Misc Question about Paradoxal Effects

[cay]

Note: I am clean because NOTHING works right for me, oh and for a heads up I was on Opiates for over 8 years before getting clean 3 months ago. Amphetamines for childhood adhd (misdiagnosed maybe since I'm bipolar manic), benzos for about 4 years for anxiety related to the opiates (not joking), been drinking for over a decade and smoking pot for about 14 years (when I was younger a lot because it's what my friends and family did, older because even if it makes me feel fucked up for a night in all the wrong ways, I still wake up a lot of the time feeling refreshed, or maybe the fact I'm just a moron that's a mutton for punishment I haven't decided yet).

Opiates: I suffer from Opiate-Induced Hyperalgesia (this only happened after a few years of taking opiates, by the end of my 6 year run I seriously started considering that I was doomed because it's not like a "little more" pain but more like turning a spot light on and saying "hey you weren't feeling anything before here's a nice 8/9/10 to make you scream. Shooting Diluaded was so totally worth it).
- Fentanyl: Makes my heart beat at almost 300bpm the last SEVERAL times I have taken it, my doctor fought me on taking me off of that till I came in wearing a patch and he took my pulse and was like "oh shit".

Amphetamines: Meth: I started nodding out (something I almost never do on opiates unless I hard black out), so I did a shot and started looping in circles then passed out a few hours later. Ritalin: I went from hypomanic to mild mannered to depressed to 2-3hours later passed out and slept for 15 hours. Adderal (Generic Name: Amphetamine): Now this one made me feel like the king of the world to the point I think it trigged a full blown manic attack because I started planning on how to take over the world.

Benzodiazepines: Ativan & Xanax: Turns me into an aggressive dick, doesn't help with anxiety and I honest to god have no idea why anyone would want to take these. Oh I get panic attacks and I mean for "needed purpose" I totally could understand taking these if they worked for you but seriously could someone explain what I am supposed to feel when I take a 4mg xanax bar? Or shoot 2mg Ativan, I will say I do eventually pass out like 2 hours after taking an extremely high dose of either but till then I just turn into a huge dick.

I doubt paradoxical but (please don't get caught up on this):
Pot: Not one you expected to see on this list eh? I've been smoking you for 14 years I vomit every time I do pretty much can barely breath and start having to count my breaths or I pass out because I've stopped breathing (no joke). I become extremely introverted and I hate the world around me. Don't know if this is really paradoxical but everyone is like "oh you just need to smoke more" and I'm like "what the fuck dudes, why would I smoke more when I freaking hate the drug?".

I thought with paradoxical effects it usually was only ONE drug that was paradoxical, so someone please explain this to me.

I think I could fill a book on how I should be dead/my body doesn't make sense compared to conventional wisdom. I will add this one thing I'm BiPolar type 1 with Manic Depressive episodes and I may actually be ADHD but I don't know I think it's more bipolar fog + hypomania that makes me think I'm ADHD. Don't know if paradoxial effects with medication is common with bipolar or not since there is almost no literature connecting the two (so my guess is not) ADHD would explain the amphetamines but I have so few ADHD symptoms it's hard for me to believe that (I can sit in one place bored out of my mind for hours without getting the impulse to get up for example, however I have very little impulse control). Oh I should mention I'm a tad hypomanic this fine xmas morning.

 

[AbqDave]

Physiological effects (eg on GABA or DA receptors) interact with psychological effects (the way you use your brain/mind to deal with stress.) To give an example. Some people use denial or dissociation to deal with stress. Denial meaning, ignoring the facts; dissociation meaning, ignoring your emotions. Benzo's work great for people like this. On the other hand, if you use your brain to work through stress, for example by rationalizing things, you're gonna hate benzo's. Just depends on how comfortable you are turning your brain off.

Part of what makes it so darn difficult to wrap your head around bipolar disorder is that, likewise, it's a combination of brain chemicals and psychology. In some people, it's 80% brain chemicals and 20% just trying to cope with it. In other people it's the opposite. Considering the broad range of chemicals that cause paradoxical reactions in you, makes me wonder if you're not one of the 80% biological guys.

You don't have to re-invent the wheel, there's a ton of information out there on what chemicals seem to work with Bipolar I. Most are boring, legal, and expensive but if you're after the holy grail (drugs that improve the quality of life) that's where to look. By the same token, if I'm right, you wouldn't likely get a whole ton out of psychotherapy without the right medicine. I mean, we all need opportunities for psychological and spiritual growth but I think you have to consider the possibility that these are just the cards that were dealt to you. That you're living with a disability and the challenge ahead is to make the most out of your life, sort of like the 1999 Miss America who had to learn to live with juvenile diabetes.

Don't forget, that gorgeous stupid cheerleader you went to high school with is going to be a miserable drunk alcoholic by the time she's 40. You, on the other hand, have the opportunity to live authentically, if you have enough gumption. Meanwhile, take care of your brain chemicals. Treat them like you want to be treated: gently, with patience and understanding.

 

[cay]

AbqDave I just wanted to say that was an awesome answer and I thank you quite a bit for it.

 

[HdoubleODeezy]

^ I agree!

 

[Erikmen]

Some people use denial or dissociation to deal with stress. Denial meaning, ignoring the facts; dissociation meaning, ignoring your emotions. Benzo's work great for people like this. On the other hand, if you use your brain to work through stress, for example by rationalizing things, you're gonna hate benzo's. Just depends on how comfortable you are turning your brain off.

Exactly. Never really had seemed it like that, but it does make a lot of sense.

 

[black kat]

^^I cant top AbqDaves answer,i think he made a great point!

All i want to add is that indeed you should consider giving "recreational" drugs a break,and try focusing on finding a "functional" mood stabilizer of some sort!

Happy holidays!!