Preface:
Experienced drug user, don't need to put all the specifics (I will put some for understanding/referencing) but experienced none the less. My body size mixed with past trauma created a whirlpool of drug abuse that has now lasted 6 years (I'm only 21). In terms of physical dependence I first got myself caught up in the western states meth craze from 2010 until the end of 2011 when I decided enough was enough. I got through 2 full weeks (and months of noticeable brain damage. of bed ridden RLS, muscle spasms and occasionally seizures (amount of use became a gram daily months before the time I went cold turkey). I used marijuana and large amounts of sugar to help through the pain, along with a 6 - 8 month alcohol dependence following. I first tried heroin when I was 17, got a hold of it like 20 or 30 times from 18 - 19. Now here is where I fucked up.... BAD! I moved out of my living quarters (age 19) to stay with some friends...
In the beginning:
I moved into a party house in the suburbs. The kid that let me move in didn't support the house, his dad did from an English speaking county in South America. We had a total of 4 and occasionally 12 teenagers (not including the rest of the family in which we disregarded like the narcissists we were). Within the first week of moving in I should have known what was to start. I moved in with a bunch of RCs I'm talking 6-abp, 5-abp, 4-MEC, MXE, MPA and my personal favorite A-PVP. We lived with one of my closest friends the fry and bud dealer. Every night was a party! Then Swenny came around (oh God
)! One day I asked the "owner" if he could get me black. He took me into a bathroom and pulls out a chunk of tar and said "I saved this for you buddy!". We smoke and smoke. Eventually we go into the room. Swenny was BLACKED out this fool caught the carpet on fire because his bitch ass nodded off dropped his cigarette. One day he asks us if we have $20, everyone did so he got us a ride Downtown to an open air drug market. Don't worry this all become relevant later.
The start of a bumpy road:
Now 2 months after living at another pad after the Van Wilder stay I move back in with pops and he be like "What's happenin' son?" I be like "Yo pops I wanna go back to school." So I turn 20 (which was celebrated with you know what), two days later I apply for a state school and get in. BOOOOOOOOONG!! So I get excited I'm gonna be living on campus because tuition is cheap. I hit up a friend one day because I'm having insane opiate cravings. He says he can get me a ball of black, so I wait with him for 8 hours before we can get it. Finally I have it, all to myself
. This is where it get's really fucked up. I have almost no tolerance and I begin to smoke daily. I finish it in a week, but not before one OD which was caused by mixing with 3 grams of phenibut. A full 2 days of puking and I wasn't recovered until about a week. Then I go off too school.
Keep it short and simple:
I went to school 120 miles away from my home, I start making frequent trips to buy black off my guy. Like every weekend I end up back in my metro area. This continues for two semesters. Around Christmas break from the first one I started IV using. Well that really only happened about 30% of the time and I quit after 5 months because to me (because of my overall and opiate tolerance at this point) there was no difference in the high. IVing just had a dirty feeling to it like it makes you sicker than just smoking it. I lose my dealer because he fell off a 3 story balcony after trying to run from the cops
[due to warrants] that were raiding a party. So I come back from school, a bunch of bullshit happened so I start going crazier on drugs like $1500 being spent in a week in the open air drug market (any sane person knows this is dumb). And now after all of this and the mutiple binges I've done I now experience withdrawals (you don't say?)
Tried to quit:
Tried to quit with kratom, didn't help due to tolerance :'/. Consumed 7 grams at once to try to help with the pain or withdrawals with no success
. Then I tried methadone, they bumped me all the way to 50 MGs I tried to explain that I was getting super ill when I would only take the methadone. They refused to bump me up to a stable dose so I left. I have done more drugs than I care to admit and my physical tolerance to most drugs is fucked up. Even NOS.
The withdrawals:
I have only been using 1 - 3 points of black daily just to make sure I don't start withdrawals. Now I'm 100% committed to quitting, because this shit almost got me killed. I usually have 24 hours from my last period of use as long as I had used 100 - 200 MGs before I start puking gallons of bile and get hit with RLS like crazy. I get all the normal withdrawals with the exception of diarrhea (even without Loperamide). I get hot and cold sweats and flashes. Since I've quit my blood pressure has gone from 107/55 - 158/115, which is concerning but I'm sure will drop down. I basically get the whole shabang.
I FUCKING QUIT!!:
I went out with my dad and spent $130 to get supplies for my detox. Here's the list of what I have left (please make suggestions for more things that will help).
[1. 160 2 MG Loperamide pills (I took 30 MGs to help with the withdrawals at 11:30 PM, is that too much?)
2. L-theanine for the production of dopamine
3. St. John's Wart for 5-HTP (also abused Tramadol within this time.)
4. Multivitamins
5. Tylenol PM for heat flashes and to promote sleep.
6. Green tea and coffee (natural form of l-theanine)
7. Bucket
8. Candy and energy drinks
9. An eighth of some hydroponic]
I'm done with this shitty rat race drug lifestyle, I'm tired of risking a felony to buy heroin off the street. I am now 30 hours sober, mild withdrawals I've taken 30 MGs Loperamide, some pepto bismol, l-theanine in multiple forms and of course vitamins. I plan on tapering off Loperamide like tomorrow I'm going to take 20 MGs and 10 the next day. I need advice on how to keep myself stable, (like panic attacks) am I taking to much Loperamide, about how long are my withdrawals going to last? (check the timeline below) Please feel free to criticize, I have not had any sleep all night I just want to get this over with and continue with my life. So I need your help please post any tips or advice as you deem necessary!!
Timeline:
Feb - May 2013 black gets out of control everyday thing. July 2013 I get my own dealer, becomes a half a gram a day habit. April 2014 I lose my dealer and now I just get balloons off the streets for $15 a piece since then (would do 1 - 3 a day to put off withdrawals not to get high). Now it's almost November and this is where we are.
Experienced drug user, don't need to put all the specifics (I will put some for understanding/referencing) but experienced none the less. My body size mixed with past trauma created a whirlpool of drug abuse that has now lasted 6 years (I'm only 21). In terms of physical dependence I first got myself caught up in the western states meth craze from 2010 until the end of 2011 when I decided enough was enough. I got through 2 full weeks (and months of noticeable brain damage. of bed ridden RLS, muscle spasms and occasionally seizures (amount of use became a gram daily months before the time I went cold turkey). I used marijuana and large amounts of sugar to help through the pain, along with a 6 - 8 month alcohol dependence following. I first tried heroin when I was 17, got a hold of it like 20 or 30 times from 18 - 19. Now here is where I fucked up.... BAD! I moved out of my living quarters (age 19) to stay with some friends...
In the beginning:
I moved into a party house in the suburbs. The kid that let me move in didn't support the house, his dad did from an English speaking county in South America. We had a total of 4 and occasionally 12 teenagers (not including the rest of the family in which we disregarded like the narcissists we were). Within the first week of moving in I should have known what was to start. I moved in with a bunch of RCs I'm talking 6-abp, 5-abp, 4-MEC, MXE, MPA and my personal favorite A-PVP. We lived with one of my closest friends the fry and bud dealer. Every night was a party! Then Swenny came around (oh God
)! One day I asked the "owner" if he could get me black. He took me into a bathroom and pulls out a chunk of tar and said "I saved this for you buddy!". We smoke and smoke. Eventually we go into the room. Swenny was BLACKED out this fool caught the carpet on fire because his bitch ass nodded off dropped his cigarette. One day he asks us if we have $20, everyone did so he got us a ride Downtown to an open air drug market. Don't worry this all become relevant later.The start of a bumpy road:
Now 2 months after living at another pad after the Van Wilder stay I move back in with pops and he be like "What's happenin' son?" I be like "Yo pops I wanna go back to school." So I turn 20 (which was celebrated with you know what), two days later I apply for a state school and get in. BOOOOOOOOONG!! So I get excited I'm gonna be living on campus because tuition is cheap. I hit up a friend one day because I'm having insane opiate cravings. He says he can get me a ball of black, so I wait with him for 8 hours before we can get it. Finally I have it, all to myself
. This is where it get's really fucked up. I have almost no tolerance and I begin to smoke daily. I finish it in a week, but not before one OD which was caused by mixing with 3 grams of phenibut. A full 2 days of puking and I wasn't recovered until about a week. Then I go off too school.Keep it short and simple:
I went to school 120 miles away from my home, I start making frequent trips to buy black off my guy. Like every weekend I end up back in my metro area. This continues for two semesters. Around Christmas break from the first one I started IV using. Well that really only happened about 30% of the time and I quit after 5 months because to me (because of my overall and opiate tolerance at this point) there was no difference in the high. IVing just had a dirty feeling to it like it makes you sicker than just smoking it. I lose my dealer because he fell off a 3 story balcony after trying to run from the cops
[due to warrants] that were raiding a party. So I come back from school, a bunch of bullshit happened so I start going crazier on drugs like $1500 being spent in a week in the open air drug market (any sane person knows this is dumb). And now after all of this and the mutiple binges I've done I now experience withdrawals (you don't say?)Tried to quit:
Tried to quit with kratom, didn't help due to tolerance :'/. Consumed 7 grams at once to try to help with the pain or withdrawals with no success
. Then I tried methadone, they bumped me all the way to 50 MGs I tried to explain that I was getting super ill when I would only take the methadone. They refused to bump me up to a stable dose so I left. I have done more drugs than I care to admit and my physical tolerance to most drugs is fucked up. Even NOS.The withdrawals:
I have only been using 1 - 3 points of black daily just to make sure I don't start withdrawals. Now I'm 100% committed to quitting, because this shit almost got me killed. I usually have 24 hours from my last period of use as long as I had used 100 - 200 MGs before I start puking gallons of bile and get hit with RLS like crazy. I get all the normal withdrawals with the exception of diarrhea (even without Loperamide). I get hot and cold sweats and flashes. Since I've quit my blood pressure has gone from 107/55 - 158/115, which is concerning but I'm sure will drop down. I basically get the whole shabang.
I FUCKING QUIT!!:
I went out with my dad and spent $130 to get supplies for my detox. Here's the list of what I have left (please make suggestions for more things that will help).
[1. 160 2 MG Loperamide pills (I took 30 MGs to help with the withdrawals at 11:30 PM, is that too much?)
2. L-theanine for the production of dopamine
3. St. John's Wart for 5-HTP (also abused Tramadol within this time.)
4. Multivitamins
5. Tylenol PM for heat flashes and to promote sleep.
6. Green tea and coffee (natural form of l-theanine)
7. Bucket
8. Candy and energy drinks
9. An eighth of some hydroponic]
I'm done with this shitty rat race drug lifestyle, I'm tired of risking a felony to buy heroin off the street. I am now 30 hours sober, mild withdrawals I've taken 30 MGs Loperamide, some pepto bismol, l-theanine in multiple forms and of course vitamins. I plan on tapering off Loperamide like tomorrow I'm going to take 20 MGs and 10 the next day. I need advice on how to keep myself stable, (like panic attacks) am I taking to much Loperamide, about how long are my withdrawals going to last? (check the timeline below) Please feel free to criticize, I have not had any sleep all night I just want to get this over with and continue with my life. So I need your help please post any tips or advice as you deem necessary!!
Timeline:
Feb - May 2013 black gets out of control everyday thing. July 2013 I get my own dealer, becomes a half a gram a day habit. April 2014 I lose my dealer and now I just get balloons off the streets for $15 a piece since then (would do 1 - 3 a day to put off withdrawals not to get high). Now it's almost November and this is where we are.
