will i ever fully integrate all the tripping i did

[BenzosBudOrBooty]

I had like 20 mushroom trips and 10 acid trips and a couple DMT trips and a mescaline trip in a year and a half. Some crazier than others. 7 months since I've tripped....5 months completely sober from all drugs...I can notice myself integrating the trips so rapidly still every single day. I'm not crazy but when I came into recovery I was in tunnel vision and now my horizons have been broadened to a greater spectrum of vision towards my perception of reality....like I'm not any longer tunneled vision but now my perception is wider. I feel I've gained such insight through sobriety thanks to the trips I'm integrating, but I still have much work to do. My brain is still tight, and I'm hoping for it to "loosen" up. Or at least the HPPD/flashbacks to go away. They have gotten better but I heard they could last as long as 7 years (is there any truth to that?). I'm trying to make sobriety a mission and at the same time benefit from the integration I will still gain, but I definitely think I overdid it this time around. I wasn't one to get "fucked up" from hallucinogens, but moreso hoping to get a transformation to benefit my life/creativity/other things. Which I feel I can make at this point. Hard to explain, but I think some know what I'm saying.

I don't think hallucinogens truly make you more creative but they can change your insight/increase psychic awareness, which I still hope to accomplish. My dream is to double major in theology and psychology and study magicka/tarot/astrology and become a spiritual psychologist. Which I believe I can accomplish at this point as long as I stay sober. Well that's enough of me. I hope you guys can be responsive. Thanks.

And don't shit on my dreams! Moreso respond to what i'm saying about the drooogs I speak of. That's all peeeeeace.

 

[Mysterie]

to me integrating psychedelic experience is usually best done straight after a trip, when all the revelations and experiences are still fresh.

usually all the magical stuff that happens in a trip fades from peoples experience one the drug wears off, or soon after.

but it can be an impetus for some to seriously become a spiritual seeker, and start doing spiritual practices daily and looking into different traditions for answers. because at the peak of a trip its like you can see what the potential of life can be to some extent, so you can be disillusioned with what everyone takes to be reality.

i agree with the idea of sobriety, probably a good idea given the HPPD.

i don't think you can expect your past trips to grant you the things you are asking of them. but they can help you to want to start to wake up and smell the flowers if you will.

 

[BenzosBudOrBooty]

to me integrating psychedelic experience is usually best done straight after a trip, when all the revelations and experiences are still fresh.

usually all the magical stuff that happens in a trip fades from peoples experience one the drug wears off, or soon after.

but it can be an impetus for some to seriously become a spiritual seeker, and start doing spiritual practices daily and looking into different traditions for answers. because at the peak of a trip its like you can see what the potential of life can be to some extent, so you can be disillusioned with what everyone takes to be reality.

i agree with the idea of sobriety, probably a good idea given the HPPD.

i don't think you can expect your past trips to grant you the things you are asking of them. but they can help you to want to start to wake up and smell the flowers if you will.

Wow good post. I like the word "impetus" in context of becoming a spiritual seeker, which I definitely think has happened to me, even before I stopped tripping.

Yeah I remember the one time I did Mescaline I was very creative on the drug but not as much when I was off.

I'm trying sobriety completely. Trying this whole AA process, recovery, cleaning up my life. But still will never regret my drug using, and tripping days. I also was an avid fan of alcohol.

I just feel it's time to get my life completely straight. I never smoked weed until I was 18 and tripped when I was 19. Now I'm 24. My parents are fairly understanding and realized I kind of "missed out" on high school and let me waste away my days of young adulthood as I was very uncorrupted before I started using drugs. But now it's time to buckle down and make something of myself.

Thanks for your post.

 

[Solipsis]

I agree with Mysterie and I think that if you calm down your lifestyle and gain more balance including a lot of sobriety that will enable you to catch up a little with the integration. Your brain/mind is wired to look for stability / homeostasis. As long as you keep looking for answers and solutions elsewhere, you counter that self balancing effect.
Sure, trips can act as catalyst for personal growth, development and insights... and it can show you peace, but when you come down you will have to realize yourself that it is right in front of you, and not always beyond the horizon.

I personally like that I don't 'need' to trip and do so rarely... but that I haven't lost the possibility to do it once in a while. I almost never go super deep anymore. I am interested in trying new materials, and for very special occasions I am certainly planning to go on a mescaline vision quest, and perhaps oral DMT, etc.

Good luck.