SEEDofLIFE
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2014
- Messages
- 8
Hey everyone,
I'm 22, new to Blue Light. been using a variety of things for about 7 years now.
I recently battled with a 6 month H addiction, and finally am happy to say I'm sober. Yet here I am, on blue light because I just want to join the rest of the people who I know feel my pain. I was going to college, studying Graphic Design. I'd rate myself as a pretty good artist, but I'm modest. I was struggling with a meth addiction while in school (snorting it), still making A's and B's on projects (attendance was another story). It was like addy for me, but as the weeks...months went on, I was becoming an ice zombie. Trying to make friends in a new town is so frustrating when all you know how to relate to people is through drugs. I couldn't relate to the bar scene...I'd rather trip, smoke weed or on occasion shoot ice or do H with a friend who I trusted. I wouldn't look like an addict from the outside, maybe a pot head. I'm a relatively good girl, and I enjoy having conversations about life, art, science, the universe and everything.
-------background---------
I think I spiraled out of control when my ex (who got into H 2 years after we had split up), committed suicide. I tried to "reconnect" with some of our old friends back in the day. Of course, they too were gripped by the needle and were crazy fucked on ice. I just joined the party, thinking I was "being smart". You know, clean needles, good friends you trust, and people who can hit your vein the first time. It seems like a no brainer, when your single and alone. We would go long boarding like we used to, talk about everything (for hours :0) and do huge amounts of meth (just one good shot every few days) that it felt like we were rolling like we used to do in high school. Light-gloving, feeling good and I seemed happy. But mourning the loss of our friend through huge amounts of ice, wasn't the best choice I'll admit.
-----------------------------
I finally kicked the ice (along with MDMA, and coke). I never thought I could do it, but I did. It felt good.
Soon enough, me and my current boyfriend began fucking with opiate pills (we formed our relationship while drugs were always around, starting with ice and everything in between). Began with a few vicodin from time to time, and then oxys...and you know how the story goes. To save money we started using Heroin. Things got bad quickly. Surprisingly, no one would know from the outside. I finally had a job I loved at a sushi restaurant, and was making great tips. I looked happy on the outside. Getting high on h became my meth. There is a moment when it flips from a relaxing "take it easy" drug, to an all out upper. I can't even say if I ever went to sleep. I was just taking naps in the middle of the day, in between shifts and doing just enough to get high to fade out of consciousness through the night. Luckily, I wasn't IVing regularly. The H was strong enough (I live close to the border), that we just monkey watered it, and squirted it up our noses (10+ times a day). Our habit got to about $40 a day. The worst part was we drove 50 min one way to get it, almost every other day. The curse of having a job that paid in great tips, and looking fine on the outside, slowly began to kill me from the inside. I finally confessed to my parents what was going on with us. I quit my job, checked into an out patient program, got a little therapy, some suboxone....and...
HERE I AM. exactly 135 days later. I survived the hardest, most depressing year of my life. I'm on here, just to share my story and talk to users and addicts. I just relate to people who like to change their perspective on life. I've been craving some psychedelics (mushrooms specifically), but I don't know if it's really what I need.
What do you guys think? I want to move to Colorado, and go to back to school. I just worry I'm going to seek out people like me, people with drug history, who understand the world of drugs. I just relate to these people better. They are typically more open, more artistic and liberal. I know there are spiritual people who are also sober, and open minded. I'm just young, and everyone around me is drunk or high. I feel like I'm going to isolate even more in a new city, and sink into depression because I'm "not what I used to be". I have to recreate my whole sense of self, and it's scary. Do you think that maybe I can't judge my experience studying art on a time when I was addicted to drugs? Is moving to a new state really going to fix things?
I would appreciate all the thoughts, comments and advice...
Thanks so much. Glad to be here.
- E
I'm 22, new to Blue Light. been using a variety of things for about 7 years now.
I recently battled with a 6 month H addiction, and finally am happy to say I'm sober. Yet here I am, on blue light because I just want to join the rest of the people who I know feel my pain. I was going to college, studying Graphic Design. I'd rate myself as a pretty good artist, but I'm modest. I was struggling with a meth addiction while in school (snorting it), still making A's and B's on projects (attendance was another story). It was like addy for me, but as the weeks...months went on, I was becoming an ice zombie. Trying to make friends in a new town is so frustrating when all you know how to relate to people is through drugs. I couldn't relate to the bar scene...I'd rather trip, smoke weed or on occasion shoot ice or do H with a friend who I trusted. I wouldn't look like an addict from the outside, maybe a pot head. I'm a relatively good girl, and I enjoy having conversations about life, art, science, the universe and everything.
-------background---------
I think I spiraled out of control when my ex (who got into H 2 years after we had split up), committed suicide. I tried to "reconnect" with some of our old friends back in the day. Of course, they too were gripped by the needle and were crazy fucked on ice. I just joined the party, thinking I was "being smart". You know, clean needles, good friends you trust, and people who can hit your vein the first time. It seems like a no brainer, when your single and alone. We would go long boarding like we used to, talk about everything (for hours :0) and do huge amounts of meth (just one good shot every few days) that it felt like we were rolling like we used to do in high school. Light-gloving, feeling good and I seemed happy. But mourning the loss of our friend through huge amounts of ice, wasn't the best choice I'll admit.
-----------------------------
I finally kicked the ice (along with MDMA, and coke). I never thought I could do it, but I did. It felt good.
Soon enough, me and my current boyfriend began fucking with opiate pills (we formed our relationship while drugs were always around, starting with ice and everything in between). Began with a few vicodin from time to time, and then oxys...and you know how the story goes. To save money we started using Heroin. Things got bad quickly. Surprisingly, no one would know from the outside. I finally had a job I loved at a sushi restaurant, and was making great tips. I looked happy on the outside. Getting high on h became my meth. There is a moment when it flips from a relaxing "take it easy" drug, to an all out upper. I can't even say if I ever went to sleep. I was just taking naps in the middle of the day, in between shifts and doing just enough to get high to fade out of consciousness through the night. Luckily, I wasn't IVing regularly. The H was strong enough (I live close to the border), that we just monkey watered it, and squirted it up our noses (10+ times a day). Our habit got to about $40 a day. The worst part was we drove 50 min one way to get it, almost every other day. The curse of having a job that paid in great tips, and looking fine on the outside, slowly began to kill me from the inside. I finally confessed to my parents what was going on with us. I quit my job, checked into an out patient program, got a little therapy, some suboxone....and...
HERE I AM. exactly 135 days later. I survived the hardest, most depressing year of my life. I'm on here, just to share my story and talk to users and addicts. I just relate to people who like to change their perspective on life. I've been craving some psychedelics (mushrooms specifically), but I don't know if it's really what I need.
What do you guys think? I want to move to Colorado, and go to back to school. I just worry I'm going to seek out people like me, people with drug history, who understand the world of drugs. I just relate to these people better. They are typically more open, more artistic and liberal. I know there are spiritual people who are also sober, and open minded. I'm just young, and everyone around me is drunk or high. I feel like I'm going to isolate even more in a new city, and sink into depression because I'm "not what I used to be". I have to recreate my whole sense of self, and it's scary. Do you think that maybe I can't judge my experience studying art on a time when I was addicted to drugs? Is moving to a new state really going to fix things?
I would appreciate all the thoughts, comments and advice...
Thanks so much. Glad to be here.
- E
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![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
:D
