What are my options? I need help

[Bamagirl88]

Well, I got back on my oxys again, I was two years clean. Two years.....but, due to medical conditions I had to go back on my awful medicine. And I'm at a crossroad. After six months using I have found myself deciding what road to take. I don't control my usage as I should. I'm constantly running out early. And we know what happens. Withdrawls. Im asking this....if withdrawls are harder and harder each time. What am I gonna experience. I'm terrified. The last time I did this I was extremely sick. I couldn't hold nothing down. I mean nothing. Not even water. And because of that I ended up in rehab. Because I get extremely sick.....I lost over 20 pounds last attempt on my own.

my medical condition is extremely severe. I have ms. And my pain levels without pain medicine is a bitch to manage. There are days when I wasn't medicated I couldn't get out of bed. No quality of life, at all. After trying for a very long time I gave in to taking meds again. And, wouldn't you know I'm right back where I started. Out of control.

ive thought of going on the patches, that way I can't keep popping pills, or even on methadone so I can have something to control my pain...but I don't like either alternative.

im a high functioning addict....if I told you what I do you'd ask how..but that's another story.

Anyways, how sick will I be again? I already tried to go a day without the oxy and was vomitting as soon as I woke up. So I broke down and took a half of a sixty. I'm prescribed two 60 mgs a day plus 2 15 mgs for break thru. I don't really use the 15.

Should i I try to taper or jump? Or what? And if I jump how bad is bad gonna be? Or should I give up forever and just suck it up and take meds?

Pleas as help me. I'm at a crossroad. Thanks,

 

[Bamagirl88]

What do the other people do with cronic pain that's also an addict? It's a terrible position to be in. To always be running from the pain. It doesn't make for a black and white case. All my friends and family tell me I need this medicine to have a quality of life...even my doctors. But, because I'm also an addict it really changes things...I don't get high from my medicine anymore...I guess I ruined my receptors or something. I just get relief. If I don't take my meds I get sick. And, even tho I know I don't get high sometimes I try to resulting in one big fat headache. But when my addiction is kicking my ass I try to get high. Visions circle. One I am sick of.

maybe I'd benifit from another medicine. But what one? All the other meds have a longer detox. And I just can't do that.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Bama, Can you please share a little about the condition that causes you the pain?

 

[Bamagirl88]

Where do I start....hmmm....first let's start with the big pain...my knees. I had a total knee replacement in 2010. Wicked pain. And because I'm so active I've already worn it out. And, doctor wants to do the left knee. Never ever again....the reason I wore out my replacement is I'm a long distance biker....so, the knees cause severe back pain. Because I fell off a ladder in 2006 12 feet in the air. I was painting and ladder broke. And I was kind of high on kush. I broke both wrists and broke my knee cap.
after surgery on replacement I started having weird symptoms, big jerking movements, shaking, and loss of eye site. Got tested for ms. I have ms. That gives muscle aches, jerking, loss of movement. I'm on neurotin for nerve pain...doesn't work well, but I can't take lyrica makes me fall asleep. Oh, and I've got disc problems in my back from that fall....because of my ms there are days that I can't even move. I loose movement on right side. Very very scarey the first time it happened. I flipped out. Now I know. We've seated my ms for the time, however if I stress my body out I get flare ups. Especially detoxing.

i tried so hard to stay off meds. Help me choose

 

[neversickanymore]

Sorry to hear of your suffering Bama.

I had severe nerve pain and and methadone worked wonders when all else pretty much failed. Here is a great text you can read through and it should open to methadone.. if not its on 196. Traditional fast acting opiates are really shit for long term treatment of chronic pain as they tend to end up causing the pain to be much worse in the long run and usually do very little if anything to help nerve pain. Do you take and NSAID's.

Neuropathic Pain: Causes, Management and Understanding

Did you sue the ladder company?

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

No one can really say how bad it's going to be as everyone is different. It's kind of hard to give advice without knowing a bit more about your personal circumstances because they will dictate your options really. Just as a quick example, if you are in a position to be able to take a fortnight's paid holiday your options are very different to if you are self-employed and relying on yourself being able to work every day to keep a roof over your head. That's just one example. One thing that can be said is that there isn't really ever going to be an easy ride off that level of habit.


I would also ask you to consider the following just as a way of perhaps getting a slightly different perspective on things. If the following is true...

im a high functioning addict....if I told you what I do you'd ask how..but that's another story.

...then what are you doing here asking for help?...or constantly running out meaning you are regularly ill?

I'm not saying that to belittle you or make you feel bad, it's just a question for you to ponder. I also doubt many of the people who post in this section would be surprised no matter what you said your occupation was, addicts come in all shapes and sizes! Try and give a better idea of your personal circumstances and I'm sure plenty of people will chip in with advice.

 

[Bamagirl88]

How could I sue the ladder company when it was my fault I didn't click in the safety latches lol....
methadone scares me. Too many side effect. And the detox is longer and more brutal than my oxycontin 60mgs. I wonder if because I've been on this medicine for so long I need a change. But what? Everything I've researched doesn't appeal to me. What I'd like to accomplish is getting on a medicine prn. But, that didn't work either.

thanks for the advise...anymore to consider

 

[neversickanymore]

How could I sue the ladder company when it was my fault I didn't click in the safety latches lol....

Instructions were not clear.. Instructions were not included.. safety latch malfunction... ladder was not safe as it allowed you to try and use it without safety latch being clicked..

Go see some scumbag lawyer.. they will set you straight.

 

[Bamagirl88]

Yes I'm running out early. I've got to come up with a new game plan. I feel like a failure again. I feel like a slave to my medicine. I'm worst than an addict. Im a recovering looser. I feel all the negative feelings like before I went to rehab. I want to stop. I want off. I want something other than this. I've got to try to gain control. Or change medicines. Weirdly when I was on morphine I did not crave that buzz. I don't know why I try to catch a buzz when all I get is a headache.

how do other chronic pain patients function without medicine. Is it possible.

 

[Bamagirl88]

Also, I stopped going to my meetings. I felt like I don't belong there cause I'm not clean. I wish I could just tell myself to take medicine the correct way again. But once you open the door to Pandora's box it's hard to shut the door. I also wonder if I have some panic disorder cause that's when the extra pill comes into play. When I get freaked out thinking another episode is coming. My flare up. I just flip out and get a panic attack of epic proportions. Should I think about seeing a physiologist?

my back story is traffic too....my husband was hit head on by a policeman. Almost killed him. I had to learn how to provide for the family, we didn't get paid much. There's a stupid cap of 100,000 dollars. Even if they kill you. Nice huh? So that didn't go very far. We bought a house and stuff but not enough to take care of a family of four. We were visiting in 2003 and he got hit on jan 1 2003.
thats when we discovered pills...together.

then I fell off the ladder in 2006.

then my daughter who was 10 popped her hip out of place.

 

[Corazon]

nvm

 

[Bamagirl88]

What does that mean? I'm asking if getting some professional help me? Sometimes I take an extra one to cope with anxiety. Would getting on Xanax or some other benzo take awy that urge and calm down the panic attack. Plus I gave my husband my pills to administer so I won't have access we put them in a safe I can't get into to help me manage. I've got to either get my consumption leveled out and stay at prescribed dosage or just admit I can't handle them and try to taper off or something...

maybe talking to a professional will help me overcome my stress and anxiety. I feel a great need to keep my family finacial you afloat and can't let this crap interfere. So maybe I need more life skills, or an anti anxiety pill.

what do you think? Would that help or do I need to go to inpatient treatment

 

[Bamagirl88]

I so depetley want to manage my pills, to learn how to stay within my dosage. Can I retrain my brain into resetting? Or because I'm an addict I will never be able to control my pill intake? Please give advise of any situations you tried that and what was the outcome

 

[Corazon]

You have to stick to the dosing schedule, and absolutely refuse to break the dosing schedule.

If you never once take more than your scheduled dose, you will never lose control and abuse them.

If you are unwilling to make that commitment, then you need to pursue other options. Doing so hurts yourself and it hurts other pain patients.

 

[cj]

Hey good to see a fellow Alabaman on the board. I live in Birmingham. I think you are on the right track with the patch. It's not as easy to abuse and lacks that Morrish quality oxy has. Otherwise methadone. It gets a bad rep in the south, I have heard a lot of misinformation on the streets about it. It really has the same side effect profile as oxy. Constipation, lethargy, sedation, pinned pupils. It just lacks the euphoria of oxy. But many people find it works well for pain. Something to think about.

 

[fizzymk]

Yes I'm running out early. I've got to come up with a new game plan. I feel like a failure again. I feel like a slave to my medicine. I'm worst than an addict. Im a recovering looser. I feel all the negative feelings like before I went to rehab. I want to stop. I want off. I want something other than this. I've got to try to gain control. Or change medicines. Weirdly when I was on morphine I did not crave that buzz. I don't know why I try to catch a buzz when all I get is a headache.

how do other chronic pain patients function without medicine. Is it possible.

Addicts are not losers IMO, opiate addiction/ dependence is a disease, addicts are just sick people, just like any other disease, its sad, but drug addiction has a stigma with it, alot of people think its all about willpower and tell them to just stop using..well, we all know its not that easy, thats like telling someone with another medical disease to just get better on their own with no meds or help LOL..of course thats impossible.

It is nice that many doctors are starting to see drug addiction as a TRUE disease, we are headed in the right direction with this, but thanks to the DEA and big drug companies, new laws and regulations around 'street drugs' will continue to get tougher and tougher, they do not want people to have ANY access to anything other than meds they sell...IMO, this is what the entire 'war on drugs' boils down to, its not about general health and safety of the public, its pure greed and control. If they truly cared so much about our health and safety, why do they go after certain drugs, but others, like alcohol and tobacco, they seem to not care about those being widely available to the public...even though alcohol causes MUCH MUCH more problems for just about everyone, from hospitals, police, insurance companies, etc.!!!