I have such a complex about this. So many times ive picked up the phone and put it down. I do have alot of social hangups which Ive decided are mainly from my depression so this fear of doctors is just one of many of my reluctance to seek help from or mainly to interact with others.
I work from home alone and so my life for a few years now has whittled down socially such that the only other human contact is when i speak to my parents on the phone or get mocked belligerently by drunk people at clubs. I deliberately did this as I came more depressed I ruthlessly cut people off and deny opportunities which may have arised so I know its totally deliberate but also in hindsight probably cos i was depressed. I do go to clubs but then usually i am just a wallflower just standing like a loser alone in the corner watching everyone else enjoying life. I feel like this is my whole life now just watching all the opportunies of life pass me by as i stay trapped behind this thick glass wall, so close yet so far.
I have pretty stereotyped behaviour and anything that deviates from my usual routine i start getting really anxious thinking about all types of catasrophies. I imagine the doctor would be able to give me some good stuff to help me get over this but my mind has blocked it time and again.
I even made appointments with the doctor maybe 5 or more times for the same day only to cancel them before I go.
I am starting to feel more and more trapped by these mental issues.
I tried therapy and meditaiton self help books all that shit and i just hate them all- i read that these things dont work for 'seriously depressed' people so i suppose i may fit in that category but i mostly dont believe in those things they just seem like wishful thinking that if you believe in the authority figure then they work, and i dont believe in them.
i tried them properly as well not just cursory glances. Drugs are the only things that have consistently shifted my perspective but im getting too afraid to try illegal/grey market drugs now as they are too strong, but paralysed to go and see the doctor who could probably help me with more safe things that would actually work to get me over my complexes.
Not sure how to battle my way out of this malady since I feel like I am thwarting myself at every turn?
I work from home alone and so my life for a few years now has whittled down socially such that the only other human contact is when i speak to my parents on the phone or get mocked belligerently by drunk people at clubs. I deliberately did this as I came more depressed I ruthlessly cut people off and deny opportunities which may have arised so I know its totally deliberate but also in hindsight probably cos i was depressed. I do go to clubs but then usually i am just a wallflower just standing like a loser alone in the corner watching everyone else enjoying life. I feel like this is my whole life now just watching all the opportunies of life pass me by as i stay trapped behind this thick glass wall, so close yet so far.
I have pretty stereotyped behaviour and anything that deviates from my usual routine i start getting really anxious thinking about all types of catasrophies. I imagine the doctor would be able to give me some good stuff to help me get over this but my mind has blocked it time and again.
I even made appointments with the doctor maybe 5 or more times for the same day only to cancel them before I go.
I am starting to feel more and more trapped by these mental issues.
I tried therapy and meditaiton self help books all that shit and i just hate them all- i read that these things dont work for 'seriously depressed' people so i suppose i may fit in that category but i mostly dont believe in those things they just seem like wishful thinking that if you believe in the authority figure then they work, and i dont believe in them.
i tried them properly as well not just cursory glances. Drugs are the only things that have consistently shifted my perspective but im getting too afraid to try illegal/grey market drugs now as they are too strong, but paralysed to go and see the doctor who could probably help me with more safe things that would actually work to get me over my complexes.
Not sure how to battle my way out of this malady since I feel like I am thwarting myself at every turn?
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