, you're at their house at 21 and recovering from addiction. It's HUMAN NATURE to use that as a tool to attempt to control people, it would seem.

Addicts deflect the focus on them by placing it on others. Others will happen to deflect any focus on them and their f*d uppedness by deflecting it to somewhere else. What's more convenient and more lowly in the eyes of society than a drug addict? (Notice I say that. I would call myself the same thing, clean 19 months now but, ... "once an addict always an addict" as they say).

It's tough to deal with, sure. Be thankful that you have some people willing to help you out, nobody is entitled in this world to a damn thing.

Other than that, hang in there, keep your chin up and get yourself right for you, not for favor in your people's eyes, for a place to stay, not even for getting the financial taken care of for your subs but for you and the better life you'll live for you while being clean for you, etc. etc. Life is full of non-ideal situations, it's up to us how we respond to those situations.

 

[herbavore]

Having been there (parent of a son addicted to a drug) I will readily admit that we all made mistakes, we all acted badly at times(myself included), said and did the wrong things. But there were also all the times when we did the right things, said things and did things that were hard for us personally but we did them anyway and we did them selflessly for each other. Families are a muddle of personalities without addiction. Throw addiction in and you have layers more of a mess to wade through. Each person is best served by open communication without anger and resentment. That is a tall order for most family members. Catinthehat gave you some great advice about how to sit down and start the conversation with what you do appreciate before launching into what your parents are doing that is hard for your recovery. I would take it one step further and suggest that you ask to go to one session of family counseling where you have an impartial mediator there to help when feelings collide and tempers flare (almost inevitable when people are being accused of something detrimental when they think they are helping). As far as your bipolar goes, maybe suggest a family-to-family class by NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness). They can be very empowering for families simply through education and support.

Bottom line: own your recovery no matter what life circumstances you are in. It's for you. It sounds like you are making great progress and you should be proud of yourself for that. Consider that improving your relationship with your family is also a part of becoming healthy and it will serve you well in your life long after they are gone.

 

[BZboo]

Although I don't live with my parents, I do know what it is like to feel as if your parents aren't on your side. When I was going through addiction I felt pretty alone and eventually did get clean on my own, but desperately wanted something even if it was just a phone call from my parents. Just try to ignore it as much as possible, it's really shitty having a fucked up relationship with your mom, but right now your sobriety is pretty important and unfortunately you need your parents to get your drug treatment which is expensive. Once you get your job start paying for your own subs and see if that doesn't change things. Honestly, if you can't talk to your parents at this point in your life it maybe too late to try and form a deep and meaningful relationship. The good news is that once you leave their house you are completely in control of what type of relationship you want to have with them.

 

[methyldreams]

yes i do!! as much as i hate to admit it but your parents do really shape you for adult hood... children are the most easily conditioned people on this earth, its sad cause all the bad fucks out there but its true you can condition a child to do whatever

 

[MissBehavin'_416]

My parents think that if they ignore some things they aren't really there. I don't understand those 2 people at all. I am so different than my family, it's ridic.
Do you get the difference between being on drugs and subs? You keep saying "but it was their idea". How did you get the money for dope anyway?
Tough it out a little longer and move out. No one can tell you shyte when you're on your own. Repay your mom so she doesn't have this on you for the rest of your life. Its not that much money, really. When I was on it, it was $10 a day.