feeling hopeless and very overwhelmed

[bigheartlittlehope]

Hi everyone,

I just created an account and have come here to have people to talk to about what is going on. I am trying to get all of my emotions out right now, I feel like I am bottoming out in life. I am so sorry to type so much, just need to get it all out. Please don't judge me, I feel so much regret for some of my actions.

I am currently feeling almost completely hopeless and have been for a long time now. I have a close friend I talk to about things but my problems have become such a part of my life that I find myself hiding from friends and being embarrassed to open up about anything anymore because I feel like a burden and an unhealthy friend for someone to have. To start, I am in my mid 20s and still live with my parents.

Background: Growing up, I always had a tough time making friends and learning. For some reason, a lot of things just didn't seem to click with me like they did with other people. In class I would always just space out and never pay attention. My dad was always super busy with work but he would spend time with me and my sister when he was home. My mom was who I spent most of my time with growing up. My issues making friends came from social anxiety. At an early age I struggled with confidence. My parents never set me up with any opportunities to gain confidence in social situations and I was bullied at times which took a toll over the years. For many years (junior high, high school particularly), I was told I could not see any of my friends. The friends I would make at school would invite me to play baseball at the park or invite me over to hang out and 9/10 times my moms answer would be "no." If I asked why, I wouldn't get an answer. If I got upset or continued to ask why, I was grounded for 2 weeks and any word coming out of my mouth would increase it. I was grounded my entire freshman year of highschool, the entire year. Not allowed to go out or anything. My weekends and free time became sitting in the corner of my moms office while she was at work or sitting at home by myself playing video games. Too shy to talk to girls, my heart was broken every time the people I sat with at lunch would talk about upcoming dances and girls that they were talking to.

During my junior year, my sister basically told my mom she stole money from her and they got in a huge fight on christmas day. To this day, my parents and sister don't talk. It's like she is not part of my family at all. We drove home that day and I initially thought it was a bad day and that everything would be fine but they still do not talk. Then there was a girl in my math class I started talking to. We had some things in common and she was super nice and cute. She called me to ask if I wanted to go to the movies with her and her friends and I was super excited. My mom told me that in order for her to allow me to go, I would have to show her a picture of the girl in the year book. My mom saw that she was not white and told me "no, you don't know how they live." I had to call the girl back and say my mom wouldn't let me. She never talked to me again and my love life remained non existant. Fast forward to senior year and I was able to participate in the state tournament for the sport I had been training years for. I had wanted to go to prom so bad but with no girls in my life and having just made a new group of friends, it was not possible. The state tournament for my sport was the best feeling in the world, finally feeling like I had confidence.

This was when things actually got way worse. I met a girl at the end of my senior year who was beautiful. Finally my first girl and I was crazy about her. We would text all day long and flirt and we really became close. Growing up I always thought that when you meet a girl you like you need to go for it so I asked her on a date and was turned down. She gave me an excuse and made it sound like she was interested though. So I asked her out another 3 times over the rest of the summer and each time it was the same thing, an excuse and a long text that would lead me to believe it was legit and that she liked me. When the summer ended, nothing more than text and a few group hangouts had occurred but I wanted her to know I liked her. I told her and she said she liked me too but "why didn't you make a move?" which is what she told all of our friends. I thought asking her on dates was good enough and didn't understand. Going into college, I had a broken heart and I started to feel depressed every day after all of my efforts with that girl failed. I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with a girl.

So college rolls around and I am trying to talk to girls and nobody is interested. I see good looking guys with girls laughing and smiling all around them at parties but when I would try to mingle with a new girl, her interest was never there. I didn't know what I was doing wrong and it ate me alive all throughout college. Always the same ordeal. My first dance experience in college had me so excited and feeling hopeful. Immediately upon arriving at the dance, she ditched me for a senior guy who she started dating. They were facebook official the day after the dance. After thinking I had finally made it big and gotten a girl to go to a dance with me, I found myself sitting alone for 3 hours while all my friends danced with their dates on the dance floor. Single girls were not interested and I kept getting turned down for dances. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and blamed myself for not being good enough or interesting enough for them. 2 years into college, the girl I was talking to at the end of my senior year started talking to me again. It was the same thing, she led me on for several months and ended things by texting me "this is all your fault, I am not going to talk to you about it, I know this is sad, goodbye" and blocked my number. I was devastated. After all this time, I had her back in my life and she kept leading me on and telling me she liked me and that gave me so much hope. I was so stressed that I couldn't perform even half of what I was used to doing in practice. After struggling for months, I quit the team and started drinking/smoking weed to help me escape from feeling so lonely. I was able to hear from this girl several months later because she wanted to apologize but after making plans with me 4 times and ditching me last minute each time, she settled for text. She later told me "sorry, nice guys finish last." At the time, it was a harsh statement but I guess after all of my failure in love, I can see that it is 100% true.

Parties, social events, anything that involves lots of people or any amount of girls would make me feel alone and worthless. I feel like as soon as a girl looks at me she is not attracted and has already turned me down. It's been a couple years since college and I still live with my parents. My life is a mess.

I had a job for a year and a half and quit earlier this year. Have been unemployed for nearly a year now. I have spent almost all of my savings account on weed/alcohol/sex. I feel so traumatized by what happened with that girl. I have been rejected so many times and I just can't see myself ever feeling a girl's love. At first I started watching a lot of porn, camming with random people online to watch each other naked. Anything possible to feel like I was attractive. Not ever kissing or feeling anyone close to me has made me desperate. I have hooked up with people on craigslist about a dozen times now and it's been very sketch on a few occasions. Mostly I just have unprotected oral but on a couple of times there was penetration with a condom (only 3 times). I am so scared I have an std or HIV. My most recent stint was when I was drunk and went to a sex shop to look around. There was a guy in the parking lot who immediately offered me a cig and started talking to me. He was fucked up and ended up asking me to go back to his place, and being irresponsible and not caring for my well-being anymore, I said yes. He lived in an alleyway behind some huge steel door in a makeshift apartment type setup. Very sketch. He told me he was clean, as every does but I am especially scared because some of the oral was rough and there was a cut on my penis after, which scabbed. I am completely straight but being vulnerable and not having any dating success left me with only guys as a choice for hooking up. I regret it so much. I also got a very small red bump after receiving oral on a different occasion. It appeared immediately afterwards and doesn't hurt, is very small, and cannot be popped. Not sure what it is but it never went away and has not changed in appearance/size/feel. The reason I am so scared about getting an STD test is because I have read that some take up to 8 months to diagnose and it's going to eat me alive until I know for sure whether I am clean or not. My other guilty pleasure in moments of depression has been to go to a local massage parlor where the girls give me erotic massages. Kills my wallet and also leaves me feeling disgusted and guilty afterwards.

I feel like my sex life has been destroyed. I feel so lonely that I keep making these mistakes to keep myself feeling somewhat attractive. Over the past 6 months I have been drinking about 3-5 nights a week (5-6 beers each sitting). I also smoke anywhere from 3-8 gravity bongs (out of a water bottle) a day over the past 3 years. My lungs and chest have recently been feeling cramped at times behind the rib, nothing too painful but enough for me to be paranoid about. My relationship with my parents has been distant. With all of the emotional stress when I was younger and fights with my mom over being grounded for no reason and being denied friends, I never build a strong connection and it just seems too late at this point.

I am so stressed every day and so lonely. I know I can give up drinking without too much trouble but when I don't smoke I bottom out with my depression. I feel like I want to cut myself to stop my head from hurting and from the bad memories of that girl that led me on. I don't know if I have post traumatic stress disorder but there hasn't been a day I haven't felt pain over losing her and the bad memories take over my mind at anytime of day no matter what I am doing. I can't enjoy bowling, watching tv, etc. Anything I do I think of her and it cripples me. I feel like I am no good for girls. I pace my house and talk to myself sometimes for 30 minutes at a time when it gets bad. I don't know if I am losing my mind or what is going on. I just need friends and help. I have been to about 4 different doctors and tried some meds but none of that helped. I constantly lie to my parents about where I go each night so that I can smoke and drink. I've been unemployed for so long that nobody wants to hire me. Last week I met a cute girl at the store and I started talking to her and throwing myself out there because it had been so long. She took my number and said she would text me because I asked her out to lunch. Never heard back and that was 8 days ago.

I am a mess and need help. feeling like my youth/opportunities are gone and my lack of social skills and dating experience have made even talking to a girl one of my biggest fears. I stutter in my words and show signs of nervousness but I can't help it. No girls are going to give me a chance and I need to stay high to cope with it. Looking back on the past few years of my life, I have not done 1 thing to help myself transition into the adult world and my memories are all blurry because of all the smoking (sometimes 8 gravity bongs in 1 day). I have no story, no accomplishments, no dating memories.

I'm concerned about my mental health. The stress over the years has been so overwhelming and now my chest is cramping up (goes away if i move my arm back so idk if that means it's a muscle) and I talk to myself a lot just to get things out. I don't want psychosis or schizo and I'm scared. Getting high recently has led me to believe that people don't give a shit about me. I can be as nice as possible and show a girl I am a good guy but in the end I am going to get taken advantage of or lied to. I feel like people don't care in this world. I also feel like I have no purpose or reason to be here sometimes. It's like my only purpose is to spend my whole life trying to prove I am better than other guys so that I can attract a girl to build a family with but unless you have good genes that allow you to be tall and confident and have lots of facial hair you just don't stand a chance. It's easy for guys who have girls all over them growing up to be confident but for guys that constantly get turned down and lied to, it's hopeless. I find myself not wanting to be here anymore.

I'm so sorry to have typed so much but I am really feeling like I can't struggle through this much longer. Most of this stuff especially the sex part has been kept to myself and is eating me alive. I feel so much regret and emptiness.

 

[fizzymk]

All I can say is, take a look around when you are out in public, not everyone is tall, good looking, in fact most people are average or less than, yet alot of them still find GFs, wives, etc.

I cant say much about the rest, Im 40 yrs old now, but all my life, I have always felt more comfortable around females, got along with them better, and when I meet new ones, I make friends pretty quickly, Im one of those guys who could care less about ALL sports, so its actually tough for me to make male friends, I do have a couple, but in general, I like hanging out with females better.

I never really had any problems finding a GF or getting a date, but I will say, back in my late teens, early 20s when the group I was running with, we smoked alot of pot, drank, acid, shrooms, etc. and whenever I smoked pot, I would get this paranoid/ nobody likes me secretly type feeling, even if I knew for a fact the people I was with DID like me and WERE TRULY friends, something about pot made me question this...made me look at them different, start to get mad, distrust everything they said and did!! I hated feeling like this and wondered why i was the only one that really did not enjoy getting high from pot.

But nowadays, while I still talk to and hang out with females, getting or having a GF or wife is FAR from my mind

<snip>

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey big and a warm welcome to BL

You seem to have significant social anxiety. This is fully curable. Here is my take on it. I suffered from for a long time, now I suffer no more.

In order to work through this we need to identify and accept our morals and values. By morals I mean how do YOU need to act for YOU. By values I just mean what do YOU value. This ends up coming down to identifying and accepting the correct way for YOU to behave based of what YOU believe and finding what YOU value. The answers to these questions can be found by searching your heart for these answers and then realizing that only you know how you need to act and whats important to you. Its not what your parents said, what your religion says, what your teachers said was the correct way to behave and what was important and good. Your own morals and values can be similar or contain aspects of all these sources, but they really come from a deep place in you. You will need to identify how YOU need to act and what YOU value. Then you will need to accept these as the absolute correct way you need to behave and the values that you want and need to strive for, search out and promote in your life.

When we lose of fail to develop our morals and values we end up placing the morals and values of others over our own. This causes us to place the opinions of others above our own. Because of this we experience social anxiety, shyness, feeling we are constantly being judged, awkwardness, trouble moving fluidly or conversing well with people especially strangers and people we really respect.

The reason for all this is that since we have placed what other people think above what we think is we now need their approval and acceptance to tell us we are behaving correctly and we determine if what we value has value based on if others value it or not. So the reason we are shy and worry about talking or engaging with others is that we dont know if they will approve of the way we act or who we are. We can be hesitant to tell other people about what we do or what we love as we are not sure what they will think of it.

This can make relationships very difficult because we can have a very hard time approaching people as if they would reject us, then since we determine our value of what they think we would feal that we are rejects. Also since we base our worth and determine the value of the life we are living of the opinions of others we can require and seek out constant praise and be utterly devastated by any forum or criticism. The criticism can be absolutely devastating especially if its from someone we respect or admire.

The reason strangers can be so difficult for us to deal with is we don't know if they will like or approve of us. We need them to approve of us so we can approve of ourselves.

The reason movements and interaction can be so hard and awkward and feel that all eyes are on us and every word and movement is being judged is because we are judging our every movement and word on the reaction of other people. This is why picking out something to ware to a social event can be so nerve racking, because instead of picking something we like, we try and ware something we think the people there will like.

So what you need to do is determine what is the corect way for YOU to act for YOU and accept this as the right way for YOU to act.
You also need to identify and determine what YOU value.

When we identify the correct way for us to act and act this way then we no longer need the approval of others to indicate we are behaving in the correct way. If we no longer need the approval of others what they think or say about the way we behave looses all power and just becomes what it was all along, their opinion. We are no longer shy as we dont really care what the fuck they think. When we identify and cultivate whats important to us then we no longer care what other people think or say about what we know is important to us. Their opinions no longer have any power over us. The thought of other people not liking us or not thinking what we think is cool is cool no longer causes us any anxiety.

Follow your heart it knows who you are, how you need to act, what's important to you, and where you need to go. Fuck what other people think and say. Everybodys always spouting off that they know exactly whats important and how we should act... thats nonsense, they don't even know who we are, where we need to go, or how we need to get there.

I would get a job and place a huge distance between you and your parents. Without any negative judgment they do not seem to be emotionally or intellectually healthy individuals and seem to have influenced you in a negative manor. I would run instead of walking. The fact that you value what others think more than yourself is the reason they can control you. Get a job and save up and voyage off in search of your own life.

Confidence is kryptonite to women. Figure out who you are and belive in yourself and the positive result is a foregone conclusion.

I truely am sorry hearing your struggles We have to find ourselves before anyone can find us. We have to love ourselves, before anyone can love us.

 

[fizzymk]

neversickanymore...sorry about that portion of my reply.

to the OP, I wanted to reply regarding how you feel you are so nice yet women reject you...this is one of those crazy things when it comes to females, I didnt understand or believe this back when I was younger, I thought nearly all women would rather date and/or be with guy who were basically nice to them, but I found out, even the nicest clean cut girls seem to be more attracted to guys that treated them like shit...Im not a violent person, never have been, I dont think I could ever get so pissed I would hit anyone, especially a female, but this one girl I dated, she told me the BF she had before me had basically attacked her one night, threw her down some stairs, and she didnt really seem to be completely over this guy...I didnt really care though, I knew she was a short term GF, and just enjoyed my time with her while it lasted, she ended up marrying the guy though.LOL I still dont understand this, seems kind of fucked up to me, but what can I do!?

I will tell you this, just like NSA said above, CONFIDENCE is the key...I dont care if you are the most un-confident guy out there, if you go in and fake it to them, in most cases, they will respond positively...Its all about how you carry yourself when you are around them, and when you do ask them out, act like the date is a given, act like you already know shes going to accept and asking is just a formality...in fact, after you ask her somewhere, dont even wait for for to respond, go on about where you want the 2 of you to go, something fun you know she would absolutely love, shit like that.

I also agree with NSA about getting FAR away from your parents...in middle and high school is where most guys learn social skills and skills relating to dating, talking to, dating girls, it seems your parents really did you a dis-service in this regard, but thats over, nothing you can do about that now, just realize that and become your own person from now on, and try to forget about all the bad shit.

My parents were not the greatest, my mom died from a drug OD back in 1988 ( when I was 14 yrs old), my dad has an important Govt job, so he is always traveling or busy, it doesnt bother me, our only fights are about my drug use ( which I do understand his concern), but I do remember times in middle school my parents tried to be kind of over protective, trying to ground me a few times, but i did not listen, went out anyway, did what I wanted, it got to the point after my mom died, my dad just gave up and knew I was drinking, doing drugs with friends, so he started to tell me to just call him and let him know I was not coming home for the night and to make sure I was at a friends house, he knew I was getting drunk/ high, but he knew i was going to do what I wanted no matter what he said.

I do remember my first sex encounter with this 14 yr old neighborhood girl, I was 13 at the time, one of her friends came up to our yard and told me shannon wanted me to come down to the woods at the bottom of our street, at the time, I wanted to have sex, but was worried about looking un-experienced, when her friend came to my yard to tell me this, my dad heard her, and told me to get in the house, I walked around the yard for awhile, thinking what I should do...I decided it was in my best interest to sneak down to the woods, so I went in the house, then out the window, thru some neighbors backyards, and into the woods, glad I did, I got my cherry busted, looking back, I had no clue what I was doing, but lucky for me, I was not this girls first time, so she knew what to do...I cant remember if my dad ever found out I snuck out or not, but Im still glad I did...sometimes you just have to say fuck it and not listen to your parents.

 

[black kat]

OP,the truth is,the last thing women care about is looks.

Confidence(or lack of) is the first thing ppl notice when interacting with another human being,and for most women(there are exeptions) this applies to the fullest.
Confidence and(even though they deny it) money(yes i said it,money),those two things and you are gold.

Just think about it this way:
Each time you feel anxious and "out of your comfort zone" when meeting or talking to a new female friend,she prolly feels the same way,maybe to an even bigger extent.Its natural,excitement and anxiety are separated by a very thin line.

You prolly heard this one before but the tougher and harder to get a girl acts,the more vulnerable and scared she is on the inside.
Plus,being the guy who is always available has no big success rate.Be interested in them but a little bit aloof too,dont get "out there" too much from the first minute.

***Terrible (but awfully correct) CLICHE coming up***

Theres a saying in my country(will try to translate it as better as i can):
Girls are like stamps,the more you "spit"(spit is a metaphor for ignoring,country slung) the more they stick(with/to you).

No misoginistic bs,just general truths!!

 

[ensta]

Err first and foremost, GET TESTED!

The reason I am so scared about getting an STD test is because I have read that some take up to 8 months to diagnose and it's going to eat me alive until I know for sure whether I am clean or not.

By not getting tested it should really be eating you alive for eternity. Not to mention if it does go anywhere with a girl, then you shouldn't do anything but from the sounds of it you would probably knowingly risk her wellbeing just to get it in. TBH I think you need to man up. Sorry if I am getting the wrong gist from your post but it seems to me like you see women as a means to an end. You have done nothing to help your situation. You might have difficulties talking to girls but at the same time you're making it really hard to not turn you down.

I have no story, no accomplishments

What have you done about it? How do you expect a woman to say yes to an unemployed guy who spends what little money he has on booze, weed and erotic massages. I agree confidence is key but instead of working on giving the impression of confidence, I think you need to work on yourself and it will come naturally.

 

[herbavore]

OP, I will address three things: your parents and your relationship with them, your view of your own desirability and some of what is being said in this thread about women (the old 'nice guys finish last").

Your parents have been over-controlling your life ( I'm sure not from any intentionally abusive place but more from the mistaken trap that we parents can fall into that says control=protection=love). At this point you have given your adult self over to their continued control and that is obviously very unhealthy for you. I agree with neversickanymore that moving out and limiting your visits is the first step you should take. This means getting a job that may be below you and your parents expectations but it's just a means to an end--it doesn't have to define you forever. Working and budgeting your salary will do a lot for changing your spending habits as well as making you feel more in control of your life. Try for a job that provides some social interaction, like a restaurant. Often the relationships that happen at work can be a good bridge when you are isolating yourself otherwise. It's just social enough that you can participate but work remains the central activity.

It sounds like you have never discovered anything outside of the sport you excelled at that you like to do. Is this true or did you just leave it out of your post? Finding things that you are interested in--hiking, cooking, films, an art or music, animals--can lead to meeting people that share those interests. Sharing interests means that often your interactions are focused on the interest first and social interaction second which takes some of the pressure off (I'm thinking of say a cooking class or a volunteer job at the local animal shelter or some other community organization that could use help). Developing your own interests makes you interesting to other people and it builds your own confidence. Sometimes in depression it is hard to even name interests and anxiety can throw a wet towel on taking up new things as well; so you have to be ready to stretch your boundaries out of your comfort zone a little. My advice here is not an overnight solution. You take small steps to get to know your interests and passions, small steps to integrate them into your life, small steps to get better at them or go more deeply into them--eventually you look back and you are not the same person you were when you looked at everything as a daunting and overwhelming feat.

The myth that we women want an asshole for a lover or mate is so false that I can't believe how many times I hear it repeated. Yes women with very low self esteem themselves will often gravitate to a bully. Women who were abused as children also sometimes gravitate towards abuse because they long ago internalized that is all they deserved, not to mention it is all they ever have known and thus holds the added bonus of familiarity. Women want partners that are confident in themselves but arrogance is a turn off for most of us. What I have noticed is that confident people of all shapes and sizes, all levels of physical attractiveness and everything from quiet and shy to jovial and loud, have no trouble attracting partners. Think about the kind of person you would want to be with and then make yourself that person. We all want the same thing: we want to be loved for our imperfect selves. If you can offer that to yourself, others will follow your lead.

 

[baggerr]

I didnt read the whole OP, but I got part of a gist Your parents didnt do you any favors by not letting you go play ball with the guys or go to dances or proms with whom you chose. Thats a head fuck right there. But move forward. In the dating world, men/boys/guys get told no all the time. Being rejected/turned down is a NORMAL part of dating for guys. The trick is to get used to it, not let it bother you. And the more you do it the more you'll get used to it and become more confident when asking. What makes you lack confidence is you are afraid of the rejection because you see it as hurtful, like there is something wrong with you and they do not like you which is usually farthest from the truth.
Just because you like them does not mean they are going to like you and if they dont then its not a match. Dont look at it as you got rejected, look at it as that wasnt a match. Trying to push the issue once you've been turned down will just make things worse. Once they say NO, why would you go back to that person so they can say No AGAIN? Once I've been told no, thats it no means no and I have enough pride and self worth that I'm not going to go back and act desperate and keep asking thinking she'll give in, she wont LOL. Going back for multiple rejections just makes it harder for you, lowers your self esteem and then they see you as desperate, and a stalker because they said no and you're still there Once a girl says NO, do not go back again. But dont be mean or rude, stay friendly They may see something and change their mind later and approach you.
People give a million and 1 reasons why they dont want to go out with you, and a million of those times the excuse is just that some excuse and is almost never the real reason why they are declining. They are just trying to be nice and sugar coat the NO. So dont let whatever reason they give bother you, its just an excuse so dismiss it and accept that they arent interested.
There will be times when a girl you do not like at all will hit you up and you'll turn her down, because she wasnt your type. Everyone is a "type". And everyone has a type that they like or are attracted too, and just as important a type they do NOT like. You are not and never will be everyones type and not every girl will be your type. So when they tell you no for a date, just accept that you are not that persons type and there is nothing wrong with that, instead of feeling rejected like something is wrong with you.
You're a type, I'm a type, she's a type and not all types go with other types. Look at it as not their type instead of not good enough.
I have never lacked on getting dates, and usually good ones, but I have also been told no a bazillion times too, if I had given up on any of those no's I would never have had all the good dates and GFs that I've had. Just a tip, I am just a normal dude, humble, consider myself an average guy, looks wise, not rich, dont have a big fancy job, and I landed the most gorgeous gal I've ever seen. She is definitely a 10+ and this girl will love me until the end of time, she's awesome. My friends tease me all the time, how'd I swing getting her LOL You know how? I wasnt afraid to ask her out on a date. So a plain ole normal working dude can get a great girl. But I didnt find her until after getting married and divorced and was 40.

 

[adrenalinerushes]

i'm a ''cam girl'' and most of the guys i talk to are cool, down to earth, and attractive. i'm sure you're the same way... if not, that's cool too, everyone likes different things/physical attributes and shyness and quirkiness and whatnot.

the guys i encounter are just wanting to get more familiar with females, they ask questions sometimes and do things or say things that they don't say in person and i truly feel that this makes them more confident, knowing a girl won't laugh at them or think they're crazy. the fact that you went online and would cam with girls is a good thing in my opinion. it's a unique way to enhance your familiarity and confidence with women. the internet has opened up a lot of crazy shit but it's also made a big difference in communication and getting to do things or talk about things with people in a way where you don't feel so vulnerable.

this comment only adresses a amall part of your post but i have to say, if you want to learn more about girls, find a cool chick to talk to via cam, and you may be surprised with the outlook it may leave you with. i'm not saying it's the perfect answer to your problems but it's better than risking it with CL girls and sketchy people out of loneliness.


personally i was extremely shy until i explored camming, it helped me to become more confident with myself and my social skills and my sexuality. i think this exploration goes both ways. i was so anxious about what people might think about me, but these places aren't really a place for bullies or people to be mean. if you find the right site i guess. i feel so much more educated and open about sexuality and the other sex in general!

btw i feel the need to say i'm not one of those raunchy cam girls, i mostly like to have conversations and i'm realistic and not trying to just get off for money lol i actually value the connections you can make with people this way.

i hope you feel better and i wish i could offer more advice or insight. hopefully my comment was somewhat helpful. i don't want you to risk getting diseases or gettjng hurt by random people, there are alternatives. also, nothing is wrong with erotic massages, men of all types get these often lol.

i have chatted with artists, doctors, lawyers, and people you wouldn't expect. it's a safe place to be yourself and explore your sexuality and have fun without risks of disease.

again i hope the best for you. you seem like a good person, stay safe.

 

[balea]

Friend, first of all, we love you, no matter what. Regardless of how you look, what you do or whatever, we love you. We support you and are there for you.

You will come to see that this forum is like a family to you and you will get all the help you can.

Know that we are there for you.

Stay safe, take care and just hang in there. It will get better.