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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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Well you surely came across the point of taking meds a hundreds of times, but did you try anything?
SSRIs, maybe Tianeptine(Ive heard it can help a lot in rough comedowns).
Maybe you got stuck in this stage and meds would help you taking the last hurdle?
Dunno. I dont think it will make things worse..
 
Well you surely came across the point of taking meds a hundreds of times, but did you try anything?
SSRIs, maybe Tianeptine(Ive heard it can help a lot in rough comedowns).
Maybe you got stuck in this stage and meds would help you taking the last hurdle?
Dunno. I dont think it will make things worse..

i have not tried anything. But Im honestly thinking about now
 
Just started on Citalopram at the lowest dose. 2 days on so far, feel a bit fluey but a minor mood boost, equivalent to that kind of giddy coming up feeling. I will be very interested to see if this gives me any relief from the physical symptoms such as muscle spasms that are plaguing me.
 
Just started on Citalopram at the lowest dose. 2 days on so far, feel a bit fluey but a minor mood boost, equivalent to that kind of giddy coming up feeling. I will be very interested to see if this gives me any relief from the physical symptoms such as muscle spasms that are plaguing me.


Tpchan85 I used to be on Citalopram aaaages ago (way before my LTC) for minor anxiety and irrational thoughts and it definitely helped take the edge off. The improvements were very subtle and I was always on the lowest dose (my anxiety then was a walk in the fucking park in comparison to now) but they did help. One thing I would note is they seemed to make me more sleepy than usual, a couple of other people have also noted this side effect. Hopefully then won't make you tired because as far as side effects go I think most people don't have many problems with them. When I decide to go back on meds they'll probably put me on citalopram again because it worked last time, but this time I think I'll have to try something else because the last thing I want is something to make me more tired! My slip up on monday (see other thread) has left me even worse fatigue wise, I have work tomorrow and a bit worried how I'm going to stay awake for 8 hours...
 
WOW, i'm not the only one with muscle spasm. I was 100% sure I had some kind of nerve damage because of stimulants. Mine appeared 6 months INTO my ltc, wich set me back because it makes me anxious when I get them. They are, THE WORST. I have em like, hip, shoulder, arm, leg, EVERYWHERE. But when im calm, I don't notice them, because I DONT HAVE THEM. Anxiety is a little bitch, and somewhere somehow, in another world or life, he's walking down the street with his buddy depression, and I punch him in the face.
 
. Anxiety is a little bitch, and somewhere somehow, in another world or life, he's walking down the street with his buddy depression, and I punch him in the face.

:D
But felix, dont you think the spasm are Vyvanse induced?
 
it was my hypethesis!! But this guy isnt prescribbed any stimulants. So its obvious his anxiety level is just very high, and I reach that level when I take the medication. It seems like I like all of what I have to this product, I should sotp but school requires it lol
 
Hey rphilli,

I'm very happy to hear of your progress. Although some people may not agree with me, I think you are well on your way to a full recovery, and eventually you will be able to stop using all prescription medications for good, and the LTC won't come back.

With respect to the blow + booze - I hope you are feeling okay after the comedown.

Please keep us updated how you're feeling if you wish, thank you and take care.


Thanks! Appreciate the support. It was a one off deal as I am still not healthy enough to go on crazy benders or anything - not that I want to. It ended up being an enjoyable couple of days as I had some leftovers. After the second day, I did get a bit of a headache, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I really am past the whole LTC prison where all my thoughts and feelings are devoured by it. My next excursion into partying is going to be New Year's eve.

As for ssri's, I may be on them for a long time. I think I need the medication. There are a lot of depression issues in my family and sadly I haven't escaped that trait either.
 
Hi Everyone,

I am new here, and unlike some of you, only had one MDMA experience. I took what must have had MDMA it about two weeks ago. Everyone around me was fine, but I got crazy cold (it was 80 Degrees outside) had a headache, weird jaw pain, and overall felt like shit. I went home the next morning and noticed that my eyes looked messed up. One was not focusing. I now know that this is something called ocular clonus, a symptom of serotonin syndrome. A few days later I had sever brain fog, and then the anxiety started. I have been sleeping like shit, and can't believe that one dose of this has fucked me up so badly. I am pretty freaked out. I have also been having weird chest pain, in my shoulder and armpit too. This has subsided somewhat, but seems related to the anxiety.

I took cordyceps for the anxiety, but this backfired and kept me from sleeping. I am eating mostly raw, vegan, smoothies, drinking tons of water, exercising, and praying that I start to feel like myself again. I finally took a xanax tonight, and that seemed to help. Has anyone ever had this happen from one dose?

Any insight appreciated.

E

Unfortunately, you sound like you are experiencing a LTC my friend. You could get lucky and just be chemically out of balance briefly, but that is not the most likely scernario the way it sounds. BTW, I've done MDMA about 4/5 times total in my life. The last time I did it before this last time made me sick was probably 2/3 years ago. So, I basically got sick from a one time event and I did VERY little to boot.

I know the first couple of months really suck and it's really life altering for a long time, but you will recover over time. You are just looking at many months to a year or so before you recover.
 
Day 3 of Citalopram. First 2 days I felt a mild mood boost but weird, now I just feel weird. Tight jaw along with that nauseous icky comedown feeling. It certainly feels like I've ingested a psychoactive chemical. Obviously takes a while to start working properly but still internally debating if it's the right choice for me or not.
 
Day 3 of Citalopram. First 2 days I felt a mild mood boost but weird, now I just feel weird. Tight jaw along with that nauseous icky comedown feeling. It certainly feels like I've ingested a psychoactive chemical. Obviously takes a while to start working properly but still internally debating if it's the right choice for me or not.

You decided to take it. Now it worsens your sickness initially and you think about quitting it. Its hard to go through there. I started with Valdoxan and the first 1-2 weeks were very dark and said, depression got my at my balls, know I have absolutely no side effects and the medication does its work( a very subtle one cause I take valdoxan). Give it at least 4 weeks. Gonna be a hard time but you have do go through.
 
Day 3 of Citalopram. First 2 days I felt a mild mood boost but weird, now I just feel weird. Tight jaw along with that nauseous icky comedown feeling. It certainly feels like I've ingested a psychoactive chemical. Obviously takes a while to start working properly but still internally debating if it's the right choice for me or not.

Hey man I upped my Lexapro dosage from 15mg to 20mg three weeks ago and it has worked wonders. It really is a night-day difference. My anxiety is essentially halved and then some and my depression is gone. Also SSRIs stimulate neurogenesis by upregulating BDNF and dialing down on neurotoxicity be excititatory chemicals.

I always got a sharp decline in mood after day 5 that slowly worked itself up after week two every time I upped a dosage.

The entire time I was in the up-start of Lexapro I was worried I made the wrong decision. But now, as far as the LTC goes, it's the best decision I made this year.

Whenever it got though I told myself: "Its a known fact these meds make youbworse before you get better, that's logical considering how it works. But if I quit now I'll be just like everyone else that got on it and quit because they didn't like the upstart."

Just take it one day at a time. You might also need to increase the dosage. I only got a tiny bit of relief on a lower dose but when I switched to 20mg I definitely felt it working.
 
Thanks for the reply. I am week three, and have not had to take xanax to work for two days. I am sleeping a little better, but half-way through the day just start feeling fucking weird. Like I am not real, or the world has shifted and nothing looks the same. Fucked up shit. I am lifting and running, even though I don't feel like it, and I quit smoking, which sucks, cause all i want to do is sit down and smoke my brains out. The thing that really sucks though is that i don't think I can smoke weed any more. The weekend after I got mentally whacked I did one hit, and thought I was stroking. Right side of my body went numb. Not going there again. But it seems like across the board people can't smoke after this shit.

So here I am, like a dumb fuck, can't smoke out, drink, have my morning coffee, or even have a cigarette. Facing this shit stone cold sober. I think I will see how this goes for the next few weeks before I try SSRIs. The anxiety is better, and the chest pain not as intense. Thanks bro for the words of encouragement. Need to see some light at the end of this tunnel.

E
 
Thanks for the response. How far along are you in the recovery process? I am feeling marginally better, but still weird and not myself at all. Like I am not attached to anything. I am determined to get better, though, I am too young to let this ruin my life. Last time I will ever do drugs, other than weed. If I am ever able to smoke again.

One thing good, it has made me give up cigs, alcohol and coffee. And weed. That in itself could fuck a person up, right?

Glad I found this forum, otherwise I would have no idea what is going on with me. At least now I have hope that I can recover.

E
 
@Emerus:
You sound like me 3 month ago. Exactly the same thing. A biggie was thinking of not beeing able to smoke weed again. You will, but you need time to recover if you do it premature you know whats the result.
Give it time. After 3-4 month thats no big thing anymore. Youll be able to concentrate on recovery and normal life things and after you snapped out you can do everything you were used to do before. There are a lot people talking about 100% recovery and this means 100%. Even pmz, who still suffers hard from this LTC for a long time now can smoke weed again.
Im nearly 4 month in and i made a great progress :) Especially after completing Month 3. It seems so hopeless and dark but someday you will notice that it isnt. PM me if you feel like chatting.
 
@Emerus:
You sound like me 3 month ago. Exactly the same thing. A biggie was thinking of not beeing able to smoke weed again. You will, but you need time to recover if you do it premature you know whats the result.
Give it time. After 3-4 month thats no big thing anymore. Youll be able to concentrate on recovery and normal life things and after you snapped out you can do everything you were used to do before. There are a lot people talking about 100% recovery and this means 100%. Even pmz, who still suffers hard from this LTC for a long time now can smoke weed again.
Im nearly 4 month in and i made a great progress :) Especially after completing Month 3. It seems so hopeless and dark but someday you will notice that it isnt. PM me if you feel like chatting.


Its actually weird how I came about being comfortable smoking weed again.

I tried smoking about 3 weeks ago and started to feel a bit more spaced out again and DPed. I started to not like it. Then it occurred to me that I was holding on to trying to feel a certain way as I was high. That I was resisting the high feeling because it made me feel a bit spaced out or reserved and out of it. I realized "oh yeah, thats whats weeds supposed to do. Make you spaced out, and I always get reserved when im high regardless of a LTC" So I told my self just let it be and relax into the high. Try to embrace the spaceness and go with it. Once I realized it was the normal effects ofthe high doing its thing and me really trying to hold on to thinking as clearly as possible (which is not possible high), I was able to just let go and relax and enjoy the high.

So far this has really helped me in the long run, its teaching me to let go and relax into what ever is going on. Ive been smoking almost daily for the last 2 weeks. Im not sure how proud of that I am, as I sort of feel I shouldnt, but I dont believe it causing any ill effects on me, and this morning for example, I woke up in a great mood and ready to start my day, i joined a parkour gym, so Im excited today.

Last night I was jamming out to some really good trance and it caught me by surprise how much I was enjoying the music.

So just let go. Be with that ever is happening. Take it in as just an experience.

Its hard when its uncomfortable, but as I learn to stop resisting what is, things get easier.

Its hard to do this, but its very powerful.

What I believe is that we need to do more than just let our brain heal. There is actually an entire rewiring of our circuitry that needs to get done. We have rewired our brains to seek out danger and stress as a defense mechanism. We have taught our selves unwillingly, that the world is falling apart and therefor our brains constantly scan for negative experiences. By pointing out the good and simply experiencing the bad nonjudgmentally (ive been getting into alot of Buddhism), our minds actually begin to let go of grasping for pain and negativity and we relearn how to seek out positivity and ease.

Its a real trip in the end. But its really about rewiring our minds to relax and then be happy.
 
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Thanks for the reply. I am week three, and have not had to take xanax to work for two days. I am sleeping a little better, but half-way through the day just start feeling fucking weird. Like I am not real, or the world has shifted and nothing looks the same. Fucked up shit. I am lifting and running, even though I don't feel like it, and I quit smoking, which sucks, cause all i want to do is sit down and smoke my brains out. The thing that really sucks though is that i don't think I can smoke weed any more. The weekend after I got mentally whacked I did one hit, and thought I was stroking. Right side of my body went numb. Not going there again. But it seems like across the board people can't smoke after this shit.

So here I am, like a dumb fuck, can't smoke out, drink, have my morning coffee, or even have a cigarette. Facing this shit stone cold sober. I think I will see how this goes for the next few weeks before I try SSRIs. The anxiety is better, and the chest pain not as intense. Thanks bro for the words of encouragement. Need to see some light at the end of this tunnel.

E

Xanax is what got me through the beginning more acute stage of my LTC. If you want some sort of general guidelines, the first couple of months are horrible. I was very sick. 3-6 months will be gradual improvement with windows of feeling pretty good. Around 6 months a lot of people feel much improved. Then, 6 months + before you get to the point of feeling "normal" or the LTC is a thing of the past. It's different for everyone, but this is a good estimation in my opinion.

I started taking Paxil at 6 months and basically have put this behind me for the most part at 8 months. I'm 99% recovered.
 
Its actually weird how I came about being comfortable smoking weed again.



What I believe is that we need to do more than just let our brain heal. There is actually an entire rewiring of our circuitry that needs to get done.

And I think you are completely right. But this "rewiring " needs some state of brain recovery i think. You have to give it a few months before you can reconstruct old habbits and feelings step by step. Im a bit affraid of doing, cause I know it will be hard and i have to overcome my own LTC habbits like seeking for negative sensations or stuff like this.
I think the cause why most of the sufferers cant smoke weed is because the high feeling is simultanous to DP/DR that makes them anxious. And if you are high you cant(or its very hard) deal with your anxiety and voila, there is the full blown panic attack.
conclusive words pmz
 
Pmz. Your smoking everyday and enjoying music again and even in a gym. What's holding you back from being 100%. Sound good to me. I wish I could smoke without any probs. sounds good to me man.
 
Pmz. Your smoking everyday and enjoying music again and even in a gym. What's holding you back from being 100%. Sound good to me. I wish I could smoke without any probs. sounds good to me man.

Hey old chap. What problems do you have when smoking?
 
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