TDS Post rehab blues, cross addiction

[aoraki]

Hey.
Im a 30yo male and have just been through a year of grueling rehab and detox. Am currently on 32mg suboxone, 10mg diaz, venlafaxine and quetiapine. After leaving detox after getting off methadone I felt a million bucks. I had kicked opiates and uppers (meth, etc). I felt 'high on life' and super alert and with it. This lasted about 3 weeks before I was blasted back to reality. An on off relationship dissolved (I knew it wasn't healthy anyway) but started feeling lonely and a bit lost without something to dampen down my reaction to the daily issues and feelings that I guess come with a sober life. I actually liked being on the fringes of society esp in such a small country with small groups of IV users.
Anyway I thought smoking a little green wouldnt do anyone anyharm so I started smoking daily within a week.. At least I wasnt injecting anything.. This was the first drug I tried and is relatively socially acceptable. I never thought of becoming an addict to pot but unfortunately this is what has happened. I need to smoke at least four times a day in order to dull my craving for other drugs and it helps my agitation. I have also started drinking. In the weekend it helps to feel normal and to be able to socialise (I have social anxiety)..

So it appears that I have successfully cross addicted. I would like to hear of others that have had similar experiences as I am sure I am not alone. Have also started seeking out online meds to help but this may backfire. My addictive nature is very strong and life is tough.

Thanks. Any thoughts much appreciated

 

[Prescottdave]

I am confused. Are you clean from opiates or not? 32 mg of Buprenorphine and daily diazepam usage would be a bit more concerning to me as apposed to using cannabis. Either way it's better then using IV drugs. You have successfully cross addicted yourself to benzos. I had a similar experience. I got off methadone and instead got on sub and benzos. In the end I had a worse problem as compared to being on methadone. When did your use of "Diaz" start? Either way hopefully it's progress. Maybe you started using diazepam long before trying to get clean for a co-occurring disorder. I find cannabis to be rather helpful when trying to get off opiates. I do not believe that those who use cannabis in a safe medicinal manner through medical marijuana programs are at an increased risk of relapse.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey aoraki..

You are still in or have slipped back into full blown active addiction.

Social anxiety is so inherent with addiction that it can not be removed from it. Social anxiety is placing what others think above what we think. The solution to this is to identify, develop, and believe in our own individual morals and values.

Loss of morals and values has nothing to do with becoming a bad person, or an unholy person, it has do do with loosing or not believing in yourself.

In order to work through this we need to identify and accept our morals and values. By morals I mean how do YOU need to act for YOU. By values I just mean what do YOU value. This ends up coming down to identifying and accepting the correct way for YOU to behave based of what YOU believe and finding what YOU value. The answers to these questions can be found by searching your heart for these answers and then realizing that only you know how you need to act and whats important to you. Its not what your parents said, what your religion says, what your teachers said was the correct way to behave and what was important and good. Your own morals and values can be similar or contain aspects of all these sources, but they really come from a deep place in you. You will need to identify how YOU need to act and what YOU value. Then you will need to accept these as the absolute correct way you need to behave and the values that you want and need to strive for, search out and promote in your life.

When loose of fail to develop our morals and values we end up placing the morals and values of others over our own. This causes us to place the opinions of others above our own. Because of this we experience social anxiety, shyness, feeling we are constantly being judged, awkwardness, trouble moving fluidly or conversing well with people especially strangers and people we really respect.

The reason for all this is that since we have placed what other people think above what we think is we now need their approval and acceptance to tell us we are behaving correctly and we determine if what we value has value based on if others value it or not. So the reason we are shy and worry about talking or engaging with others is that we dont know if they will approve of the way we act or who we are. We can be hesitant to tell other people about what we do or what we love as we are not sure what they will think of it.

This can make relationships very difficult because we can have a very hard time approaching people as if they would reject us, then since we determine our value of what they think we would feal that we are rejects. Also since we base our worth and determine the value of the life we are living of the opinions of others we can require and seek out constant praise and be utterly devastated by any forum or criticism. The criticism can be absolutely devastating especially if its from someone we respect or admire.

The reason strangers can be so difficult for us to deal with is we don't know if they will like or approve of us. We need them to approve of us so we can approve of ourselves.

The reason movements and interaction can be so hard and awkward and feel that all eyes are on us and every word and movement is being judged is because we are judging our every movement and word on the reaction of other people. This is why picking out something to ware to a social event can be so nerve racking, because instead of picking something we like, we try and ware something we think the people there will like.

So what you need to do is determine what is the corect way for YOU to act for YOU and accept this as the right way for YOU to act.
You also need to identify and determine what YOU value.

When we identify the correct way for us to act and act this way then we no longer need the approval of others to indicate we are behaving in the correct way. If we no longer need the approval of others what they think or say about the way we behave looses all power and just becomes what it was all along, their opinion. We are no longer shy as we dont really care what the fuck they think. When we identify and cultivate whats important to us then we no longer care what other people think or say about what we know is important to us. Their opinions no longer have any power over us. The thought of other people no liking us or not thinking what we think is cool is cool no longer causes us any anxiety.

Follow your heart it knows who you are, how you need to act, whats important to you, where you need to go. Fuck what other people think and say. Everybodys always spouting off that they know exactly what's important and how we should act... thats nonsense, they don't even know who we are, where we need to go, or how we need to get there.

Drugs will not solve this.. I was on benzos for almost two decades.. they only made things much worse.. anxiety indicates an issue in our lives, a problem that needs to be solved.. the reason it feels so awful are so we are motivated to solve the problem... drugs (other then psychedelics and they dont solve, but can induce the thinking necessary to heal) do not solve problems, they mask them in the begining and make them worse in the end.

IMHO and IME you will need to change the way you think and behave to address this with lasting positive results.

I hope any of this helps.. staying on all the medications and drugs will not be your solution.. im not a doctor so please consult with a medical professional before you make any changes.

 

[legalizeall]

Use the herb to get off the prescription meds your on. Its ok you smoke though. Like you said, at least your not slamming anything. Plus you said you just got out of a doing a year in a strict rehab right? That is no joke. There has to be something you can use from that year to help you with this. Although i think long term rehabilitation is more harmful then beneficial. You get used to that style of life and its just not reality in places like that. My last rehab got me so comfortable with the daily routine that when they let us out for christmas for a couple days, I wanted to go back to the rehab. Thats when i knew it was time to leave and rejoin society. Your probably not adjusted yet so that may take some time.