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Heroin - Exp - A chippers diary: my journey in moderation of Heroin use (HR USED)

S

schwelly

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
67
Hello community, first of all I love this site. Everyone seems to have each others best interest in mind, which is refreshing. I value ALL opinions, and input. What I am doing is keeping a journal of my use of H. I am doing this both to provide insight for myself and others. Also to keep myself accountable, and to learn and share as much as I can. Currently I use 2x a week and the days are back to back. The other 5 days are full of abstinence. I do not use H or any other narcotics during this time, in fact the most I do is about 2 beers after I get off work, and I dont do this every day of the abstinence period. My ROA is smoking, and the type is Black Tar. I will do short entries everyday going over my thoughts, feelings, and life in general. I am doing for the above mentioned reasons. (MODS I AM SORRY IF THIS IS NOT ALLOWED OR IN THE WRONG SECTION-IF IT IS NOT ALLOWED MY APOLOGIES I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP AND IT WAS DONE WITH BEST INTENTIONS). I am by no means advocating the use of heroin. If you do not use this drug- DONT START. recognize the dangers of H, and the potential for addiction. It is a powerful drug, that must be treated with respect.
I am a 26 year old nursing student, who bartends during days i do not go to class.
12/13/2014
Day 1 of Abstinence period.
Last night i used about .5 of a g of Tar. I went to bed around 2 am, and woke up feeling fine. Came to the tutor and studied chem today. It will be 5-6 full days until I use again. No withdrawal symptoms. No obsessive thoughts over using. I have set clear cut goals for myself over the next 5 days. Including:Finish school strong, pick up extra shifts at work, go to the doctor for a check up, and apartment shopping. However the goal of abstinence is number 1 in my mind because I know if I use I will not accomplish these things- and these things are first priority. I work tonight, and I close the bar. I will not be having a beer after work. Will go straight home and go to bed. Need to get up tomorrow and study chem as the final is on monday. I will also begin working out again tomorrow. Fitness is a huge part of my life, and now that my leg has healed from surgery I want to start back. I will enter again tomorrow.
 
Good for you and I am glad you found a way to make it work for you. Without constant management it can easily bloom into an addiction, it only takes one terrible life event. Also this is best suited for a blog. Best of luck though.
 
Good luck indeed and thank you for sharing. You know as well as I do that many have failed at attempting this. Good luck, really hope you can make it (out). <3
 
I'll see you at the methadone clinic in a couple of years man.
 
Toz said:
I'll see you at the methadone clinic in a couple of years man.
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:(

I hope he's wrong, but I'm afraid he's not. Too late now. Face plant incoming. At least you are just smoking it.

<3
 
12/14/114
Nothing to note went to work.

12/15/14

finished classes today. I have a strong desire to use and unwind. However it has only been three days since my last use, and I feel that it is very important for me to stick to my guidelines. I shouldn'
t use. and will not. I know it is just an excuse for me to get high, these things are not okay, and it is a red-flag. I will not use today. Friday is the scheduled day of use, and I will wait until then. School is out I will have much more free time on my hands which I must figure out how to manage. Starting back to working out tomorrow. I know you all are doubtful, and I can see why. Herion is a beast, and honestly this is toying with fire. But if I can master it I think it will be nice. Will update again tomorrow
 
szuko000 said:
That my friend is the beginning of the end.
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maybe, but I think it is natural for one to want to rexperience the pleasure of the chemical....I have made up my mind not to use- so if I don't- isn't this successful so far?
 
Your patterns of use appear too frequent to be sustained indefinitely.

ebola
 
schwelly said:
maybe, but I think it is natural for one to want to rexperience the pleasure of the chemical....I have made up my mind not to use- so if I don't- isn't this successful so far?
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If you were binging once a month then perhaps, but already you have set yourself a target of consecutive days at the end of the week. History tells us you'll find a very good reason to shift the start (just this one time) to a Thursday. As sure as night will follow day you will bend your rules.

Prove us wrong by all means, but don't try and kid yourself that you are smarter than every other junkie here who has tried the same thing
 
One Thousand Words said:
In before just this one time.....
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YEP..

The problem is addiction is a very different beast then physical dependence. Spacing use out will prevent physical dependence, but it does not assure that addiction will not happen. If addiction happens then this schedule will go out the window and you will find yourself up against it. You may be able to do this for a long time or you may not. But the odds are certainly against you.
 
Ebola what would a more infrequent use look like? Once every two weeks? Once a month?

I don't buy into the disease model. I believe I have a choice. Albeit with other substances it is easier to make a choice.

Indeed perhaps I'm better off just saying fuck it and not trying to moderate but just quit idk
 
As everyone else does, I only say that because I remember when I was in the spot you were. Just like everyone and that came before me I wish I hadn't made that decision wish I did anything else but keep getting high. It started slowly and took about a year to develop but in the end it happens to most people, and that is why everyone will respond in this fashion. Good luck though, if i were you I would stop. Unfortunately I am not you and I had my chance :(
 
Fantasizing during the day about "using to unwind" is definately a sign of psychological addiction.

How about you just drink some booze this week,no H at all.That would be a nice confidence boost that you indeed can handle it and its still no big deal.

What do you say? :p
 
schwelly said:
I believe I have a choice. Albeit with other substances it is easier to make a choice.
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I'm not backing the disease model as its very flawed. But addressing the choice thing, if our ability to choose is so powerful then why cant we just choose never to desire to use again? Just say fuck this I will choose never to desire to use again?

The unconscious mind is more powerful than the conscious mind. There is a great illusion that promotes an even greater delusion that we (our conscious minds) are calling the shots. The unconscious is what becomes addicted. A great explanation of how divided our minds are is given in the divided self chapter I linked in post 2 of this thread. The Brain and Addiction

check it out.
 
szuko000 said:
Good for you and I am glad you found a way to make it work for you. Without constant management it can easily bloom into an addiction, it only takes one terrible life event. Also this is best suited for a blog. Best of luck though.
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My words exactly.
 
black kat said:
Fantasizing during the day about "using to unwind" is definately a sign of psychological addiction.

How about you just drink some booze this week,no H at all.That would be a nice confidence boost that you indeed can handle it and its still no big deal.

What do you say? :p
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I say that's a reasonable idea I like ir
 
So far so good. What I'm going to do is not set a targeted amount of days in between use. However I'm going to push the minimum time between using back to at minimum 7 days as opposed to 5. I feel by doing this it will allow me more time (every day longer between use counts) and it will provide me less of an opportunity to bend my own rules. Someone suggested having some drinks during the abstinent period. Personally I have never been a big drinker, and can have a couple of drinks a night)mu
 
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