Horrible Ecstasy Comedown: PLEASE HELP ME
Hey Everyone,
I've been wanting to get on here for a very long time for advice but I was going through the some of the worst weeks of my life. I know this will be quite long, but if you have spare time, I will greatly appreciate if you can get back to me. PLEASE!
I'm currently 20 years old, weigh 135, and did ecstasy three days in a row from the dates June 21-23 (EDC in Vegas), since then I've been going through the worst. Some background info regarding my use: I've probably done x about a good 30+ times in the last 4-5 years. These past two years I've done it 4-5 times (1 month-4months apart). I've never had bad comedowns except ALL the past few times I've done it. Taking it back to March 2013, I had a severe panic attack after a few hours (pressed pill), I went to sleep and it was gone the next day. Late June (EDC 2013) I did it 3 days in a row and was fine ("mdma" capsules). Late September I did it again and was fine, except I would have mild anxiety for the next two weeks. Late October I used x again and had mild anxiety and felt psychotic for the next few days. I did it again the next week where I had pretty bad anxiety and psychosis, it took me two weeks to feel "normal again", and even then, I still had anxiety attacks here and there for the next four months. I remember telling my ex-gf how I felt completely "back to normal" during the first week of Feb. Well, the next week around Valentine's Day I got really drunk and did x (had never mixed), I felt normal within a few days, but the anxiety attacks were still there up until my next use (why I'm here).
So four months later on June 12, I had just finished final exams for school, so I got very little sleep a week prior due to studying. Well I got all four wisdom teeth pulled out and I got put on an anti-biotic and I took 800mg of Ibuprofen 3x a day for a 7 days. Throughout this week I hardly ate, and when I did it was only applesauce and yoghurt (I dropped 8 pounds...in a week!) On June 19th, (my head still hurt a lot from the oral surgery) I got my stitches removed, so I had two open sores on my mouth. That day I left to Vegas with friends, I felt sick the whole way (probably from not eating the past week). I felt nausea, sick, hungry, I just wanted to go home and sleep, but I had planned this trip for so long and school was finally over! My summer was just starting..
That day, I tried eating but I felt sick, so I hardly ate again. That night, I tried drinking (had one shot and one beer), but I felt WAY too tired so I went to sleep (me and some friends had rented out a house). After 10 minutes of sleeping I said "fuck that" and went to the strip with some friends, as soon as getting there I felt my body could take no more, I went to the car to sleep. We finally went home and slept.
The next day, Friday June 21, first day of EDC, I took one "mdma capsule", well some friends didn't fell anything, I felt like it was some sort of drug, but definitely not mdma, well i got really tired three hours in and left with a friend back home, where i slept fine. The next day, I took two pressed pills ( one was supposed to be speed-based and I forgot what the other one was). Well, I felt really really fucked up, but again, my luck.. it was not mdma, it was some other BS! I had really bad anxiety and i felt completely psychotic hours later. When we got home, something "hit me" and I got extreme paranoia and I wanted to call 911, but didn't and it lessened but never completely went away. All I had really been eating the past two days was applesauce and cereal. Well the last day, I didn't want to go, but did, and i bought some random "molly" that was in rock form, that I know was NOT MDMA because of effects. I was dancing and it literally hit me 15 minutes in (I was on an empty stomach), I had to sit down because I couldn't handle it (NEVER happened to me before), I felt these STRONG RUSHES, I felt like something extremely cold or hot laying with immense pressure on my heart, I thought I was going to collapse. A friend rocked my body, and I completely passed out for a few seconds, but came back. This is where I promised and made a vow to myself that I would never do drugs again. After an hour I was finally able to get up, and for the rest of the night I just felt weird.
That same day (Monday Morning) we were supposed to be out of the house by 1 PM. So I got a hotel on the strip and just slept the whole day. My friends got food but I couldn't eat, I just slept.. Tuesday morning I was heading back home but I couldn't handle driving so my friend drove. I believe my body was at a detrimental point where any type of responsibility or activity would make it give out.
Tuesday afternoon I had to go to a funeral, and that night I was finally able to eat! The next few days I felt really really great, but NOT normal, I felt good but I had no moods whatsoever, I was just eating all day literally, like I never have before. I was waking up at 3-4 AM and eating ALOT. This went on for two weeks, and then it hit me. Thank goodness I only worked Saturday and Sunday the entire Summer. Well on July 5th, I crashed HARD, AT WORK... (I'm a busser at a restaurant) I became extremely tired and I got the worst panic attack. I made it through work and at home my heart just started pounding fast it was weird and it took hours to finally calm. The next day July 6th, I got panic attack after panic attack and each one was just as bad as the first one. I though I would have to call 911 each time but somehow made it through, the next few days leading up to July 10th, it only got worser and worser. I finally went to the ER thinking I was going to die. Everyone found out about my drug usage including my parents. Well, they sent me home, and told me it was just anxiety.
The next day, I got the usual effects of ecstasy comedowns that people usually get the day after taking it, not two weeks later like in my case... I felt completely psychotic, disoriented, depersonalized, I couldn't sleep, I had bad chest pain, my vision got bad, I felt like i was just "floating" everywhere, I felt like I wasn't myself and as if my brain got shot, my head hurt sooooo bad, it literally felt like someone had layed me on the street, OPENED MY SKULL, and THEN ran over my brain a few times. The left side of my head became numb. On top of that, I was on a 24/7 anxiety attack. My digestive system was completely thrown off track, probably due to all of the anxiety. For an entire MONTH, I was like this.. I wanted to kill myself. I promised myself I would never do that though because my parents had already lost a child, so that was not an option. My schedule for that month: Wake up at 11-12 pm, eat, go back to sleep, get up exercise a little, eat, watch tv, go to sleep, and weekends I worked nights and I have no clue how I survived.
Finally, after a month, I could take it no more. SOMETHING was wrong, I was sure it was a brain tumor or aneurysm. I wanted to go to the doctor but I could barely go outside or even eat with my family, I felt like that was too much to handle. One day my mom asked me to water the trees outside. I remember thinking "what is she thinking", "I could barely eat", "why is she doing this to me" IT WAS THAT SERIOUS. Well, even though I had a bad migraines (had them at least 5 times a week) I did it and I felt like I could do stuff. I think I was able to handle going to the doctors and wait in the waiting room. The next day I went to the doctors and I was given Ativan, which I took two nights in a row, and that was the best nights sleep I had had for a long time. I was referred to a cardiologist and neurologist. Overall, I had a Chest X-rays, CT Brain Scan, Blood Tests, Ultrasound, Stress Test, but everything came back normal. I went to a homeopathic doctor and they gave me vitamins to take. FINALLY, around August 20th, I felt like "I came back to myself" the psychotic, "floating around", "just there", empty feeling went away. The headaches/migraines started to hurt less. But the Anxiety/Panic attacks are just the same.
I KILLED my summer, after that Vegas trip I WENT OUT ONE TIME, to a friends party where I got there, felt sick, and went home. Besides that, I stayed at home and went to work. I couldn't even handle going to the park, or walking around the block. Today, September 29, I still have left-head numbness (but not as much as before), bad headaches, my vision still bad, I feel psychotic at times but it goes away fast, my learning/cognitive abilities are alright, but I still have EXTREME anxiety. A week ago, I felt like I was beginning to get significantly better but the problem is I started school this past Thursday, Sep. 25, and I could barely handle being in the classroom, I don't know if I can handle the learning/tests. It's my senior year and I don't know what to do. I feel I MIGHT be able to handle it if I have Benzo's to take every day I have school. It's only Tues and Thurs from 12-10pm. But even then, I struggle to eat. I feel like I'm about to go into depression because of this situation and I don't know what to do.. Has it really come to this? To the point where I have to drop a quarter (maybe longer) cause I'm that stupidified by drugs..? How can this happen to me? I enjoy school so much and I've strived to maintain a 3.9 GPA. I used to have such a bright future and I feel that all of that is gone now.
I need advice on how I should handle this matter. If I dropped this quarter, I feel I might be able to continue on my path of "significantly getting better", but because I'm dropping, I'm scared I'll fall into depression. If I decide to continue school I WILL need an SSRI or Benzo's to keep me in school, but I am sure I will not get good grades like I'm used to. I will try my best but considering the circumstances, I'm looking at getting C's or possibly failing my classes.
Also, after seeing the neurologist, they prescribed me Depakote, but that was mainly for migraines, I took it three days in a row and started having strange feelings and thoughts, should I still take it? I can handle the headaches on my own, but I know that Depakote helps restore the normal balance of neurotransmitters.
PLEASE HELP ME.