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Does anyone here ever question if they are an addict?

PriestTheyCalledHim

PriestTheyCalledHim

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Oct 7, 2005
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Is it normal for those of us who are addicts or who have abused drugs in the past to question if we are an addict after we get sober?

Is this just our mind, addiction, or personality trying to trick us into using again?
 
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I don't think there is a day that goes past where I don't question that and what it means to be an 'addict'.

I try to put those thoughts to the side except on certain occasions though and just focus on the task I have in hand at the moment which is finishing my benzo taper.
 
Sure, for like two to 10 seconds, then I remember that I have enough evidence that to believe that I am an addict and that is all that matters. Even if I am technically not an addict (which I am), I know that every time I use shit seems to get in my way at the very least. The best I can expect nowadays is possibly a brief high followed by guilt and feeling terrible, and that would be the best ending in that situation. Most likely, I would keep going until I suffer consequences like always.
 
I have questioned whether I'm an addict to substances other than opiates. I've done them all without any issue, and can still do them today (with an even healthier level of respect). Heroin though? Forget about it, I can't use it without falling into full-on junkie mode. I have to closely monitor my use of other opioids too.

Then again idk, I feel like there are different "levels" of addiction that a person can experience.
 
Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.

But, I am not sure if I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and one month ago, I would go on binge and drink 6 or more drinks in a night both alone, or especially when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night.

I drank some grape and cranberry juice today with breakfast. I told myself it was better than drinking wine, since alcohol can make me depressed. Often times when I would drink I'll get anxious and feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.

Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night.
 
Honestly, your the only one who can decide whats right for you... But if your questioning it maybe thats your sub conscience trying to tell you something... You know? If your not sure you can do it, then it may be better off not doing it. Especially if you don't have the confidence with in yourself to KNOW you will not get crazy with it, then you already know the answer, your just hoping some one will tell you its okay.... Does that make sense? I don't want you to think I'm being bitchy... just trying to be straight forward and honest. Plus, I mean really its like its healthy for you! :) am i right??

I hope I was a little helpful.. If you need anything feel free to ask! Any time!:)
 
^
Yeah that's true. Sometimes I do sort of crave what I can't have. Or I'll be OK for long periods without using anything, and then want to out of nowhere when I see other people drinking alcohol both in person, or in a movie or on TV.

For awhile I just told myself that alcohol is nasty, remind myself of the horrible hangovers and blackouts I've had, and it's better if I just do not drink any of it at all. I'll keep doing that since it did work.
 
I definitely know how it goes, and its not like any of that is a lie. Its all true, makes you sick during and after, then finding out the things you did when you were blacked out... Thats not the life you want to go back to. It gets harder sometimes, but just think how hard it would be if you let yourself again...? :\ Everything will be okay :)
 
Hi there. I can definitely relate to this.. I got into recovery for the first time following a period of incarceration for my participation in an armed robbery. I was released after a year (got dropped to a class B felon, 2nd degree instead of first degree..acting in concert with another,) and I was released on house arrest. I began attending NA meetings because it was the only approved place that I could go to get out of the house while on house arrest. Prior to catching the charge, I had been jobless, homeless and was panhandling with my ex to survive. I knew that I had a problem with addiction prior to going to NA meetings.. At first I had no trouble admitting and accepting that I was an addict. After I got released from house arrest, I was on very very strict supervision, and relapsed a few more times. Went back to being locked up a time or two. Kept going to meetings and ended up taking the suggestions and putting together over two years clean. At about two years and a few months clean, I started questioning whether I was an addict or not. I thought to myself that I was only an addict while using drugs.. LOL. Stupid right? Like, I thought that maybe I had been so far removed from doing drugs and living that life, that I was no longer an addict. I ended up going back out again.. put myself in a situation with a still using addict and got high. Went back out for a while longer... fast forward 2 more years and here I am. Back into recovery.

I know for me, if I want to be brutally honest, I can look back over my entire life and see that I was an addict long before I ever picked up drugs. I found this list of questions that can help identify if one is an addict or not.. but for me, I think it is simple: Is your life, or has your life ever become unmanageable as a result of your drug/alcohol use?

Here's the list:

If you’re wondering whether you have a substance abuse problem, the following questions may help. The more “yes” answers, the more likely your drinking or drug use is a problem.

Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking or drug use?
Have you tried to cut back, but couldn’t?
Do you ever lie about how much or how often you drink or use drugs?
Have your friends or family members expressed concern about your alcohol or drug use?
Do you ever felt bad, guilty, or ashamed about your drinking or drug use?
On more than one occasion, have you done or said something while drunk or high that you later regretted?
Have you ever blacked out from drinking or drug use?
Has your alcohol or drug use caused problems in your relationships?
Has you alcohol or drug use gotten you into trouble at work or with the law?

I have had times where I am like "no, my life isn't unmanageable.." LOL, well, if I have a probation or parole officer in my life, then my life is unmanageable. If I have a judge in my life, then my life is unmanageable. If I am sitting in a 12 step meeting then my life must have been unmanageable due to my drug use. If I am pawning my macBook and coming in your house and stealing your shit, then my life is unmanageable.

Sorry for the long post.. but I just wanted to share my experience with this topic. No one can ever tell someone else that they are an addict.. its a self-diagnosed disease. And it is a disease that oftentimes can tell us that we are not addicts.

Thanks for reading :)
 
Good question!

Maybe the need to question if I'm an addict is a reason to remember I AM one. I must have forgotten a few years ago when I put an opiate in my system which led me to Heroin.
 
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foolsgold said:
no i know i am a addict took some years to admit but i am one a poly use addict
Click to expand...

What exactly is a poly use addict? Is that the type of addict that will think (at first) that they're not addicted to certain drugs, and then just replaces the one drug, with another one; but continues to use all types of drugs?

Or is it someone who abuses multiple drugs at once and becomes psychologically and/or physically addicted to all of them?
 
Oh, Yes.. On occasion it will sneak up on you.. I have been in recovery for 19+?? ..let me think... Hmm 24 years old Feb 10th 6.10 at night.. carry the one...divide by Pi... ?? 20 years, and occasionally I still get the feeling that I wasn't an alcoholic, that I was self-medicating "mental issues".. So.. Let's have Beer and a bottle of the Captain to Celebrate!?

Then the remembrances of me near beating people to death, waking up in the middle of the road, ranting and raving till the sun came up, and all that self loathing and anger - all that comes flooding back, and I ask myself .. "SELF? Is it really important that I test that theory?"

No.. I'm good thanks.. I have come a long way, dumped a lot of anger, made a little-something of my life for having quit... It's just not that important to me that I question the foundations of my sobriety.. I personally have too much to lose for doing so..

But, that's just me :) ..Take Care and All the Best.
 
I always thought a poly drug user was a person who used different drugs for different results; stimulants when waking up, depressents to go asleep, maybe some opiates thrown in, perhaps hallucinogens on weekends, etc etc etc. Hell, I ain't no expert though, so a grain of salt......

As far as being an addict goes, well I guess I fit the bill. I was addicted to drugs, opiates, from 1995 on up. In 2012 I was actually working, and succeeding, on bring my daily tramadol consumption down from 30 a day to 20 a day. Then in July of that year I had a spinal cord stroke. This left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair for nearly a year. Since it was an incomplete stroke I had a lot of pain in my lower back and legs. Ì am currently on baclofen, tramadol, lyrica, percocet, and morphine and I will be from now on. The sad part is that I don't care, in fact I want to be on them. I'm 58, retired, and in reality feel like my life is pretty much over, so wtf. Even as I wake up in pain each morning I know it is only temporary, and only a few pills away from me feeling just fine. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed, or feeling sorry for myself. I worked my way out of the wheelchair to a walker, early last year, and in September 2013 I was able to start driving. This past August, towards the end of the month, I started using a cane. It is one of the 4 legged models and it works really well. I have to walk really slow and use precise movements but I haven't fallen yet! I am working forward and will continue to do so.

So bottom line, I am an addict, but a damn happy one!
 
I used to and it lead to more and deepening problems. I know realize and accept that there are substances I can not use at all without having negative things happen. I also realize without a doubt that the use of these substances is no longer enjoyable and never will be again.

I also realize that there are many things a person can do to live a life that is completely free of the symptoms of addiction, but this does not translate back into the ability to successfully use the substances I am addicted to.
 
I was addicted to opiates for 10 years, it was really bad. I took an ibogaine flood dose 4.5 months ago after withdrawing for a week (about halfway through withdrawals from poppy tea) and it seemed to cure me completely. I never experienced PAWS and I haven't had a single craving since. It feels like it's erased from my brain chemistry, I have absolutely no desire for opiates, I never even think about them anymore and when I do (like right now because I am commenting on a post about addiction), I can think about them from a perspective of "that's in my past, not my present or future", and even think back fondly on my early, beautiful memories of them without it triggering me to use them in the slightest. I do feel like I am no longer an opiate addict.

However, I have an addictive personality, always have. As a kid I would get super addicted to video games and other kinds of games. It just transferred to drugs when I found them. I still battle with the desire to use various drugs too often, though I am much better at that and generally manage to keep myself in check at a healthy level. But opiates I will never, ever touch again. I made this decision because I am sure that if I played with them again the same factors in my brain would be likely to lead to the same pattern of abuse. It's possible I wouldn't become addicted again, because the main issues in my life I was using opiates to hide from are no longer there. But I am not willing to find out one way or the other.
 
I am yes, I have always had an addictive personality. the good thing though is I was able to shift my addiction into something positive right now which is none other than working out and being fit.
 
OK when I wrote this thread I was craving alcohol. It's odd, most of the time I will be fine and not want to drink at all; but then sometimes I'll wake up or have a bad day, and want to drink out of nowhere. No I haven't drank any alcohol at all or used anything since it would not help.
 
Didn't want to admit it for years and thought i was a "functioning addict" well everyone in my life didn't and I don't believe there is such thing as a "functioning addict" maybe temporarily but if you can use responsibly (haven't met many people who can do this long term with stimulants,opiates or benzo's) your not an addict. Not saying alcohol isn't right up there with them and more dangerous to come off than the opiates and stims, just met a lot of people who can drink responsibly I for one can not lol.
 
Yeah a functioning addict is still an addict. I was a functioning addict... addicted to opiates for 10 years and I managed to buy a house, get lots of promotions at my job, run my life, etc. But eventually I would have succumbed anyway. I wanted to die at the end of 2013 despite perhaps people thinking my life was going well, externally.
 
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